Me and HBB have been doing ok, but a new, or maybe newly noticed issue has come up and it is bothering me. I need advice on how to approach it with him in a way he understands, and maybe a solution?
HBB essentially has become unreliable and untrustworthy. I mean I already have standing trust issues with him from June when he cancelled his trip last second, but this is on top of that. Essentially he will find a reason or excuse for every crappy thing he does or every promise he breaks. Example, we have a long standing tradition of "date night" which is actually an entire day we spend together on cam (with exception of mealtimes) watching movies, playing games and just spending one on one quality time. We had done it for over a year but had stopped after the huge fight and only resumed a month ago. It may seem excessive to some, but it never was to us. Both of us loved it and looked forward to it. Last date night HBB's dad wanted to do the family "movie night" (a tradition of forced on fear of punishment 'family time' started 2 weeks ago) on our date night since HBB was leaving on holiday and wouldn't be around for the 'usual' (I use the term loosely as unlike date night this 'tradition' was two weeks old at the time) "movie night". HBB said he would talk to his dad, but time passed and he found out his brother was forced by their dad to cancel HIS plans because of "movie night" and because of this he decided it would be too much confrontation to postpone "movie night". So I was upset, as I saw it as him giving into a tyrant and ruining our tradition. He came back with a rationalization of "a whole day is too much!" which he had NEVER said or hinted at before. In fact he always said he loved "date night". So that was rationale one. Rationale 2 was when he swore he would stay up with me when I had to go to the ER for a staph infection, but instead he went to 'dinner' and disappeared for over 3 hours because he got 'caught up' in a game of Halo with his friends. So he stayed up with me for 15 minutes in the ER before he fell asleep on the phone. Now, all week he has been on vacation and he promised that he would call me before he got too tired each night and talk to me. That didn't happen, ever. Each night was one rationale after the other. One day was "You didn't txt so I thought you were asleep!" or "I planned on calling you after dinner but we didn't eat dinner until 11pm!". Excuses, and they are getting old.
Its just, how the hell do I even argue with someone who will find some reason every time why they weren't in the wrong? He will even say he is sorry and then follow it with a "but..." and then not get when I tell him why his apology feels insincere. I feel like he never takes responsibility for the crap he pulls, and what little trust in him I had left is just disappearing since no matter what promises he makes he will break them but not see himself as breaking them. It is a catch 22, and its driving me nuts. If he honestly sees all these things as not his fault then he will do them again, and therefore never change. I love him and as my mom has said, as long as I am getting something out of the relationship there is no reason to leave it, but I really wish he would get his crap together and stop this! I just want that damn lightbulb to go on over his head and for him to change, for him to see what he is doing and put effort into not doing it anymore.
Just...any ideas would be appreciated.
HBB essentially has become unreliable and untrustworthy. I mean I already have standing trust issues with him from June when he cancelled his trip last second, but this is on top of that. Essentially he will find a reason or excuse for every crappy thing he does or every promise he breaks. Example, we have a long standing tradition of "date night" which is actually an entire day we spend together on cam (with exception of mealtimes) watching movies, playing games and just spending one on one quality time. We had done it for over a year but had stopped after the huge fight and only resumed a month ago. It may seem excessive to some, but it never was to us. Both of us loved it and looked forward to it. Last date night HBB's dad wanted to do the family "movie night" (a tradition of forced on fear of punishment 'family time' started 2 weeks ago) on our date night since HBB was leaving on holiday and wouldn't be around for the 'usual' (I use the term loosely as unlike date night this 'tradition' was two weeks old at the time) "movie night". HBB said he would talk to his dad, but time passed and he found out his brother was forced by their dad to cancel HIS plans because of "movie night" and because of this he decided it would be too much confrontation to postpone "movie night". So I was upset, as I saw it as him giving into a tyrant and ruining our tradition. He came back with a rationalization of "a whole day is too much!" which he had NEVER said or hinted at before. In fact he always said he loved "date night". So that was rationale one. Rationale 2 was when he swore he would stay up with me when I had to go to the ER for a staph infection, but instead he went to 'dinner' and disappeared for over 3 hours because he got 'caught up' in a game of Halo with his friends. So he stayed up with me for 15 minutes in the ER before he fell asleep on the phone. Now, all week he has been on vacation and he promised that he would call me before he got too tired each night and talk to me. That didn't happen, ever. Each night was one rationale after the other. One day was "You didn't txt so I thought you were asleep!" or "I planned on calling you after dinner but we didn't eat dinner until 11pm!". Excuses, and they are getting old.
Its just, how the hell do I even argue with someone who will find some reason every time why they weren't in the wrong? He will even say he is sorry and then follow it with a "but..." and then not get when I tell him why his apology feels insincere. I feel like he never takes responsibility for the crap he pulls, and what little trust in him I had left is just disappearing since no matter what promises he makes he will break them but not see himself as breaking them. It is a catch 22, and its driving me nuts. If he honestly sees all these things as not his fault then he will do them again, and therefore never change. I love him and as my mom has said, as long as I am getting something out of the relationship there is no reason to leave it, but I really wish he would get his crap together and stop this! I just want that damn lightbulb to go on over his head and for him to change, for him to see what he is doing and put effort into not doing it anymore.
Just...any ideas would be appreciated.
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