The Reputation of LDRs

[folclor]

I joined a RP one of his old buddies from another one was running and he joined it too. He didn't stay in it long but he would always invite me to ones he made. Back in January he asked my help running another one and it's how we got much closer. It's kinda funny how we both met our SOs that way.

I know >w< well, Alex won't go back to Gaia because his ex is on there (my ex is too but I made a new account)

[PChillout]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?

Before being in an LDR, I was adamant about them failing. The only one I had ever seen was of a friend of mine who's LDR was absolute garbage. They had no plans, no goals, they were just going to be in a perpetual LDR as long as they lived...fortunately it's over now; the relationship, not the distance. That alone was my only experience in seeing and LDR in action. They were doomed to fail, so there was no point getting involved in one.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?

I've never seen anyone in a genuine LDR treat it like a game.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?

I hardly see LDR's portrayed in the media at all. They're just not something which makes the evening news or any other media outlet. There's nothing extremely interesting about the concept, so there's no reason to have stories about them unless a celebrity couple ever ended up in one....but that would never happen.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?

No. I don't tell people except my friends, and my friends are nice people.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?

Everyone here seems to agree that an LDR doesn't matter whether the "distance is 20 miles or 12,0000". Excuse me, yes it does. That's the whole idea behind a LONG DISTANCE relationship. 20 miles isn't a long distance, it's a bicycle ride. A real LDR involves the couple being separated by a significant enough distance that they can only see each other at the very most once every 2 weeks. Perhaps it's only 200 miles, but to get to those 200 miles you need a $150 train ticket you simply can't afford. Fair enough. Other than the distance factor, it's like any other relationship. A monogamous relationship where mutual trust, closeness, and attraction are built over a period of time until after careful planning and consideration, the couple can come together and lead happy, normal, and fulfilling lives.

[Paris]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
I never really had a thought about them either way. I have been in two now, the first was a BAD experience and didn't start out LD but the one I am in now did start out LD but only 3hrs now he is in Italy and I am in the USA. I have the opinion that if you love someone, the distance won't matter...where there's a will there's a way!

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
I have only encountered one person who has a LDR outside of here and she treats it like any other relationship. She is the only friend I have who understands.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
I don't like how the media portrays relationships PERIOD. The media is why I think relationships don't work. You can't marry someone you just met on TV and really think that is who that person really is. Shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette mock relationships and LDR imo, those people don't want love, they want a contract with a film studio.


Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
Oh yes they think I am nuts cause he will be in Italy for 3years. They think "oh how can you go without sex like that" well sex isn't the only thing in a relationship to me and it isn't that important. I will see him every three months and I will cherish those moments until the next time I see him. It's only 3years, not forever. At that time we can decide what and where we will go next. I get really pissed off when people give me crap over my bf being away and I get it alot. I keep it to myself but it really does bother me. People are so quick to say "oh that wont work" or "he'll get lonely and find someone else," I mean seriously?! Don't people believe in love any more? So short answer, yes I get harassed but I tell them where to stick it too

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
Real LDR is someone who is quite a distance from their SO. My bf use to be 3hrs away but I never really considered that long distance just a long drive lol Now he will be in another country and various time zones away so to me this is a "real" LDR. I personally think it depends on your definition of long distance. Some consider an hours drive to be long distance. lol


I have no problem with a LDR as long as the other person communicates and commits the same. My bf now is amazing and I don't worry in any way. I do have some concerns that the distance will be too much for him but he assures me it's not an issue. He has been dating LD basically for 8 years he said. He worries that I will grow apart from him and I assured him that won't happen. He is military and said he sees it all the time, the SO gets upset over not seeing them or talking to them and I told him I would drive him nuts via email lol I told him as long as we keep in touch and communicate and see each other, 3 years will be nothing. I will see him every 3months and maybe move one day if he asks me to. I told him I would only move if he asked me to. I mentioned things from this site and he said he would possibly do them although I think he thinks they are a little silly since he has never done them before, but I explained to him how it will keep us from growing apart. He is wonderful and perfect in my eyes and I have a feeling everything will work out just fine. I might freak out here and there but I understand his job and it would be selfish of me to get mad at him for not being able to talk to me. I have told him we can work our chat times around his schedule since mine is so open. After we talked this weekend, I feel much better. He said one simple thing to me that made all my worries disappear and I couldn't be happier.

[Rosebud]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
When I was around 13/14 (my personal age where relationships really started to become a 'big deal'), my older couin came to live with me and my family for about a year. It was during this year she met a man online, and as I shared a room with her (of my sisters I had the largest bed so she slept with me), I was very much aware and became quite used to all the time she spent on the computer and phone with him. He lived upstate, about 7 hours away so it was definitely a LDR and when cried because she couldn't be near him, I could see how very real her feelings were. I'll be honest, it never crossed my mind that she wasn't in a "real" relationship just because of something as silly as distance. (she is now married to this man btw and has been for a few years)

As I got older and visited the realm of internet chatrooms, I made a handful of friends (some I have physically met), and I could feel the different between 'oh yeah, online person I sometimes chat with' and 'a friend I met through the internet and genuinly care about'. I supposeit just seems natural for me that I would eventually meet someone I cared for beyond friendship online, as I grew up not really seeing a huge difference between those types of relationships and the ones where two people lived in the same town.


Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
Aside from my previously mentioned cousin, I've only have one other friend (ironically a friend I also met online but have met in person a few times as well) also involved in a LDR and I can safely say she doesn't view it as some type of 'game'. Actually, until I read this thread I had sort of forgotten that there are actually people who would do that- 'date' various people online just for kicks while still having a serious relationship in person with someone else.


What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
Obnoxious. Sure, most people see the eHarmony and the like commercials and just laugh it off, but it's when they're turned into hook-up spots that it really gets on my nerves, such as those late night commercials advertising 'sexy singles ready to talk', or the Zoosk ads online that alays features busty, scantily clad ladies near a laptop. On top of that, very often any type of online based relationship is often mocked on television programs such as on the show Bones, when Temperance begins to talk to a man online, her colleagues were very weary of her doing so and almost teased her for it. I also just finished watching an episode of Nip/Tuck where a woman wanted arm surgery before meeting the man she's been dating online for the first time, yet when she finally gets to see him at the end he looks nothing like his photo (instead he's the stereotypical 'nerdy, fat, unnattractive) and she looks horrified. It's these types of ideas that filter into people's minds and stick and makes it almost a joke to admit being in an LDR, especially with someone you first met online.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
I've had various responses so I can't say either yes or no. Som of my close friends can see how much my boyfriend means to me and when I need advise or just simply mention him they don't treat it as som type of game or act as though my feelings aren't real. Some of my other friends are a little more weary of actually calling him my boyfriend, but they're very supportive of my actually meeting him. My family's responses are all over the place. Aside from my cousin who understands that what I'm feeling can't be faked and my dad who was rather excited at me mentioning a boy, I get the feeling that most of my family is a little on the fence about the whole thing. While they don't forbid me from talking to him, instead it seems they're all moreso of the mindset of 'she doesn't understand what she thinks she's feeling' and would rather I didn't call it a romantic relationship. As for the average Joe on the street, well, I don't exactly advertise I met my boyfriend online. Usually when I tell people he lives far away they seem to assume it's because of school or that's where he moved, and while I don't correct them and tell them the truth, I don't agree either. Since even though I'm not ashamed of my relationship, I'm not going to pretend there isn't that stigma there (especially for couples who have yet to meet in person such as our case) and I just don't feel up to having to deal with it to people I don't trust more.


What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
When a physical distances interrupts but does not stop the love between two people.

[Bluestars]

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?

Everyone here seems to agree that an LDR doesn't matter whether the "distance is 20 miles or 12,0000". Excuse me, yes it does. That's the whole idea behind a LONG DISTANCE relationship. 20 miles isn't a long distance, it's a bicycle ride. A real LDR involves the couple being separated by a significant enough distance that they can only see each other at the very most once every 2 weeks. Perhaps it's only 200 miles, but to get to those 200 miles you need a $150 train ticket you simply can't afford. Fair enough.

I believe that there is still a good bit of disagreement on this site as to what amount of distance constitutes a long distant relationship. I do not think that there is a certain cutoff number where you can say, you are in a LDR if you are 200 miles away, but you are not if you are 198 miles away. I believe it more has more to do with each couple's individual circumstances. In most cases, I agree that people who live twenty miles apart are not in a long distance relationship. But suppose someone lives an hour apart but cannot afford to see their SO but once every two weeks. They still have to go without their SO for a good bit of time.

I remember MadMolly saying quite a bit ago that she changed her definition of an LDR to when you can't call your SO on the phone and meet up for a movie that same day because you are separated because of distance. I think that is a good description because some people an hour away could afford to drive that far in one day, but some cannot.

I get to see my SO once every month or two months, but there are some people on here that only get to see one another once a year. The amount of time in between trips and the distance between a couple can vary, but I think there must be some characteristics that all of us on this site share. Like how all of us have to depend on some other form of communication other than face to face contact for an extended about of time.

[polkapiggy]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
I was raised to think that EVERYONE on the internet was a pedophile and was going to hunt me down and kill me, so naturally I thought they were stupid. However, in 2007, a friend of mine introduced me to an animal crossing forum and I would play the game with people from all around the world and i'd talk to them on the forum and I realised that actually, not everyone on the internet is out to get you and there are tonnes of normal kids out there! A couple months in, my friend that introduced me to the site (who is now my best friend) introduced me to two guys, who went by Rav and JB. All four of us would play Animal Crossing: Wild World together. It was cool for a few months and we would play every couple weeks and would talk on the site most days. Then, that spring we went crazy with it and started to play EVERY day. I would be up until unholy hours playing it and sometimes I'd even fall asleep playing it, it drove my mum crazy! We became a really close knit group of friends and I grew to trust both of them greatly. By the end of that summer, Rav and I were really, really good friends and when I confessed to my best friend that I was starting to get feelings for him, she decided to do something about it and told him. Turned out he'd had feelings for me for months, but thought I wasn't interested in him. And then, we started dating. So I guess the only reason my opinion of it changed...is because I ended up in one.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
Hmm it's 50/50. I run into a lot of kids that don't even understand it, especially if you go to places like club penguin and habbo hotel. However, I meet many people who are in genuine LDRs and are truely in love.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
Where I live, everyone is extremely paranoid. It's probably the safest place in the country, but everyone still seems to think the moment you go outside you're going to be killed. We have had it drilled into us since we started school that the internet is not safe, you cannot trust anyone and that all things relating to online LDRs are simply nonsense. I've seen mixed things all around. In magazines I have seen stories of disaterous online dating, but I have also seen many success stories (my favourite of which is a 15 year old girl who fell in love with a guy on the social networking site bebo and than ran away from home in England to India to be with him and then got married at a mosque in a hoodie and jeans and then informed her mum by text. I can so see myself doing that some day.)

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
Oh god yes. When I tell people at school, the look on their faces is PRICELESS. It always goes like this...
Person: "so...this boyfriend..he lives..?"
Me: "New York, Long Island. 3500 miles"
Person: "Woah...seriously?!"
Me: "yep"
Person: "how long have you been together?"
Me: "1 year, 8 months"
Person: "wwoooaaahhhh thats a long time!! so...how old is he?"
Me: "18"
Person: "couldn't he be a pedo?"
Me: "I think I might have realised by now"

etc. etc. Some people accept it right away, others call me crazy, others start gossip and spread rumours, some support me, some don't.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
When if you were to break up, it would still deeply and truly affect you, despite being miles apart. I've never met Alex, but if we ever broke up, I think both of us would have mental breakdowns. It's also key that you trust eachother. I trust him completely and he trusts me completely. I see no danger in him knowing where I live, where I go to school, everything I do on a daily basis, who all my friends are. If you're scared to tell your SO where you live, you obviously don't trust them enough to be in a relationship with them.

[Alisz]

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?
I honestly didn't really think much of it. I understood that the people I was talking to online were real people. Back when I was 12-13 I met a boy online who I suppose now would be considered LDR. He only lived an hour or so outside of my city. We called each other on the phone (it wasn't far enough for long distance charges) and threw around the "L" word. His father brought him to the city to meet me. Apparently since I didn't look like Britney Spears was cause to dump me. :/ But I hadn't really thought of it as online dating, just a boy I happened to meet online who didn't live too far away heh.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games?
I don't hear of many people in LDRs period. But the ones I do hear of are either serious or they don't think of it any different than CDRs. I have a friend who meets a lot of her friends online (within the city) and she doesn't think of it as "online dating." Technically it is since she meets them through a friending network, but because she meets them IRL and hangs out with them she forgets the origin of their friendship.

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen?
I think it's dated and so wrong and far from the truth. I hate it because it causes unnecessary stress for me on a personal level. The media says that you can't meet anyone genuine or honest online and I think that's a silly generalization. But because they're so hard pressed to prove that theory right (with pedos and stalkers and cyberbullying) they rarely show the good side of things. It bothers me because for people who don't understand LDRs (like my family) they think that is all that's out there. It's tiring having to explain that the internet is so much more widespread now. That people carry it around with them on their pockets and that everyday, normal, honest people are logged on and interacting with each other. That it's not entirely impossible for a friendship or relationship to bloom from that.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?
I don't tell many people tbh. I just don't share my love life with many people that know me because they either aren't interested, don't ask, or it's none of their business. :/ But the ones that do know it's been mixed reactions. His family is fine with it. I've told parts of my family to test out the waters... My father I don't think entirely approves of it, but he wants me to be happy so he goes with it. I know he doesn't understand it and I can try to explain it to him a million times and he just won't get it. He's stubborn like that. My friends aren't really supportive, but they also don't discourage me either. They're kind of like my father in that aspect. They just kinda go with it. It's disheartening... I wish they were more supportive, but at least they're not trying to split us up.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?
I think it's what any other serious CDR is. Two people who love each other with genuine trust, honesty and commitment. The only difference I see between CDR and LDR is that when you're in a LDR you have to put those things to the test a lot more. Which is why I think people who are in LDRs and can survive in them make for long lasting relationships. There is so much more trust that is built when you're apart that I don't think could be easily built (or at least without taking years to do) with people who are together in CDRs.

[SimplyKatie]

Funny story, my SO actually does live in Canada. xD

What was your opinion of LDRs before you were in one?To be honest, growing up I was one of those kids in the AOL chatrooms 'hooking' up with guys and proclaiming love days after meeting. About 5 years ago, I shunned LDR's because I decided that having someone around physically was much better for me than only having someone around emotionally. I ended an on and off 7 year online relationship with this guy that lived in Florida at the time (I live in TX). For the last three years, I've been single, by choice, and never even considered having an LDR again. However, within the past year, I met my SO online through mutual friends on Facebook, and it was like that block fell, and once again I found myself toying with the idea of LDR's.

Do you encounter more people in genuine LDRs outside of this forum or more people who treat them like games? Like I said above, LDR's have not even been in the picture for me for over three years. I completely forgot about them, and didn't really know anyone involved in one. But, a good friend of mine entered into an LDR about a year and a half ago with a girl in California. She recently moved here to Texas, and they're planning their marriage for this time next year. So I definitely know that they work. ;]

What's your opinion on the media's portrayal of LDRs/what have you seen? The media definitely has given LDR's a pretty bad rap in my opinion. They've turned them into things only silly girls enter into with strange men who end up murdering them. I think the fact that successful LDR's are hardly ever portrayed in the media definitely makes it hard for most people to believe that they can and do work.

Do people harass you when you say your SO isn't in the same state/country as you?Honestly, no. All of my friends are VERY supportive, which is a shocker, haha. Two of my roommates even talked about, and wanted our relationship to happen even before I even though about having feelings for Travis. It's definitely a blessing to have my close friends support me, and it makes it easier to cope with the fact that he's not here because I have pals that understand. My mom is still cautious though. She always tells me we shouldn't get serious until we've met. I respect her opinion though, because she's just doing what mothers do. Haha. But I've not once been harassed for being in an LDR.

What, in your opinion, defines a REAL LDR?I think a real LDR should be everything a real CDR is minus the separation. I think if you're truly putting time, effort, action, and love into your LDR as though the distance weren't truly there, then it's real.