I need to complain a little.

[Frankenbat]

I have never skyped with her or seen her in person, but, she did meet some of my friends in person and hangout with them, and we were introduced by a friend she went to college with who was dating my best friend at that time. I'm not too worried about her not being who she says she is. For the longest time though, she was overly paranoid about me possibly not being who I say I am, despite the massive amounts of proof I sent her over the years and my friends sent her and knowing mutual friends, that is why we decided to take a break in the first place. But she went to therapy and got help for that, which is why we decided to give it another go, after she showed me that she had changed. It was awful >.<
I even thought maybe she was doing that again and asked her about that and she got suuuuuuper offended >.<

[Tommybat]

I'm sorry. This girl sounds crazy, immature, and not someone you should be with. Unstable, unhealthy, not a good thing to try to reconcile!! You sound like a very sweet and determined guy, you don't need someone like that in your life.
Love, again, isn't about testing, it is about loving.
I think it is best that you RUN away from this.

[Zapookie]

Ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone who can't even take a drive to see you, after all the time effort put into this relationship? I sure as heck wouldn't.

The least she could do is drive to you. But she won't even give you that, so it's really pointless for you to continue. It just shows you how she will be in the relationship - expecting you to do everything for her. Nope, not cool.

[Haley53]

This is the same girl over whom you made a thread talking about all the proof you'd given her and she still doubted you? Despite the introduction through mutual friends? And wasn't there stalking involved at one point (may be getting her confused, but I thought you mentioned something about her tracking down information or using information in some bizarre way...)?

Quite frankly, there's no way I can put this diplomatically, but this girl seems to be past the point of immature or "comes with baggage." She's even past the point of emotionally unstable. It's almost to a point where she borders on, if not crosses into, being mentally ill. And I realise that sounds horrible, but I do mean it with all due respect; something about her simply seems... off, and I don't mean off like can go to therapy for x-number of months and get help off, I mean off as in she should see a psychologist who's trained to work in line with a psychiatrist to diagnose her and discuss her options for treatment. I don't care how old she is or what she's been through, this is not healthy behaviour and it does not sound as though she worked with someone who was very competent at all. There are, unfortunately, a lot of incompetent therapists (to be fair, there are a lot of people who don't want to use therapy as a platform for growth, either), and for her to still be acting and talking like this post-therapy... Mrg. She either didn't find her match or she's simply not willing to change; she'll show enough to keep you hooked and that's that.

Either way, I don't mean to be harsh (again, there's no way to state this diplomatically, really), but investing yourself in this woman is only going to end up with you getting more hurt. You're going to waste more time, money, and mental/emotional energy on her than she ever will have to spend on you, and she's unlikely to ever wake up and change her behaviour without serious psychological treatment or even medication, which would all include a willingness to correct her behaviour or to at least acknowledge that something is wrong. In my opinion, however, even if she got help, your relationship with her is already so skewed and distorted that it's unlikely she will ever be able to have a healthy dynamic with you as her partner. And as shitty as that situation is, I think you need to stop trying, because as it stands now, you're setting yourself up to be screwed over over and over again, and she's taking full advantage of it.

[marbear31]

Hi hon, I remember your other thread about her trust and paranoia issues. I'm so, incredibly sorry for her lack of effort, but there is legitimately no way in hell she is good for you. Because of her idiocy, she put you in danger, especially since you didn't know anyone out there except her and your friend, and she has been inexcusably rude to you. I understand about you having a history with her, but someoen who's not even willing to show you her face is just too fishy. As another poster said o here, I am an eternal optimist as well, but this is too fishy and upsetting to even sweat over. You clearly made an effort, and there' snot much more you can do, except go home, regroup, and open yourself up to someone who will love you for you and not indulge in masochistic games to get your attention. I promise there's a girl out there who will love you for who you are, and not for what she wants you to be (however skewed that want is).

Best of luck love! Sending many hugs and safety vibes your way!

[FierceFoxie]

Aww, OP my heart aches for you right now. It totally sucks that you spent all your money to get out here to her and now she refuses to drive an hour to you???? That is ridiculous. Her responses to you are that of a controlling woman and as others have stated, she is very immature. I think the fact that YOU traveled ~ 3,000 miles and spent all you had to do so to prove to her you wanted to CD and the fact that she refuses to drive just an hour to you sums up the relationship pretty well; she doesn't really care about you.

For her to act this way does suggest that she is hiding something from you. Either her appearance, living arrangement or lifestyle in general. Something is up! If she really cared for you as you obviously do for her, she would have drove to you after she got off work. The way she has treated you is disrespectful and she is just acting like a spoiled brat! Frankly, she doesn't deserve any sort of relationship with anyone until she grows up!

[Tommybat]

My heart goes out to you too! Me and my gf will keep you in our thoughts.
I had a friend who went through a very similar situation as you, perhaps I will put you two in contact.

I think the best thing to do is to just walk away from this. You tried, that's what matters. In time things will get better and you will find someone who loves you the right way.

If you, by chance, need a place to stay, I have a few friends in So- Cal (assuming you are there because you mentioned LA) who would be more than willing to let you crash there a few nights until you figure out the getting home situation. I hope this isn't too forward or awkward of me. PM me if interested.
I wish you the best of luck and safety. You will be okay. and as for your SO, I hope she gets the help she so desperately needs.

[Softy]

Seriously, if a guy would travel and spend money just to see me....
I would do all I can (even if I'm mad or don't feel like seeing him) to make sure he's ok and safe and has a place to stay.
Who would be horrible enough to close the door to someone who made such efforts.

Sorry to say, but you should really let that go.

[WakeUpSusie]

I'm going to be blunt.

I'm really sorry that you fell hard enough for this crazy, unstable, unpredictable girl to spend your last pennies on a cross country trip to go see her. That was a pretty big risk to take, and unfortunately she didn't come through like you thought she would. I'm not sure what the bigger issue is here: the fact that she won't come to see you, or the fact that you spent all of your money getting there with no real plan for once you got there. I'm sorry this backfired on you, but I hope next time you think about the rationale of a plan like this before you actually go through with it.

Find a way to get home first and foremost, and then cut your losses and run as fast as you can from this girl. She, and this whole situation, is bad news bears.

[Frankenbat]

I think after this, I really see now that she hasn't changed and that this is no longer worth it. I was honestly hoping that things would be different, she showed me before I came here that she was a lot less crazy, or so it seemed. I do wish that it were true, but eh... I guess this is just a learning lesson for me. I'm surprisingly not feeling too sad right now about this, I hope it lasts. I just hate being this close to her and knowing that it didn't work out.
I refuse to go see her as of now, if she wants to see me, she will come see me, but, I now see that I cannot have a relationship with her. These games are too exhausting. . .

I do wish that therapy had helped I'm not the least bit worried about her not being who she says she is, appearance wise. My real life personal friends have met her and hungout with her and we were introduced by a mutual friend. But still, I don't understand why she did this and I don't understand why she refuses to meet me :/ I think this is what's going to consume my thoughts for a while.

But oh well, I guess. I'm trying to walk away with this knowing that I did infact try, it just bugs me that we were so close and because of her mindset we couldn't make it. And, it bugs me that she thinks this is okay. :/

[FierceFoxie]

OP has she been communicating with you at all this weekend?

[Frankenbat]

@FierceFoxie-- We had our disagreement yesterday about meeting up. She sent me a text today like nothing happened talking about a spooky pizza place in LA with awesome coffin tables. Which sort of bugged me a bit (yet the pizza place sounded awesome) because I feel like she should want to discuss meeting. >.> or at least discuss our disagreement to come to some sort of understanding and solution.

[Softy]

Just go home sweetheart, take care of YOURSELF.
Be with friends and with ppl who cares about you.
Don't spend time being sad over someone who doesn't even make the effort to see you.
Love needs to work both ways~!