So doesn't want a serious relationship

[MattDavies86]

Yup, I feel like Im putting a lot into it. I want to know whats the goal and if were on the same page.

Then you deserve to have a lot given back to be honest, it's only fair! That sounds like the plan, need you find out what you both want and expect from it, hopefully your on the same page, but if not then you have a hard decision ahead of you, wish you the best either way! Keep us posted, plenty of us here are willing to talk and listen either way!

[princessmeg1328]

I have to agree with everyone else. You need to talk honestly with him and let him know what you're feeling. It's the only way that he'll know. It's true he's been honest with you, but sometimes things can once you've shared. He might realize how important it is to you to be exclusive (if that's what you want), and he might be willing to give it a try. Also like thepiedpiper said, there's no guarantee that you'll never be LD again even once you close the distance.

[Jgui]

If I'm being honest, I feel like you're trying to delude yourself into being okay with something you quite clearly are not. :/

ThePiedPiper took the words out of my mouth! I agree with this statement right here, sometimes we tend to forget what we truly want and need because we're afraid of losing something completely. It's better to have something instead of nothing, is what some would say. But honestly, you would need to ask yourself to see if you're okay with having an open relationship with him, are you really okay with him sleeping with other people while you're probably not going to do the same? Being exclusive only when one or the other is around doesn't make it a serious relationship (in my mind).

I've actually been in your shoes before, where I met this guy I was really attracted to. Now I wouldn't say I loved him or anything, but he was someone I really wanted to be with. And he's told me numerous times he doesn't want a relationship, that he like to keep his options open and date around. At the beginning I was okay with him because I didn't want to lose him completely but eventually it caught up with me because I'd feel jealous and/or uncomfortable with the fact he is talking with other females. So that was when I asked myself if I'm really okay with this open relationship which obviously I wasn't. So we had a long talk about how I felt about him and we started dating exclusively. Had I not talked about that with him I sure I would've end up being really hurt and I sure as hell didn't wanna put myself through unnecessary pain.

I'd say talk with you SO and see what he feels. If you both don't want the same thing and aren't on the same page then I'd say move on to someone else. Yes, you love him but is it worth it to get yourself hurt in the end?

[MissKS]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. It really helped. I did some thinking, and I told him how I felt. I realized how important it is to communicate. We are not exclusive yet, but he didn't know how much it bothered me. This is the first time I am in an open relationship, and I think its hard for me because I was raised Catholic, and I can't really tell the people around me. People already think I'm nuts for being in an long distance relationship.

[ThePiedPiper]

Thanks everyone for all the comments. It really helped. I did some thinking, and I told him how I felt. I realized how important it is to communicate. We are not exclusive yet, but he didn't know how much it bothered me. This is the first time I am in an open relationship, and I think its hard for me because I was raised Catholic, and I can't really tell the people around me. People already think I'm nuts for being in an long distance relationship.

So what was the conclusion? Knowing how much it bothers you, he's still going to continue putting himself first, dating and sleeping with other women, and having his way until whenever you two can close the distance and anytime in the future you two might have to be apart... ? Or is he thinking about it and actually considering committing to you? The "yet" threw me off, but it sounds like he more or less did what he could to make you complacent with your open arrangement versus actually listening to your concerns and what they mean.

[MissKS]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

[ThePiedPiper]

Well in the end it's up to you. I simply am not sure how it's going to work when you want him to commit to you and he wants to sleep around. :/ It's between you two, though, but don't become compliant just because it's either let him screw other women or he ditches you. Make sure it's something you want/can handle.

[MattDavies86]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

Makes sure your careful then! And don't end up in a situation you don't want to be or aren't happy in good luck

[Dezface]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

I think you're setting yourself up. But good luck to you regardless.

[Tooki]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

You have set yourself up to fail. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did your man say? Go into as much detail as you feel comfortable with.

[Black_Halloween]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

I really think you're only continuing because you're too afraid to break up with him. This is NOT what you really want, be honest with yourself and your feelings. You deserve so much better hun.

[digitalfever]

I am going to continue. I know it sounds bad. But he is committed in his own way.

An open relationship means that there are NO end goals, NO expectations,
NO commitments, NO obligations with the luxury of dating other men/women, having sex with a variety of partners without having to answer to your "partner". Essentially, your boyfriend has told you that he wants to have emotional closeness and vulnerability while also being able to sow his oats.

He's not committed at all.

[MattDavies86]

An open relationship means that there are NO end goals, NO expectations,
NO commitments, NO obligations with the luxury of dating other men/women, having sex with a variety of partners without having to answer to your "partner". Essentially, your boyfriend has told you that he wants to have emotional closeness and vulnerability while also being able to sow his oats.

He's not committed at all.

This ^ Hit the nail on the head - I know it's hard to accept. but it's truem unless you tell us what your SO said, like Tooki asked, we don't know the full details.

[Bethypoo]

I think when people say that there is one of two things going on. One, they use it as an excuse to keep their options open. In whcih case, you peopleby dont want to be the them right now any way. The second option is that they are scared. Exclucivity is a big step for some people.

I think you need to find out which option he is using and then let him know where you stand. Dont waste your time with someone who cant just be with you.

[MissKS]

I think I am making my LDR my top priority, and I should not. I am scared to be exclusive because I feel like I have a lot more to live before I settle down.