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I start with this, because I'm concerned that my words could be turned into something they aren't: I'm not saying this to downplay your relationship - your relationship is just as real as anyone else's on here - and please, I hope no one thinks that I think I'm "better than you" - it's just how I look at this word that is "love".
I wouldn't call that love. I'd call that attraction. Yes, there's a difference. Attraction and lust are very similar in my eyes. They can come and go, they are emotions we may not be able to "control". Love, however, the everlasting kind, is a decision. Sure, you can say "I'm not going to love them" but still be very much attracted to a person. But, like I said, that's not love. That "pull" isn't love - it's lust. The butterflies may be a very good sign you're attracted to him/her (and don't get me wrong, I totally had the butterflies, and still get them, about my SO!), but the butterflies aren't what will keep you together. That attraction you mentioned, the "I don't want to like that person but do anyway", that is a good foundation for a friendship, and for a relationship. But, unfortunately, I don't think that it should be the "glue", so to speak, of your relationship. Love, or rather, the decision to love each other every single day, should be. (Trust, communication, yaddah-yaddah-yaddah, all come with the decision to love one another.) Hopefully that made sense.
Hehe don't worry about it, I understand And ahh I see-- makes sense 0: Never looked at it like that ^_^
I realized I loved him when I wanted to make him happier than myself and never be selfish. He completes me, his strengths fill in my flaws, and vise versa.
Love, however, the everlasting kind, is a decision.
I'd take this further and say love is a relationship, so it spans over a period of time. It's every little and big thing you do to and for each other, give and take as they say. Some things we do are good, some are not so much, it's all about how they work in combination. But I think time is crucial here.
I told my SO I loved him about 4 months after we met, or about a month after the first visit, and never looked back. In hindsight, I couldn't have properly 'loved' him yet at that point. However, I'm glad I said it then - it was a decision to commit to getting there, and I think it was a very important decision to make.
Like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. - Steve Jobs
Maybe it was because we were both young, horny and not very datable in real life. If I'm honest.
I don't know when it happened though. There just came a point where we were so obsessed with each other, almost dependent on contact but at the same time knowing that never talking again would never destroy our desire to. We would go months in silence but found each other to be like an addiction. There was something irresistible. I told myself I couldn't love him - didn't know him! - because we'd never met. But it was a lie, and then we did meet and I saw all the years I'd wasted not being with him.
I dunno, you just know.
ETA: I'm (non-judgmentally) in disagreement with Lyonsgirl (in a friendly way of course /end disclaimers). I think that sometimes that bond is love, not attraction. Obi and I didn't want to be together, but in the end it was just harder not to make a relationship work than it was to do everything that an international romance requires. It was like the Goddess wanted me to have this relationship. I could chose not to, but it would be like swimming against a rapid.
When we gave in, the love was so pure it went to a spiritual level (wow I sound like a hippie but I bet others have felt it too and they get it).
Even now, years after all the butterflies have died, there's something there I can't explain. An "even if I don't want this, I have to have it".
Love is a decision too, especially when times get tough, but there's going to be an element there that's always out of our control. I've made the decision to love someone in the past and that kind of love might look the same from the outside but it feels nothing the same on the inside. "True love" is to be touched by the divine, it ascends you to your higher self, it's an experience. Deciding to be in love can't give you that "rightness"
In my opinion anyway
Last edited by Zephii; November 18, 2013, 05:51 AM.
Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person
His eyes and smile
The fact that he was different from all other guys in this world, not flirting and trying to get into my pants from day one.
Don't get me wrong, there is and was flirt too (which I love). Friendship and trust came first.
The fact that he is and was there every day.
Finding out how we clicked together, sharing the same kind of humour, all the things we have in common, think similarly about many things etc.
It just gets better and better
The more I get to know him the more I appreciate and love him.
With him it all comes so easy.
I think I wouldn't call this love, but commitment. I am not disputing your feelings or your interpretation, but love and commitment are to me two different, albeit necessary, ingredients to a relationship. Commitment is a decision, and a vital one. And love to me is more than a decision, it is a surreal sense of calm, a feeling that my soul is not alone in the universe anymore. It is not something I planned for.
I agree with this view myself.
Nothing really "made" me fall in love with my girlfriend. Without even realizing that I was falling in love, I was falling right into it. Was it a "choice" in my case? I don't think it was. In fact, I've never believed love to be a "choice" per se. I don't believe you can quite make a conscious decision to love someone, or who you love, or whatever. The decision part, in my opinion, is HOW you go about expressing love. I mean, that's how's it's worked for ME personally, so it can be totally different for other people.
But anyway, in my case, I think I realized she was the one when I realized I could be totally honest with her, without having to worry about the consequences of doing that very thing, of telling her my darkest secret that none of my previous partners probably would've understood. My girlfriend accepts me for what I am, and in conjunction with a number of other things, it seems to me that this is one relationship that I just can't fuck up. And that's where choice comes in. That I choose not to ruin this relationship. But I have no control over my emotions...as in, I didn't "choose" my girlfriend, nor did I "choose" to feel the way I do about her. But I will say that this is the first relationship were I'm actually in control of my actions a lot more than I was in the past relationships.
Love is a decision and a commitment. That's my mantra. I always tell my SO that I love him because I love him (six years after I first said yes to him).
But really, what he first did that endeared me to him was when he carried my sick classmate from the classroom to the clinic. He's such a gentleman. He always treats me like a princess.
it kinda snuck up on me.
I think its mainly just how well we got on so easily. it wasn't weird to give him a call at the end of the day even before we got together. I could tell him anything and we had hour long conversations. and that has only grown since we got together. He's 214 miles away but he is the most important person in my life and hopefully will be for a very long time!
What a passion for Christ he has. He is so kind hearted and pure. He loves the Lord and everything about him. He has the most infectious laugh that makes my heart melt everytime i hear it. The way he can look into my eyes and literally feels like he sees right into my heart. Theres nothing like being loved and loving someone truly for who they are. <3
Love this!
My SO and I fell for each other very early. But then, I'm not sure if I would have called that love, at least for me. We spent 8-10 hours talking every day and so we fell in "love" with each other early on. But he was my first real boyfriend, and I had never really been in love before, so I didn't really know what to classify as love. But after a while I started realizing how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, and how I wanted to spend everyday with him. It grew on its own to something much deeper. And then I chose to continue to love and be committed to him, because he chose the same things as well. And even if he hadn't, it would have been hard to suddenly just stop loving him. I'm a strong believer that love is a verb. Some days you feel it and some days you don't. But even when I'm mad at him I chose to love him unconditionally, even if he did something to hurt me. My love for him has yet to falter, because it has never been based purely on how I felt for him.
I'm terrible at explaining things :P.
Last edited by Yaaamiii; November 19, 2013, 07:10 PM.
For me it was the way he treated me... when we were lying next to each other the first night, he didn't try anything besides holding my hand and hugging me... Not like a lot of other guys just trying to have sex... He gave me all the time I needed.. we talked over hours and just realized we're like soulmates. We have so much in common. And he makes me feel like nobody ever did and nobody will ever do. The first days he always hugged me and told me how much he liked me and one day he just replaced the like by love... Normally I'm not the type of girl to say I love you after a few days. But with him I felt different. I just felt like I found this one guy who understands me and who knows how to treat me.
I fell in love with my SO when I realized that nobody ever would or could make me feel the way he did. <3
We had a connection from the moment we met. And that feeling grew into commitment and love for each other.
Every visit we have I fall in love with him even more. <3 it's magic!
I honestly have no idea. We were just talking every day and I just knew he was the one for me. I simply have no other way to describe it. There are many things that I love about him, but I can't actually pinpoint what it was that made me fall in love.
What also made me fall in love with him was the fact that I can just be me when I'm with him... He loves me for who I am... No matter what I say or do.
I love that I don't need to feel ashamed of anything in front of him.
First love at age 17 and there is no "am I in love?" moments. You just ARE.
It is indescribable and overwhelming.
Now, I am in love for the second time, a it is different, but in the best way possible.
You know when you know, and I can tell you right now, it will probably come out no matter if you want to acknowledge it or not!
And ahh I see-- makes sense 0: Never looked at it like that ^_^
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