Choices

[folclor]

Okay... so I'm doing all right since I've gotten back. I only cried once last night which makes it only once since I've gotten home that I've cried. That only happened, though, because I was stressed by this crap that one of my 'friends' is pulling. She keeps saying that I slept (had sex with) Alex several times over through trip. I didn't. She's just saying it because she's angry that things went well (childish but true), she was convinced Alex was going to rape me and because that didn't happen she is mad. But, yeah, that's the only reason I was crying last night. Alex got on video chat with me even though he was tired (his friends wouldn't go home until almost midnight his time) but he promised me video time so he got on (I told him I could wait until next week if he was too tired but he's a stubborn guy).

So that's about where I am right now. Annoyed with my 'friend' who can't just be happy for me, and wishing I was back there.

Here's the choice I face now. My laptop sucks. Y'all have heard me complain about it before, probably. It is just horrible. I mean, I love having a laptop, but this one isn't good. So I need a new one. However, I really, really, really want to go see Alex on his birthday. They cost about the same. Well, the trip might cost a little more since I would be paying for a hotel room this time. However, I brought this up to Alex last night that I know I should be saving up for a new laptop because I think this one is going to die soon, but I want to see him so much more. His response was that I should get the laptop first because if I don't have that it'll be so much harder for us to keep in contact. I see his logic so I told him I'd save up and then decide, which he thought was a good idea.

But I REALLY want to see him again soon and I KNOW I can get the money to go visit on his birthday. Would be a short visit (4 days) but I think it'd be worth the thousand dollars. He is supposed to come visit me at some point, but he worked himself into debt with this trip I just took (refused to let me pay for any of my food or contribute with the hotels) so he has to pay off the credit card debt before he starts saving for a trip to visit me. Hence, the quickest way for us to see each other again is for me to save up, deal with my laptop longer, and go see him.

It's a choice between an assured next visit or an assured line of communication far beyond that. Advice? Opinions?

Thanks a bunch, y'all.

[LadyMarchHare]

First off, let me say I know exactly what you're going through with your friend. My best friend is bashing both my SO personally and this LDR as a whole because she's been in 4 before and the guys were all jerks or psychos. That I'm in my first relationship ever and my SO isn't like her ex's she's tried telling me he's made me stupid and weak/he's a rapist and a liar/and a number of racist things. It's heartwrenching when someone you trusted to talk about your SO with turns around and slanders them for whatever reason. Don't let it get to you and that you proved her wrong just means you showed her how good he is, even if she's pissed.

As for the laptop vs. visit issue, I think I will have to side on getting a new laptop. You could visit him and be happy, but what about after? Your laptop will still be on its last leg and if it's the main form of communication between you two, then it dying is not gonna be a happy time. Ensure your continued contact first and then worry about raising the funds to see him again and give him time to pay off his credit card bills so that the next time you two can enjoy yourselves and maybe go 50/50. He can be a gentleman all he wants, but not at the expense of, well, expenses.

And maybe this is my dumb brain, but is there a way to rent computers? If there is that might be an option depending on pricing.

[folclor]

lol, yeah...there probably is a way to rent laptops but I'd rather not. so I'll just save up to get a new one, I guess... What would be ideal is to have both the visit and the laptop...but we'll see what happens, I guess.

[Riyko]

Wow that's a hard decision (and a kind of an expensive trip for 4 days). When would the trip be? You could still have both like maybe getting a 500 or 600 dollar laptop. I need a new laptop as well so I understand your situation, but maybe see if you could find a way to get the trip a lot cheaper then $1000. How much is the plane ticket? How much is the hotel? To me $1000 sounds like a lot of money especially if it's just for a plane ticket and hotel. I'm going to Toronto for two weeks from June 16 - June 30th and just for plane ticket and hotel i'm paying $890 which is cheap especially in Toronto (plane is also cheaper for me as my dad works for American Airlines).

You can always check priceline.com as they still allow you to name your own price on plane tickets and hotel rooms. Also you could see if they have cheaper ways to get to Alberta like instead of going through Toronto go through Vancouver unless your flying on American Airlines and then it's harder because they depend on going through Toronto (I don't know what part of Texas you live in or what airport you go to, but when I fly to Toronto I always stop at DFW as it's American Airlines home office. If you fly from Houston then more Continental flights leave there and Austin I believe is United and Delta).

A suggestion is to look for coupons that you can use online to get cheaper flights, also note that in the summer all airline tickets have an extra $30 summer travel fee added onto the ticket (if your traveling in the summer) and also the $30 is added on as a holiday fee if you travel after halloween.

[Rach321]

My SO and I just made this same decision! Basically, he could travel to see me or he could help me get a new computer. We decided on the computer because without it, we don't have a way to communicate on a daily (or almost daily- depending on his access to internet) basis. Whereas a trip would only be a week or two.

It's a hard thing to decide, I agree!

[ErinKristine]

I'd say go for the computer or see if wherever you get the computer from will let you finance. That way if you could afford $50 a month payments on a computer then you could still potentially go on the trip.

[MadMolly]

Go for the laptop. I knowwww it's so hard but I had to do this last year. I actually waited until my laptop *died* completely and that was really shit. Get a new one before this one dies and you won't have trouble staying in contact. I know a visit is amazing but its more logical to go for the laptop.

[spartom]

I'm not sure what they're called across the lake but over here we have cyber cafes which are basically coffee shops in which you buy coffee and stuff and you can use one of the computers in there for a few minutes and it's a pay as you go kinda deal and you can even just go in and not buy their food/drink and just pay to use the computers.

If you can'd find something like this maybe you could try a nearby library, usually a library card is free and gives you access to their computers (again I'm not sure how it works in the US but it shouldn't be too dissimilar) and you could ask them to install MSN / Skype and I'm sure if you explained the situation someone who works there would be kind enough to set it up for you and maybe even reserve you a computer for certain times.

Another thing would be to buy a refurbished laptop, my laptop would have been £900 (about $2000) and I got it for £280 (about $600)!! Also check with family and friends whether anyone has old laptops they were going to throw away/give away/sell and see if you could buy it for cheap (hopefully get it free :P)
Also look into buying a laptop and paying for it in monthly instalments (as ErinKristine suggested) however be aware that you will probably end up paying for over three or four times the value of the laptop if you had paid full price in one go and the payments may last years, and it means less money going into the travel savings pot every month for however many years.


As for the decision between visit or laptop, I'd say the laptop is a no brainer because what if you go on the trip and your laptop breaks as soon as you return home? Then you have no video communications and are limited to expensive phone calls and texting for the next few months it will take to buy a new laptop and again, you might wish to spend that money getting a laptop on going to visit instead and thus you have entered a vicious circle. You might not be physically with each other but seeing into someone's eyes whether it is through a screen or not, and hearing them say they love you is infinitely more valuable and real than hearing it over the phone or reading it in a text. You might only miss one opportunity to visit, but if you get the trip then it's vicious circle.



On the subject of your friend; she could be one of two things, jealous or protective. Jealous that you can have a healthy, loving relationship even at long distance; or protective of you and in a way trying to sabotage your relationship so that you're hurt now and not hurt way more later because as the relationship lasts longer the harder it would be to let go.
Best advice is not to confront her or argue or even mention anything to her but just ignore her and continue being friends and trying to ignore any remarks or arguments and if they occur then try to avoid them and retreat when they happen. Just hang in there and when you and your significant other can be together physically permanently then she might apologise or if you are (and hopefully you are) still friends then maybe if it still bothers you then you could ask her and find out but don't let it get you down now.

[Bluestars]

I have a crappy laptop as well, but I have a year left on my warranty, so I am waiting until it is over to get a new one. However, I just shipped it away because it sucks, and I will not get it back for around three weeks....bleh! I understand your pain!

But I also have to agree with the others. Computers are sort of a necessity, especially if that is your main form of communication with your SO. As for buying a laptop, I suggest researching it a lot so that you can make an informed decision as to what will best fit your needs for the best price you can get. You do not have to get a thousand dollar laptop for it to be a good one (my HP is horrible and it cost a thousand dollars, so I wouldn't suggest getting an HP of any sort :P). The Today Show said that Toshiba's are a really good laptop for a reasonable price, like within the 500 or 600 range. The best computers to get get are Mac, but unless you are in design, they really are not necessary.

But, if you could save up save up the money by Tax free weekend, you will not have to pay tax either--which could save you hundreds of dollars!

But as for planning your next trip, there are often times when you want to see one another but can't because of other expenses and life problems, and sometimes it is just more reasonable to move your trip back to a later date--like if you will get to see each other longer if you wait. For example, my SO and I wanted to be with one another on our one year, but it just wasn't realistic because it was during the middle of my exams, so we just pushed it back a few weeks more.

When is Alex's birthday? If you get a cheaper laptop than $1000, you will probably be able to see him sooner. Could you move the trip back a month or two and visit him for more time, and you could say it is a late birthday present Do you HAVE to stay in a hotel the entire time? I know you stayed at his parent's house your last trip, so is something different now. My SO stayed at a motel the first two times he came here, but we soon realized that it just wasn't possible if we wanted to see one another frequently. Now, he stays at my house when he visits, and although I would rather have him all to myself, I am just happy to spend time together. If you really wanted the hotel so that you could have alone time, could you get a hotel for one night--like his birthday--and then stay at his parent's the rest of time.

[Caitlin2009]

number 1 thing boot this "friend" out of your life ASAP, because she is not gonna change anytime soon and life is stressful enough without having someone like that in your life so i would kick her out of your life if i were you, you dont need that type of person in your life. 2nd thing is i would do both. You can find pretty cheap laptops or even better Netbooks, they are small but they do the same job. Just google cheap laptops or netbooks and you'll find the right one for you and you can go visit him again at the same time

[folclor]

When is Alex's birthday? If you get a cheaper laptop than $1000, you will probably be able to see him sooner. Could you move the trip back a month or two and visit him for more time, and you could say it is a late birthday present Do you HAVE to stay in a hotel the entire time? I know you stayed at his parent's house your last trip, so is something different now. My SO stayed at a motel the first two times he came here, but we soon realized that it just wasn't possible if we wanted to see one another frequently. Now, he stays at my house when he visits, and although I would rather have him all to myself, I am just happy to spend time together. If you really wanted the hotel so that you could have alone time, could you get a hotel for one night--like his birthday--and then stay at his parent's the rest of time.

Well, his birthday's September 25th. It's a Saturday and I would be flying in the Friday before, flying out the Monday afterward. I would be flying into/out of Edmonton and he lives about 3 hours north of there... also, he hates city driving, so I don't want him to have to drive up to pick me up, then drive back to his house, then drive back up to the city. I just want to make it easier for him. So if I get there that weekend I would fly in Friday, get a hotel room, have him join me Friday night or Saturday. I dunno... it'd be expensive...

I've looked at Toshiba laptops before... I'm not looking at Dell laptops at all. I want to be able to game on them a little so I'm looking at Asus laptops which tend to be a little more expensive... Alex would prefer me to have a gaming laptop, too.

[MadMolly]

I have a dell studio 15 and I added lots of things on it; it games pretty well and I game a lot.

[spartom]

The Today Show said that Toshiba's are a really good laptop for a reasonable price, like within the 500 or 600 range. The best computers to get get are Mac, but unless you are in design, they really are not necessary.

Don't get a mac, they are ridiculously overpriced and repairing them if they fail on you takes forever and is also expensive, also most programs are made for windows as it is the most used OS around. Toshibas are great laptops and I'm still sure you could get one even cheaper than 500 USD as I said in my post. Mine is top of the line value about 2000USD but I got it for maybe 800USD so you could maybe find a toshiba valued 600USD for only 200USD

number 1 thing boot this "friend" out of your life ASAP, because she is not gonna change anytime soon and life is stressful enough without having someone like that in your life so i would kick her out of your life if i were you, you dont need that type of person in your life. 2nd thing is i would do both. You can find pretty cheap laptops or even better Netbooks, they are small but they do the same job. Just google cheap laptops or netbooks and you'll find the right one for you and you can go visit him again at the same time

Firstly you have to think carefully about this friend situation and I'd suggest reading my post in case it's what I said, I agree that they might not change soon but in their head they might feel as though they are looking out for you even though it hurts, tough love. Also, netbooks are ok but don't do everything laptops can do and they can be cheap however they are just not as good and using peripherals like webcam and microphone for skype/msn may be a lot slower because the hardware just can't handle it, even if it's one of those webcams that is part of the laptop.


My laptop is by a company called Advent, it is extremely powerful and fast, it runs on Vista which is rubbish and so is windows7 so try to get windowsXP if you can. Also mine is powerful for most programs but I can't play games on it (disk games, flash games that run inside firefox/internetexplorer, work fine) which is fine for me cos I have a PS3. Also, don't get linux as it is difficult to get used to. And don't get a mac as they are overpriced, they are excellent yes, but not if you're on a budget at all. As I said in my post, try to get a refurbished laptop good luck

[Tanja]

I got a laptop that cost me 1000€ but I payed it over a year so it wasn't that much per month, maybe you should get it like that too since you're working so you could have both the laptop and go visit him. That's what I would do because I wouldn't be willing to give either of those options up!

Secondly, you need to have a serious talk with your friend. Tell her that you want to stay friends (?) but you can't if that's the way she keeps acting. Friends are supposed to be happy for each other and support each other and instead she's just being discouraging and rude. For her to hope that your SO would've raped you is totally out of line, just because she was wrong about him doesn't give her the right to say things like that or be mad at you, she should be 100% happy for you cause your trip went well. I certainly wouldn't have that kind of person in my life.

[spartom]

My post looks a bit wrong lol I meant to say my laptop runs games inside internetexplorer or firefox fine. It's top of the line games such as Crysis, Sims3 and Starcraft2 that won't work on it. What type of games would you be playing on it cos I'm sure you could settle for a midrange laptop if necessary which could play all of the above just on low graphics, and just get a refurbished or secondhand one so it's cheaper if you're definitely gonna go top range gaming then Dell is actually a really really good choice.