I feel like my boyfriend died

[Jezah]

I posted part of this on my other thread
-----------

HBB has been going back and forth on a promise he made to me, long time ago he promised he was coming for the summer. Yet his parents convinced him if he did, he was ruining his own life because he wouldn't be able to join the army and get a job till he got back. Its BS...but he believed it. After 3 sways back and forth, promising me he was coming then changing his mind, rinse repeat. He allowed himself to be swayed one last final time, and he cancelled the tickets. I am crushed, and more so because of how he did it. He called, and his words were "Jess, no don't say a word. I am simply calling quickly to tell you I cancelled the tickets, I'm not coming and I love you. I will call later" and he hung up and is now ignoring me. Mainly because he is a coward and knows he would have had to take, my very justified, tears. Now I cannot get ahold of him, and what does 'later' mean? Next week? I am so hurt and confused, and I really think this is the end of us. I ripped down all his posts its, packed all his gifts into a memory box and shoved it in the back of my closet. I feel so wrecked, I don't know the man who has been doing this...acting like this, and it breaks my heart. His dad has brainwashed him into some semblance of a man I used to know, but cruel and selfish. I just want my HBB back, I am sitting her sobbing, helpless because I feel like today I saw the man I loved for over a year die.

[Haley53]

I said this on your other thread. I don't have anything to add, other than massive hugs, again, and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

[Kiyama]

I don't know what to say but that I feel really sorry for what you have to go through right now I had hoped so much he would come round or at least come visit for bit as a compromise. Sending you hugs. Stay strong!

[Yaaamiii]

I'm so sorry. When he finally does contact you, try to stay calm. I know it's easier said than done, but if his parents see you become upset about the situation, it will only add to their disapproval of you. From what I understand about HBB, he may end up telling his parents how you reacted, which isn't something you want. (Hope I didn't get that wrong! Sorry if I misunderstood this about him.)Sending hugs =(.

[Honeypie]

He did not die he's a coward big difference ..... Actually he's a HUGE coward for not wanting you to talk & not sticking around to hear anything that you had to say. I'd be more mad then sad about the situation.

If he is able to let others beside for him that he souldn't go visit you then I really think he's a big child & is not grown enough to be in an adult relationship.

Maybe this is for the best .... sorry you're hurting

[Kanga]

He did not die he's a coward big difference ..... Actually he's a HUGE coward for not wanting you to talk & not sticking around to hear anything that you had to say. I'd be more mad then sad about the situation.

If he is able to let others beside for him that he souldn't go visit you then I really think he's a big child & is not grown enough to be in an adult relationship.

Maybe this is for the best .... sorry you're hurting

I agree 100% with the bolded. He didn't give you an explanation just a brief hi and bye. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but it does sound like it may be for the best.

[Malaga]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's a really nasty way to end things. I know it's hard to see it at this moment, but I do think this is for the best. I wish you all the best xx

[prinzeza87]

im sorry to hear this sweetheart , i hope and im sure with time everything will fall in place and become better with or without him.

[Kristin91]

(HUGS) I hope things work out for you, and if you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a PM

[Jezah]

Its 10:15 my time and 3:17am his time...and no call and no answering of my txts. He has cut contact, and I didn't think he would do it for so long. I am just torn up inside, I have no closure, no explanation, nothing.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I've got no answers but I feel for you. I've read your other thread post and really wish your SO could've come to a compromise. Hang in there (hugs).

[Jezah]

I will be reading this letter to him whenever he calls

________

I feel really hurt, because all this time I relied on one thing, knowing you. I thought I knew you inside
and out, upside down and rightside up...then today you did something that does not fit with anything I know
of you. If someone had told me you did this, I would laugh and tell them they had the wrong person. The Rob
I know is devoted to his girlfriend, said some of his best times were when he was with her, wanted to be
back with her ASAP, would never betray or lie to her and always tried his hardest to comfort her when she
needed it. So if someone told me you broke a promise to your girlfriend, then lied about it to make her feel
better only to break it again in a abrupt cold phone call before cutting contact...I would never ever have
believed it. That is not the man I fell in love with.

So that said, what am I left to do. I cannot trust you, that I know. No matter how much you say you are
sorry and how much you promise to never lie again...the trust is gone and never again will I ever feel
secure in this relationship. I knew you were being shady nearly all weekend and mentioned it, but again,
until now I never believed you could ever be dishonest and lie to me so I brushed it off. Now I look back
and it terrifys me the ease with which you lied to me and let me get so cute and excited when you knew you
were just going to go home and break my heart. If you can do that, who is to say what you wouldn't do. How
cold you were on the phone when you knew those words were bound to cause me such excrutiating pain, it
chills me. It chills me that you can love someone then stab them with words and walk away while they bleed.

My night has been horribe, I feel like this is a bad nightmare and I want to wake up so badly. Wake up to a
world where I was still HBB's everything, and he was mine. Before you did this and broke something so
perfect in such a way that It will never fit back together right. I would give anything to have the security
back of knowing the my HBB loved me above all else, that he would never let anyone talk him into hurting me
no matter how convincing their argument.

That time is gone, and now I have this broken heart and I can't even talk to you about it, I can't even find
out what changed, what I did wrong to make you not love me enough. I looked back, and I know something
happened, either I was too mean or too forward...or maybe too fat and icky lately....but something changed
that adoring love you had for me. Because that love, when you had it, you would have walked on anyone to get
to me. Now a few lectures from friends and family and you change everything, destroy everything.

I don't understand, and I don't think you ever could ask me too. This was the wrong decision, and you will
see that in time. You bended to do what others wanted despite what you wanted, and you ripped me apart doing
it. You took my blind loving loyalty and raped it and left it in the dirt, not even caring how much it hurt.
All because...what? All because you got talked into some scheme that is supposedly going to make your life
great? Well, have fun with that while the one person who stood by your through all of it limps off into the
distance broken in so many ways and feeling used. I do not want this future anymore, not at this price. My
love and trust for you was more valuable than any job you think you might get, yet you didn't see or
recognize that. You broke us, we were beautiful, passion matching passion but never being burned up because
our love kept it stable. We trusted each other, and we were so fucking PERFECT. Now that will never ever be
again, even if we stay together, this piece of me...the trusting part, is broken forever. I will never trust
anyone again, especially not you.

[LittleVari]

Stop being so dramatic. All your posts here read like Russian novels. How many times have you posted about some minor situation that you've blown up into signs of The End? You act like what he did today came as a total shock. But you just posted yesterday that you feared he would do this! You knew it was in him, and what's more this isn't the first time his parents have swayed his choices. To anyone who has followed your posts this year, his actions are completely in character. The question is, why do you have such trouble admitting that?

You guys have posted about being excited by fighting, you have constant crossed wires on communication, you admit to breaking up with your SO whenever things don't go your way, and you continually paint yourself as a victim. The one common thread in all this is that you seem to thrive on drama. You look for things to get upset over the declare the relationship cannot recover, only to get back together with him.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but this situation is as much your making as it is his, and the really sad thing is you'll probably never see your part in it and so will not learn anything from it.

I don't mean to be harsh, but other people here are being kind because you're hurting, and they aren't doing you any favors by pretending this is all HHB'S fault (btw, if you want him to act like a man, stop calling him a boy). You are you're own worst enemy. You're dating a flake and a coward who for some reason allows himself to be pushed around by his parents. That doesn't make him a horrible person, but you've known this about him for awhile, so you're at fault for ignoring who he really is in favor of building up some perfect version of who you wanted him to be. The only thing that died today was the false image you held of him.

I'm sure you'll take this entire message as an attack, and that's too bad, because I'm a former drama queen and I've made the same mistakes. But still, here is my best advice: Learn that drama doesn't equal passion and is usually a relationship killer, stop building people into heroes and relationships into romance novels, and stop with the games. And for goodness sake, start being accountable for your own happiness.

Hope you feel better soon.

[BabyDimples]

Stop being so dramatic. All your posts here read like Russian novels. How many times have you posted about some minor situation that you've blown up into signs of The End? You act like what he did today came as a total shock. But you just posted yesterday that you feared he would do this! You knew it was in him, and what's more this isn't the first time his parents have swayed his choices. To anyone who has followed your posts this year, his actions are completely in character. The question is, why do you have such trouble admitting that?

You guys have posted about being excited by fighting, you have constant crossed wires on communication, you admit to breaking up with your SO whenever things don't go your way, and you continually paint yourself as a victim. The one common thread in all this is that you seem to thrive on drama. You look for things to get upset over the declare the relationship cannot recover, only to get back together with him.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but this situation is as much your making as it is his, and the really sad thing is you'll probably never see your part in it and so will not learn anything from it.

I don't mean to be harsh, but other people here are being kind because you're hurting, and they aren't doing you any favors by pretending this is all HHB'S fault (btw, if you want him to act like a man, stop calling him a boy). You are you're own worst enemy. You're dating a flake and a coward who for some reason allows himself to be pushed around by his parents. That doesn't make him a horrible person, but you've known this about him for awhile, so you're at fault for ignoring who he really is in favor of building up some perfect version of who you wanted him to be. The only thing that died today was the false image you held of him.

I'm sure you'll take this entire message as an attack, and that's too bad, because I'm a former drama queen and I've made the same mistakes. But still, here is my best advice: Learn that drama doesn't equal passion and is usually a relationship killer, stop building people into heroes and relationships into romance novels, and stop with the games. And for goodness sake, start being accountable for your own happiness.

Hope you feel better soon.

I must admit, that LittleVari's post is esentially what needs to be said. I too am sorry that you are hurting, but even I knew that he was going to cancel the flights from when you posted the first thread. If I knew that he was spinless (harsh, I know) and could see it coming, then you should have seen it coming as well. LittleVari is right in the way that you have a different view of him, espeically to the picture you paint of him through your threads and posts.
Take care x

[Honeypie]

The drama has got to stop ..... why would you read the letter to him? Chances are he won't listen. If writting the letter helped you feel better, good however I don't think it'll change anything on his end.