Not Sure How to Handle This Situation?

[Haley53]

I have around a couple grand saved up for my two month trip to see my SO, or will, by the time I leave. We had planned a trip to Galway since I wanted to see it last time but we hardly got to see everything in Dublin! We had also planned to do the Hawk Walk for my birthday. I asked him if he would be willing to take the money he wanted to spend on a ring and put it towards something we could do together to celebrate, and since we were both interested in the Hawk Walk, I have a feeling I'm going to want to put the money towards that and have a lovely day in Galway either after or before.

However, my cat has fallen ill and what we thought was an upper respiratory infection... probably isn't. :/ We're currently trying a second round of antibiotics and an antihistamine in the hopes it's either remnants of an infection or allergies, but if neither help, then it's going to require a series of tests, not limited to a blood panel and x-rays. It's possible he has polyps, or something worse, and the treatment could easily drain my bank account. Thing is that I'm not sure how to tell my SO this. While he may be more financially well off at that point, I would feel massively guilty not contributing even to our meals or to groceries, and given that my funding would be so limited, we would have to scrap many of our plans.

I'm trying not to worry, but money is often a huge stressor for me. It's summer, so while I will have students sparingly, it's not like when I'm working during the school year and have 20 hours a week to stand on. Not treating my cat is not an option, and if he needs a blood panel, he's getting one. He'll get whatever he needs to be better, but I'm not sure how to approach this situation with my partner. I'll still be going on the trip, but how do you tell your partner that there's a possibility you won't have money for the trip? What would you do in this situation?

ETA: I also want to note that up until a week ago, I was only financially responsible for my dog. My mother randomly decided that I would be fronting all the veterinary bills at the vet's office, so while I will do it and while I don't find it unfair, I was completely caught off guard. Already I have spent $200+ and if this does not work, it's another $200+ simply for the blood panel... so I'm stressed out completely because it's very possible I could go with nothing depending on what turns out is actually wrong with Kitty. :/

[kirbycat]

I don't know what else you could do besides just tell him straight up. It's not like you're just choosing to spend your money on something else; this is something you have to pay for. I assume he'll be understanding of how important it is to you to have your cat treated?

I guess it's up to how you and your SO feel, but if it were me in this situation, I would feel way too guilty expecting my SO to pick up the slack for a significant amount of expenses. If he were to put a little more into groceries and such necessities, I'd be okay with that, but I wouldn't want him to be covering the full cost for a daylong/overnight excursion somewhere. However, that would really suck to have to cancel a big part of your trip that you've been looking forward to for so long. Could you maybe do some kind of negotiating, and work out a deal where he covered more of the finances, and you contributing in some other way? I don't know what that might look like, though. I guess it depends on exactly how tight his own budget is.

I hope you guys find a way to make it all happen! And I hope your cat gets healthy soon!

[Softy]

I'll still be going on the trip, but how do you tell your partner that there's a possibility you won't have money for the trip? What would you do in this situation?

Well my bf was suppose to come here like now-ish, this week.
He had planned it in January.

But a few weeks ago he told me he couldn't come to see me right now.
Because 1st of all his boss refused to give him his vacation time (he said he can take them later but not now).
Plus he's strapped for money at the moment.

I must admit that when he told me he wasn't coming to see me, I was crushed (at the moment).
I was sad because I miss him so much.
But, I'm an adult, I understand that things in life don't always go according to plan.
And I know he loves me as much as I do.
So, a lil bump in the road is not making me quit.

I think your man will understand

/hugs

[Haley53]

@kirbycat - The situation is difficult. He did say that if the roles were reversed (I paid for everything in March, including his plane fare over), he would do the same for me that I did for him, but I'm not sure I'm... okay with it. I don't mean to sound arrogant but I never expected that that would happen because I have a well-paying job and am usually pretty set for my trips and for over the summer based on my savings, but you can't plan for these things, naturally. :/ And at this point, the only money he will have is his mother's life insurance money, so while I would probably deal with him paying for groceries (maybe we could put more effort into eating at home/making meals together, since we both love to do it), I would not want that money being spent on our stay in Galway, simply because that's money for him and his brother.

I suppose you're right, though. The only way to handle the situation is to tell him straight up. He is completely understanding and he's well aware of how much my cat means to me (I swear, he treated the cat almost better than me when he was over ) and likely would not advocate me not getting my cat the treatment even if I tried. I suppose there's always next year, but it's a massive disappointment. I don't want him to feel the same surge of disappointment that I do, and I don't want to convey my disappointment, either, because I don't want him offering to pay for things. My only concern is that really to do anything, it's going to cost money. Even little things like taking the train... I guess all I can do is talk to him about it.

@softy - I'm sorry to hear that. That's unfortunate. :/ He did tell me when booking originally that he did not want money to be an item. He told me that he didn't want me to base the length of my stay on what I could afford because he would work it out for me. I guess I simply didn't want it to have to come to that. He's surviving week to week providing for him and his brother (he had to pass up going out a couple weeks ago because he didn't even have money to take the train...) and I guess I was really hoping I didn't want to add to that. I could use my credit card, but I don't want to go into debt over this. I could ask for a loan from my mother, but I'm not sure she has the money either. I suppose I need to trust that it's going to work out and that he'll understand, but argh. He has been gone all day for a friend's party, so I won't get to talk to him until late tomorrow, probably. It's shit having to sit on this feeling until then.

ETA: I also want to note that I have a history of abuse based on financial dependence (school) with my grandfather, who uses that hold on me to pull strings frequently, and it also came with strings attached in my last relationship, so providing for myself has always been a way of keeping myself safe/out of even the mere possibility of my situation.

[sewbama]

I often worry about telling my SO bad news, but he usually takes it so well and encourages me. I'm sure your SO will understand. You're obviously trying very hard, and saving as much as you can. Things come up. That's life. Whatever you do, don't tell him ahead of time that you have bad news. Just bring it up. Tell him kitty is sick and may need expensive treatment. You're being responsible. He'll recognize and appreciate it.

[Haley53]

He's aware that Kitty has seen the vet twice now, but keeps reassuring me that Kitty will be fine. I suppose that's why I'm so nervous. The focus has been on making me feel better about my cat and making sure I don't fall apart because they've mentioned some pretty serious things and I cannot lose this cat that I don't think he's had time to think about the cost or that it might effect our trip. :/ I doubt he'd be angry over it. He never is, and money and my financial state means very little to him beyond when can I see him again, but thank you. I don't usually preface things. I prefer to come out and say them. I guess it's a matter of waiting til he's online to do it.

[lucybelle]

Is there a vet school around you where they could do the work for cheaper? I'm not sure if it works like that for vets but when my SO needed a root canal while in the USA (he was obviously uninsured) we took him to a dental school where he got it done for a fraction of the price.

[Haley53]

Is there a vet school around you where they could do the work for cheaper? I'm not sure if it works like that for vets but when my SO needed a root canal while in the USA (he was obviously uninsured) we took him to a dental school where he got it done for a fraction of the price.

I actually never thought of this. I'll look into it. Thank you!

[Haley53]

So he ended up popping online to tell me he loved me and to say goodnight and I told him then. He said he completely understands and we'll work it out and ended up saying "poor baby ):" in response to my cat being ill and is hoping he gets better soon/quickly right along with me. Thank you everyone for your advice. Am not sure why I was so concerned. Closing the thread now.