I feel like a massive hypocrite for even sharing this, but here goes.
Every time my SO mentions a party (New Years' party, birthday, etc.), I end up experiencing a mass amount of anxiety for no other reason than the fact alcohol is going to be present. It doesn't matter whether he actually has any or doesn't. What matters is that it's there, and I'm aware I'm entirely irrational for it (I have no issue with him going out, even if it's an all day thing, if I know there won't be drinking involved by him or any of the people he's out with). I promise I have my reasons for it, and I like to think that they're good ones, but I'm also well aware of the fact my SO doesn't deserve to suffer for the wounds of my past.
Now, I'll start by saying we have talked about it. This isn't a situation where I haven't already communicated my needs. I have, and we went from talking even if he'd been drinking (which I didn't like) to not talking at all to him coming on afterwards to at least "snuggle" me and say goodnight. It's preferential because then I don't have to deal with a full-on conversation that may or may not be influenced by alcohol, but I still get the reassurance that I'm still wanted/loved. I will also say that it doesn't happen often enough for any form of conditioning to happen quickly, but I do experience less anxiety now than I did even 6 months ago.
My question more is how do you deal with anxiety when it comes up? I try and keep as busy as possible. Friday is his friend's birthday. I have my wax planned, probably another Target run (or a Safeway run), and then I work, and then I can't swim after a Brazilian (I don't think?), but I'll probably accompany my mother to Paddleboard Yoga anyway and watch/dip my legs and arms in the pool. I may see if my mother or sister want to go out to dinner, and so on. I can try reading, but typically I'm better at pushing away any irrational thought/anxiety if I have a physical distraction.
I know that this is simply something I'm going to have to deal with, because I'd never in my lifetime ask him to stay home or to not drink (when he does, he drinks pretty responsibly anyway), even though the latter is something he's offered. I simply don't agree with dictating your partner's choices. So I figured I would post a thread and see how y'all deal with anxiety when it crops up in your relationships? Maybe it'll even be of help to others who experience weird anxiety as well.
Every time my SO mentions a party (New Years' party, birthday, etc.), I end up experiencing a mass amount of anxiety for no other reason than the fact alcohol is going to be present. It doesn't matter whether he actually has any or doesn't. What matters is that it's there, and I'm aware I'm entirely irrational for it (I have no issue with him going out, even if it's an all day thing, if I know there won't be drinking involved by him or any of the people he's out with). I promise I have my reasons for it, and I like to think that they're good ones, but I'm also well aware of the fact my SO doesn't deserve to suffer for the wounds of my past.
Now, I'll start by saying we have talked about it. This isn't a situation where I haven't already communicated my needs. I have, and we went from talking even if he'd been drinking (which I didn't like) to not talking at all to him coming on afterwards to at least "snuggle" me and say goodnight. It's preferential because then I don't have to deal with a full-on conversation that may or may not be influenced by alcohol, but I still get the reassurance that I'm still wanted/loved. I will also say that it doesn't happen often enough for any form of conditioning to happen quickly, but I do experience less anxiety now than I did even 6 months ago.
My question more is how do you deal with anxiety when it comes up? I try and keep as busy as possible. Friday is his friend's birthday. I have my wax planned, probably another Target run (or a Safeway run), and then I work, and then I can't swim after a Brazilian (I don't think?), but I'll probably accompany my mother to Paddleboard Yoga anyway and watch/dip my legs and arms in the pool. I may see if my mother or sister want to go out to dinner, and so on. I can try reading, but typically I'm better at pushing away any irrational thought/anxiety if I have a physical distraction.
I know that this is simply something I'm going to have to deal with, because I'd never in my lifetime ask him to stay home or to not drink (when he does, he drinks pretty responsibly anyway), even though the latter is something he's offered. I simply don't agree with dictating your partner's choices. So I figured I would post a thread and see how y'all deal with anxiety when it crops up in your relationships? Maybe it'll even be of help to others who experience weird anxiety as well.
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