"Will you marry me...?"

[Tanja]

Andy and I talked about proposing the other night and he wanted to know how it's done here in Finland. He was quite surprised to know that in here a woman usually buys her man an engagement ring as well and they both wear it until they get married and get another pair.

Is that really so unusual? How does the whole engagement thing work in your country? Does it have to be a surprise? Do you pick the ring together? Does the man have to kneel down? Is it weird for a woman to propose? How would YOU like to be proposed to?

[Gemma]

Its a little unusual. The common thing in England is for the guy to propose to the girl, and give the girl a ring. Sometimes a girl asks a guy, but if that is the case, im not sure what happens about a ring, but i know it is unusual for a guy to wear a specific engagement ring.
Every country has their own way of doing things though.

[Gurl]

That is unusual for people from the states to think about, though I like the idea! Here, there are a bajillion possiblities for ways to propose and its not too uncommon for the woman to do so, though not as common as the more traditional way. A lot of couples do pick out rings together, after he's proposed. Most of the times it is a bit of a surprise, but a lot of women seem to be half expecting it. I had a friend ask if there had been a ring in my jewelry box He sent me ROFLMFAO....we've not even said I Love you to each other yet (though I've signed things Love you and written it in an email and letter or few).

I want the old fashioned, man on one knee surprise LOL But as long as we are both sure what we have is going to last, it doesn't really matter how we end up engaged.

[folclor]

lol, I second Gurl's response as far as the tradition in our country goes. Though I think it is probably not so common that the girl proposes and picking out the ring together would seem odd to me. A couple of my friends have gotten engaged before and the first one was a total surprise while the second one her boyfriend asked her before it happened. As far as what I'd like...*blushes* well, Alex already knows what I'd like so I think I'll keep it that way. ^^;

[Jennifer&Georgex3]

Of course, the men on one knee with the ring in the box.... blah blah blah. There's the United States for you.
Girls can propose and men can propose in more ways than even the 'soon-to-be' fiance can imagine, from posting his question on a billboard or writing it in the sand at the beach. To be honest, I would feel a little weird proposing to George, knowing that he would want to propose to me. I wouldn't mind if he picked out the ring himself (but I wouldn't mind a little secret input). Haha.

To be honest, and George is going to either think I'm crazy or love me for it,
but I've always just dreamed of spending a day in the city again. This time, we'd do everything we both enjoyed about the other times we've been, including a carriage ride (something that we both wished we could have done this past time). A trip to Millennium Park, a walk near Lake Michigan, and a few other things that we both love about Chicago. Maybe in the middle of Millennium Park? Or... in the middle of Shell Aquarium (the tunnel with the fish, you know)? He would say a few 'lovey- dovey' things, of course, being very sincere and kneel, propose. I wouldn't mind if people were around or if it was a private propose, just something unexpected yet not to 'crazy'. The 'right' moment. Any moment would be right. It's with him.

[... Yea, George, er... I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you. Not one bit, matter of fact.]

[KeeperoftheAirmansHeart]

my adivice for you is to continue to discuss it with him. He should respect you bc it's your culture, but at the same time, here in the US the guy proposing is usally a BIG deal. It's changing very slowly, but the two of you need to talk about it and deside what eithe of you are willing to give up. I think that him wearing an engagement ring is totally fine! Lol, i gave my bf a promise ring over Christmas, and he LOVED it! =) But most people here think that's pretty odd. So it's really personal preference. As far as picking out the ring and surprising, it depends, if you're really picky abouit what you want then it may be good for you to tell him what you want or a couple of ideas about it. I personally want to be surprised, and i know that that's a big thing for my boyfriend, so i don't mind at all. And the guy getting down on one knee is really like an act of respect for the woman. Like he's saying "Im all yours if you'll take me" =)Yet again, it's all up to the two of you.

[lunamea]

Yeah, I think the guy proposing is the traditional thing in Austria as well (ignoring the fact that most people actually don't get married anymore in Austria). Anyway, in a lot of instances, the couple just agrees on it, without an actual proposal (which is not very romantic, but the way my parents did it and partly the way my husband and I did it).
My hb and I kinda had this unspoken agreement, but I think he was still afraid I'd say 'no' if he asked me directly. So, one night, I made him ask me. I just said "ask me now" (he knew what I meant) and then I said 'yes.' He didn't do the "on one knee" thing and I'm glad, because I think that's really old-fashioned and inappropriate in a relationship of equals. We also picked out the rings together, which is also something I liked.

I have a question, though: on which hand do you wear the wedding ring? In Austria, we wear the engagement ring on the left hand and the wedding ring on the right hand, and I know that it's different in the US, but I have no idea about other countries in the world.

[MadMolly]

It's reasonably common for the girl to propose here, but usually it's the guy. With a lot of people I know, they buy an engagement ring after they've proposed, but I think that's because the people I know getting married are quite youngish still.

[Taija]

The whole "getting on one knee and proposing" is indeed not as common in Finland and often the couple just agrees to get engaged.

I personally would liked to be surprised in some original way (like this, hehe), but in the end it's not so important - as long we're in love and taking a new step in our relationship, it's all good for me.

[Tanja]

Andy said it's definitely gonna be a surprise, which I love
But I'm glad he brought the whole thing up cause I showed him the kind of rings I like and hate and it turned out he was gonna get me one I wouldn't have liked very much - wouldn't that be nightmare if a guy proposed and everything would be perfect but the ring would be hidious?

In here we wear both the engagement and marriage ring in the left hand, men usually wear one ring (even though they often have 2 for both occasions) and women wear either 1 or 2, however they like.

I had never really thought about all the differences before so I'm really happy we talked about it! Although I told him he can do everything his way, as long as it's him asking I don't care how it's done, I just wanna marry him! I've asked him a million times already but he said it's his job to propose and he also said he's only gonna ask it once and really mean it which I think sounds so romantic and just the thought of getting proposed to in an old fashion romantic way couldn't be any better (finnish men are usually far from being romantic in any way lol). So basically we both have already said yes since we know we're definitely gonna be engaged but where the official proposing takes place, I've got no idea and I LOVE the wait!

[Andy]

The whole "getting on one knee and proposing" is indeed not as common in Finland and often the couple just agrees to get engaged.

That's exactly what Tanja said, it couldn't sound much less romantic! Surely there isn't anything more romantic than asking your true love to spend the rest of their life with you?? I think that's a shame

Tanja's pretty much covered everything we talked about lol. I'll just say I don't know any guys who've ever had an engagment ring, that would feel very strange to me indeed.

As long as I wear the wedding ring though, right babe?

[garnet]

My ex husband (11 years ago, American), and my fiance (Rane, Canadian) both wanted to (and did/do) wear an engagement ring. I see nothing wrong with a guy announcing silently that he is off the market too.

Oh, and Rane proposed without a ring. He let me pick it out, which I certainly didn't object to! I found my dream ring and it's never coming off my finger.

[Tanja]

Yeah I sort of always expected Andy to wear a ring too - I know this might sound a bit posessive lol but I would've liked it if he wore it cause it would've let everyone know he's taken and he's mine, it's definitely gonna feel really weird when I'll just a wear a ring and he doesn't, if a finnish guy did that it would mean he doesn't want anyone to know he's engaged lol. But I won't force him lol since his culture is completely different from mine and he wouldn't feel comfortable with it, I'll settle for him wearing the wedding ring.

I don't think picking the ring after the proposal makes it any less romantic although I have nothing against being given a beautiful ring to wear when the man of my dreams proposes

[Tanja]

Oh one more question about weddings... Are you gonna make him dance?

[Mio]

In my country normally the follow the American custom. Sometimes it can be a surprise, sometimes they plan it together, most of the time the man proposes, and the woman is the only one that wears the ring. Then when they marry sometimes the woman have a set of 2 rings in the left hand, and the man one on the left hand.

But my SO is from Germany, and they do it differently. There normally the man buy a ring for him and a ring for her, normally they look identical or almost identical. Then they surprise the girl with the rings. They normally wear them on the left hand. When they marry they buy 2 identical rings, and wear them on the right side.

In our personal case, he told me to look into some rings catalogs, and he took me to jewlery stores to see my personal taste. Then when he bought them, eventually he told me he got them because for him it was a big thing to keep it secreet. But he told me that he wouldn't tell me when or how it was going to be like. He also told me that we would do it reverse from the traditional German way, for us the wear the engagement ring on the right side, and the wedding band on the left (that's how his family make it). So when he came to visit this past January, my family and some friends were camping at the beach. And at night he told me that he had something to show me at the shore (coast) so he piggy backed me and told me to close my eyes. Then he dropped me on the sand and told me to turn around. And there he was, he changed his clothe and everything, in one knee with the rings on his hand, and he proposed saying some beautiful things. He put 2 tikis with fire, and several candles in the sand, making a V Shape (he tried to make a heart, but the wind was too strong for the fire). He got a bottle of the first Sec we drank together in an improvised ice cooler in the sand, with 2 glasses. It was very nice! Some time later my family and friends came to us, and then we all celebrated.

When a couple is multicultural, is very nice to see how different everything can be, I never thought about it before, but it's great!!