How long should I wait around?

[Jezah]

This is not a huge question, but a small thing that is annoying me and I need advice on.

HBB is out with his friends for one of their birthdays (he is always out with them for a birthday, celebration, graduation ect...happens when you have 15 "close" friends) and I haven't spoken with him all day. I understand he is out with friends, but at this point it is 1:30 in the morning there...and no call. He said at 12:00am he would be "calling soon"....and no word from him since then. He isn't responding to my txts, and I am frustrated. I have some things I wanted to do this evening and I am putting them off waiting for his call, since if he calls and I can't talk we won't be able to talk again till tomorrow night. I really want to talk to him, but he is being so disrespectful of my time and my plans. Is it so hard to let me know a time so I can do stuff? If at 12 he had said he wouldn't be calling for at over an hour I could have gone to the gym or shopping. Instead, silence on his end while he gets drunk with his buddies and I sit here waiting. Its even more annoying since he got 4 hours of sleep last night so by the time he does call I doubt he will be alert enough to even hold a conversation.

I know it seems like HBB always does this, but the issue is....he doesn't....not unless he is with his friends. When he is with his family or home, he is considerate and sweet.....but when he goes out with his lad friends its like he turns into someone else. Am I wrong to be so upset by this disregard for my own plans? Its so unbelievably irritating to feel like your SO expects you to just wait around for them, and if you are busy when they call its a "Too bad so sorry, I am going to bed now so I can't wait till you aren't busy". Its hypocritical, I wait hours for him to not be busy but if when he calls without warning I am busy....well too freaking bad because he sure isn't waiting around for me!

I don't want to tell him he can't see his friends, but does that mean I have to just accept my normally considerate and loving BF will turn into a immature self absorbed lad whenever he does?

[Haley53]

Am I wrong to be so upset by this disregard for my own plans?

Yes, in the sense HBB is always going to be like this when it comes between his online girlfriend and people "in real life." I had an ex exactly like this. He had balls up until he was actually spending time with his friends or family. You can't expect HBB to call while he's out with his friends, celebrating a birthday, whether it's because he said he would or simply because he's out celebrating a once a year deal.

My guess is he's not going to call. Take care of your plans, because you're only going to end up upset and filled with resentment waiting around for what's unlikely to happen. My honest opinion is you can't expect HBB to hold to his word when he's with his friends or his father, so if you're staying in this relationship, you should act and make your decisions according to that knowledge.

[Black_Halloween]

I agree with Eclaire on this one, don't sit and wait around for him to call you. If he does and gets mad that's his own fault for not calling you when he said he would. Spend your time getting the things you need to get done, done.

[Sora1101]

I used to be like this, I'd sit around waiting for my SO while all the things I wanted to do lay by the wayside and then I'd get frustrated but then I learned that I needed to live my life for me and not wait around for him, sure it would suck if I missed him when I was finally out doing things but when he learned that I wasn't gonna be sitting on my butt waiting for him he became more considerate to my plans as well because even though he'd keep me waiting he wanted to talk to me too. It taught him to call when he said he was going to or let me know otherwise because if he didn't we wouldn't get to talk.

You should just sit him down and tell him "look I have a ton of stuff I want to do today if you want to talk you need to let me know what time is good for you and stick to it no matter what so I can be ready for you, otherwise we're gonna keep playing phone tag and never talking. If you can't make the call then text me so I can go on with my business."

A good idea is every time he blows you off put a coin in a jar and just leave it alone, when it becomes full get him on webcam and show him and say "look, every single coin in this jar is for every time you blew me off." This helps him see how many times he's actually doing it, men tend to be visual learners so this will really drive the message home. and then you take that jar cash it and go buy yourself something nice.

[Zapookie]

When we were LD and my SO would go out with friends, I'd say goodbye to him before he left because I knew that the chances of speaking to him while he is out were minimal.

Don't wait around for him. Get out of this bad habit now. Waiting around for people benefits no body. I learned a long time ago to never wait around for my boyfriend because it just made me sad, lonely and depressed. Making that decision had such a positive impact on our relationship - there wasn't anymore resentment, I had time to do what I wanted - ME time.

Do whats best for you and quit waiting around for him.

[Romeo s Juliet]

i think you guys need a communication protocol. How to communicate, its something you both should sit down and decide on. Talk out things and maybe make a plan?
for eg: HBB says i wont be able to call you when i go out i m sorry
you say : ok thats fine, and when you go out because i know you wont call, i can do my own things
you say : i dont like it when you call me before prior notice, because i am busy at times, and i would like if u call me at a given time of the day so i can be free and give my entiire attention to you
HBB says : ok great

i think that is something you would wanna dicuss and come to a conclusion about

[Kiyama]

If you know that he's out and you already know he won't contact you, then my answer is: whatever he said he'd do, go do your own stuff. I used to sit around, hoping my SO would call back after a meeting but eventually it took longer then expected and I'd wait, wait, wait and get frustrated.
Sometimes life gets in between and the best thing to do is to live your own life and let him be instead of insisting and getting upset with something that is highly unlikely going to change. Can you do that? I know it isn't easy but believe me, I know what I'm talking about. My ex pulled stunts I didn't want in my relationship and there were countless talks until it finally hit me nothing was going to change because he didn't want to change. There will be things in a relationship you will either have to accept or leave because of it but stop running with your head against a wall. You only hurt yourself.