I am a victim of being Catfish'd

[Cricky712]

This is him... playing as her.

[Hollandia]

I personally find that if I understand why someone has wronged me, it is easier for me to relate to them/forgive them and/or just move on. Understanding doesn't take away the pain, and it doesn't make wrong things right, but it can help us cope. It's harder to hate someone if you understand them, and in the end hate only hurts the person who feels it, not the person it is aimed at. I'm not saying we should make excuses for people or excuse them of their crimes, and I agree that victims should be the priority but it doesn't hurt someone to know why something happened to them and to receive closure.

You ask who cares about the criminals? I care. And I think we should all care. Because there is the chance (especially with young offenders) that their issues can be addressed and taken to a better place... they can be rehabilitated. Rehabilitated criminals are much better for our society than people locked in cells.

This is why some people think it is okay to commit crimes. The victims must always come first. This guys comes here and tells his story and some are asking about the poor sad misunderstood as@ that did it to him. Have you ever been a true victim?

What if some poor misunderstood individual kills a loved one of yours? Is that no longer the same thing because more dire of a crime? If it is, the point is moot. Let the prisons were about the Rehab. This guy was the victim and deserves nothing but empathy and condolences. If I was him some of these comments would really be upsetting to me.

[Hollandia]

And that whole paragraphs (sorry for spamming) was before i found out that he was a Guy. theres more. ill post it up if anyone wants to read.

You really don't need to prove you were wronged. Sorry for any that made you feel like you do.

[Tooki]

This is why some people think it is okay to commit crimes. The victims must always come first. This guys comes here and tells his story and some are asking about the poor sad misunderstood as@ that did it to him. Have you ever been a true victim?

What if some poor misunderstood individual kills a loved one of yours? Is that no longer the same thing because more dire of a crime? If it is, the point is moot. Let the prisons were about the Rehab. This guy was the victim and deserves nothing but empathy and condolences. If I was him some of these comments would really be upsetting to me.

I think that Zephii wants the rehabilitation to happen within the prison. If you understand why somebody committed the crime, you have a better chance of offering a real solution to the offender and a better chance of them NOT being a repeat offender.

Nobody is dismissing the victim. Some (I am part of this group) think that it's better to treat this person as a human. If you treat somebody like a lesser animal, they will treat you like one in return.

[Tooki]

This is why some people think it is okay to commit crimes. The victims must always come first. This guys comes here and tells his story and some are asking about the poor sad misunderstood as@ that did it to him. Have you ever been a true victim?

What if some poor misunderstood individual kills a loved one of yours? Is that no longer the same thing because more dire of a crime? If it is, the point is moot. Let the prisons were about the Rehab. This guy was the victim and deserves nothing but empathy and condolences. If I was him some of these comments would really be upsetting to me.

I think that Zephii wants the rehabilitation to happen within the prison. If you understand why somebody committed the crime, you have a better chance of offering a real solution to the offender and a better chance of them NOT being a repeat offender.

Nobody is dismissing the victim. Some (I am part of this group) think that it's better to treat this person as a human. If you treat somebody like a lesser animal, they will treat you like one in return.

[Hollandia]

I don't really think this is the person or place to be posing that too.

[Cricky712]

Actually i forgave the guy, and told him to take care for himself and that hopefully someone out there will like him for him, no need to fake or lie about yourself.

[Hollandia]

Actually i forgave the guy, and told him to take care for himself and that hopefully someone out there will like him for him, no need to fake or lie about yourself.

You are a good person, you deserve much better.

[Jade_Crystal]

First of all... thank you for sharing this experience and for the heads up! Technology surely advanced pretty quickly and in quite a wide area of domains. In a way this was pretty shocking to read (and funny, I'm sorry), but in another it was kind of to be expected from today's modern society and the internet (and particularly certain WoW&computer nerds). I honestly didn't know of the existence of a voice changer for the phone... Did you get to find out exactly why he's doing this?

Sorry that you had to be the one going through this, must've been quite the deception. But I guess it was a valuable lesson as far as the internet is concerned - don't trust completely (or not at all, in some cases) anyone who you can't live videocall with and especially who's address/number you cannot check/verify; especially if you're starting to like them a lot. Better luck next time! Maybe WoW isn't such a great place to pick up chicks after all, huh.

[Hollandia]

First of all... thank you for sharing this experience and for the heads up! Technology surely advanced pretty quickly and in quite a wide area of domains. In a way this was pretty shocking to read (and funny, I'm sorry), but in another it was kind of to be expected from today's modern society and the internet (and particularly certain WoW&computer nerds). I honestly didn't know of the existence of a voice changer for the phone... Did you get to find out exactly why he's doing this?

Sorry that you had to be the one going through this, must've been quite the deception. But I guess it was a valuable lesson as far as the internet is concerned - don't trust completely (or not at all, in some cases) anyone who you can't live videocall with and especially who's address/number you cannot check/verify; especially if you're starting to like them a lot. Better luck next time! Maybe WoW isn't such a great place to pick up chicks after all, huh.

Are you kidding? You get that half of us all here met our SO's online. Myself included. You can meet your SO in the local church and they can be a jerk and you can meet them across the globe and they can be prince charming.

Stop putting ANY blame on the victim. You sound like someone that blames the woman that was gang raped for her skirt being too short.

[ThePiedPiper]

This is why some people think it is okay to commit crimes. The victims must always come first. This guys comes here and tells his story and some are asking about the poor sad misunderstood as@ that did it to him. Have you ever been a true victim?

What if some poor misunderstood individual kills a loved one of yours? Is that no longer the same thing because more dire of a crime? If it is, the point is moot. Let the prisons were about the Rehab. This guy was the victim and deserves nothing but empathy and condolences. If I was him some of these comments would really be upsetting to me.

I was raped by a blood relative and I forgave him. I did not forgive him for him. I did not forgive him so that we could somehow "fix" a relationship that had been shattered years before the event happened. I did not forgive him because it's what we're supposed to do or because I think he somehow deserves that. I forgave him for me. Forgiving him set me free, because I haven't spoken to him since I was 16 and he has no clue whether I've forgiven him or haven't. Secondly, said relative experienced horrible, horrible abuse in his childhood. Yes, he made the conscious decision to do what he did. He could have, at any point down the line of his three marriages and several wrecked relationships with his children, chosen to seek help and he didn't. But holding him accountable for that doesn't mean I cannot understand what he has been through, from being beat and neglected to being emotionally tormented to being blamed for the death of his infant sister to going through some pretty sick and twisted shit. Is he responsible for his actions? Yes. But was he, too, once a victim? Yes. Having compassion for people who commit crimes or who respond in the same way we are all capable of responding (but consciously choose not to) when faced with their own tough situations does not mean we somehow let them off the hook or say "it's okay, go shoot up a school." It means we see and acknowledge the fact that they're, oftentimes, coming from a place of pain, a place that is misunderstood, and a place that has been so rejected by a society that says "you can be a victim but only if you do it right" that they got to a point of acting out because they were never shown the fucking compassion when they were victims. We are all victims. ALL of us. In some way or another, we have ALL suffered, whether it's through rape, war, abuse, or even if it's simply through grief, a traumatic break-up, etc. To ask someone if they have ever been a true victim because they manage to have compassion for the people society says least deserve it is insulting to all of us who can sympathise with everyone who's picked up a gun and aimed it at someone else as opposed to themselves. What the OPer's friend/SO did was wrong, on every level, but that does not mean that he does not have his reasons, and if it comes from a place of pain, it comes from a place of pain. If you screw up and argue with your SO, does that make you an asshole? No, it makes you someone who, sure, might have been in the wrong, but you had your reasons. We all want reasons to be understood when it comes to ourselves but we forget that reasons exist in other people, too. I also don't choose to classify myself as a victim. I was victimized but I survived it, I overcame it, and I forgave him, and others in my life, to set myself free. I still have compassion and know what he did was wrong. It's entirely possible to have compassion for someone who makes a bad decision and still say "yeah, you shouldn't have done this because it was a shitty thing to do."

@ the OPer, I am sincerely sorry to hear this. I went through this on another forum I belonged to a while ago, suffering through it with several of my friends, and I was the first to figure out the lie. It was incredibly difficult, especially since one of the personas "died" and left his boyfriend (one of my close friends of the time) wracked with grief. However, that boyfriend and myself managed to reach a place of forigveness, eventually. It took time and it took a lot of work to understand where the other person was coming from, but it did get better. The friendship was forever ruined with that person after that, but I agree with Zephii in the sense that it did get better, but it took understanding to help both him and I reach a point of forgiveness. The best thing you can do, however, is to take care of yourself and grieve in every which way you need. These things happen and are so traumatic and painful, and you deserve to take what time you need and what space you need to come to terms with the event. We're all here for you.

ETA:

Also, Zephii was giving advice. She was helping. She was looking for clarification and offering her support based on what has helped her in her own situations in the past. Just because her advice meant forgiving someone and trying to understand their reasoning does not mean it is in no way valuable or somehow does not "have a place" on the thread. o.o

[Hollandia]

I forgave the perpetrator of my crime too. It took a long time. I don't think whether or not somebody needs to forgive or not is the issue. The point is I did not need a social worker in my face pleading for his freedom the next day. There is a time and place for that, I just don't think when it is still raw you should really be doing that. My response when this happened to me, was pure rage. This is new and raw for the OP. He is an amazing person to have already reached the point of forgiveness. I don't think he would have shared this story if he was not still shaken by it. I think the thread instantly going to "what about the other guy" is wrong. This thread should be providing support to the OP and not sympathy for the criminal.

i don't think the other guy should be strung up by his toes or anything but this went on for a prolonged time and he knew damn well what he was doing. I read the posted paragraph and he did not even sound very sorry for it. You mention grief and in order to go through the five stages, one of them is anger. The OP should have a right to be angry about what was done to him. Not Forever, but for a bit, if he needs too.

I don't agree we are all victims. I think some people are just users and some are takers. Most might be good inside but some are just not.

[Zephii]

Tooki and Piper, thank you both. I appreciate that you both saw where I was coming from, you said it better than I could have.

Hollandia, I'm going to ignore how rude and presumptuous your questioning if I've ever been a victim was, evidently you have no idea. What I will say simply is that not everyone experiences life in the same way you do - even if they face the exact same challenge. People are different, different approaches help one person heal while they enrage another, so it might benefit you to not assume so much.
From several of your posts I gather you have much unresolved anger, and whilst I am sorry for that and wish only healing for you, I must suggest that until you can approach issues from a place of strength and peace you avoid topics that will awaken your old hurts. There really is no need to be so defensive, especially when people aren't addressing you.

Cricky712 - Good on you for being able to forgive. I know you'll probably grieve this relationship for a while, and I want you to know that's normal. Be kind to yourself, your heart remembers how you felt at the time, and the genuine feelings you held. You're not a fool for missing what you had, even though what you had wasn't real. Feel free to post your other transcripts if that helps you get it all out. We're here to listen.

[dragonlady]

sorry to hear cricky! hope you feel better soon and find a person that is perfect for you!
big hug!!

[leonsfangirl]

Oh man, do i feel for you! It's people like this that make it harder for the rest of us to be taken seriously.

Proud of you for being able to forgive him, dont know if i could. Dont let this taint how you see these kind of relationships, grieve, learn and move on to better things.