who takes it harder after a visit, and how do you deal with it?

[Bex2804]

I returned from seeing my boyfriend on thursday night. I think we both struggle just as much, being young it's hard for both of us to get back into the 'normal' routine. We normally just try to talk a lot after leaving and returning home and slowly ease off the talking until it is back to normal, but yeah, leaving sucks. The first time, he left, and I saw him the day before because he had an early flight and wasn't staying with me, the last two times I was the one leaving and I had late flights so we had the whole day to spend together. I hate walking away from him, especially as at his airport you can see the people on the other side the whole way through security.... :'(

[milaya]

I think I'm the one having the hardest time. When saying goodbye at the airport it seems like it's me who can't stop crying and such - but since he doesn't show as much emotion as me, it's actually hard to say whether I'm more sad than he is.
When it comes to adjusting and passing time it seems easier on him. He has to start his busy 5 weeks of work shift as soon as he returns and he is therefore kept very busy. Where I am a university student, we don't have that many classes, so I spend a lot of time alone at home studying, which gives me a lot of time to feel lonely and miss him. It was easier when I studied in Japan because most days I had classes from early morning to early evening time and after that people tended to go out for dinner and such, so it was often late evening before he returned. Which helped a lot.

So yes, I'm the one who takes it the hardest after a visit.

[Sora1101]

I think I have the harder time with it, I cry leaving and randomly for a few weeks. My SO on the other hand doesn't really show his emotions that much, I know he misses me but he never shows it except for a few words and facial expressions before the leave.

[Dezface]

The first visit, I think it hit us both equally as hard. We both had trouble adjusting. The second one, I definitely took it harder, which I didn't expect. I started crying days before hand, I couldn't believe I actually had to leave. I thought of everything I could to make it possible for me to stay. After I got back home, I didn't sleep for a couple days, I was a MESS. My SO was sad as well but he definitely kept it together better than I did.

Initially I think I was a little put off seeing as how the day I left he went out with his friends because it was the Grand Final. I was crying pretty much all the way home and he was out celebrating! But I got over it and realized he was just trying to distract himself. We all cope in different ways.

[enemey96]

I think we both take it just as hard. I cry loads and loads, this time (he left today and is currently on his way home from the airport now) I cried even more than normal, even a week before he was even due to leave! I know that he gets upset too, I've never actually seen him cry when we're saying good bye, but I know that he does get upset, I can tell by his voice. After a visit I just want to talk as much as possible, and I want to talk to him as much as possible during the day that he is traveling home and the few days after. Like today he got wifi at the airport where he had his change-over so we could talk for the couple of hours then, and I have asked him if we can talk when he gets back to his house - despite it being around midnight for me and I go back to school tomorrow. But I always find it easier when I hear his voice, or see him on Skype after we've just said good bye.

[Hololz]

Even though we've techincally closed the distance, we still have periods of distance (like right now) becuase we live far away from where we study - so we regularly have 1 or 2 weeks of distance. We've done the distance hello/goodbye thing so often now I don't think it bothers either of us too much. We usually talk the next day if not that evening. He's probably missing me a bit more at the moment cos I'm super busy and cant talk for that long :P

When we first started doing the distance though I think we both took it same. I would just be open about it - I know he hated saying goodbye as much as me but he's a guy so unlikey to cry on the train :P We would usually talk as soon as he got home or when he was waiting to catch his connection! At first I think I handled the distance better becuase I surrounded by new friends and new lifestyle and stuff - he found it really hard to be apart for more than 2 weeks because in contrast, he was working a really mundane job and still living at home :P

[artgrl808]

I have a hard time with the separation part of visits. Like most of us LDR people, I'll be fine within the week if I keep busy and go back to my regular routine. Just don't lose contact! Communication is key and I know the separating part after visits is HARD, but it'll get better! Before you know it you'll be counting down the days until the next visit!
Best of luck~

[Verojoon]

I think it is equally as hard on both of us but we handle it so completely differently. At the airport and the day before I leave, usually one of us will cry and that makes the other one stronger since we feel like we have to comfort the other... at the airport I usually cry more... but he cries a little too, and he cries a lot once he goes back to his car. I;m crying now just typing about it...

When I get back, I want to get back into our communication as soon as possible. It kills me going from being with him every moment of every day to hardly hearing from him at all.. but he remains distant for 1 or 2 weeks... I've been home for four days now... and I only got to talk to him on skype once... it's making me crazy!! We are exchanging texts... but not anywhere near like we normally do... and he mostly just answers me with one word answers... This used to completely freak me out... and make me so paranoid... but after the 4th visit, I understand now that this is how he deals with it...

Still so hard...

[efish1042]

For us, the person left behind tends to take it worse. Whenever one of us leaves, it is because we have some purpose to go fulfill and that is something to focus on if not be excited about despite leaving our hearts behind. The one that is left usually just has to continue going on with everyday activities trying not to be upset that they're doing them without the other.
As a general rule, I take it harder, but this last time, he did.

[Rosalynn]

I'm definitely the one who takes it the hardest. Usually lots of tears at the airport during our short goodbyes. Then I'm sad for the rest of the day. But after that I'm good to go and just want to talk to him again. My SO went home last night and I have to wait until he's home from work at 7pm to Skype with him again. But we've been texting and such since then. I like a "I'm home safe and sound" text from him during his travels and I got one at 5am this morning when he finally got to his house. My SO is fine because he just knows it's how it has to be. And he laughs at me at the airport when I'm crying my eyes out and says "I'll talk to you later sweety." Which always makes me laugh. You can tell he's the logical one.

[MattDavies86]

well despite being logical, level headed and know what's right to do for us to be together in the long run I'm always a mess, but she is too, when she gets back to her place, I try to keep a smile on my face though, because I KNOW I'll be with her again soon ^_^ stay positive!

[nomnom_elf]

has anyone gone from CD to LDR then gone back to CD only to go LDR again within a year?? thats our situation, and for some reason this time round is ALOT harder, yet the distance is slightly shorter and more managable now that i have a car so can drive rather than rely on trains etc.

its me who does the travelling as he has to work sat nights. usually i leave mon morning, we stall it for as long as possible. neither of us want to say the final goodbye. I try and counter his crying by being upbeat about it, cuddling on the sofa before taking stuff to the car and that final kiss. my barrier crumbles so as i have got in, unpacked and in bed alone, i realize he's not by my side and i start to cry.

it never was like this the first time around- the only time either of us really cried was after a long stay over xmas. so why is it so hard this time ?

[lademoiselle]

Neither of us find separation easy, but he has better coping mechanisms than I do

[Mims27]

I think we both take it equally hard. Usually the night before one of us has to leave is when the waterworks start. I usually start and then that makes her cry. Then later she cries and it makes me go. That usually happens on and off until I get in the car and drive off. I then pretty much lose it for a few minutes, I catch my breath and then I'm ok. My drive home is usually my calming period. It relaxes me and makes me think about how lucky I am and how happy she makes me. Then when I get home it's back to the usual and we get really excited to skype that night.

[lyonsgirl]

I wouldn't say one of us takes it harder than the other, I'm just more open with my emotions than he is. (He rides on the "men don't cry except in really really extreme cases and then you still hide it" train.) He thinks it's weird for guys to cry. (I've gotten over this.) Although, I'm always the one doing the actual leaving. Yea, he has to go back home, but we didn't share a bed when I was visiting, so honestly, I think that makes it a little easier.

There are some days when I'm pretty sure my visits with him never really happened and that I just had a really vivid dream about the weekend. On the car ride to the airport after our last visit, he agreed that it didn't feel real. I get back into my routine after my first sleep back home, which is typically shortly after stepping through my front door.