A topic for the "Gamer Couples" and gamer SOs

[Jayburr]

Hi everyone,

I thought I'd make a topic for the gamers of the forum (or, those whose SOs are gamers) to discuss your LDR and how gaming affects it, in both positive or negative ways...

I met my SO in an online mmorpg. For those that don't know "mmorpg" stands for "massive multiplayer online role-playing game." One of the most well known out there that everyone likely knows about, even if you're not a gamer, is World of Warcraft (WoW). We met in a different game though. Playing in-game lead to private messages in-game, private messages lead to voice chat on Ventrilo (voice chat program commonly used by gamers), voice chat lead to Facebook, Facebook lead to phone texting, texting lead to phone calls...and then eventually we met!

After we met in person for the first time and had to go back to our regular lives, I was feeling very depressed and lonely. She seemed to get back into her routine just fine, but I was feeling miserable. I really needed reassurance from her that I was on her mind as much as she was on mine, but I wasn't getting it. She gets home much earlier than I do, and it bothered me then, and still bothers me now, that she logs into the game and plays for hours (before I'm even home) and doesn't send me any texts or call or anything. I try not to assume things, so I told myself that SHE is probably assuming I'm busy at work and doesn't want to interrupt me. Okay, that's fine, but then when the weekend comes and neither of us are working, the same thing happens again. I'm up before her, so I send her a good morning text. I log into the game website to check if she's on, and she isn't, so she's probably still asleep. I check again a short amount of time later and now she IS online. Hours later, I finally get a response to that morning text I sent. I mean, it just makes me feel like the game is a higher priority to her, or that the game is the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up. She logs into the game FIRST, plays for whatever amount of time, and THEN thinks to text me. It makes me feel like I must not be on her mind.

Can anyone else relate?

[Cricky712]

.........double msg!

[Cricky712]

I can so relate, She gets on WoW and skype before she responds to my text. but thats in the afternoon though when she gets off work (only works 4 hrs a day family business) while me here working 8. but then again she always text me in the morning right when i wake up =)

[dianacakes]

I've done this countless of time with my boyfriend. I tend to forget to check my phone in the morning, which I've gotten in trouble for not doing. lol. You could definitely try and bring it up to her about it. Tell her how you feel or else she won't know that it is bothering you. My boyfriend brought it up and now I've gotten into the habit of checking my phone in the mornings and replying when I see texts/calls.

[Cricky712]

I've done this countless of time with my boyfriend. I tend to forget to check my phone in the morning, which I've gotten in trouble for not doing. lol. You could definitely try and bring it up to her about it. Tell her how you feel or else she won't know that it is bothering you. My boyfriend brought it up and now I've gotten into the habit of checking my phone in the mornings and replying when I see texts/calls.

Sounds exactly like my S,O =P

[Zephii]

Well, if she checks the game first, I'd send the message via in game mail instead (assuming they have it) You could even add "reply via txt" to encourage her to text you back.

Or you could just talk about it. Both of you need to know the expected level of contact for your relationship.
When we were LD (the second time) I loved getting good morning texts from my SO - even though he'd send them when he was on the bus going to work, which was 2am my time. But, sometimes he had nothing to say. Some days he chose to read his book, or he got a lift with his mum or he thought I deserved to sleep properly and the texts didn't come. And sometimes he forgot. And that's ok.
On the flip side though, he probably wouldn't appreciate a good morning text every day and might not see it for hours. Goodnight texts were rare too because we were either on skype when he went to sleep, or by the time I'd be going to bed it would be the early hours of the morning his time. So, when he got them from me they were a special surprise.

We also don't (and never have) call or text each other at work unless it's super important. He texts me when he's coming home so I can start making his dinner and that's as far as that goes. When you're at work, you're there to do a job. You're filling a role. You leave your personality (and sometimes your dignity) in a box by the door and you get on with it, imo.
So, talk to her. Ask her if she likes texts at work, and realise that while she might have a chance to glance at them, she may not have a chance to reply.

One of the things I love about txting is that you don't have to reply right away. There shouldn't be an obligation to do so. It's not in 'real time', and if it was urgent that person would call. Maybe she thinks of texting like that?

MMO's can take over your life if you let them. And sometimes if you don't. If you're not already, suggest other pastimes to do together a couple of times a week.

[Kanga]

You remind me so much of me and my SO. We had an issue were the game was becoming more a priority, and we stopped communicating as much, because of it. So, I was worried, that'll the game will become priority over the relationship as was he. We decided to take a weekend off the game, and start back communicating, like we were at first. We talked about everything, watched movies, it felt right. The thing with being in relationship as gamers, sometimes one or other person can take it to the extreme and get so consumed by it. That's why we took the break, I was way too into it. We found a good balance, that's what you may need is a good balance. Just talk to her, send her messages in game, and ask if she's receiving your text, etc. Good luck

[Zephii]

It's also good to have a variety of games to play so one doesn't become all-consuming. For example, at the moment Obi and I are playing WoW, Diablo 3, Sim City 4 and warcraft 3 (the campaign - he's playing I'm watching) together, and we rotate between them deciding what we want to focus on each time.

[rawrimolivia]

Well I didn't MEET my SO in a video game but we do play games online or on xbox all the time. I had gotten busy with work which lead to him playing games a lot more than talking to me. Even now he plays Diablo 3 a lot and it takes him forever to reply to me, but what I did was just talk to him about it. you two need time together outside of the game you know, that's what me and my SO did and it brought us together more.

[Snowlilly]

Trep and I met in WoW as well. He works two jobs, and I work 3 days a week. I usually don't log into WoW anymore unless he is able to get on as well. Back in my days I was quite obsessed with that game and would spend hours and hours on it, but not so much anymore. We do plan on playing Guild Wars2 here shortly when it comes out. I will be making two characters on that. One to play and level with him and one I can play when he is at work and play with my other friends. Maybe you guys can do the same, so you two have a character you play together and one she can play when you are not on.

As far as the texting and stuff goes, you will have to tell her that you would like a bit more communication. Trepis and I text back and forth most days even when he is at work. I just know that when I don't hear from him, he is tied up and can't reply. Since he gets home late on the days he works his second job we usually just spend a few hours on vent chatting on those nights.

I am very lucky really on how much we communicate. I thought for sure initially I would drive him crazy with all my texting but he really likes it and I love to get random texts throughout my day. We always text first thing when we get up to say "good morning" to each other even when my morning is actually 3 PM (I work nights).

[Courtney:)]

Texting my SO while he is playing games is absolutely horrible.. :P I never, ever hear from him! And if I do, it is hours later! He plays so many different games too, and that's just what he does in his spare time. Especially since it's summer break still.

When he visited, we downloaded League of Legends onto my computer so he could teach me. That way it would be something both of us can do, and we can talk while playing! And it made me feel a little better because from time to time, he will stop playing with other players to play a bot game with me. He knows and realizes that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing, but I have to start somewhere! It's been a while since we've played, but I think we are tonight because I haven't really heard much from him.. :P

[rebelcadet]

I was a HUGE MMORPG player. I got him into WoW since I couldn't stand Everquest...it was nice to start a new character with him and teaching him since I had a higher level character than he did plus friends on the server.

It's always good to share in a hobby together since you grow as a couple that way too. Vent is a great way to talk free also hehe...just a thought though MMORPG does take over your life (me being a full time raider and ranked in the world at one time) so you just have to take part and just join in on the gaming. If you can't beat em join em!

[Nbaby]

I'm exactly like that i just forget about my phone and everything. And because i have my headset on i can't even hear my phone. So usually im just online on skype so i can at least hear that. Or send a textmessage before gaming. Or log into ventrilo or teamspeak.

I have yet to work on my issues. But it will always help to have a talk with her because i didnt knew myself before it was pointed out.
Btw gaming with your partner is the most fun thing to do i love it, try it .

[Jayburr]

Thank you all for the replies. It helps to know I'm not alone here.

It's kind of funny because, before we met in person, we played online together quite often. In the month or so before we met, she stopped playing, mainly because she was focusing on her internship and just didn't care to play. I stopped playing as much as well during this time because if she wasn't on, then I didn't really care to be on Then we met, everything was amazing, and then I had to return home. All I could think about was her, but not long after the trip, she was back in-game again...a lot. Even now, I send her texts and don't get any kind of reply for hours... Our phones are our primary form of communication, and I check mine constantly for messages or calls from her, but it sure doesn't seem like she does the same for me.

[LittleBox]

Not a gamer couple and I can't add my two cents to this but I saw this gamer couple comic blog on tumblr the other day and thought you all might find it cute Since I can't post links yet, check out stopplayingleague on tumblr (: