Mom's house...Mom's rules

[kmarie1293]

So I am a college student and so I still technically live with my mom and so I have to respect her rules. Well my mom is very old fashioned and doesn't allow me to stay at my boyfriends house. Throughout our whole relationship, when we see each other he has driven the 3 hours up and stayed at my house. There was a time where my SO's dad invited me to stay in their house and spend time with their family like my SO does with mine. Well my mom would not allow it....See the thing is, my SO is far more independent than I am at this point, as in he has more freedom because he's moved out of his parents house before and now he's 1000 miles away working while I am going to college and living at home when I'm not on campus. So needless to say, in way he is more of an adult than I am because I still have to abide by my mom's rules. My mom and I are very close and I am the youngest of 2 girls so it makes sense for her to be protective and I do not find myself to be "sheltered" at least not nearly as much as some people I know...I honestly do get away with a lot and allowed to do pretty much whatever I want, except when it comes to my boyfriend because with the culture my mom is from, that is just not permitted and I am respectful of that and so is he but he still feels like my mom is just treating me like a child and controls my every move. He loves my mom and she really likes him too but he disagrees with the fact that she still has quite a bit of control over my life, to a point I can't go visit him, especially not now, because it would involve me staying overnight in a hotel either with him or by myself...neither of which she is okay with. He feels like my mom doesn't trust him, which isn't the case...it's not him or me she doesn't trust, she trusts us both, she's just old fashioned with her parenting ways and I don't know how to make him understand that. Every time I've tried, he ends up more upset and I end up crying.... what do I do?

[dragonlady]

maybe sit down and talk to her what are her fears about that stuff? is she afraid that he will "take" your viginity or so?

[Jazi]

I saw you already posted a thread about this and some other issues today already (not sure why you started another thread? when you mentioned this in the other one.) I agree with what Kristin91 said in that thread about the issues with your mum -

Frankly there's nothing you or your SO can do about your mom's decision to not let you go see him by yourself. Would she be willing to go visit him with you so you wouldn't be staying in a hotel by yourself? If not, you just have to respect her decision since you live under her roof.

there is really nothing you can do about what your SO thinks about her decisions.. nor is there anything you can do about your mums decisions. The only thing you can do is try to think outside the box of ideas to make things work - like having a friend go with you.

[Mims27]

I'm curious, how old are you? I'm not sure if you've mentioned it in another thread or not. I ask that because I don't really agree that because you live under her roof that you should "follow her rules". What I mean is when I turned 18 I pretty much started making my own decisions and I lived with my mother until I was 23. It's not because she didn't care, it's because it was time for me to start learning to be independant, spread my wings and make my own decisions. And I am who I am today because of it. I'm not saying defy her either but definitely sit down and talk to her about it.

[dukes2011]

I would sit down with your mom and talk about it. Tell her all of what you said here, that you respect her but feel as though you are not being like an adult when it comes to visiting your boyfriend. I had a similar issue with my mother a few years ago when I was 20 and when we talked about it, we were able to come to an agreement that made both of us happy.