Confusion about female friend

[Chris516]

I think you either need to sort out your current relationship or cut off contact with this other woman.

I don't see how this can play into it (assuming you mean true feelings so far as romantic ones, which if you don't, I apologize) and you not call this emotionally cheating.

Working on my present relationship is better(and easier), than trying to nurture any relationship past a friendship, with my Canadian friend. The distance plays into the emotional aspect, because the distance is further compounded by the requirements for crossing the U.S.-Canada border.

[Dezface]

I really think you're in denial about your feelings for this other woman. Or rather, how deep those feelings are and what they mean to your current relationship. Seems to me your heart is with this other woman but due to circumstances you are not together. That is what it is, but that's not fair to your current SO.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Well, Not just money. I am not going to travel 2,000mi. to see her, when her true feelings are still a mystery.

The thing is, if your current relationship meas as much to you as you say it does then it wouldn't matter if her feeling were a mystery or not. Knowing how she felt wouldn't change you're actions in the situation.

I actually have wanted to move to be with my SO. I am not with her out of convenience. I am with her out of love. The other woman, if a choice were made, is second to my SO. The 'attention', is indirectly skewed by my SO's lack of communication at times. I put my energies into the relationship, but my SO doesn't communicate at times.

That doesn't change that you even considered moving to the other woman. It doesn't matter if she is second to your so or third to your so and someone else, the fact that you said "if a choice were made" means that you have thought about it and that's not fair to your current so.

My SO means more.

Is this the truth or you trying to convince yourself? You should be really sure about it so that you make the best decision for you. It honestly sounds like you care more for your friend and are just trying to make yourself care less for her and more for your so because you feel that she's unattainable. Every reply you have given has been geared toward funds and being unsure of how your friend feels, not about how you feel and what you actually would prefer to have in the end.

Working on my present relationship is better(and easier), than trying to nurture any relationship past a friendship, with my Canadian friend. The distance plays into the emotional aspect, because the distance is further compounded by the requirements for crossing the U.S.-Canada border.

And this. This is being with your so out of convenience. It's easier to be with her than admitting your feelings to your friend and getting a visa for Canada, meaning that it's more convenient to you time and money wise. You may love her but would you still be with her if your friend was just as convenient to you as she is? If they lived in the same area who would you choose? Which person is the reason that you joined this site (not physically, which person did you have in your mind when you signed up)?

[Chris516]

I really think you're in denial about your feelings for this other woman. Or rather, how deep those feelings are and what they mean to your current relationship. Seems to me your heart is with this other woman but due to circumstances you are not together. That is what it is, but that's not fair to your current SO.

Hmmm...Another angle, worth thinking about. I don't see how I am in denial. But that doesn't mean, I will ignore the perspective.

[Chris516]

The thing is, if your current relationship means as much to you as you say it does then it wouldn't matter if her feeling were a mystery or not. Knowing how she felt wouldn't change you're actions in the situation.

True, The 'mixed signals' are a moot point.

That doesn't change that you even considered moving to the other woman. It doesn't matter if she is second to your so or third to your so and someone else, the fact that you said "if a choice were made" means that you have thought about it and that's not fair to your current so.

Yes, That is true. It is just plain stupid.

Is this the truth or you trying to convince yourself? You should be really sure about it so that you make the best decision for you. It honestly sounds like you care more for your friend and are just trying to make yourself care less for her and more for your so because you feel that she's unattainable. Every reply you have given has been geared toward funds and being unsure of how your friend feels, not about how you feel and what you actually would prefer to have in the end.

I care more for my SO, even though I have known the woman in Canada longer. The more I think about it, it was stupid to start thinking about in the first place.

And this. This is being with your so out of convenience. It's easier to be with her than admitting your feelings to your friend and getting a visa for Canada, meaning that it's more convenient to you time and money wise. You may love her but would you still be with her if your friend was just as convenient to you as she is? If they lived in the same area who would you choose? Which person is the reason that you joined this site (not physically, which person did you have in your mind when you signed up)?

I would still be with my SO, even if my friend lived close by. I joined the website because of my SO, as to the physical distance between us. In terms of getting a Visa to go to Canada, I won't do it.