Curbing Anxiety?

[Haley53]

I feel like a massive hypocrite for even sharing this, but here goes.

Every time my SO mentions a party (New Years' party, birthday, etc.), I end up experiencing a mass amount of anxiety for no other reason than the fact alcohol is going to be present. It doesn't matter whether he actually has any or doesn't. What matters is that it's there, and I'm aware I'm entirely irrational for it (I have no issue with him going out, even if it's an all day thing, if I know there won't be drinking involved by him or any of the people he's out with). I promise I have my reasons for it, and I like to think that they're good ones, but I'm also well aware of the fact my SO doesn't deserve to suffer for the wounds of my past.

Now, I'll start by saying we have talked about it. This isn't a situation where I haven't already communicated my needs. I have, and we went from talking even if he'd been drinking (which I didn't like) to not talking at all to him coming on afterwards to at least "snuggle" me and say goodnight. It's preferential because then I don't have to deal with a full-on conversation that may or may not be influenced by alcohol, but I still get the reassurance that I'm still wanted/loved. I will also say that it doesn't happen often enough for any form of conditioning to happen quickly, but I do experience less anxiety now than I did even 6 months ago.

My question more is how do you deal with anxiety when it comes up? I try and keep as busy as possible. Friday is his friend's birthday. I have my wax planned, probably another Target run (or a Safeway run), and then I work, and then I can't swim after a Brazilian (I don't think?), but I'll probably accompany my mother to Paddleboard Yoga anyway and watch/dip my legs and arms in the pool. I may see if my mother or sister want to go out to dinner, and so on. I can try reading, but typically I'm better at pushing away any irrational thought/anxiety if I have a physical distraction.

I know that this is simply something I'm going to have to deal with, because I'd never in my lifetime ask him to stay home or to not drink (when he does, he drinks pretty responsibly anyway), even though the latter is something he's offered. I simply don't agree with dictating your partner's choices. So I figured I would post a thread and see how y'all deal with anxiety when it crops up in your relationships? Maybe it'll even be of help to others who experience weird anxiety as well.

[rixue]

I tend to get really anxious during my monthly cycle for no apparent reason >.>. During that time I tend to get antsy with the lack of communication while my SO is at work when he is very busy. I try and take a step back and see if what I am worrying about is even warranted. I tell myself he is just busy with work and does not have time to text me back asap or for hours at a time; he does not love me any less! Plus I have to remind myself it is the damn hormones ! I try to keep busy with homework, friends, games, anything I can to keep my mind busy. I usually feel relieved in the morning after I talk to him via Skype and know I was worrying about nothing. Seeing him makes me feel a whole lot better and makes me realize I was worrying about nothing.

[ushiwakafox]

You do the same thing I do. I live on campus alone at the moment, and I'm really just not built to be by myself. I'm happiest when there's company. So I usually work myself to exhaustion cleaning, when I'm not studying. If I'm sitting down, I have to be on the computer or watching TV. I can't just sit and not be cognitively stimulated, I just get so antsy and nervous. I've found writing in my journal helps, and my dad is stationed overseas right now so I write letters to him when I get the chance.
You sound like you're better at keeping yourself busy than I am. I just don't have enough hours in the day to do so many things. I wish I did, it sounds like fun D:
My biggest distraction is college. Omg will that keep me busy lol.

[Haley53]

I don't have summer classes because I'm leaving in a week, so no school for me! Writing is a good one, especially letters (even if I don't send them and even if it's only a party!), but so is cleaning. I actually have to clean my room at some point, so maybe I can use that time to get it done.

Thank you both for the suggestions and I'm glad to know I'm not alone on this!

[ushiwakafox]

Yea cleaning usually keeps me really busy. I don't know how it happens but there's always something to be cleaned even if I just cleaned it D:

[Haley53]

Yea cleaning usually keeps me really busy. I don't know how it happens but there's always something to be cleaned even if I just cleaned it D:

My room's a mess at the moment. Mostly clothes, but arghles. Still needs a good clean (vacuum, sheets need to be washed, bathroom needs to be mopped, etc.). It's probably a day or two's worth of work.

[Zephii]

I'm pretty sure you can swim after being waxed. Might sting though

I talk to myself a lot when I'm anxious, and if I can I use facts to back up my argument. Like this:

Bad Miri: I haven't heard from him all day. He's probably dead.
Good Miri: I'm sure you're over-reacting.
BM: If he wasn't dead he'd have texted. How am I going to raise this baby alooooone?
GM: The chances of him being dead are very low. He works in an office. There's not even customer service, so they can't even get mugged. More likely his phone is dead. Now why don't you make him something nice for dinner so he understands that you appreciate that he's not at all deceased.
BM: Alright

I'm not the easiest person to live with. I think everyone's going to die and leave me. Haha

Other than that, there's cleaning... and you're doing really well gradually overcoming this. Perhaps one day you should buy a beer, sit down and drink it... just so you can prove to yourself that nothing necessarily happens? Maybe at some point the good examples can override the bad. But it takes time, and you're doing great

[Brieasaurus]

I'm pretty sure you can swim after being waxed. Might sting though

I talk to myself a lot when I'm anxious, and if I can I use facts to back up my argument. Like this:

Bad Miri: I haven't heard from him all day. He's probably dead.
Good Miri: I'm sure you're over-reacting.
BM: If he wasn't dead he'd have texted. How am I going to raise this baby alooooone?
GM: The chances of him being dead are very low. He works in an office. There's not even customer service, so they can't even get mugged. More likely his phone is dead. Now why don't you make him something nice for dinner so he understands that you appreciate that he's not at all deceased.
BM: Alright

I'm not the easiest person to live with. I think everyone's going to die and leave me. Haha

I do the exact same thing! I have really bad impulsive/reoccurring thoughts when I'm anxious and this is the only method that's worked for me so far. Usually I keep it inside my head but sometimes I'll sit there and talk to myself. It usually helps a lot in combating the bad thoughts.

When my SO is out (well usually his apartment is the party place due to his obnoxious roommate) drinking, I find it extremely reassuring when I know that at the end of the night, he's going to be with me on skype. I also like when he sends me a quick text half way through the party, just so I know everything is good. I've found that that's a good compromise for us, he doesn't have to worry that I'm worrying and I don't have to, obviously, be super worried. It also helps that we have a "pre-party" routine where if we're already skyping, he'll tell me "okay, 20 minutes until I have to go" so we can spend that time together and then we'll do the whole "be safe, be good, virtual skype kisses, etc" spiel. Maybe it's just me, but having a routine is something that helps out a lot when it comes to my anxiety.

Like someone else mentioned, writing helps a lot too. Cleaning, doing activities, all that good stuff. https://thehardest-part.tumblr.com/p...-when-you-dont This is a link to things to do when you're sad, and even though you're not really sad, I think some might be beneficial to try too! You never know what can get your mind off of things.

[Haley53]

@Zephii - Thank you! And that sounds similar to the way my inner dialogue goes, only a different topic/point of worry. I try, but it's hard, hence why filling my schedule as much as possible tends to help, because it gives me less time to stir in my own inner feelings. >.<;; I have actually considered having a drink simply to prove a point (to myself), but I'm as terrified of having one as I am of other people drinking or of being around people while they are. I suppose it may be something I work through in due time. Thank you for the encouraging response.

@Brieasaurus - He unfortunately doesn't have credit, else I know he'd text me. I used to send him a text halfway through, but no longer really have the credit/means to do so. We have finally worked out a routine that's so far working, but we've only done it once, so maybe it happening more and more will allow me to ease up about it. Thank you so much for the link too! There are some helpful ideas there.

[digitalfever]

When I was little if my mother was late I’d assume she’s dead and I’d get very upset. But that was because my mother was never late. She was ALWAYS at least 5 minutes early so in my ten year old mind... being late meant you obviously are dead.

Anyways, I have OCD (not the repetitive action but OCD thoughts.) So anxiety is a daily thing for me. Sometimes it sucks and I go through the day with this uptight “impending doom” feeling and other days it’s as if I were living in a perfect world and nothing bad could ever possibly happen. It all really depends about the stressors.
I’ve learned that the best way to cope with anxiety is to talk at it or to deal with it head on. Identify what is making you anxious and why and then talk through it. If that doesn’t work I find writing it out also helps. A few other strategies I have been taught have included the whole distractions. Like everyone has said CLEAN! I have a friend that whenever she is anxious she bakes. Another friend watches TV.

It really all depends. Have you maybe tried heading on over to forums that help deal with anxiety. They have a ton of suggestions!

[heathergro]

I currently see a counselor for my anxiety issues (though thankfully, my sessions are getting further and further apart), but I have other ways of coping. I try to talk it out, whether it's to myself or my friends, and writing it down often helps. Normally, I'm able to talk myself down that way. I also go to the gym. Focusing all my energy on something else normally helps, plus the mood boost from exercise makes and stop dwelling on all the negative, impending doom thoughts I have going on! I'll force myself to do things rather than sit around and create little scenarios in my head.

[Haley53]

Thank you everyone for all the help! <3 It's getting me through tonight (unfortunately, he's staying over, so no goodnight, which really has made my anxiety spike ), and I'm starting to feel tired, so maybe I'll be able to crash in an hour or two!