Could you be with someone...

[milaya]

I don't think I could...I have no problem with bisexuality but I just feel that it would change my partner significantly.

Same here.

I have no problems whatsoever with gay or bisexual people, but I'm not sure I could handle it in a relationship.
To be perfectly honest, there would probably be a small part of me, that would find my SO unattractive, if he started finding other males attractive. I guess it could be called a rather big turn-off for me. XD

[rixue]

I'm unsure. There's a few reasons but the main one being I'd feel like he'd always want something I can't give him. Maybe he wouldn't but it would be an insecurity and it could cause a problem.

^This.

[Haley53]

As someone who doesn't define her sexuality but has been romantically and sexually attracted to both sexes, I can say it wouldn't bother me. Not being attracted to strictly one gender, or closed off to the idea of a relationship with the opposite gender, doesn't mean I need both sexes to be sexually satisfied. It doesn't mean I'm curled up with my SO on one arm depressed about not having a girl on the other to kiss and cuddle with, too. It doesn't mean I fantasise about what my SO sexually can't give me because he doesn't have a vagina. And while I have in the past wondered what it would have been like had I actually not had a thing for straight girls (xD), I can't say that now I feel like I've missed out or that I'm missing out or that I'll become curious in the future and leave my SO to explore what it's like to be a lesbian. Basically, if you knew me, saw the way I interacted in my relationship, or were perhaps a fly on the wall to my relationship, you would never guess that I can be romantically attracted to a variety of people versus one sex in a heterosexual context. In my opinion, in a monogamous relationship, that's the way it should be, whether the people in it are gay, bi, or straight. *shrug* I tend to find people typically tend to project their own insecurities a lot of the time, in this case. Being bisexual or being attracted/open to the idea of a relationship with more than one type of person doesn't hinder your ability to be monogamous. I don't look at women any more than I look at men in my relationship.

[garnet]

I have once before. It wasn't a big deal to me, but I know that our relationship did kind of suffer because he was just a little bit too into the boys while we were together. That would be fine if we weren't exclusive, but we were, or at least, we were supposed to be.

[Zapookie]

I'm bisexual and my SO is totally okay with it. it's never been a problem for us, I actually think we've become closer because I've kind of opened his eyes to the LGBT world and his easy acceptance of it made me gain a new level of respect and trust for him.

haha this made me think of a funny story, I did ask him once if he would mind if I hooked up with a girl and he said he wouldn't mind... but then I found out he was assuming he'd be in on the action. no, no, no sir. that is not what I meant. :P

but yeah, as long as you have the understanding that you'll only be with each other (or whatever works for your relationship, really!) then everything should be fine!

I personally wouldn't mind - if we were in a strictly monogamous relationship. I highlighted the bolded part because this stood out to me, and I'm not targeting the poster at all, but I wanted to know if this was a common thing (because I've heard of it before)? is it more accepted that because a person is bisexual, they are allowed to have sexual relations with other people, but their partner can't?

Sorry, it just stood out to me as somewhat of a double-standard.

[Haley53]

I personally wouldn't mind - if we were in a strictly monogamous relationship. I highlighted the bolded part because this stood out to me, and I'm not targeting the poster at all, but I wanted to know if this was a common thing (because I've heard of it before)? is it more accepted that because a person is bisexual, they are allowed to have sexual relations with other people, but their partner can't?

Sorry, it just stood out to me as somewhat of a double-standard.

This is actually more of a myth than anything, but it's one a lot of bisexual people face flack for. I can say it is not true for me or anyone I know. If there's that level of a double standard in a relationship, there's more going on than one person's bisexuality imo.

[Tanja]

I'd like to think I'd be okay with it. But I can't really tell until I've tried it... I had a convo with my friend once and we both agreed that if you find a partner that you can connect with emotionally it doesn't matter if they're the same sex.

As long as they're faithful I suppose I don't really care.

[Malaga]

I'm more intrigued by the fact so many straight partners (usually guys) are encouraging or at least tolerant of their bisexual partners having same sex experiments, but they're completely against their bisexual partners hooking up with a person of the opposite gender. It turns out monogamy isn't about being intimate with just one person, it's just about not being intimate with someone who could threaten their sense of masculinity/femininity.

[one-more-reason]

I'm not targeting the poster at all, but I wanted to know if this was a common thing (because I've heard of it before)? is it more accepted that because a person is bisexual, they are allowed to have sexual relations with other people, but their partner can't?

Sorry, it just stood out to me as somewhat of a double-standard.

ha, that was me. and it would be a double standard, and I agree with what Eclaire said one post down that it is what many bisexual people get flack for. I helped write a queer zine at my school for a while, and I actually wrote an article about some myths about bisexuality, and that was one of them! that a bisexual person can't be completely satisfied by one gender and they'll always want to fool around. I think the posts in this thread can speak to that; everyone here seems to be very monogamous and I think that it would be the minority of bisexual people that would feel the need to be with someone of each gender.

just to defend what I said in my first post, because I agree it does seems sketchy, I was discussing it with my SO more out of curiosity than anything. I was just interested because of the fact that I really haven't done very much with a girl and it's simply something I've always been curious about. it doesn't mean that I am not satisfied with my SO or that I want something that he can't give me. I was actually living with a roommate at the time who was bisexual with a straight boyfriend, and he let her be with other girls when she wanted to. I wouldn't be okay with that much freedom in my relationship, but my roommate had been with her boyfriend for five years and they were happy! sexuality is very fluid, like others have said, and what is acceptable really depends on each individual relationship.

in my case, it's basically like this. would I hook up with a girl to know what it's like? sure. BUT. I wouldn't do it without my SO's consent. I wouldn't want my SO involved (like a threesome) because I would be considering this a personal experience. and honestly, this is all hypothetical. if the situation came down to it, I don't know if I'd be able to actually go through with it. for me, the risk of hurting my SO or making him feel insecure is much more important than any interest I have to be with a girl. hopefully this all made sense!

[kteire]

I personally wouldn't mind - if we were in a strictly monogamous relationship. I highlighted the bolded part because this stood out to me, and I'm not targeting the poster at all, but I wanted to know if this was a common thing (because I've heard of it before)? is it more accepted that because a person is bisexual, they are allowed to have sexual relations with other people, but their partner can't?

Sorry, it just stood out to me as somewhat of a double-standard.

A friend of mine had that arrangement with her fiance. She was allowed to fool around with other women and occasionally she'd bring them in for a threesome. What happened is what can be expected, she was sleeping with one woman and developed feelings for her... and she's no longer engaged.

I don't know how I'd feel about my SO being attracted to men as well as women. In theory I'd be supportive of him, and it's not like I'd be worried about him cheating... but I don't know. It's hard to imagine because he is who he is, but I agree with what's been said, that I'd feel like I was missing something that he wanted.

[Haley53]

Out of simple curiosity, may I ask what people's definitions of bisexual even are? I don't mean that to sound snarky, it simply sounds like everyone's looking at bisexual people as sex hounds or something. The potential to be attracted to two sexes doesn't mean there's anything missing if one sex is out of the picture in the relationship. I'm sure others have noticed attractive men? Even actors? I'm positive of it, because attraction doesn't "be gone!" once you're in a relationship. It is honestly the same thing with bisexuality, only there's more of an openness towards both sexes. I can notice a beautiful actress and appreciate her in the same way my straight SO can, for example, as in, I can find her attractive. That doesn't mean I'm missing a woman or that my SO is inadequate in any way, shape, or form. It simply means I notice attraction... in two sexes, not one, like every other hetero person. Now, I've said I don't personally identify as bisexual, but I know a few bisexual women (I also think there's a double standard as in, it's more okay for a woman to be bisexual than a man *shrug*), and they're all in healthy, monogamous relationships. The one who wasn't had more issues going on than her bisexuality, same as the woman in kteire's example. Any time there's a double standard, that's more down to the person and to their own set of codes and ethics, not the fact they find both men/women attractive.

I guess I don't see where a romantic and sexual and soul connection is so threatened by the potential of attraction. All of the straight women having the potential to find any man attractive could be perceived as a threat, but you have a SO who satisfies your needs in every way (hopefully, anyway), so while your attractive meter doesn't shut down completely, you don't pursue it and you're happy in your relationship because your SO satisfies you. This is even more true for women whose SOs were not their type originally, but who became their type as they realised what type of person their SO was. Being attracted to two sexes doesn't make you any more likely to take for granted what you have in front of you, and I'm simply curious as to if it's down to people's insecurity, or some distorted perception on bisexuality. Bisexual people tend to receive a lot of flack in general. I have, as well, and I don't even identify as bi. Simply feels like people think because we find men and women attractive, and accept that sexuality is fluid, we need more to be sexually and romantically satisfied. And I'm telling you now, we don't.

The people that screw around and use bisexuality as an excuse would be the same way if they were straight.

[TwoThree]

Excellent post, Eclaire

[hrp2007]

I don't think I could do it. I wouldn't feel right about it, regardless if they were faithful or not.

[D.4C]

wouldn't bother me...as long as i know she is dedicated to me..and our relationship

[Darth_Taco]

I'm in a relationship with a bisexual man. Other than the fact that he has yet to come out of the closet, I have no problem with it. Him being attracted to both genders isn't going to suddenly stop him from being monogamous :P. It won't make him long for what he doesn't have either. Yes, he'll always be attracted to women. That doesn't mean he craves them though xD. Besides, he'd never give up my mac & cheese @_@.