How to discuss her jealousy...

[LoveJ]

There is a certain amount of jealousy that's acceptable in a relationship - telling your partner you don't want them to have friends goes far above and beyond any level of decent jealousy. That's just possessive and obsessive.

It's easy to get jealous in a LDR. You're already feeling like you almost never get enough time with your SO, and when other people come in and take even more time away, it's really easy to get jealous, and that's ok. But you really do just have to suck it up, because we all have lives that we need to live, and we can't control anyone but ourselves. Being with someone does not mean dropping everything in your life to devote every second to them.
Her trying to control your life and who you spend your time with is just creepy and inappropriate. Trust me, you deserve MUCH better. That kind of behaviour isn't conducive to a successful, respectful, loving relationship.

[Rugger]

Sh text me while she was at work and said she was sorry and didnt want to argue. i replied that I didnt either, but said again that I wanted friends outside of us. She responded that it was not me texting her. I told her it was and went to sleep expecting her phone call to wake me. Now she hasnt called and she should have last night. Ive called and called her and text her. Ive lost her all because I wouldnt just give in and make her happy. I am such a fool.

Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet here. It may not seem like it now, but trust me it will. Controlling behavior like she was exhibiting is borderline abusive behavior and shouldn't be tolerated by anyone.

As someone who has been in a relationship with a controlling abusive alcoholic, I can tell you that giving in doesn't make it easier. It makes in worse. Every time you give in to one of their demands, they are drawing the leash tighter and tighter around your neck, until you can't get out, even when you want to. I was too naive and foolish to see it then. Every time I gave in ( not wearing skirts out, not going out with my friends, not having friends he didn't approve of...), he could control me more and more. It took him breaking up with me and ending up in the hospital to realize what was going on. Don't let that me you.

[Malaga]

She was mentally abusing you. If you allow this in a relationship, there's no way that relationship could ever be healthy and fulfilling. You think that if you gave in to what she asked of you, it would keep her happy and it would stop at that. But it wouldn't. This sort of behaviour never stops if it's tolerated. First you give up your friends and your hobbies for her. Then when your family expresses concerns, she'll ask you to stop talking to them too. After that she'd probably ask you to quit your job and work from home. She would of course have all your passwords to everything, and regularly go through your contact list and stalk the people you talk to, and ask you to explain who they are over and over again. You'd have to put up with regular tirades about how you must be cheating or planning to cheat or looking at other girls. No matter how transparent you keep things, it would never be enough for her. I know you're hurting now and don't think like this, but this is reality. Like Rugger said, you really dodged a bullet there.

[MissVampyxo]

I myself and pretty clingy and jealous of my SO's friends, especially his 'girl friends' though I would never tell him to NOT hang out with them, especially the guy friends. You need to tell her to just let you talk- and to make her listen. Tell her it isn't fair, how you would never do that to her and it hurts. You aren't the type who is clingy and does nothing all day, and you want to have fun to. Tell her SHE needs to trust YOU or the relationship won't work. I definitely know where she's coming from, but I think she's going a little over board. You do need to think about if you can handle this and if both of you are willing to try and make this work. My SO had to go through some of my jealousy and clingy crap but stood by me and continually told me not to be jealous, why I shouldn't be and that I was the only one he wanted. Just try and talk to her and make her listen and ask her if SHE wants this, and can trust you. Nobody should be forced to just drop all their friends to just be with their SO, that's plain crazy and unfair.

Good luck!

[Minerva]

When someone honestly loves you, they want you to be happy and fulfilled. No ifs ands or buts. This is the most basic definition of love.

She doesn't love you. If you get back with her, she will not change, because she's making you out to be the problem. Her behaviour is controlling and abusive and normal healthy relationships do not work like this. Anyone can get jealous, but her demands are extreme and she gives absolutely no consideration to your feelings.

Ask yourself this: if she really loves you, why does she want you miserable?

[WillowFaith]

and our daughter was in the hospital today and she still wont answer the phone even though its about our kid and not us. i even tried reaching her at work because of our daughter and she had the manager tell me not to call. i just need her right now. i need her bc of our kid and she just doesnt care. i am so furious and sick. more so at myself because I am just praying for the phone to ring and it be her. sometimes i feel less like her wife and just her plaything. shell play with me only as i listen to her.

[Rugger]

You need to see a lawyer then. She cannot stop you from seeing or talking to your child.

[Malaga]

Gf or wife? Are you trolling us?

[Minerva]

To be fair, if the OP is in a gay relationship, she might use both terms. Not all places accept gay marriage.

If the child is legally the OP's child (through birth or adoption), I agree about getting a lawyer.

[Malaga]

To be fair, if the OP is in a gay relationship, she might use both terms. Not all places accept gay marriage.

I know but in the original post she called her her gf multiple times. And now the child situation was introduced so unexpectedly. I guess it all just started to sound weird.

[Minerva]

Fair point.

[WillowFaith]

I didnKt mean to make people question me and suspect trolling. We call eachother wife even though we aren't legally married, its time like this though, that make me not view her as a spouse, and I slip into calling her my gf.
My daughter is biologically mine and with me, but we have raised her together and she... most of the time, sees my daughter as her own. I just wanted her to know what is going on with her, I would want to know if she had her.
But thanks for the advice and I'll leave if you want.

[Moon]

I didnKt mean to make people question me and suspect trolling. We call eachother wife even though we aren't legally married, its time like this though, that make me not view her as a spouse, and I slip into calling her my gf.
My daughter is biologically mine and with me, but we have raised her together and she... most of the time, sees my daughter as her own. I just wanted her to know what is going on with her, I would want to know if she had her.
But thanks for the advice and I'll leave if you want.

Nobody wants you to leave, your story was just a little confusing, that's all. Stick around, it's a pretty friendly place, but I'm sure everyone is curious about why (besides the tired "Love" answer) you're with someone who treats you so badly and unfairly. People here really are interested in helping, when we can.

[Haley53]

Nobody wants you to leave, your story was just a little confusing, that's all. Stick around, it's a pretty friendly place, but I'm sure everyone is curious about why (besides the tired "Love" answer) you're with someone who treats you so badly and unfairly. People here really are interested in helping, when we can.

To the OP - Though I'm also curious as to why your long-distance girlfriend has custody of your biological daughter. :/ Especially when you aren't even legally able to be married. I'm not even sure how it's possible your daughter was in the hospital and you were not contacted. Your partner not having any biological or relational (such as marriage) ties to your daughter would not give her the authority to make any decisions regarding hospitalisation and you would have to have been contacted, especially given that she's a minor. Quite frankly, I would call the police and assuming your story is true, you probably have a lawsuit against whatever treatment center would treat a minor without contacting the parent.

[WillowFaith]

I guess I didn't explain myself clearly enough, I have our daughter, I was trying to let her know what was going on with our kid. I was with her at the hospital.

I don't know why I am still with her except, she started aa and therapy and I was hoping things would get better, but maybe its too soon or just not meant to be.