Feeling the Distance. Antsy About the Future. Grief Is Hard.

[Haley53]

@Jazi - I do value people taking the time to respond to, and even simply read (I'm aware I'm not the most concise person around), what I have to say. I feel like if I'm writing for advice, I should be prepared to give the same amount of time and respect to others as they're giving me.

I don't feel like your post was harsh. Sometimes you need to hear what you don't want to hear. While it would be great if I could hear from everyone "oh, it will be fine! Look at all your options! *hands them over on a silver platter," sometimes the reality check is equally as appreciated. As someone who can get a little bit high strung, I need it sometimes too.

I remember when my grandmother passed away. A lot happened, a lot changed, and I feel like it's been both an advantage (I can empathise more than someone who's never been through it) and a disadvantage (I have been more lenient, in the past, with certain behaviours I never should have okay'ed) that I went through it. I do empathise with your loss and feel for your family, because I'm well aware that even if one handles it well, that doesn't change the fact that your world is, more or less, temporarily turned upside down. Luckily, having been through it personally, I also know that it gets better. Things eventually do reach a point of normalcy and though you have to find a new groove, you do eventually find one. I'll be patient with my SO until that point.

In the meantime, I woke up feeling a lot better and everyone here has made me feel better as well.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with the general 'relax' theme going on here.
Eclaire, there are going to be so many opportunities that could take you anywhere. Things will happen that you can't plan for, because you can't possibly anticipate them happening. (I bet that's a scary thought for you, heh. :P )
Things rarely turn out how you plan them. Plans are about as accurate as fortune telling. Enjoy being young, and in love, and still free enough to pursue anything you want wherever it is you want it.
Worry about the things that you can do something about today, not next year, because otherwise your hair will fall out due to stress. And I'm sure you have lovely hair that you don't want to lose.
Yep, didn't really have much else to add, just offering a bit of support.

[Haley53]

Thank you.

I don't do well without plans, and even if I can recognise them as false illusions, they still often make me feel more secure. I have been through a lot, most of it unexpected, which has honestly only reinforced this part of me. As a child I was always told I was being silly and needing to stop worrying and not always be so cautious etc. and yet at 12, it was worrying and stressing that either prepared me [somewhat] for what happened or got me through the situation. Having been through an unexpected worst, it's difficult not to plan, because if I plan, I can at least think about worst case scenarios and be aware that they exist, even if I could never possibly conjure up everything that could happen. I am working on not worrying about it, however, and on trying to stay involved in the present moment with this one as best as I can.