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**Haley53** · May 17, 2012, 11:35 PM

I also want to add (leave it to me to have too long an OP that I can't add anything to it, LOL) that I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with this man. We're young, so I sometimes feel stupid saying "oh, we'll be the exception, we'll make it <3", but all I can say is that no matter what happens, in this present moment, he amazes me. He means the world to me and I have never met someone so loving, so respectful, so honest and true to themselves and to others, so caring, so... genuine. Being with him is like having an adult version of that childhood romance, a more mature version of "puppy love," that unconditional love that's there because it's there, without all of the adult complications we like to throw in there. He does make me happy and a good percent of the time, nowadays, we don't have this issue or many of the issues I expressed in my OP (I say this because people on LFAD sometimes assume a negative thread = a bad relationship).

I guess I'm simply feeling insecure, really feeling his depression (granted I had a horrible day that started with a bomb being found on campus, even though it turns out the explosives had been removed), and worrying about the distance and I'm not sure why. The distance doesn't usually get to me, not like this.

**Mara** · May 17, 2012, 11:51 PM

I just think the both of you are handling things amazingly everything considered.

Perhaps it would help you to find a group of people in a similar situation [i.e. with partners that are grieving or depressed]? There must be a message board or a support group or something somewhere with people in similar situations. Personally, I journal. I've never been much for talking to people, but I find journaling helps a lot not just with feelings regarding my relationship, but feelings in general. It gives me introspection. Hindsight is truly 20/20 and it helps a lot on the bad days to be able to look back on the good.

As for the distance, I think it's always good to have an idea of what the future will bring. It's good to have a general sketch of what will happen, but try not to focus on it, not when it's so very far away. It's hard to say what will happen between now and then.

Also, I've stopped counting the time between visits- best thing I ever did.

**Haley53** · May 18, 2012, 12:03 AM

I'll do some Google searches for a support group. I definitely feel like it would help having others who have been/are there. I have also considered keeping a journal. I suppose it's simply a matter of making the time to write in it. I used to keep them a lot more easily before therapy, and then I got involved in therapy and fell out of the habit given that I was seeing someone to talk one to two times per week. :/

Your advice is good and I know it's accurate... I do need to not worry about the future. Especially given our ages (19 and almost 21), there's a lot that can change. I suppose I'm simply trying to draw security from something even more uncertain than the present sometimes feels like. I should kick that habit. I should also try working on not counting or focusing on the time between visits as well. :/

Thank you for your response.

**corrda00** · May 18, 2012, 01:06 AM

A counseller may be a good idea. Im a little confused with how this whole vacation visa works but If you do get to spend some time with him you guys can talk it over some more I guess. Maybe look into other options as far as immigration and stuff. You may even end up in a totally different place. I have one friend, he was in Saskatchewan, she was in Ottawa and then they closed the distance by moving to Scotland, and then Korea before returning to Ottawa.

Speaking of which thats one things that you could do, teach English in Korea for a year or two. Its a good way to save up some money to pay for school and spend time with your SO as well.

I admit I'm no expert on international policies but thats my two cents.

Also best of luck! I hope things work out for you two.

**Haley53** · May 18, 2012, 01:22 AM

I'm a little confused as to how teaching in Korea would help us close the distance? xD My SO lives in Dublin and if we don't close the distance after our working holiday, it'd be because he's in school... So I would be teaching in Korea which, although it would be a great experience, would postpone my own plans for graduate school and wouldn't bring me closer to my SO as he'd be pursuing his own education.

That said, I suppose that's not a bad thought there either. :/ Anything can happen, really. I think the main issue is that my degree is not flexible. It's not like I'm in some hard science degree or a highly transferrable medical degree or even a technical degree. I'm in a psychology program, will be pursuing psychology, and am minoring and have experience working in American education. Both are very, very location specific, hence why I would have to do a conversion course to even study it in my SO's country. :/ So while relocation is a possibility, the reason we're so tied to America, at least presently, is because I will be able to start working immediately here in my field, building a reputation and a name for what I ultimately want to do, which is run my own practice/start my own program. If I were to work outside of America, my degree and licensing would likely not be valid. There are probably ways I could still practice, but that would involve a reputation and practicing privately. For example, there's a doctor working locally who originally got his degree from either Europe or Canada; however, because it's not an American degree, he can practice privately, but he cannot legally accept insurance. He has a reputation, however, that allows him to be successful even without an American medical degree (not to mention he's in medicine, which is pretty transferrable to begin with). I won't have that reputation.

Also, the working holiday allows me to work and travel for up to a year. I would be staying with my SO and taking on what work I could get, hopefully something that would boost my field/application for grad school, but I'm fully expecting I may only be able to get and accept minimum wage work. However, it would allow me to help contribute to rent and bills and also to stay in the country for more than three months at a time, which is what I'm allowed (with three months in between) without a visa. Thank you for your input!

**Kiyama** · May 18, 2012, 02:13 AM

I really feel with you. I've always loved reading your posts and advice on here and I have admired your strength. Honestly, just by reading a lot you wrote has made me feel a lot better about my own relationship and helped me deal with the distance better. So I feel even more sorry for how down you are.

Firstly, how is he dealing with his depression? Is he getting help? A few years back, my SO back then suffered from depression. I lived in England at that time and I was the only one who knew about it as he refused to tell his parents or his friends from home. It was a burden i had to carry alone and that got heavier and heavier. I tried everything to cheer him up and as he couldn't handle anything anymore, apart from my own life I had to organize his as well. Needles to say, I was emotionally drained after a while. I got to a point I had to worry about my own mental health because I felt so exhausted and often his depression seemed to suck everything out of me. Something needed to happen. I told him straight that he needed to get help, which he did and that helped me a lot because the weight wasn't only on my shoulders anymore.
So what I'm trying to say here is to look out for yourself. You aren't helping anyone by letting yourself be consumed in his depression. I know how quickly it can happen and you really need to draw a line here. It is difficult because you love him and I'm not suggesting to leave him but I'm saying you need to be a bit more selfish here and make some decisions that will make you happier! I hope I can bring my point across, it's hard to explain

A for the other issues I also understand your struggle. I think 6 months or so can be done and you would be more optimistic if you weren't so concerned about the future, also something I completely understand. There are degrees that bind you to your country and that seems to be the case with yours. I have much better career options as a teacher in Germany but I still at least have the chance to teach abroad... Have you talked with him about this recently? Would he be willing to go to the US for studying despite the fact he'd have to pay tuition fees? How long does he have to go before he could move?
What about exchange years/terms? Is that an option for both of you? That way you could split up the years apart a little. Also, with a phd, I think in the first two years you have classes right? And then? Can't you do part of your studies over there? I know someone who does a phd in England but lives in Paris with his girlfriend. If you don't have to be at uni on a daily basis it is doable. I don't know much about the educational system in the US so I'm just throwing in some ideas here

Also feel free to send me a message anytime if you want to talk!

**Haley53** · May 18, 2012, 02:31 AM

Thank you. I really appreciate your response and your input. <3

No, he has not gotten help and I'm not sure it's something he'd consider. While the idea of a counsellor has appealed to him, it's also, in his words, "one more thing to have to deal with." He would have to deal with locating a counsellor and one that would work for his current situation (he's currently on government funding due to his situation, so it would likely be a multi-step process as far as setting up payments etc. as opposed to simply calling around and finding a therapist he feels he'd be suited to) and he would also have to deal with a commute into the city to go to one. Quite honestly I am not sure he has the motivation or effort, currently, to seek out that help. It's hard for me to think about threatening him with an ultimatum, primarily because I went through this with my mother and she was more or less out of the picture for two years due to her grief. She was dysfunctional, almost completely immobile, and so because I have seen it in a very close relative, I have a lot of empathy and understanding for his not having the energy to set up counselling sessions, even if it's something he has toggled with in the past. It has only been since October that she passed away, and grief is not a slow process. Currently, although he has stabilised somewhat emotionally, he is still living on a day-to-day basis, more or less surviving through a daze, and so I have not pushed the idea of a grief counsellor. I figure that's something he would need to be open to to reap the benefit of it. :/ In the meantime, I am focusing on my work, which I absolutely love, and also on exercise, as both are things that I enjoy that help keep me sane, as well, so I do try and take care of myself. I have also sent out a couple e-mails to support groups in my area asking about resources for those of us dealing with grieving partners, so hopefully I will hear back from them on that soon. I think my main issue is that I struggle with the concept of being "selfish." I realise that it's healthy, that I need to take care of me to take care of him, that I need to stay bloody sane or it will effect the relationship, but it's hard defeating that nagging little voice that berates me saying, "your mother didn't die. Suck it up, because this shouldn't be hard for you." Yanno?

I haven't spoken with him about it because we've both agreed to take it in stride. Because of his situation, it's very hard for him to think long-term, especially given that he's the legal guardian of his brother for two more years as well and there's no telling where that will go. We have both agreed that we would discuss it at the end of my working holiday. So much can change in a year (aka between now and when I apply for my working holdiay visa), let alone what might change during that year we're together, in person. However, we haven't had a serious talk about the future in a while because we've agreed to leave it for my working holiday. I haven't pushed it because understandably, he's going through a massive crisis that's effected him to the core, and so I'm assuming that what his thoughts/plans are now won't be the same a month from now and certainly not a year from now. I figure it's better to try and curb my anxiety and approach it when he's in a better place to think about it, because at this point, all I can see the conversation doing is him getting stressed out, me getting upset, and nothing being solved because he can't think about what's going to happen/how he's going to survive next week.

As far as exchange years/terms, it isn't an option currently. My grandfather is paying my way through undergrad and though he originally offered me a semester studying abroad, when I sent him the paperwork, he completely took it back (it was a Christmas gift too... I'm still a bit bitter

). I'm also going into my senior year and will have missed deadlines, not to mention that having chosen to take on a minor as opposed to graduating early means my senior year line-up is pretty much determined by requirements I need to fill here. If my SO were to start school in Ireland, though, that might be something he could consider in the future. As far as doctoral programs and opportunities to take it overseas, I haven't done much looking into it. It's really hard to find international resources once you stop looking at the undergrad level, but I suppose it's something I could look into.

**lucybelle** · May 18, 2012, 08:52 AM

I didn't read the whole thing, nor all the responses.. just can't make it through long posts, sorry!

Anyways, I think I got the gist of everything. Here's what I think- 1. STOP WORRYING. You can't do this to yourself and to your relationship. You look way too far into the future and worry about a lot of "what if"s. Yeah well what if and earth quake breaks off California and you have to buy a SUPER expensive plane ticket? Shit happens. Deal with it when it does. Until then, make short term goals. For you, I think that should be like 1 month or a few weeks. You gotta bring yourself back to the present.

2. Don't let your SO be so critical of the USA. Yes, there's some things that suck here.. just like every country. But when you boil down to the important things, the USA is a damn great country. I know how lucky I am to have been born in the USA and receive a USA passport. I know how privileged I am. It's not okay to let him constantly diss your homeland. That's like dissing you, your heritage. I know the USA has things to work on, but the other day a Spanish man talked to me for HOURS about how much he hated the USA. I wanted to punch him in the neck. (I didn't because we were sitting next to each other on a bus. And I tuned him out once he started talking about how Chavez is the greatest person ever... anyways!)

3. As far as the future goes, would it be so awful for you to work in the UK for a few years while he finishes his degree? After 2 years living together I think you can apply for that partner visa. You don't have to work at a McDonalds the whole time, be prepared to do it for a while, but not the whole time. Once you put in your time you might be able to find something in your field. Or do some other job you'd never thought of doing. Volunteer with an NGO (or the equivalent), be a librarian, something else where you'll learn something awesome.

But for the main part- don't worry about it right now! You need a little "go with the flow" in your life

**Jazi** · May 18, 2012, 09:11 AM

Originally posted by lucybelle View Post

Anyways, I think I got the gist of everything. Here's what I think- 1. STOP WORRYING. You can't do this to yourself and to your relationship. You look way too far into the future and worry about a lot of "what if"s. Yeah well what if and earth quake breaks off California and you have to buy a SUPER expensive plane ticket? Shit happens. Deal with it when it does. Until then, make short term goals. For you, I think that should be like 1 month or a few weeks. You gotta bring yourself back to the present.

But for the main part- don't worry about it right now! You need a little "go with the flow" in your life

THIS ^ is exactly what I was thinking as I read through your OP and the replies too.. you just have got to stop trying to control the future - it hasn't even happened yet! You can't have your whole life planned out, you gotta live moment by moment.. otherwise you won't enjoy the life you're living NOW. and honestly, all we have is the moment we are in now.

I think having short term goals is good, the WHV sounds good.. now just mentally STOP. at this point, you don't know how you will feel after the WHV, people do all kinds of things and have no plans afterwards, usually because the experience helps you to grow and the next step gets clearer as you live your life. For planning the future I always go step by step, just one simple thing at a time that is acheivable and not overwhelming.. If you look too far ahead you'll get too frazzled thinking "how the hell am I going to do that? what am I going to do?" when in reality, if you LIVE in the moment and take step by step, the answer will come when that next step is right to take.

also, you can't control grief.. and it really does sound like you are trying to get a strangle-hold on ALL your plans (including your SO). The reality is that he probably doesn't even know how hes going to get through next week, or even tomorrow.. in grief you just pick yourself up and get through each day at a time.. you don't know when it'll get better, you just have to trust that it will and work through it moment by moment, day by day.

so just take a big old chill pill and enjoy your life now, look forward to the WHV.. but even that is a WHOLE YEAR! thats heaps of time, a lot changes/grows in a year.

**Moon** · May 18, 2012, 10:04 AM

I agree with lucybelle, RELAX chickie! Listen, even if you were able to plan and map out the next ten years, I can pretty much promise they won't turn out that way

Right now you're young and still in school, you don't know what the future holds, you just gotta do it one day at a time, until the picture starts getting clearer. And, it will get clearer, but you need patience, you'll get there. You're the type who likes to control and sketch out your life, that's OK, probably good in fact, but it's simply not gonna be possible to do all of the time, and that's the way it should be, actually.

Naturally, you have fears about your relationship and closing the distance. You're young, and you don't know the next steps, you are thinking rationally about the whole thing, and that's good. I am SO goddamn happy to hear a young woman think rationally,btw, no stupid "ZOMG! we're guna b 2gether 4 eva bitches!" from you

Hey, you've thought about this, you know logically what can happen, now you just need to be patient and see if your relationship can survive the next years of distance. If it can, awesome, you'll be right about a great age for an engagement, and you've manged huge challenges together, you'll know you've got what it takes. You just can't focus solely on the time, because it's a drop in the bucket compared to your lifetime, OK? Every day is one more day closer, and trust me, the older you get, the faster that old bastard time flies by!

Also, if I haven't bored you enough yet, stop worrying about what's going to happen after your working visa is over. To be totally blunt, cause I know you can take it, after a whole year together, your perspective may change immensely. It is possible that you'll find out that maybe you aren't right for each other, and you'll be so ready to hightail it back to the good ol' US of A. You might decide you truly never want to spend another night apart, which will force you both to compromise in ways you didn't consider before. And you might just be a bit "meh" and just go back to your regular LDR routine. So, instead of all this stress and worry, wait to see what you really need to be stressed and worried about! It could be different than what you've thought

lucybelle is also right in saying to not let him put down your country. He may not agree with our politics or philosophies, but it's still your home and where you and everyone you love lives. Raine does that too, and we've bickered a bit about it

**Haley53** · May 18, 2012, 11:26 AM

@lucybelle -

1. I do need to learn to relax. :/ I have always, always been a worrywart. Even as a child, when I would approach, say, skiing, I would approach it with the idea that I didn't want to ski down that mountain without having done enough of those mountains because if I went down that mountain, then x, y, and z could happen, and if x, y, and z could happen, then there were numerous results that also needed to be considered. Want to know what happened when I had to ski down a black diamond mountain as it was the only way down? A big fat nothing, other than that I got down the black diamond skiing the same way I did down the green circles.

Even with my current grades, I am stressing. The one hard class I'm fretting about... I worried about it to one of my friends, not because of my performance, because of my issues with the professor, but because I'm terrified I'll somehow be put on a LOL JOKES ON YOU TRY AGAIN list for graduate school. I'm worried about ONE grade in ONE quarter because of graduate schools I'll by applying to TWO years from now and it's ridiculous! Every time I start feeling insecure I start making plans for the future, and what's worse is that I know that it's all uncertain. I'm not naive enough to think the 10-year plan I have for myself now will be the 10-year plan I actually followed 10-years from now, but it makes me feel better having it.

I don't want a plan for after the working holiday. I really don't. People have called me stupid for it (heh), but my SO and I are too young and there are too many options... I guess the only reason I'm grasping at straws is because I want to feel like it's possible and right now I'm feeling like it's not. Maybe I do need to focus on the short-term goals, like our summer visit and then what I can do to at least pass this damn class.

I do realise that I need to stop my brain from running with every little thing and that I need to stay more in the present moment. I suppose it's simply a matter of slapping my wrist every time I stress about the future and doing it? xD

2. As for my country, I agree. :/ I point out the flaws in his as well sometimes, but I'll as soon point out what I like about it. I don't mind if he has opinions, so long as he can back them up with more than "well we don't do it here, so...", because to me, doing something different doesn't make it wrong. I simply get pissed off at being the target of irrational hatred. America gets targeted for this and for that and it quite honestly becomes the scapegoat for it, which I dislike. It's ignorant and hypocritical. While my SO does not criticise everything in the country, I suppose I hate it when I start feeling like he's falling into the category of people who hate America because that's what Europeans do.

I suppose next time I will ask him to stop or at the very least tell him to leave his opinions out when that's not the point of my story.

3. And I'm not sure.

Like Moon said, maybe not. The working holiday... The reason we don't want to plan beyond that is because that will change everything. For better or worse, it will change everything. And I may decide hey, I'll stay working in Ireland or I'll stay working in the UK, but there's not much I can do on a Bachelor's in America let alone in a foreign country where my degree isn't even valid. Currently, I'm not sure that would be an option for me. It might be more difficult a decision to make if it were something my relationship depended on, but my school has always been my number one priority and probably will be until I complete it. I'm young and even at 22, though plans may change, I don't think I could consider not pursuing my education or postponing it for a relationship.

@Jazi - As I said to lucybelle, and summing it up in your words, "STOP" is probably a good one that I need to learn. It's a pattern I have had since childhood and I am constantly having to breathe, relax, and realise that I'm being entirely irrational and creating some fantasy of control that's little more than a false illusion. I'll admit that I may use it being a long-distance relationship, were planning for the future is easier to do (and somewhat helpful) than in a close-distance relationship, as an excuse to do it sometimes, and I know that's not okay, not simply because it's irrational but because it drives me mental. I do agree with you, though. I really need to trust that things will fall into place and I'll be able to handle them. Let the chips fall where they may. Life has yet to succeed in knocking me completely for a loop.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. <3

I'm definitely aware of the fact I can't control grief, but I feel like I'm struggling between boundaries and leniency. As I believe I said in one of my responses, he is living day to day, can't think beyond it, and that's why I refuse to sit down and actually plan with him. :/ This will be a huge transformation for him, too, and he will not be the same person a year from now. On top of that, I refuse to be a reason to stress him out when he needs to think about how he's going to budget in dinner, frankly. My mother grieved heavily for two years. For two years, she was completely absent and turned to alcoholism and isolation instead of reaching out. What that taught me is that my SO could be handling it worse - he's actually quite open to feeling and processing his emotions and talking them out when he has them - and also that grief takes time. His grief is not a problem. I have no desire to control it or even help him work through it more than he is. I am able to understand that he's at where he's at and that's why I won't push him even by asking him not to criticise my country when that wasn't my point. xD But I won't lie and say that our moods often mesh, and when I'm happy and he's depressed and I want to share something happy and he doesn't want to say more than one word in response to anything, it's hard to deal with. I have learned not to take his grief personally, but it is sometimes a lot to deal with.

@Moon - I definitely agree, which is a part of why I don't want to plan past it. Trust me, I wish I could be the couple that believes in forever, but I'm in psychology and my parents went through a messy, messy divorce (my mother got married young). That gives me American statistics - a 1 in 2 divorce rate, ouch - and not a role model to go off of. People can say I think about marriage cynically or pessimistically, but I think about marriage realistically, and the realism of the situation is we may be at each other's throats by the end of the working holiday. We may be even more madly in love than before. He may go through a transformation, through this experience, that turns him into even more of a man that I love and admire, or we may grow in two different directions. It's why I'm not in any rush to get married or even engaged. Yes, I would like to be married and have children by my early 30s, but that's then and this is now. I don't want to rush into engagement because I don't believe marriage would be the stronghold for our relationship or cement it. If we make it, we'll make it and if we don't, we won't, and that would have happened whether we got married or didn't.

I really appreciate your response. It was blunt but diplomatic. Typical Moon fashion.

That is the reason I refuse to plan beyond my working holiday visa, because it's going to change. I'd be stupid to think that it won't. I'm fairly dynamic, spiritually and emotionally speaking, and I know that even in my senior year a lot will happen and a lot will change, let alone what happens when we're forced to see each other's faces every night. :P

I will tell him not to be so critical about our country though, especially when there's no immediate reason for it, because it does annoy me...

Thank you everyone so much for taking the time to respond and put things in perspective for me. <3 This is why I love LFAD.

**Moon** · May 18, 2012, 01:04 PM

Yay, I have a typical fashion!

Oh, one more little thing....when you get there, like I said to Sierra in another thread, have an adventure. Adventures aren't really adventures when they're planned, so try not to be so serious all the time and try to blow caution to the wind sometimes, OK? Ugh, that's a poorly structured sentence, but it means exactly what I wanted

Be a Dubliner (is that a word??), drink nasty warm Guinness in the morning, even if you don't like beer, kiss the Blarney Stone even though Irish people pee on it, be obnoxious and act like a leprechaun for a day, see the Book of Kells, etc. Whatever happens, make the kind of memories you'll cherish forever, have no regrets, and have fun! I'm jealous, I wish I had an adventure to go on!

**Haley53** · May 18, 2012, 01:06 PM

Originally posted by Moon View Post

Yay, I have a typical fashion!

Oh, one more little thing....when you get there, like I said to Sierra in another thread, have an adventure. Adventures aren't really adventures when they're planned, so try not to be so serious all the time and try to blow caution to the wind sometimes, OK? Ugh, that's a poorly structured sentence, but it means exactly what I wanted

Be a Dubliner (is that a word??), drink nasty warm Guinness in the morning, even if you don't like beer, kiss the Blarney Stone even though Irish people pee on it, be obnoxious and act like a leprechaun for a day, see the Book of Kells, etc. Whatever happens, make the kind of memories you'll cherish forever, have no regrets, and have fun! I'm jealous, I wish I had an adventure to go on!

This all seriously made my day.

Carl Jung would cringe and say the reason I love our spontaneity and the fact he's easygoing is because that part of me is so underdeveloped!

But we tend to do the most ridiculous things and throw that caution to the wind when we're together, so adventuring we shall go!

**Jazi** · May 18, 2012, 01:50 PM

Originally posted by Eclaire View Post

@Jazi - As I said to lucybelle, and summing it up in your words, "STOP" is probably a good one that I need to learn. It's a pattern I have had since childhood and I am constantly having to breathe, relax, and realise that I'm being entirely irrational and creating some fantasy of control that's little more than a false illusion. I'll admit that I may use it being a long-distance relationship, were planning for the future is easier to do (and somewhat helpful) than in a close-distance relationship, as an excuse to do it sometimes, and I know that's not okay, not simply because it's irrational but because it drives me mental. I do agree with you, though. I really need to trust that things will fall into place and I'll be able to handle them. Let the chips fall where they may. Life has yet to succeed in knocking me completely for a loop.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. <3

I'm definitely aware of the fact I can't control grief, but I feel like I'm struggling between boundaries and leniency. As I believe I said in one of my responses, he is living day to day, can't think beyond it, and that's why I refuse to sit down and actually plan with him. :/ This will be a huge transformation for him, too, and he will not be the same person a year from now. On top of that, I refuse to be a reason to stress him out when he needs to think about how he's going to budget in dinner, frankly. My mother grieved heavily for two years. For two years, she was completely absent and turned to alcoholism and isolation instead of reaching out. What that taught me is that my SO could be handling it worse - he's actually quite open to feeling and processing his emotions and talking them out when he has them - and also that grief takes time. His grief is not a problem. I have no desire to control it or even help him work through it more than he is. I am able to understand that he's at where he's at and that's why I won't push him even by asking him not to criticise my country when that wasn't my point. xD But I won't lie and say that our moods often mesh, and when I'm happy and he's depressed and I want to share something happy and he doesn't want to say more than one word in response to anything, it's hard to deal with. I have learned not to take his grief personally, but it is sometimes a lot to deal with.

I really admire the way you take the time to REALLY reply to everyone personally, its very in-depth and makes it feel like each post is very much valued

!

I was actually worried that my post was a bit harsh in some ways, I'm glad you saw it in the way it was supposed to be taken. Sometimes I have to say that exact thing to myself, I do know how you are feeling.. sometimes you feel like you NEED to know how every single thing is going to go, but I just try to tell myself what I posted to you, it's been something about myself that I really have had to work on.. and I continually have to work on it, sometimes we just need a kind of jolt back into the moment I guess.

Grief is insanely hard to deal with.. I have a lot of respect for you to be with someone who has just gone through losing their mother.. and at such a young age at that. My Grandmother died just last year and my Grandfather not long after her. It put our family into a very stressful and upsetting place, I think though my mum has dealt VERY well with losing her mum, it has taken quite a lot of time for us to get back into a normal place with life and you really just will never be quite the same once you've lost someone, I guess your SO just needs to find that mental balance - having a hole in your life where they should be but being happy within your life on a daily basis. It will come.

I honestly think with the WHV you both will grow so much - I'm excited for you! and even for your trip thats coming up very soon, everything is slowly looking up

Announcement

Feeling the Distance. Antsy About the Future. Grief Is Hard.

Feeling the Distance. Antsy About the Future. Grief Is Hard.

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