I need to vent

[alesitag]

I called my SO a few hours ago... i wasn't expecting him to pick up, but i still wanted to leave a message on his answering machine. So yeah, I got the machine, and just at the moment it was about to beep... a woman picked up. I asked for my SO and she then proceeded to ask who I was. I said I was a friend of him and told her my name, then she said he wasn't available.

At the moment, I thought maybe it was his mom, so I asked who I was speaking with, so I could introduce myself properly, and she said "insert the name of his old friend-with-benefits here"... my jaw, heart and even underwear dropped to the floor. It took me a while to recover from the initial shock, but then I just asked her to tell him I called, thanked her and hung up. I didn't know what else to do, plus I could have sworn I heard my SO's voice in the background.

I was about to send him a kind email asking for an explanation (I hadn't talked to him since yesterday morning and it was only for a couple of minutes... he never got back online after that so i didn't know what was he up to since today is supposed to be his day off) and he got online. He said he was at his mom's taking care of the place since she'd be out of town for the weekend, and this girl was at his place taking care of his dog and called him after i hung up. He said she's still one of his best friends (he told me that right from the beginning) and the only one of them to have a key to his place besides his mom and brother (I didn't know this though). I asked about his health (he had been sick for the past couple of days and I was worried that's why I called him too) and a couple of minutes later he said he had to go somewhere so we said goodbye, but I left him a message asking him to tell me if there was something else going on. I don't think he saw it though... and now I have to wait till he gets online again to talk about this... my chest hurts, my stomach burns and my hands stopped shaking a while ago...

I've never been a jealous person, but when something like this happens I can go nuts... right now i'm just trying to calm down and see what he's got to say...

[snow_girl]

If something was going on, she'd be pretty stupid to answer his phone unless they wanted to get caught. If he hasn't given you any reason to not trust him then the story probably is true. I hope you are able to talk to him soon to get some straight answers to ease your mind.

[alesitag]

yes, he has given me no sign not to trust him... he's sweet and loving... but this definitely hit me...

let's see what happens...

[efish1042]

Breathe! Stop thinking about it as best you can until you can talk to him. Otherwise you'll work yourself into a tizzy and things will only get worse. Get distracted. Watch a movie. Dance to silly songs. Read. Write. Something! Just stop thinking about it until he has a chance to fully explain things to you.

[Sora1101]

I would feel the same way, and I would say trust your gut to an extent, your instincts are sending off red flags for a reason and to me it seems kinda weird that he keeps ending conversations abruptly and the fact that he didn't tell you about this situation sooner so you wouldn't worry if you happened to call and she picked up. I see where snow girl is coming from though it would be pretty stupid for her to answer the phone unless she really does want to be caught. Not to scare or worry you more but the way I look at is maybe she wanted you to know she was there so you'd fight with your SO and break up and they could get together again? I think maybe you should try to contact her again and have her set your mind at ease about the whole situation, if she really is just doing him a favor she'd have no reason to be rude or lie to you.

[corrda00]

In my gut I feel if he was having a full out affair then the affair-ee (if thats a word) wouldn't be so quick to come out like that.
I may be wrong but it sounds like this friend of his has feelings for him and is probably jealous. You know him better than I do but I don't think he would be cheating on you. Talk to him first though, get some straight answers and best of luck.

[lonelyinlove]

That's tough....Hope u guys can come to a solution....

[Moon]

I'm not a very jealous person by nature, I'm probably the least jealous woman ever, but I've got to say, this situation would make me VERY uncomfortable! To me, this just doesn't feel right, so make sure you trust your gut, and get some very definitive answers from him that you're satisfied with. I think the part of this that bothers me is that she answers his phone, that's just...weird (to me, anyway). They shouldn't be that familiar, even if they used to sleep together. Good luck, I hope it turns out OK.

[alesitag]

I'm calmed, but i need to talk to him so bad i get anxious from time to time... I've been trying to focus on something else and it works for a while but then my insecurities come back... I dont know if i can contact her because she shouldnt be at his place anymore... I really dont like being a psycho girlfriend.

I was supposed to pay the visa fee and drop my documents at the immigration office tomorrow, but i dont feel like doing it without having talked to him tonight... And he's still missing.

[Haley53]

Would it do any harm to drop the documents off on Monday? Or over the weekend (I'm assuming they're closed on the weekend, however)? I likely would not feel comfortable dropping off my documents and paying me fees either, given that this would likely upset me in the same way it has you. While I'm inclined to say listen to snow_girl, I also feel like his story doesn't add up. :/ For one, it's odd you swear you could have heard him, yet he claims he wasn't even there. It's not easy to mistake your SO's voice and certainly not a male one, and it doesn't make sense she'd have some other male over while house-sitting. For another, if he's supposed to be watching the house, why did he give responsibility to her? Thirdly, I don't get why she'd have answered the phone anyway. I was never taught to answer anyone's phone unless given specific instructions by the person I was house-sitting, babysitting, dog-sitting, whathaveyou for to do so. However, I would try and remain as calmed as possible until you get the chance to speak with him and hear more of the story.

[alesitag]

Ive been trying to do this visa thing forever but ive been so busy at work i havent had the opportunity to leave early and do it (banks open at 8 am and close at 4 pm, while i work from 7am to 5:30/6pm which means i have to leave the office by lunch time). I was working my butt off all week so i could take half a day off this friday, but i guess i could do it on monday...

I just left him an offline telling him i need to talk to him before doing it and to message me as soon as he sees it.

I hope he does.

[Kanga]

That situation would make me extremely uncomfortable. The whole him not answering and what not short conversations. Why didn't you tell you the girl you were his g/f instead of saying his friend?

All I can say is try to stay calm until you talk to him.

[alesitag]

Since i didnt know for sure who the woman on the phone was, i prefered to say i was a friend... I know he has talked about me to some friends (the girl on the phone included) and his mom, but i didnt feel it was right to reveal that information.

[lala]

seriously what a stupid cow is she!! Doesn't matter if she is just a friend or his ex, she should first not answer his phone and second say this when pick up. I would tell your SO what she said and how it made you feel uncomfortable..

oh man I would go nuts as well! and I understand this with the visa thing.. just talk with your SO and let us know what he said!

[FierceFoxie]

I agree with Snow_Girl that she would be pretty stupid to answer the phone if there was something to hide.

And by the way, gut feelings are not always right. Look at all the times you had a gut feeling about something only to find out you were dead wrong. I guarantee you have had your gut mislead you more times than it has been right, yet people often overlook all the times it has been dead wrong. Trust your man until he gives you reason not to!