Theoretical Question About Closing The Distance...

[Secrecy]

So this is a question to those who are from DIFFERENT countries who have closed the distance, especially those who have closed the distance in the United States.

Me and my boyfriend are not saying 100% YES to the idea of closing the distance yet, simply because we have yet to meet. (I am meeting him on Saturday for a five day vacation in Toronto. Insanely excited. Made another post on that.) But should things go well, and we decide that closing the distance is a good idea, I would like to get a good idea early on in life, just to figure out where to go from here.

So, here's kind of a whole synopsis of everything that is currently taking place in mine and my boyfriend's life: I live in Omaha, Nebraska in the US and he lives in Toronto, Ontario in Canada. I am currently in my first year of college (finishing this week actually, and will have another two to go to get a Bachelor's degree in graphic design and illustration. It's a three-year program) and my boyfriend has no schooling behind him besides a high school diploma. He also is a little lost on what to do, and doesn't really have a whole lot of motivation to go back to school and get any sort of degree. I am fine with this, as it's his choice, but it made me sit down and think...

He wants to move down here to Nebraska, simply because the cost of living for the quality you get is INSANELY cheap, as opposed to Toronto. The issue is, he doesn't wish to go to school, so can't come down here on a school visa, and since he doesn't have any schooling behind him, he can't very easily come down here on a work visa either. (From what I understand.) I could probably hold up a house or apartment myself once I graduate and find a full-time job, but that may not be right away (although I hope so), but I know that wouldn't make him happy, as (explained in a prior post months ago) he dislikes being sedentary and not working. Part of me thinks, that since I will have a college degree behind me in two years, that it would be a good idea for me to move to Canada, to try and find a job. But he says that it's just so expensive in his city, although I have no problems with the idea of living elsewhere in Canada, or anywhere for that matter. (I am highly adaptable.)

So my question is this... For those who have successfully went from one country to another to close the distance, how did you come to the conclusion of which one of you would do the moving? How did you manage it, especially with visas and the like? What about work? I guess I would just like some solid footing in this somewhat crazy situation.

[kittyo9]

I'm also curious about this kind of situation.

(I'm not in quite the same boat-- rather, my boyfriend and I are both graduating in a year, but he wants to go on to grad school to get his engineering doctorate whereas I will have a masters degree and would rather start working. I don't know if I should be getting a temporary job here while I wait for him, going wherever he goes for graduate school and getting a temporary job there, or just moving ahead with my career in whatever direction I want to go, which is most likely going to prolong the long-distance-- but I would like to hear how others have orchestrated their international distance-closing.)

[Jazi]

well.. I know you wanted advice from people who have CLOSED the distance.. but you could use some advice from someone who is going through the steps of it too?

Me and my SO have decided that HE will move to Australia. We came to this conclusion for many reasons but the big push was what kind of place do we want to live in? and what kind of support would we have in each country? In the UK we wouldn't have very much support from his family, we have had quite a lot of problems with them from the beginning of our relationship. My family are very supportive and have a great relationship with him, they are ultimately willing for us to live with them until we can get on our own feet and move out together.

the life we will have in the UK vs. Australia on money, house, job, education, etc etc.. is arguably pretty much the same.

sounds like the two of you need to have a conversation about what you want out of life and which place would accommodate you both best, which would you both be happiest in?

As for visas, We will be going for the Fiance visa basically, it probably has different rules in Australia as it does in the US.. so I can't help much there, but it probably is the easiest route to go down for international couples, it's quite difficult to permanently end the distance without marriage.. unless you get a really great opportunity in your SOs country. The visa process is extremely overwhelming, we are getting all the information we need for it now even though we won't be applying for quite a long time.. we want to get it right the first time.

job wise - my SO is an accountant in the UK, he will be looking for a similar position here once he is here permanently. My parents are very supportive and we will have a home with them because we won't be able to move out on my income alone.. hopefully my SO will manage to find a book-keeping job.. but he has said he is willing to take anything to start with. We will just look around and apply like crazy for jobs when he gets here.

I think overall it looks like a huge task to end the distance.. but when you break it down into small components it's not so scary, actually, one of the most scary things is when he/you land.. and that's it, no more going back, it's for good now.. and then the rest of your lives start, thats the part that scares me but at the same time excites me.

EDIT --- just wanted to add - Australia has a high cost of living and we are choosing here for other factors, plus, the cost of living might be high but the income is also very high, I earn double what my SO does and I don't even have a very high paying job.. my SO would be on 3 or 4 times his UK salary if he was working in Australia in the same job.

[MissButterfly]

I have yet to close the distance too, but I guess I can at least tell you about our situation too!
We're both graduating from high school this month, and he has always wanted to study overseas. (He's from the US, I'm in the Netherlands). He found a nice college, applied to it and got accepted. I might even be going to the same university, so that's exciting! There has never really been a question on who would move, because my SO has been so certain that he wanted to spend the rest of his life here. (He knew that even before he met me.)
Problem is, he's not allowed to work here, so it will be very tough for him financially. He comes here on a study visa, so he can stay here for as long as he's in college. After that, he can apply for citizenship because he has been living here for 5 years. Let's hope that works out! But for now, he gets to be here, and we'll deal with the financial issues when needed.

[Secrecy]

As for visas, We will be going for the Fiance visa basically, it probably has different rules in Australia as it does in the US.. so I can't help much there, but it probably is the easiest route to go down for international couples, it's quite difficult to permanently end the distance without marriage.. unless you get a really great opportunity in your SOs country. The visa process is extremely overwhelming, we are getting all the information we need for it now even though we won't be applying for quite a long time.. we want to get it right the first time.

Thanks for the info! And yeah, I really want to figure out the best way to get all of this together. I've never heard of a visa for a fiancé, only a spouse; I suppose I should probably research on that! I know marriage is probably the easiest way for couples to end the distance, but gosh, such a huge step... Or even thought right now. Even though he's brought it up, jokingly of course... But I could tell there was a hint of seriousness too.

EDIT --- just wanted to add - Australia has a high cost of living and we are choosing here for other factors, plus, the cost of living might be high but the income is also very high, I earn double what my SO does and I don't even have a very high paying job.. my SO would be on 3 or 4 times his UK salary if he was working in Australia in the same job.

I suppose I should take that into account! Toronto is a very expensive city, but it all depends on the type of job I could theoretically get there. Honestly, I would be very happy living up there, and I know he's much more of a city boy, and I wonder if he would die in this quaint, albeit nice city of mine. :P If I found a job up there that paid me enough, I would be happy to live there. Ultimately, I'm kind of leaving the decision up to him, because as I said, I am highly adaptable and could probably fit myself in anywhere.

[kteire]

Ooh, have a fun time in Toronto! I love that city

My SO and I both moved in order to close the distance. Or well, I've moved now, and he's moving in just under 5 weeks! Neither of us could easily get visas to each other's countries (and we'd both already done the working holiday visas before we met), so we decided to both move to the UK! We both love to travel, so it's worked out well. I have no idea long-term what's going to happen as far as where we'll live, but I'm assuming we'll not end up in either Ireland or Canada unfortunately.

[Off2Spain]

So my question is this... For those who have successfully went from one country to another to close the distance, how did you come to the conclusion of which one of you would do the moving? How did you manage it, especially with visas and the like? What about work? I guess I would just like some solid footing in this somewhat crazy situation.[/QUOTE]

Im in Holland and he's in Spain. I'm moving to Spain for a month. Its was an easy decision as I arranged to do my internships in Spain for a year. After that he'll come with me back to Holland. As we both live in the European Union there are no issues with visa, so thats a relieve! Later on we dont know where we will be living as it will all depend on where theres work!
It's defenitely not easy moving to another country, but if your relationship is a good solid one its worth all the hazard!

[Haley53]

Something else you could consider is applying for a working holiday up in Canada. I'm not sure what the process is like there or what the requirements are, but I know that other countries have more leniency in that regard. I will be applying for a working holiday in Ireland, which will allow me to close the distance for a year. Even if it's temporary, to us, it feels like a better step to take than marriage at this point, given that it will provide us with a chance to live together for a year and see how we work as a close distance couple (I believe in living together before marriage, though I'm aware some don't). It will also give us more than a handful of visits to go off of not only when applying for the fiance visa but as far as determining our long-term compatibility. The fiance visa requires that you get married within 90 days of it being granted, so if you're looking for a way to avoid marriage so soon, the fiance visa would not be it.

[Jazi]

it will provide us with a chance to live together for a year and see how we work as a close distance couple (I believe in living together before marriage, though I'm aware some don't).

I think living together before marriage is a good idea if its viable to do it . we have gone over each visa option available to us many times, but for many different reasons we have decided to go the fiance visa route before living together, it's not ideal but we will grow and learn together as a couple.

each couple will obviously have their own set of circumstances that will determine how they end the distance

The fiance visa requires that you get married within 90 days of it being granted, so if you're looking for a way to avoid marriage so soon, the fiance visa would not be it.

and wow! only 90 days?! in Australia its 9 months lol.

[Haley53]

I think living together before marriage is a good idea if its viable to do it . we have gone over each visa option available to us many times, but for many different reasons we have decided to go the fiance visa route before living together, it's not ideal but we will grow and learn together as a couple.

each couple will obviously have their own set of circumstances that will determine how they end the distance



and wow! only 90 days?! in Australia its 9 months lol.

I didn't mean to make you feel like I was targeting you! I simply know that some people on LFAD get a little heated once someone throws out the "it's a good idea to live together before marriage" card and I also didn't want to risk giving the option to the OP if she doesn't feel living together before marriage is the better option. Was simply trying to make it clear that was pure opinion when I said it, because those are my reasons for going for that visa but I didn't want to sound like a snot.

And I know, right? Nine months sounds like a much nicer window. :/ I wouldn't be so asdfghjkl about it if we got nine months as opposed to three.

[Secrecy]

Even if it's temporary, to us, it feels like a better step to take than marriage at this point, given that it will provide us with a chance to live together for a year and see how we work as a close distance couple (I believe in living together before marriage, though I'm aware some don't). It will also give us more than a handful of visits to go off of not only when applying for the fiance visa but as far as determining our long-term compatibility. The fiance visa requires that you get married within 90 days of it being granted, so if you're looking for a way to avoid marriage so soon, the fiance visa would not be it.

I definitely agree! As with all things, it depends on the couple and situation, and some may feel more comfortable just trying to find a way to live in or near the city of their SO, rather than sharing a house with them. Which, of course, is insanely hard to do, but I guess if you can establish a job somehow in their country nearby, it's a viable option. I, personally, see no cons with living with the SO before marriage, so long as it's well thought through, of course.

And wow, 90 days? Is that for America? Sheesh, not the route I wanna take then! Hah hah.

I really like the idea of going up there temporarily/him coming down here temporarily, as well. As much as I would love to live up there, however, he does not live on his own. He lives with his parents, and they would NOT want me there, so that throws a monkey wrench into things. (I forgot to add that in my original post, oops.) And he's having a very hard time finding himself a job that could sustain himself enough that he could live on his own. (Again, lack of education making that aspect tough.) Another reason why he says it would be better to come down here instead of me up there, because I do live on my own, and do not have a parent dictating over me.

[lucybelle]

Work visas are next to impossible to get. I wouldn't even consider that an option. He's more likely to get a lottery visa than a work visa, especially if he's not "highly qualified" which it sounds like he isn't.

The other options are a tourist visa, a spousal visa or a fiance visa. My SO moved in with me in the USA on his tourist visa. He was stamped in for 6 months (not sure how long Canadians have since they don't need a visa) and stayed with me for that amount of time. He was unable to work, so I paid the bills. You can ask for an extension of a tourist visa for up to 6 more months. Now if you can manage to live together for 1 year without him working (or going home, that cancels out the visa), then you could apply for a partner visa in Canada. You need to have proof that you've lived together for a year (mail, bills, leases, bank accounts, etc). If you're approved you can move back to Canada with him and I think you can work on a partner visa.

The only other way is getting married or a spouse visa which take 8 months to a year to be approved and you'll need to have proof of an ongoing relationship, which it doesn't seem like you have. You need to have proof you've been on visits at least within the last year. Of course the more often the better. You should check out visajourney.com which gives a great little chart of the pros and cons of all immigrant visas, time lines, as well as costs.

After all that, seeing as though you haven't met, never lived together, or even been together for a really long time I think you should either take an extended trip to him, or him to you. As I said before my SO moved in with me for 6 months on a tourist visa, he couldn't work so he didn't ever look for a job. I then moved to him in Costa Rica without a job, but found one eventually and am now applying for residency. It takes a lot of balls and planning to move to a country without a job, but the risk is worth it. At least it was for us. Best of luck

[Secrecy]

Work visas are next to impossible to get. I wouldn't even consider that an option. He's more likely to get a lottery visa than a work visa, especially if he's not "highly qualified" which it sounds like he isn't.

The other options are a tourist visa, a spousal visa or a fiance visa. My SO moved in with me in the USA on his tourist visa. He was stamped in for 6 months (not sure how long Canadians have since they don't need a visa) and stayed with me for that amount of time. He was unable to work, so I paid the bills. You can ask for an extension of a tourist visa for up to 6 more months. Now if you can manage to live together for 1 year without him working (or going home, that cancels out the visa), then you could apply for a partner visa in Canada. You need to have proof that you've lived together for a year (mail, bills, leases, bank accounts, etc). If you're approved you can move back to Canada with him and I think you can work on a partner visa.

The only other way is getting married or a spouse visa which take 8 months to a year to be approved and you'll need to have proof of an ongoing relationship, which it doesn't seem like you have. You need to have proof you've been on visits at least within the last year. Of course the more often the better. You should check out visajourney.com which gives a great little chart of the pros and cons of all immigrant visas, time lines, as well as costs.

After all that, seeing as though you haven't met, never lived together, or even been together for a really long time I think you should either take an extended trip to him, or him to you. As I said before my SO moved in with me for 6 months on a tourist visa, he couldn't work so he didn't ever look for a job. I then moved to him in Costa Rica without a job, but found one eventually and am now applying for residency. It takes a lot of balls and planning to move to a country without a job, but the risk is worth it. At least it was for us. Best of luck

Thank you lucybelle! That was EXTREMELY helpful. When and if the right time comes, I will definitely look into that a little deeper. I am definitely not jumping the gun here; I would just like some sort of foothold just so, if we decide to make the decision to close the distance permanently, we can, you know? I may well start thinking about it after our trip, should things all go well.

Thank you all so much again!

[13000km]

For those who have successfully went from one country to another to close the distance, how did you come to the conclusion of which one of you would do the moving? How did you manage it, especially with visas and the like? What about work?

There was a little less than 6 months between our first meeting and when we closed the distance. We knew Singapore wasn't an option because it is incredibly expensive to live there, and we wouldn't have been able to survive there if one of us weren't working. Also, I did not like the fast-paced lifestyle of Singapore, and wanted to get away from it.

As for visas, I'm here on a student visa that lasts 5 years. As it turns out, the university that he was transferring to had a very good college of education and special ed program, so the decision was easy. I will be working on my bachelors for the next two years. We had considered the fiance visa as well, but ultimately saw how stressful it would be on our relationship and decided against it.

The student visa restricts me to on campus jobs only, which made it hard for me to find a job. But I had saved almost everything I could prior to the move and this amount was able to keep me afloat for the 9+ months that I was unemployed.

We are planning to get married next year, and have started the necessary research about it. It seems like we will be able to get married while I am still a student, and start the visa process. It takes about a year and it is recommended that I don't leave the country during that time. If you want you can PM me and I'll keep you updated as I find out more information.

Also, everything lucybelle said.

[Zephii]

Jazi is right on with her post

For those who have successfully went from one country to another to close the distance, how did you come to the conclusion of which one of you would do the moving?
We've both lived in the other's country, and plan not to settle perminantly - rather we're working towards dual citizenship so we never have to worry about stupid visas again.
For our first move, I went to Canada on a working holiday visa. I love WHP, but, for some reason America doesn't give long WH visas, and some countries wont do them with America at all.
For the second move, he came to Australia with me on a fiance visa (and man it was a pain in the ass. These guys want to know when you last shat, I swear.) and now we're applying for his next level of visa, temporary residency.

We tried to decide who would do a perminant move but realised that neither of us are cut out for that. We're not willing to give up our familes and countries for each other. So, instead we decided which country would benifit us more during what stages of our lives. We started with Canada so he could get work experience in his field, moved to Australia to marry and breed, and when I'm done having babies in my home country we will move back to Canada to buy a home as it's far cheaper there. We will stay in Canada for as long as I can stand it - with the end gaol of being back in Australia for our kids to finish high school, because our school system is better.

Like Jazi said, we also looked at what support systems we will have where. We're pretty blessed on both sides of the fence - each time we move we do have people to crash with until we can stand on our feet again. We are going to need a lot of support from the people around us to make this work. Also, we have people in both countries that are willing and able to help us with our children.

How did you manage it, especially with visas and the like?
Canada and Australia are pretty good mates diplomatically. We were lucky. The visa situation is still stressful, expensive and takes many years to complete. Canada is also a lot easier to get into than Australia is. If it were based on visas alone, we'd settle in Canada and never think about this crap again.
Many countries have a defacto/common law spouse sponsorship visa. Gone are the days you needed to actually get married. So that too is worth looking into.

What about work?
He's a VFX artist, and I want to be an author but really I'm just a checkout chick.
Work wise, it's been so much better for him here than in his own country. Yes, our cost of living is sickening (which always makes me laugh at my friends in Ontario who complain about how expensive it is because seriously, they've seen nothing!) but our wages make up for it. Obi is earning nearly three times what he made in Canada doing the same job.
When we discussed which country to live in, Obi was very concerned that we couldn't survive in Sydney (and I had doubts too!) and that our standard of living would be higher if we went with the cheaper country, but for us that hasn't been true at all. I have never lived as well in all my life as we are now. So, when you're looking at your finances, remember to factor in any wage differences, factor in if you'll have to commute to work, think about the kind of tax you will pay. Don't take the numbers at face value.

There is always a way to make it work. Visas make closing the distance feel insurmountable, but it really isn't. Remember that thousands of people have imigrated before us and that if they can do it, we can too.