Dirty Laundry - Rehab

[Manoek]

After 7 months I'm finally gonna see my SO again... At least.. That was what I thought.

I haven't spoken to my SO for the last week. But because I'm training a lot, and working I'm really tired in the evening I didn't care. I send him text messages of how I was doing. Everything was ok! I also knew he was working for his aunt, so if he didn't pick up when I called I wasn't worried.

So yesterday I called him again, no answer, but I wanted to talk to someone, so I called his mom, no answer, ok, I just call his dad. At this point it was 4 pm in Utah. I got a hold of his dad and it sounded like I was waking him up. So I asked if he was ok. He told me that he was really stressed, I asked him why?!

He hesitated and then said: I checked D (my SO) into rehab this morning..

My jaw dropped...

I asked him: you are kidding me, I said it a couple of times.. You got to be fucking kidding me!?

His dad could barely talk.. And I was just in shock.. I asked a bunch of questions, but his dad wasn't really able to answer them. And because I was still processing it I told him I would call him back tomorrow.

So I texted his sister if she knew anything and if I could call her. So I talked to her, and she told me D looked like crap lately. I guess I knew in the back of my mind...

D got arrested earlier this year for possession of drugs. But after that he was changing his life! I'm no angel, I did stuff, and D loves me because I've been through stuff, I know it, and he was always so happy that he could tell me ANYTHING and I wouldn't judge him.

And now I find out that he lied the last couple of months...

And I had no idea. I was clueless.. Untill last week.. Last week when I talked to him he was like he was on drugs.. Annoying! But I didn't ask him I he was, I was scared for the answer.. In denial.

So.. What now!? I'm gonna go there next Saturday (Sunday is my birthday) for 3,5 weeks. I paid 1200 dollars to see him.. And he is not going to be there..

He is in detox right now and that takes about 10 days... After that, I have no idea.. His sister and mom told me they would make sure I have a good time when I'm there, but im just numb..

I just don't know how to feel, I guess most of all I'm pissed off!! I really think that when I see him I will punch him in his face!

Why!?

[mofet]

I am so sorry that this happened to you.
Of course it's not your fault, and you've got to make the best of things.
I don't know how rehab works, but are you sure you can't see him?
He lied and it's horrible, and this is a clear example of how selfish actions end up hurting the people you love.
I think he was embarrassed about his drug use, and he felt too weak, a complete coward.
There's really nothing for you to do, but maybe you can go and see his family and have a good time in the USA on your own.

[Manoek]

I'm not sure.. They probably have visiting hours or something..

It just sucks because I told him that he should talk to someone.. Because he can be pretty depressed.. And he choose to do it this way..

I don't know what this means for our future.. Can I deal with this..

His family is amazing, and we get along great, they are my family! so they are there for me, and will make my trip as fun as possible.. But I just really am so worried...

Worried about EVERYTHING!

I decided that I will take it one day at the time. And don't think to much about what will happen after the 3 weeks I'm there.. But it's hard.. It's so hard.. :'(

[alesitag]

I can definitely relate to your story.

My ex (formerly known as my SO) told me about problems he had with drug abuse a couple of years ago and how he got out of it.

He was really happy he could talk to me without being judged. The one thing he didnt tell me right from the start was he is an alcoholic and havent been able to quit drinking.

Just like you, i kinda knew after a phone call where he was completely drunk... The next day, when he said he didnt remember a thing about our conversation, i knew for sure, but chose to ignore it.

In my mind, i was so ready to put up with this and be there for him at all cost... I wasnt giving up on him... On us... Then HE decided i shouldnt have to go through this and broke up with me. I couldnt believe he chose to sink in his misery all by himself instead of let me fight this situation with him... God knows i still cant, and he has realized that toi, but it is a bit too late now.

My only advice is, go there as you planned, spend time with his family and wait till you see and talk to him. Thats the moment of truth... I think only then youll be able to see if you can handle this or not.

PM me if you want to talk...

Hugs & Kisses

[Irina_Linn]

I can definitely relate to your story.

My only advice is, go there as you planned, spend time with his family and wait till you see and talk to him. Thats the moment of truth... I think only then youll be able to see if you can handle this or not.


Hugs & Kisses

i totally agree...i think his family will really help you spend time great and btw,mom and sister-kinda girl's day so i guess ur Bday shud go well i know you are worried about ur guy and everything but just wait and if you can,talk to him.even tho i never experienced such things,i think you are able to figure out what he is upto when you talk.i mean if he really regrets or if he is lying....but yes why not go and have fun only because of your SO actions...you also gotta think about urself,you cant carry all his problms on your shoulders.yes u gotta support him but at times we have to find time for ourselves right

[elina]

Wow.. I was shocked to read this. So sorry all this has happened to you That's a pretty big thing to keep a secret, you have every right to be angry, especially when you were just about to visit him. Though I guess if it'd got out of control a while ago, there's nothing he could've done to stop.

Could you get a refund if you didn't go? Maybe you could make the trip shorter and change the flights? I'm glad you get along with your SO's family, and if you decide to go, you'll have people to support you and be there for you.

Keep us updated, yeah? Sending you lots of good thoughts *hugs*

[Manoek]

I can definitely relate to your story.

My ex (formerly known as my SO) told me about problems he had with drug abuse a couple of years ago and how he got out of it.

He was really happy he could talk to me without being judged. The one thing he didnt tell me right from the start was he is an alcoholic and havent been able to quit drinking.

Just like you, i kinda knew after a phone call where he was completely drunk... The next day, when he said he didnt remember a thing about our conversation, i knew for sure, but chose to ignore it.

In my mind, i was so ready to put up with this and be there for him at all cost... I wasnt giving up on him... On us... Then HE decided i shouldnt have to go through this and broke up with me. I couldnt believe he chose to sink in his misery all by himself instead of let me fight this situation with him... God knows i still cant, and he has realized that toi, but it is a bit too late now.

My only advice is, go there as you planned, spend time with his family and wait till you see and talk to him. Thats the moment of truth... I think only then youll be able to see if you can handle this or not.

PM me if you want to talk...

Hugs & Kisses

i totally agree...i think his family will really help you spend time great and btw,mom and sister-kinda girl's day so i guess ur Bday shud go well i know you are worried about ur guy and everything but just wait and if you can,talk to him.even tho i never experienced such things,i think you are able to figure out what he is upto when you talk.i mean if he really regrets or if he is lying....but yes why not go and have fun only because of your SO actions...you also gotta think about urself,you cant carry all his problms on your shoulders.yes u gotta support him but at times we have to find time for ourselves right

Thanks for the reply,.. I'm not even sure yet what I want to do with 'us'.. I just want to see him, and talk to him face to face..

I can't believe this is happening.. I just saw our whole future change...

---------- Post added at 10:03 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:58 AM ----------

Wow.. I was shocked to read this. So sorry all this has happened to you That's a pretty big thing to keep a secret, you have every right to be angry, especially when you were just about to visit him. Though I guess if it'd got out of control a while ago, there's nothing he could've done to stop.

Could you get a refund if you didn't go? Maybe you could make the trip shorter and change the flights? I'm glad you get along with your SO's family, and if you decide to go, you'll have people to support you and be there for you.

Keep us updated, yeah? Sending you lots of good thoughts *hugs*

I'm still going.. I can't cancel/change my flight, or my vacation days from work... I'm still excited to go.. I don't know.. excited is problably not the right word for it... But I just really want to go see his family, and talk to him face to face about this.

It just sucks because D is really the one guy in my life that i trusted! And I still do on a certain level.. But he kept this from me. And I know its the drugs and depression, but I just really can't believe he lied to me alllllll this time... How can I ever trust him, especially in a LDR..

[lala]

maybe he was embarassed that it happened to him again.. and he didn't want you to worry.. yes that's totally stupid!but maybe he just wanted to protect you.. people do many weird things..
I think the most important is that you talk to him face to face..

...I'm still shoked about that...

[dglynn77]

I'm so sorry to hear this! Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

[AliDance]

Wow, that's crazy. I'm sorry that's how you had to find out! At least his family is being supportive, and you can spend time with them when you're up. I know it's not the same at all, but hopefully in the long run this will all be for the better if he comes out clean! *hugs*

[MissButterfly]

Wow... I don't really know what to say, but I'm very sorry this happened! At least you'll have a great time there with his family, and I hope you get to spend some time with your SO of course. This must be so difficult, I'll keep you in my thoughts!

Stay strong, het komt wel goed schatje!

[alesitag]

It just sucks because D is really the one guy in my life that i trusted! And I still do on a certain level.. But he kept this from me. And I know its the drugs and depression, but I just really can't believe he lied to me alllllll this time... How can I ever trust him, especially in a LDR..

I understand how you feel. My ex is also dealing with depression and it goes along with his alcoholism.

It sucks knowing he lied to you (or chose not to tell you about his problem) and of course your trust has been destroyed at some point. It is now a matter of deciding whether you can build that trust again or not.

I'm glad you decided to go anyway. Have fun, enjoy your holiday and never hesitate to ask for a straight answer from him when you get to see him because you deserve it.

Please, keep us updated.

[Manoek]

Thanks everyone for the support.. I wouldn't know what to do without you, I just can't tell people at work.. I just can't, so it's nice to talk to you guys!

His dad just send me a message if I could call him asap. It kinda scared me, but a couple of minutes later he send another message that he wants to bring me up to date. But I'm scared for what I may hear..

I think I'm gonna finish my glass of wine, and call him.. -__-

[charly]

Oh god, what a nightmare for you! Hope you still have sort of a good time there, the 2 of you can overcome this, if you have already survived 7 months of separation Stay strong!

[Manoek]

Thanks charly.

So I talked to his dad. He told me that it was D his own choice to go to rehab, and that they have been talking about it since Tuesday. He is free to go when ever he want to, and because he is still there I guess he really want to get off it.

I don't know, I have to see it to believe it and won't trust anything he is saying at this point. His dad had a lot to tell, but all I can say was: yea, yes, Uhu.. Etc.. I'm just still really pissed!

So he is going to stay there for the next 8 days (I'm going there next Saturday). And after that they are going to see if he is going to stay there for the treatment or at home. Of course going home isnt maybe the smartest thing to do, but seeing him in there, not able to lay down with him and just 'be together' that is going to be killing.

The people of the rehab center told his dad to clean out his whole room, so he is going to do that and I can maybe stay there. And some other days at his moms place or his sisters..

His dad speaks so highly of me, and that im so amazing and blablabla.. And all I can think of is: "I don't know if I can deal with this LD."

I think D takes me for granted. And I Definitley do love him unconditionally! For me the deal breaker is that he didn't tell me.

I couldn't have done anything about it, but he should've just told me!!