I don't post often, so I actually feel rather bad about asking for help.
Not the typical distance-induced depression about the relationship - I have full blown depression that comes and goes about as often as it rains here in the UK. Sometimes my depression is just as bleak as a short shower, sometimes it's a torrential storm. For almost a year, I felt like I had it under control, I was achieving a lot in my life, and even though I missed my SO, I was pretty happy and content with things.
We spent a long time together at Christmas, and after he left, I felt the distance more keenly than before. I missed being able to confide in him, and I really missed the physical comfort of him being nearby.
I'm now aware of a big black storm lurking, which is on the verge of breaking all over me. I'm aware of my depression signs, and I'm trying to overcome the problem before it gets worse. I'm making sure I eat well, and that I socialise, and even though it's bitterly cold, I'm trying to exercise more. I'm clearing out things from my life that remind me of bad times, in a bid to make space for more positive things to come in. I'm studying at university and I'm trying to stay motivated on my course, which is demanding and sometimes difficult.
My problem is that I can't bring myself to admit to my SO that I am as miserable as I actually feel. I had a day a few weeks ago when I cried for about six hours and we endured a very hysterical phone call, which didn't really make me feel any better. He is working really hard, doing his best to hold his precarious career together, and also deal with the LDR issues that we both face. I feel like I have no right to be sad and moody for no particular reason - and it isn't. I'm not depressed ABOUT anything. It's just there, a low-hanging cloud. There doesn't seem much point in talking about it.
All I want to do is talk about it. I just can't bring myself to start it off. The stupidest thing is that he has been through depression too, so he knows what it's like. I feel more and more alone, the more I put off telling him. I'm due to visit in four weeks' time, and I'm worried that this cloud will affect our time together.
Any ideas of how to deal with this would be really appreciated.
Not the typical distance-induced depression about the relationship - I have full blown depression that comes and goes about as often as it rains here in the UK. Sometimes my depression is just as bleak as a short shower, sometimes it's a torrential storm. For almost a year, I felt like I had it under control, I was achieving a lot in my life, and even though I missed my SO, I was pretty happy and content with things.
We spent a long time together at Christmas, and after he left, I felt the distance more keenly than before. I missed being able to confide in him, and I really missed the physical comfort of him being nearby.
I'm now aware of a big black storm lurking, which is on the verge of breaking all over me. I'm aware of my depression signs, and I'm trying to overcome the problem before it gets worse. I'm making sure I eat well, and that I socialise, and even though it's bitterly cold, I'm trying to exercise more. I'm clearing out things from my life that remind me of bad times, in a bid to make space for more positive things to come in. I'm studying at university and I'm trying to stay motivated on my course, which is demanding and sometimes difficult.
My problem is that I can't bring myself to admit to my SO that I am as miserable as I actually feel. I had a day a few weeks ago when I cried for about six hours and we endured a very hysterical phone call, which didn't really make me feel any better. He is working really hard, doing his best to hold his precarious career together, and also deal with the LDR issues that we both face. I feel like I have no right to be sad and moody for no particular reason - and it isn't. I'm not depressed ABOUT anything. It's just there, a low-hanging cloud. There doesn't seem much point in talking about it.
All I want to do is talk about it. I just can't bring myself to start it off. The stupidest thing is that he has been through depression too, so he knows what it's like. I feel more and more alone, the more I put off telling him. I'm due to visit in four weeks' time, and I'm worried that this cloud will affect our time together.
Any ideas of how to deal with this would be really appreciated.
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