He read my texts

[snow_girl]

I've seen people talk in third person but the goonie kid brings it to a whole new level.


I'm really sorry Rugger. Maybe as hard as it is, it is time to cut the cord. I feel that no matter how much therapy you two have that this incident as well as your lack of feelings might not be able to ever get you back to the couple you were.

[Rugger]

You truly feel as though you had done nothing wrong? If you had done nothing wrong though, he wouldn't have yelled at you, isn't that so? Although we're unsure of what exactly he has raged on about, we attempt to give our criticism even with the ultra-etic view. That is why we question, even though it may seem "harsh". It's nice to hear that you have never cheated on him, lied to him or have done anything to justify what he has done, although, what was it that really got him upset? If you've already said so in another post, link us to that and we'll examine it. When you claim as though you've done nothing wrong though, why was he so enraged from reading your texts? That is why we wanted to ask, what does he say that you've done wrong? When you say that you were "... texting stupid shit with my friends and co-workers" what was that "stupid shit"? We're just curious of why he was so upset. We were stating that our statement was rational. We believe you understood that, though, you misunderstood. Yes, everyone has the right to privacy, although you should not be hiding anything from your SO, we presume. We only assume you did have something to hide because of how he was upset.



Yeah sure, he should respect her privacy. She shouldn't be hiding anything from him though. The fact that he yelled at her propounds that she was indeed hiding something from him, doesn't it? Although, remember it is possible our assumptions are off the meter.



You're mistaking a relationship, where the couple should be able to share everything with their partner, than a friendship or anything else. For example, Blanky would share anything with Pillow as long as she asked, and Pillow would commit the same. Although Blanky and Pillow would not do the same for anyone else.



We understand your analogy, although there is a difference between private necessities and privacy. Although you are one-hundred percent correct about the statement "it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.".



We do not understand why her SO would yell at her though. This postulates that she has done something wrong. Or are we simply wrong? We believe that you must consider other factors than trust. Allow me to append an example, two friends of ours, A and B (both are based on actual friends), if A were to somehow log into B's FaceBook/Skype, or anything else, A would read a whole bunch of messages sent out by B, why? Curiosity, in this case, it is not related to trust at all. Humans are the most curious species on Earth, and through their time since the Australopithecus Afarensis, they have been deceived by their own specie, which suggests humans are naturally instinctively curious in terms of being "nosy" in a sense. If you are not, then you are either a psychopath or you have the argumentum ad hominem fallacy [irrelevant conclusion] attitude, where you cling to your position of personality even though your mind speaks otherwise.



Yes, we are very young. Although your next statement appears to be hasty generalization. The reason why we call upon the informal fallacy of hasty generalization is because you are claiming as though we do not understand and respect privacy because we are young. It is a good idea however to read the thread before posting, although this far into the thread, we would rather to post and if something has been said and if we must be informed of it then sure we will go read it. Seems much more logically to just read everything so far though.



We don't fully understand what you're talking about, or even why that was applicable. We don't understand how this post assisted in defending our logic or opposed.



Ultimately we wish you the best of luck. Our advice couldn't be much more than to just give it some time. Do not panic, and do not worry yourself.

Amen.

Yes, I clearly deserve to be yelled at because I'm a dirty cheating whore, who texts (Oh my god wait for it) MEN while I have an SO. May God strike me down for even thinking (platonically) of other guys while I am dating someone else. I deserve to be tarred and feathered and burned at the stake for being a whore. God forbid I talk about Words with friends, or my job, or my relationship, or whiskey or really anything else with people who aren't my SO. Please Victim-blaming is so adolescent. This is why a lot of rapists go free. Clearly I must have done something wrong to get him to do that to me. Clearly.

He was mad because He's insecure and jealous. He knows I have male friends, whom I was talking to. He assumed since I'm close with one of them that I was cheating on him. His hypothesis was WRONG. Because I wouldn't do that. People get jealous. It's part of the human condition, as you postulate curiosity is. Jealousy can be irrational or rational. If I had been cheating on him, which I have not, his jealous at my talking to other men, would be rational. Since I was not cheating, It was irrational. People ignore human nature every since goddamn day.

No I was not hiding anything, He was drunk and irrationally jealous that I was talking to people while with him, something that he was also doing. I no longer get jealous because I trust him and because Jealousy serves no productive purpose, something which I've often told him. It took a lot of work on my part, because i had a big jealous streak. I've been cheated on in the past, and I know how much it hurts.

Trust matters to me more than anything. My family was almost torn apart my cheating and I see how having no trust effects my parents' marriage. If they weren't already married almost 30 years, They would be split. If you can't trust the person you love, who can you trust? I have boundary lines because of my previous relationship. I had an volatile and abusive ex who was convinced I was cheating on him and used to hack my Facebook and my phone consistently. He had no trust in me at all, even though I'd done nothing wrong. He was also super controlling and I wasn't allowed to have male friends, or wear skirts or be around men at all. Maybe I'm biased, but him checking my phone like that made me panic. I've been there. It's not a pretty road to go down and I will never be back again. I'm sure it will be addressed at therapy, although it will make my SO uncomfortable, which is why he refuses to talk about it and why he doesn't know.

Maybe I'm freaking out over this, but no trust is a deal breaker for me. I refuse to go back to be controlled and abused.

[TwoThree]

Yes, I clearly deserve to be yelled at because I'm a dirty cheating whore, who texts (Oh my god wait for it) MEN while I have an SO. May God strike me down for even thinking (platonically) of other guys while I am dating someone else. I deserve to be tarred and feathered and burned at the stake for being a whore. God forbid I talk about Words with friends, or my job, or my relationship, or whiskey or really anything else with people who aren't my SO. Please Victim-blaming is so adolescent. This is why a lot of rapists go free. Clearly I must have done something wrong to get him to do that to me. Clearly.

I was thinking more or less the same thing. What a creep.

[Tanja]

I'm really sorry Rugger. I hope he'll contact you soon, no matter what the outcome of this situation might be. Not knowing is the worst feeling. Keep us updated <3

The whole we-thing is totally creepy. Not to mention the relationship.

[Moon]

Yes, I clearly deserve to be yelled at because I'm a dirty cheating whore, who texts (Oh my god wait for it) MEN while I have an SO. May God strike me down for even thinking (platonically) of other guys while I am dating someone else. I deserve to be tarred and feathered and burned at the stake for being a whore. God forbid I talk about Words with friends, or my job, or my relationship, or whiskey or really anything else with people who aren't my SO. Please Victim-blaming is so adolescent. This is why a lot of rapists go free. Clearly I must have done something wrong to get him to do that to me. Clearly.

He was mad because He's insecure and jealous. He knows I have male friends, whom I was talking to. He assumed since I'm close with one of them that I was cheating on him. His hypothesis was WRONG. Because I wouldn't do that. People get jealous. It's part of the human condition, as you postulate curiosity is. Jealousy can be irrational or rational. If I had been cheating on him, which I have not, his jealous at my talking to other men, would be rational. Since I was not cheating, It was irrational. People ignore human nature every since goddamn day.

No I was not hiding anything, He was drunk and irrationally jealous that I was talking to people while with him, something that he was also doing. I no longer get jealous because I trust him and because Jealousy serves no productive purpose, something which I've often told him. It took a lot of work on my part, because i had a big jealous streak. I've been cheated on in the past, and I know how much it hurts.

Trust matters to me more than anything. My family was almost torn apart my cheating and I see how having no trust effects my parents' marriage. If they weren't already married almost 30 years, They would be split. If you can't trust the person you love, who can you trust? I have boundary lines because of my previous relationship. I had an volatile and abusive ex who was convinced I was cheating on him and used to hack my Facebook and my phone consistently. He had no trust in me at all, even though I'd done nothing wrong. He was also super controlling and I wasn't allowed to have male friends, or wear skirts or be around men at all. Maybe I'm biased, but him checking my phone like that made me panic. I've been there. It's not a pretty road to go down and I will never be back again. I'm sure it will be addressed at therapy, although it will make my SO uncomfortable, which is why he refuses to talk about it and why he doesn't know.

Maybe I'm freaking out over this, but no trust is a deal breaker for me. I refuse to go back to be controlled and abused.

Rugger, ignore this kid, really. His posts are not worth getting upset about, his perspectives are that of a child's, without any real life experience whatsoever, no matter how many big words he chooses to use. Anyone who would say the absolute junk he said to you obviously has no insight into the situation. We all know you did nothing wrong, and did not deserve to be treated like you were.

[ThePiedPiper]

Just read Moon's post. I agree, so I'm retracting this.

[itsmechelsea]

Reading texts is an absolute deal-breaker for me.

This. When I was younger I was a text reader. My phone is my phone, his is his. That's the way it should be.

[Kristin91]

You truly feel as though you had done nothing wrong? If you had done nothing wrong though, he wouldn't have yelled at you, isn't that so? Although we're unsure of what exactly he has raged on about, we attempt to give our criticism even with the ultra-etic view. That is why we question, even though it may seem "harsh". It's nice to hear that you have never cheated on him, lied to him or have done anything to justify what he has done, although, what was it that really got him upset? If you've already said so in another post, link us to that and we'll examine it. When you claim as though you've done nothing wrong though, why was he so enraged from reading your texts? That is why we wanted to ask, what does he say that you've done wrong? When you say that you were "... texting stupid shit with my friends and co-workers" what was that "stupid shit"? We're just curious of why he was so upset. We were stating that our statement was rational. We believe you understood that, though, you misunderstood. Yes, everyone has the right to privacy, although you should not be hiding anything from your SO, we presume. We only assume you did have something to hide because of how he was upset.



Yeah sure, he should respect her privacy. She shouldn't be hiding anything from him though. The fact that he yelled at her propounds that she was indeed hiding something from him, doesn't it? Although, remember it is possible our assumptions are off the meter.



You're mistaking a relationship, where the couple should be able to share everything with their partner, than a friendship or anything else. For example, Blanky would share anything with Pillow as long as she asked, and Pillow would commit the same. Although Blanky and Pillow would not do the same for anyone else.



We understand your analogy, although there is a difference between private necessities and privacy. Although you are one-hundred percent correct about the statement "it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.".



We do not understand why her SO would yell at her though. This postulates that she has done something wrong. Or are we simply wrong? We believe that you must consider other factors than trust. Allow me to append an example, two friends of ours, A and B (both are based on actual friends), if A were to somehow log into B's FaceBook/Skype, or anything else, A would read a whole bunch of messages sent out by B, why? Curiosity, in this case, it is not related to trust at all. Humans are the most curious species on Earth, and through their time since the Australopithecus Afarensis, they have been deceived by their own specie, which suggests humans are naturally instinctively curious in terms of being "nosy" in a sense. If you are not, then you are either a psychopath or you have the argumentum ad hominem fallacy [irrelevant conclusion] attitude, where you cling to your position of personality even though your mind speaks otherwise.



Yes, we are very young. Although your next statement appears to be hasty generalization. The reason why we call upon the informal fallacy of hasty generalization is because you are claiming as though we do not understand and respect privacy because we are young. It is a good idea however to read the thread before posting, although this far into the thread, we would rather to post and if something has been said and if we must be informed of it then sure we will go read it. Seems much more logically to just read everything so far though.



We don't fully understand what you're talking about, or even why that was applicable. We don't understand how this post assisted in defending our logic or opposed.



Ultimately we wish you the best of luck. Our advice couldn't be much more than to just give it some time. Do not panic, and do not worry yourself.

Amen.

Seriously, check your attitude. Don't come on a new forum where a lot of us have been for years, and try to tell us what we're doing right and wrong in our relationships.

[MadMolly]

Creepy "we" couple - give your relationship three or four years and then ask yourselves where your individuality is. I bet it will have deserted you both completely and you'll be in a sad place with no true friends and no personality to call your own. That's not romantic. That's just sad.

[Mapwar]

Good talk general.

[Mapwar]

What the hell why does everyone care so much about textx damn imbeciles.

[rubydissolution]

What the hell why does everyone care so much about textx damn imbeciles.

I haven't replied in this thread but i've been following it. This isn't about text its about respecting your SOs right to privacy and its a lot about trust. This would be as bad as invading your email, facebook, chat logs, forum posts or even easedropping on a phone call. Few years ago you could relate it to, checking someones pager or going through someones mail. The underlying message is about respect and trust for your partner not about what medium the person broke into and read or listened to.

Rugger I'm so so sorry about what happened. I truly hope it works out somehow. If not, you are a strong woman more then capable of figuring out what you want and need personally. Good luck to you.

[Rugger]

He came home last night. Apparently he returned home Wednesday night and went to work. I asked him if I could come over and feed my rabbit. He responded with yes.

We talked for about an hour. Calmly. I was the one crying. I re-iterated what I said on Sunday, but more calmly. I need trust in a relationship and I need someone who understands my limitations with sex. There aren't many, but when I say no, I mean no. It doesn't mean pout or badger me until I give in out of frustration. Both of those things send up flags in my head, which I'm sure I'll have to talk about with the therapist. He apologized again for both of those things and admitted he was wrong not to trust me. He admitted being scared and jealous.

We both agreed to go to counseling. If there is any chance of this working, I want to take it. I care about him so much. I love him and if I can get that spark back I want it. I only hope there is a chance of that. Obviously I haven't been successful on my own. I feel like I owe it to all the good times we've had over the years to at least try. I told him I can't promise anything other than trying. I'm very deeply hurt and my feelings are still really jumbled.

He asked if I loved him and I said yes. I do love him. I care about his wellbeing. I want him to be happy more than anything. But there is something missing, that used to be there and He knows it too. The spark of romantic physical love is not there. I enjoy being with him, but I haven't wanted to have sex with him in a couple of months and just did it to make him happy. That's no way to live.

I feel a lot less anxious after talking with him. We are still going to text like we always do. I don't know about visits, but we will talk about it.

Mapwar, aside from you being rude, It's not about the tests. It's about the breach of trust as I've explained several times in the 11 pages of this thread. You should try reading before posting.

[Tooki]

It's for the best if you get counselling, no matter what ends up happening with you and your SO. At the very least you and your SO will get a ton of closure.

Good luck

[snow_girl]

I'm really glad you were able to talk to him and put yourself at ease, even if only a little. I hope that therapy does some good and gives you both clarity to work through things. Also just ignore these people, don't even give them the time of day acknowledging their stupid posts.