Advice urgently needed: Meeting my bf for the first time

[ThisBeTheVerse]

Hello. I'm new here.

I won't bore you with the tedious details..I hope. Cutting a long story short, I've been in touch with a guy (more or less everyday) who I met off a penpal site 2 years ago. After exchanging a few letters, we added each other on Skype and that is how we mainly communicate at the moment: through webcam/voice-enabled chat. As our correspondence progressed further, it became apparent that we were more than just 'friends'. As much as I am skeptical of relationships that start and are maintained online, I could not resist this guy's charm. We're meeting for the first time on Thursday as lovers. He's coming from France to sunny England and the problem is....I'm fookin' brickin' it (understandably, I know). This isn't just a casual meet up to see if we click. I feel as if I'm under a lot of pressure as we've already made the assumption that this will go smoothly and we will love each other no less when we meet in person.

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through a similar experience and what the outcome was. Advice would also be much appreciated as I'm not sure what to expect.

Danke.

x

[Benni]

I don't have any tales to tell or advice but I'd be interested in what others have to say. My guy says the same thing -- we've been friends for so long and really like/love each other a lot so how could meeting be any different? How could it change our feelings? -- But, I have met guys through online dating sites that seemed perfect for me and they were not the same in person so things didn't work out with any of them. I sure hope it doesn't work out like that when B and I finally meet!!!!

[Zephii]

There are lots of first meet threads where you can hear others stories and read about their nervousness. It might help you feel better.

The long and the short of it was for us that we spoke online for nearly five years, and when we met in person it was to decide if we had a future or not. It wasn't awkward, we loved each other even more in person and now we're living happily ever after. Plenty of people here had just as much luck as I did So try not to stress.

On the other hand, if you meet and you're not that keen, don't force yourself.

Everything tends to work out ok in the end of the book, no matter what happens at the climax

[13000km]

I met my SO on a penpal site too. We transitioned from sending packages to instant messaging and skype, finally decided to meet for the first time and here we are, two years later, getting married in December.

You hear more successful stories than unsuccessful ones. Have your first meeting, enjoy it, then see where you want to go from there. All the best!

[ThisBeTheVerse]

Thanks very much for your reassuring words! I appreciate it X

There are lots of first meet threads where you can hear others stories and read about their nervousness. It might help you feel better.

The long and the short of it was for us that we spoke online for nearly five years, and when we met in person it was to decide if we had a future or not. It wasn't awkward, we loved each other even more in person and now we're living happily ever after. Plenty of people here had just as much luck as I did So try not to stress.

On the other hand, if you meet and you're not that keen, don't force yourself.

Everything tends to work out ok in the end of the book, no matter what happens at the climax

[ThisBeTheVerse]

Aww, that's so lovely and encouraging to hear! : )
Thank you! xx

I met my SO on a penpal site too. We transitioned from sending packages to instant messaging and skype, finally decided to meet for the first time and here we are, two years later, getting married in December.

You hear more successful stories than unsuccessful ones. Have your first meeting, enjoy it, then see where you want to go from there. All the best!

[Anyaheirkoya]

two weeks ago, my love and I finally met in person. We were both scared that the other person would be disappointed. We weren't. If you guys have been honest online, and have a love that's based on the inner person you are, it'll be fine. Just relax, be yourself, and enjoy this time. Expect initial awkwardness. But it really shouldn't last long.

[London-FortCollins]

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your relationship and having to decide that it will go well or not, what will happen etc. Just let it happen naturally - allow yourself to feel the feelings without over thinking too much if you can.

Try and have your first day/date be "doing" something so you can see how you interact together. Go to the zoo, a museum, ice-skating. That way you'll be so busy talking about what it is your doing you wont be thinking about "what should I say?" etc etc.

Dont think.....just feel - you'll be fine

[D.4C]

for us..we met the first time late this last september...and i had bought the ticked months prior...so we had alot of time to talk about things...what we ecpected...what made us nervous...everything...when the day finally came...i knew she was nervous...but as i watched her walk in off the plane...i could see a big smile come to her face as soon as she saw me...so i walked up to her as she approached me...and we locked arms around each other...and i could feel her shaking from nerves...and as we held each other...i whispered in her ear...it's ok hunni...and i could feel those shakes slowly leave her body...we kissed...and we walked to the baggage claim...hand in hand...hugged and kissed while we waited for her suitcase...i didn't wanna let her go...we didn't have real big expectations sexually actually...i actually told her that just because she was coming here...that she had to sleep in the same bed as me if she didn't feel comfortable enough...i have an extra bedroom here at the house...but...that went out the door...she was super comfortable...and it was natural to just be able to be together...and snuggle and cuddle...and kiss and that...it was an awesome week to say the least

[ThisBeTheVerse]

for us..we met the first time late this last september...and i had bought the ticked months prior...so we had alot of time to talk about things...what we ecpected...what made us nervous...everything...when the day finally came...i knew she was nervous...but as i watched her walk in off the plane...i could see a big smile come to her face as soon as she saw me...so i walked up to her as she approached me...and we locked arms around each other...and i could feel her shaking from nerves...and as we held each other...i whispered in her ear...it's ok hunni...and i could feel those shakes slowly leave her body...we kissed...and we walked to the baggage claim...hand in hand...hugged and kissed while we waited for her suitcase...i didn't wanna let her go...we didn't have real big expectations sexually actually...i actually told her that just because she was coming here...that she had to sleep in the same bed as me if she didn't feel comfortable enough...i have an extra bedroom here at the house...but...that went out the door...she was super comfortable...and it was natural to just be able to be together...and snuggle and cuddle...and kiss and that...it was an awesome week to say the least

I think I just melted!

[kria]

My SO and I met in person over a year ago. We were so very nervous that we would disappoint the other. He expected it to be awkward, but, in my heart, I didn't really think it would be. My biggest fear was disappointing him by looks or whatnot. Anyway, I was so nervous when I learned that his plane had arrived. I was shaking so much that you could hear it in my voice. However, when he arrived, it wasn't awkward at all! We hugged for what seemed like forever. We didn't kiss or anything for we weren't an actual couple then. We were "testing the waters" before diving into a full blown relationship. Anyway, it all worked out well. We had our first kiss three days later. It has been almost a year and a half since that first time meeting one another, and we are still going strong. I think we fall in love more and more each and every day. He has since visited again (this past July - August), and I have been to see him and meet his family (Christmas of 2011). Thankfully, they all loved me too (Thank goodness!). Now, I'm going to be visiting him again this December. So, don't worry about everything. Like everyone has said, just go with the flow and be yourself. You can also reassure your SO to do the same, if you haven't already. When you know that your SO's plane has landed, just take a few deep breaths, be yourself, and don't overthink. It will all be fine.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

P.S. Sorry if I rambled a bit. I'm good at doing that.

[DiMoose]

I think I melted too!

Our story was pretty much the same wich is why I think it resonated so much. We had talked for a whole year before meeting in person, and well we DID talk a LOT of time like 6 hours everyday... and i mean everyday... And we sent letters, and we video chatted, and we phoned... so we knew eachother, I've often wondered If we know each other more than other not geographically challenged couples... we didn't ahve any other option but to talk, or read... or well be together online, we didn;t have physical distractions... So I can't say we weren't nervous... of course we were, more so because he was coming for 3 months... so it was a very drastic change in our relationship. But as with D.4C We bought the tickets almost 6 months before he came... because it is cheaper, and we skyped to the last minute before he had to go to the airport. We had been waiting sooo long to hold each other... that all the doubts, just disappeared when I saw him walking towards me, I was most scared he wouldn't recognise me! I know stupid, he had seen me 15 hours before! But yes trembling and breathless we hugged first too... before anything else. And again like D.4C He told me... Ive got you now. Im here. and that was it... All I needed and wanted was just that. And WE did share bed/room from day1, it was a bit akward like changing and stuff, cause even if we had seen eachother naked before, it just felt too real, if it makes sense to you. But when I opened my eyes the next day and he was still there... still hugging me... I realised I had been half breathing the last year... everything was soo much better. I can't say we clicked in everything... I still have an issue with how he uses toothpaste (he's a middle squisher) but to be honest... I think it's just silly to fixate on the what ifs... because if you ahve been honest and you've been real. Then you know who you're meeting, your heart has been waiting for him. So chill... He's got you. And I'm sure you'll be in a daze when he gets there.

[thebadlydrawnfox]

I absolutely and whole-heartedly agree with London-FortCollins.

Yes, meeting in person is important and exciting, but remember that you know your SO already. You are not meeting with a stranger. Try to approach it mentally the same way you would Skyping with him. The person's the same, it's just the medium that's a little different. It is a great idea to make sure you have something to do to take the pressure off both of you - remember, he's likely to be as nervous as you are!

Don't think too much now about how you want things to turn out, because then you might try to force things or act in a way you're not comfortable with. If things don't feel right between you and your SO (which is pretty unlikely, if you have been getting on well so far; just see the success stories this thread is dripping with!), then allow yourself to react to that feeling.

[Secrecy]

I felt the exact same way prior to meeting my boyfriend for the first time back in May. Needless to say, once I got there, any worries I had instantly vanished. And when I say instantly, I mean INSTANTLY. I was so worried that I wouldn't be pretty enough, wouldn't be worthy enough for him. That he would be disappointed in me somehow, and there would be five days worth of awkwardness thereafter as I visited him. That didn't happen at all; the most awkward part was when we were checking into the hotel, and I had to convince myself not to just attack him then and there, and had to contain myself until we got to the room, hah hah. From the moment I stepped out of the cab, and he was just... Waiting out there, for me, and I ran out to him and jumped into his arms, everything was right. I still remember so fondly when he hugged me tightly and the very first words he said to me in person were: "You really ARE tiny!" It went perfectly thereafter. You may have some awkwardness, but you may not too; just take everything in stride. I fully believe everything will be okay!

[NikkiDeAnn75]

One of the great thiings about an LDR is that you spend so much more time talking and getting to know your SO because of the distance between you than you would in a CDR. I was much more comfortable with my SO than I had ever been with anyone else I had dated. Our first meeting was nervous, but at the same time we had spent so much time talking and getting to know one another that the nervousness went away almost immediately.