We Broke Up (previously Eclaire)

[Bethypoo]

Glad to hear that you are doing okay! Are you still in the same area? If so, I moved back t and am here if you need a friend

[Bbth]

PiedPipe,
Even though I'm kind of new here, I've noticed you have always been awesome in giving advice and I'm really glad you'll be sticking around.
I'm very sorry to hear about your break-up. I know it must be really hard for you and I hope you get over it quickly.
However, I did want to ask you something. Did he try any medical treatment at all? The death of a beloved one can cause severe depression.
Maybe talking to a psychiatrist and going to therapy could help him?
From what you said I think he loves you, but depression is not letting him show you this.
Of course we can't blame depression for everything, but in this time he needs support and love more than anything.
I don't know the details and what happened, but maybe you should think about it.
All the best

[ThePiedPiper]

There's a lot that happened and it follows a pattern of behaviour from his early adolescence (we've been friends since I was 16/17). Even if medication and/or therapy could help him, it was suggested on a few occasions and he never showed any interest in seeking treatment. He agreed it could be beneficial but he never pursued it, said he didn't have the time or the motivation to go, then decided a year later that he's fine and no longer effected/as effected by depression and therefore doesn't need help. His mother passed away over a year ago. I'm sorry, but I don't deserve being verbally abused for a year, having someone constantly lash out at me, say horrible things like "I hate you" because I have academic obligations, get angry at me and ignore me for expressing feelings he doesn't like, cut me off when I try to communicate, etc. and I don't deserve someone who never changed, made any improvements on issues, and in fact got worse on some of them. He took me for granted and it got to a point where our love was based on anxiety and my rolling over every time he got angry so that he wouldn't take it out on me, despite my communication several times over that I am not a punching bag. He did not receive the love I put into the relationship or the effort and while I understand I'm getting defensive, and perhaps I should not, it also frustrates me to hear someone tell me that after a year of sacrificing every single need I have, putting more than four grand into the relationship, doing my best to fix it for an entire year, that all he needs is love and understanding and that I should think about it and reconsider my decision.

In the end, he should not still be calling me names and saying cruel things to me a year after his mother's death. He should not still be taking me or our relationship for granted. He should not be completely shutting me out and refusing to help himself. He didn't change - at all - in a year, and I did. I can't have helped that. And I deserve better than to be stuck in a relationship because he deserves understanding and love. I gave him that for a year and not once did he receive it. I also can't help that I have fallen out of love.

[Bbth]

I understand. But like I said, I didn't know the details and what had happened.
Agressive behavior is expected on depression and I can only say it is too bad he never showed any interest in seeking treatment because I know only love and understanding doesn't solve the whole thing. It helps, but it not so effective if the person doesn't want to help himself.
I'm sure you did your best and I'm not judging you or your decision. I was simply speaking from my experience, well, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, it was never my intention.

[ThePiedPiper]

And I apologise for getting defensive, because I know you didn't know. It's simply that I tried so, so, so hard to make this work, for several months, and finally gave up because it'd run me ragged trying and I had nothing left to give and realised I didn't even know what I was fighting for anymore or why. Truce?

[Reglisse]

I'm so sorry to hear about this... I've been through something similar myself, I'm not going to say I know how you feel, because every situation is different, but I know its difficult..

I hope that when the initial pain of it all starts to fade, that you'll start seeing the world of new opportunities and possible adventures that lie ahead of you now

[Bbth]

Truce
You did the best for you and I admire your strengh for putting up with this for all this time. I know it can be really hard to live with someone with depression. I only thought that maybe if he got the treatment he needed, there might be a chance to see if his behavior changed towards you. But, honestly, if he is not willing to try, I think you made the right call.
It'll heal with time and the whole forum is here for you.
Stay strong!