Confused with LDR ex-not-ex-gf-ish relationship; Advice Needed.
My first post. I apologize if it's not done correctly.
My LDR [ex]gf doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship, still wants me to visit her on my way back home, and wants to try to be together when we're back in the same place (a month from now).
She went through a month of breaking up with me and getting back together days after the break up, all in a cyclical fashion, four times in a row. She doesn't want me to see other people, gets jealous if I say I met someone, and doesn't want to see other people herself, which I can confidently say is probably true. Yet she doesn't want to continue the "distance" relationship. I'm 23. She's 25. Distance will be closed in a month. I have personal issues I need to sort out, but as soon as I decided to solve them is when she left me. Like a healthier me, a healthier relationship scares her. We both have had plenty of partners, and have been in a similar circle of friends back home. I've been in long term relationships, this is my first long distance attempt. Why would she give up with the intention to get back together with only a month apart? I have been devastated until basically a few days ago from her break ups and getting back together. And of course she's attempted to what feels to me string me along. But I've stood my ground. I want to know how to go about this. How to ensure we'll be together, as I know that's what she wants. She is adamant about me visiting her on my way home, and doing anything I want from her, and kissing my "handsome face" blah blah yada yada. It's like when she leaves me she loves me more than when she's with me.
We were FWB for 7 years irregularly before we became exclusive 11 months ago. Our relationship has had it's troubles, and begun or has been revived by extremely bizarre and fated-like circumstances. I broke up with her twice before due to temper tantrums she had, that were BPD behavior in my opinion. But, I love her, and truly like her, when she's not being overly emotional, or b*tchy. Sorry for the crude language, but it's the only word I know to describe how she's been at times. I haven't gone a day without thinking about her, even in a 3 year relationship, since I met her. I doubt she can say the same, but I don't mind, because I've always loved and respected her. The distance has been very hard on me, and what I would say is an annoyance for her. I've finally come to a point where I know what I need to do with myself, my life, etc...and that's a nice clear place to be. But, her influence on me is still strong. And I also want her to be an influence on me, I desire her. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I don't think she's ever had someone love her as much as I have, let alone treat her as more than a sex object. We've both been fairly promiscuous, although she was in a far different way than I. I'm rambling.
I could go on about what about her and why I love her, but I'll save that. We connect, and both physically as well as mentally, are beyond compatible. But, emotionally, we can clash, hence the ups and downs, on top of the issue of the distance. All of our problems began when the distance was realized, and she became an emotional pendulum, unsure of whether to stay or to go, knowing we'd be separate. But she's stayed, or come back, until now, when she truly has left, until on her terms it seems, she will try to see if we can work things out.
I don't understand what she's doing. I just figured, we're together or we're not. Make a choice, and stick to it. I see her, and only her. I love her, and only her. Etc...
Can someone please help.
I will post more details according to what questions are possibly asked.
My LDR [ex]gf doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship, still wants me to visit her on my way back home, and wants to try to be together when we're back in the same place (a month from now).
She went through a month of breaking up with me and getting back together days after the break up, all in a cyclical fashion, four times in a row. She doesn't want me to see other people, gets jealous if I say I met someone, and doesn't want to see other people herself, which I can confidently say is probably true. Yet she doesn't want to continue the "distance" relationship. I'm 23. She's 25. Distance will be closed in a month. I have personal issues I need to sort out, but as soon as I decided to solve them is when she left me. Like a healthier me, a healthier relationship scares her. We both have had plenty of partners, and have been in a similar circle of friends back home. I've been in long term relationships, this is my first long distance attempt. Why would she give up with the intention to get back together with only a month apart? I have been devastated until basically a few days ago from her break ups and getting back together. And of course she's attempted to what feels to me string me along. But I've stood my ground. I want to know how to go about this. How to ensure we'll be together, as I know that's what she wants. She is adamant about me visiting her on my way home, and doing anything I want from her, and kissing my "handsome face" blah blah yada yada. It's like when she leaves me she loves me more than when she's with me.
We were FWB for 7 years irregularly before we became exclusive 11 months ago. Our relationship has had it's troubles, and begun or has been revived by extremely bizarre and fated-like circumstances. I broke up with her twice before due to temper tantrums she had, that were BPD behavior in my opinion. But, I love her, and truly like her, when she's not being overly emotional, or b*tchy. Sorry for the crude language, but it's the only word I know to describe how she's been at times. I haven't gone a day without thinking about her, even in a 3 year relationship, since I met her. I doubt she can say the same, but I don't mind, because I've always loved and respected her. The distance has been very hard on me, and what I would say is an annoyance for her. I've finally come to a point where I know what I need to do with myself, my life, etc...and that's a nice clear place to be. But, her influence on me is still strong. And I also want her to be an influence on me, I desire her. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I don't think she's ever had someone love her as much as I have, let alone treat her as more than a sex object. We've both been fairly promiscuous, although she was in a far different way than I. I'm rambling.
I could go on about what about her and why I love her, but I'll save that. We connect, and both physically as well as mentally, are beyond compatible. But, emotionally, we can clash, hence the ups and downs, on top of the issue of the distance. All of our problems began when the distance was realized, and she became an emotional pendulum, unsure of whether to stay or to go, knowing we'd be separate. But she's stayed, or come back, until now, when she truly has left, until on her terms it seems, she will try to see if we can work things out.
I don't understand what she's doing. I just figured, we're together or we're not. Make a choice, and stick to it. I see her, and only her. I love her, and only her. Etc...
Can someone please help.
I will post more details according to what questions are possibly asked.
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