SOs hanging out with their exes

[Haley53]

I never used to mind my SO hanging out with his (most recent) ex...until she started sending him very inappropriate text messages...it started a huge fight between us, and ended up with us agreeing that it'd be best if we don't hang out with ex's to try and prevent this from happening again!

I think it really depends on the ex though. Do you trust HER?

Being honest, if someone is acting inappropriately, the SO should be capable of handling the situation. My SO does not flirt and has asserted that he has a girlfriend when people have acted inappropriately. We both have no issue cutting anyone out of our lives if they start acting inappropriately and disrespecting the relationship and our boundaries. If the ex started acting inappropriately, and the SO didn't stop her, that's an issue with the SO, not the ex. While the ex would be in the wrong for trying to cross a very clear line, the partner would be in the wrong for allowing it to happen or encouraging it to happen. It takes two to tango, so trusting your partner is really all that's necessary, as they should be capable of saying "no" and backing out of an inappropriate situation.

[Zephii]

In a safe public place, or in a group? Sure, I guess so.

Obi only really has one ex, and he never loved her. He spent most of their relationship talking to me (not flirting mind, he was very proper.) I wouldn't care if they hung out, I'm mate on facebook with her . But his other ex's? Well, they were just fuck buddies, and friendships based on sex don't make me comfortable once I'm there putting a stop to that outcome So, in a safe public place and likely I'll invite myself along too! Not because I don't trust him, more to suss out his safety/stake a claim/ get a feel for the other person.

I feel nothing but repulsion for my ex, so I imagine he feels about the same for his

[notyourexgirlfriend]

That would be one of those dealbreakers people keep talking about.

[LeilaniJoi]

My SO is friends with most of his ex's and i don't have a problem with that but they don't hang out. There was one that i put my foot down about because while i believe it was innocent on his part, on her part i didn't think that was the case. That one in fact already proved she had no scruples about breaking up a relationship because she did it before. I felt she was using him for emotional support and flirting and he was being nice. After he established ground rules and told her straight up he was involved seriously with someone she continued flirting and playing on his sympathies. When he realized how strongly i felt about it he cut communications with her altogether. Of course, i got my say into her as well about trying to mess with guys that were in a relationship.

I guess it would have been better but she was hiding the chats from her boyfriend too. So if it was innocent on her part she shouldn't have to hide it. Innocent my butt. Grrrr....

[corrda00]

One of my closest friends is an ex. Mind you we only dated for a week or so, so Im not sure if that counts.
She's also my piano teacher ironicly.

I don't see anything wrong with it. Im friends with most of my exes, and besides I wouldn't date anyone unless I was completely over them anyways.

[XxFranticLovexX]

I'm kinda on the other side of this one. I still live with my ex.
We were friends before we got together and we are still friends now. I have no interest in being with him in any way other than the friend/room mate type situation and I do go out and do things with him quite often. It's honestly just a close friendship that we have formed over the years (I have known him for 6-7 years and we we together 4-5 of those).
My so knows about him, the living situation, that we hang out together, and everything. I hide nothing from him because I wouldn't want him to hide it from me.. and if it really is innocent then there is nothing to hide. Alternately, he also knows about my so and I don't hide that from him (that would seem suspicious to me as well). He is one of my closest friends and I really wouldn't want my current bf to get upset because I talk to him.

On the other hand, I also wouldn't mind if he wanted to hang out with any of his ex's either if he wanted to.. well, except one, but that's because she didn't even want us to be friends and kept accusing him of cheating on her with me (I was with my ex and I don't cheat), so I'll just be content with returning the favor to her. ;D

Honestly, if you trust him and he was honest with you about it and everything then there probably is nothing to worry about, people with ill/alternate intentions usually try to hide things.

[Romeo s Juliet]

No, my SO would never do that, and if a emergency situation comes as such he would let me know and we both would go together to see an ex.

[Malaga]

I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be OK with this. Maybe it's about being strong enough, but I know I'm not. Thankfully he only had one relationship before me and although they remained civil, they're not hanging out or catching up. As he said, some people he just has no time for. I think this is a healthy approach and I treat my exes about the same.

When I was 16 I briefly dated a schoolmate (for about 3 months). It was sort of puppy love, we never went further than 2nd base and after a certain getting-over-it period post breakup we reverted to being mates. We continued to hang out in the same social circle after graduation, with no residue feelings whatsoever. (We all lost contact in the last few years.) I'm reluctant to call him my ex for a brief fling 13 years ago, when we've been mates for much longer. The whole fling seems like it happened to some other people, in retrospect. If my boyfriend had a similar situation, I'd probably feel a bit better about it. But if he wanted to meet up with his ex whom he had an adult relationship with and even lived with for over 4 years, that wouldn't go down well with me at all.

[DemonxOisin]

DEFINITELY depends on the ex. Miguel and the girlfriend that he had been with for a year and a half before meeting me, ended things cordially because he was moving to Canada, and neither one was interested in an LDR. They wanted to stay friends though, and that was fine with me. They still are good friends to this day, and both have moved on with their love lives. I´ve met her, and she´s not really someone I like that much, but I can see that she´s not a threat to our relationship, so I don´t mind the two of them staying in touch, especially after caring so much about each other for such a long time.

The girl that Miguel broke up with me for (for only like 2 weeks) however is definitely a complete no-no. He has a lot of restrictions with her, gradually increasing as life allows (She was part of his social group when he came back to me, so it wasn´t possible to just STOP seeing her... Now, he lives in a different city, and their friendship is reduced to the rare facebook message.) She was like, in love with him, and was a bit of a scumbag (she knew we were together but had no problem fucking him -.-) I don´t trust her one bit, and I´m quite happy to kick her out of our life.

So as you can see from my examples, it just depends on who the ex is, and what were the circumstances surrounding the break up, and how their relationship is now I guess.

[spaztastic3343]

I wouldnt be ok with it, I'd be afraid of feelings coming back to the surface and something happening between them that could ruin our relationship

[Caitlin2009]

ehhhh......2 of her ex's were abusive so i would be downright terrified if she did meet up with them, thankfully one of them is in prison. the one night stand people i would be pissy about, and i would be even more pissy if she hung out with her ex that even though he treated her good, they were in love with each other to the point where they talked marriage so i wouldnt be happy about it

[Zapookie]

I don't think I'd be OK with him hanging out with his ex. I would probably want to be there if they were to hang out. I know that she has a boyfriend but that didn't stop her from being all up in his business...

[Softy]

Would i let him? yes, i ain't his mom neither am a police or officer.
He's a free man.

Would i like it? Not really no.
I can't lie and say i wouldn't be bothered by it.

He used to hang out with an 'ex', they stayed friends.
That being said at some point that ex did find out about me and she didn't like it.
She even contacted me to tell me to buzz off.
This did stir some anger and discomfort i may say.
Did have a talk with my bf and it almost got the end of us.

Now he doesn't hang out with her anymore (from what he said).
I do have to trust him and hoping he chooses me over an 'ex'.

Also my bf is good looking, quite hot yes.
So i just have to let go, love and trust him and the rest is in his hands.

[Secrecy]

For most of his exes, I don't think I'd really care because he didn't really have any intense feelings for any of them, and I don't think that'd carry over to anything now. He doesn't really express any interest in seeing any of them anyways. I think he was with the longest one for about four months, and we've been together for three times as long as that, so that has to count for something. The only one I'd actually at all be concerned about him seeing is actually someone he's never officially dated at all. He had INTENSE feelings for her for a long, long time. Ironically enough, it was her that kinda brought us together, because he went to visit her before we were together one day, and got really bummed when she made mention of a boyfriend. He got on his phone just to tell me he really needed cuddles, and I was like. "Well I can't do that, but I sure can e-cuddle you." And when he got back home, we talked about it. From that point forward I realized how much I really cared about him, and that it said something that he came to ME for comfort. Soon after, I decided to ask him out, and he said yes. Kind of backwards I know, hah hah!

But she's out of his life now. He's told me he's successfully rid her from his life and mind, deleted all her contact info, etc. It was just some really strong attraction for her that eventually began to wane over time, especially after he met me. But I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't feel somewhat insecure if he started talking to her again because of how deep his feelings for her was at the time. I trust him, but I'm also kind of a person who is easily a nervous wreck, you know? hah hah.

[Adora]

I wouldn't like it one little bit, but then I'm a bit jealous and insecure like that. However he did tell you, he's not hiding anything. But yeah I kinda get what you mean. You trust him my lovely, I'm sure everything will be fine x