I couldn't find a better place to post this - I'm scared of being at home

[Haley53]

I don't have much to add to what's already been said (and what I have discussed privately), but I will say that I don't agree with telling anyone to "deal with it," not until they have exhausted all their options. If this were a post about "I can't cope with the abuse that's going on anymore, and I'm considering suicide over it," then sure, maybe I would touch upon strength, weathering through the situation for x-more years, and so on, in addition to discussing any possible resources that may be of use. But telling someone who's asking for advice on what their options even are to begin with to more or less suck it up?

I understand the ultimate message behind what's being said, I understand, also, what's meant by the comparison factor (as something both my sister and I have realised during our discussions with one another, though I do not resent my sister for not being abused the same ways I was), but I suppose I don't agree with telling someone they should deal with it because they "can" without at least exhausting all their other options. I did not stay in my father's house because I couldn't and because to see him even once a month for an overnight would have meant repeated occurrences of what happened to begin with. My mother's alcoholism and verbal abuse in the bad years, however? That was something I could not escape. It was either that, or face homelessness, and that is when I needed to put on my steely resolve.

In my opinion, one's steely resolve should be the absolute last thing they turn to, because sometimes, there are other options. I simply wanted to put out there. Sometimes, yes, we have to put on a brave face, and we, as people, are a hell of a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for, but Aaron please, do look into all your options. Even if it's simply someone to talk to (via a crisis/abuse hotline) to help you with this situation when you can't speak to your SO, please look into your options. Sometimes we might temporarily have to put up with a situation until we can make more moves towards getting out of it, but that does not mean we are in it alone or that all hope is lost. It simply means that you need to find what you need to do to keep you sane and if not get you out as soon as possible, then at least provide you with a resource for coping with the abuse and keeping it from getting out of hand as much as you can. Hang in there.

[Malaga]

Aaron, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so scared and hopeless. I don't know what I could say to make you feel better, I wish I had the words.

You have mentioned your dad is at times impressed with your skills and attempts to keep yourself busy, which is the only positive I got from your post. Is there any chance you could get him to help you with finding a job? When he's in a better mood like that. He may not be able to, but even then it may help with somewhat normalising your relationship. What does he do? Is there a chance you could go to where he works and at least volunteer? Even if it doesn't get you a paying job, your dad might cut you a bit more slack. He already showed he can be impressed by what you do.

I know you probably hate the idea of spending any more time near him, but without a job you have no income, and there's a very good chance your family might cut you off if you move away. Even living with a friend you'd have to contribute something. So I think it might be good to try and reach out to your dad first and see if your relationship can be at least a little bit improved until you secure a source of income for you to move. Embellish your CV and go for anything that pays, make it your number one priority. That's your ticket out of there.