Not sure what i should do. little embarrassed to ask friends. Should i say anything?

[Ejoriah]

Then yes, directly ask her. Tell her you've seen the signs and that if you two are to be boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to set boundaries. Take her answer, weigh it and see if you can trust her. But if you can't.... yeah. Trust is pretty much everything in every relationship, but in LDRs it's even more important.

[warlord]

Then yes, directly ask her. Tell her you've seen the signs and that if you two are to be boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to set boundaries. Take her answer, weigh it and see if you can trust her. But if you can't.... yeah. Trust is pretty much everything in every relationship, but in LDRs it's even more important.

I know.... being in a LDR is tough. Do you guys think if a girl cheats while on a LDR its possible that if you close the distance, and she has the security of knowing you are not cheating on her, will settle down and change her ways?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I know.... being in a LDR is tough. Do you guys think if a girl cheats while on a LDR its possible that if you close the distance, and she has the security of knowing you are not cheating on her, will settle down and change her ways?

I think if you're both "keeping your options open", you're not actually invested in one another.

If you're not prepared to be committed when you're apart, and if you can't trust each other when you're apart, what makes you think that geography will change those feelings?

You need to have this conversation with her, and decide whether or not you're willing to work on trusting each other, because regardless of whether you're LD or CD, if you don't trust each other, you're going to have suspicions. On top of that, I would absolutely not suggest you close the distance until you feel secure in the relationship. With a 14 hour difference I can only guess that the distance is substantial, probably international, and closing those kinds of distances should be done with full confidence in your relationship. Leaving friends and family and a life isn't something you should do if you're only half sure about the person you're doing it for.

[LadyDaemon]

I do love her... and i would settle down with her no problem. Its just that i don't want to be the fool. Its because i love her that if she would rather have an open relationship until we meet... i am willing to do that. Usually i would be done with the girl if she wants that.

I just need to know. As much as i would not want an open relationship with her, if that's what she wants, then i might as well see what other options i have too. If she has another guy, and is keeping her options open, i would like to do the same thing. I feel like a fool if im faithful and she is not.

If i really didn't care/love her, i would of left a long time ago.

Ok,not trying to be mean,but my BS detector is going off on this. If you were really that invested and cared about it that much you wouldn't be "keeping other options open" period. You're doing this whole "I want my cake and I wanna eat it too" type deal and I get the feeling from your posts that she is too,that to me is juvenile. This is not some tit for tat game. You're either both in it or you both need to get out of it. This type of situation usually only goes one way and that is that someone is going to get hurt. You also need to keep in mind that there is caring for someone and then there's loving someone and they're completely different. You guys seem more like you care about each other and want benefits,but you're not in love with each other. You don't have to love someone to care about them or have sex with them.

My suggestion,you cut the crap of "Well she's keeping her options open so I'm going to too" and define your relationship and boundaries with her and get her to correct her behavior if there's something going on and you do the same or you both walk away. When you truly love someone you're solely with them and you work it out with them,not with them and everyone else and their sister. If it's such to the point that neither of you can do LD due to not being able to control yourselves sexually and you feel the need to sleep with others outside of your relationship for that reason or another,then maybe a LDR is not for you. Trust is a huge thing in LDRs,it's a major part of what binds the relationship together. Without that your relationship is pretty much as good as dead. LDRs where you or your SO have to walk around wondering who you or they are sleeping with 24/7 is not a relationship at all because it leads to you both trying to babysit each other all of the time because you don't trust each other. Besides,there's also a health risk here. You don't know and neither does she who you both could be or will be sleeping with and if one of your partners has a std/sti and doesn't tell you or her,you could make each other sick or one of you can make the other sick. I'm sorry,but it's not worth all that.

[warlord]

Ok,not trying to be mean,but my BS detector is going off on this. If you were really that invested and cared about it that much you wouldn't be "keeping other options open" period. You're doing this whole "I want my cake and I wanna eat it too" type deal and I get the feeling from your posts that she is too,that to me is juvenile. This is not some tit for tat game. You're either both in it or you both need to get out of it. This type of situation usually only goes one way and that is that someone is going to get hurt. You also need to keep in mind that there is caring for someone and then there's loving someone and they're completely different. You guys seem more like you care about each other and want benefits,but you're not in love with each other. You don't have to love someone to care about them or have sex with them.

My suggestion,you cut the crap of "Well she's keeping her options open so I'm going to too" and define your relationship and boundaries with her and get her to correct her behavior if there's something going on and you do the same or you both walk away. When you truly love someone you're solely with them and you work it out with them,not with them and everyone else and their sister. If it's such to the point that neither of you can do LD due to not being able to control yourselves sexually and you feel the need to sleep with others outside of your relationship for that reason or another,then maybe a LDR is not for you. Trust is a huge thing in LDRs,it's a major part of what binds the relationship together. Without that your relationship is pretty much as good as dead. LDRs where you or your SO have to walk around wondering who you or they are sleeping with 24/7 is not a relationship at all because it leads to you both trying to babysit each other all of the time because you don't trust each other. Besides,there's also a health risk here. You don't know and neither does she who you both could be or will be sleeping with and if one of your partners has a std/sti and doesn't tell you or her,you could make each other sick or one of you can make the other sick. I'm sorry,but it's not worth all that.

I think we are crazy about each other, but its hard for me to completely love her because ~sigh~ I don't really trust her.

And.. i don't know... maybe she doesn't trust me....she like every girl, has been hurt multiple times before she says and kind of just generally doesn't believe in true love.

Of course i would like my cake and eat it too.... who wouldn't i guess but i am willing to give up the cake for her

[Black_Halloween]

Oh my god man, just lose the chick and find somebody different if its causing this much drama this early on. She obviously does not want to commit and you don't have the balls to either. Do yourself (and women in general) a favor and be single.

[digitalfever]

Oh my god man, just lose the chick and find somebody different if its causing this much drama this early on. She obviously does not want to commit and you don't have the balls to either. Do yourself (and women in general) a favor and be single.

I second this.

[snow_girl]

I think we are crazy about each other, but its hard for me to completely love her because ~sigh~ I don't really trust her.

And.. i don't know... maybe she doesn't trust me....she like every girl, has been hurt multiple times before she says and kind of just generally doesn't believe in true love.

Of course i would like my cake and eat it too.... who wouldn't i guess but i am willing to give up the cake for her

You can't have a relationship if you don't have trust.

[warlord]

You can't have a relationship if you don't have trust.

Yeah i just talked to her last night. I asked her if she cheated on me, would she tell me. She said she would but she doesn't want anybody else so she would never cheat.

I asked her if she wanted to be my girl friend and she said yes because she loves me

I told her if she wants to be my girlfriend, i take that seriously and it means we are exclusive. She said she loves me and only wants to be with me and nobody else.

Sorry if i seem like a little bitch. I usually don't act like this but this girl is particularly good looking (she's been in tv shows and modeled for magazine ads good looking.)

I've dated hot girls before but she is the first girl I've wanted more then just sex from in a long time. Great personality, smart (getting her masters in 2 years) and hot. Maybe im just insecure and i am doing this to my self. Will try to trust her and giver her the benefit of a doubt.

I know this sounds stuck up but im a good looking dude that works out 6 days a week and have a good paying job. I've never really done a long distance relationship before where i liked a girl this much....

Sorry if i come across as whinny.

[snow_girl]

Dude, get over yourself. You need to find value in non materialistic things. Who gives a rats ass if you are good looking? That doesn't make you above being in an LDR, you clearly haven't seen the amount of good looking people on this site. One day those looks are going to wear off and you'll be stuck with only your personality and whoever your withs. You better hope you've got something more then skin deep

[Black_Halloween]

Dude, get over yourself. You need to find value in non materialistic things. Who gives a rats ass if you are good looking? That doesn't make you above being in an LDR, you clearly haven't seen the amount of good looking people on this site. One day those looks are going to wear off and you'll be stuck with only your personality and whoever your withs. You better hope you've got something more then skin deep

All of this.

[LadyDaemon]

Dude, get over yourself. You need to find value in non materialistic things. Who gives a rats ass if you are good looking? That doesn't make you above being in an LDR, you clearly haven't seen the amount of good looking people on this site. One day those looks are going to wear off and you'll be stuck with only your personality and whoever your withs. You better hope you've got something more then skin deep

I second all of this.

[Moon]

Yeah i just talked to her last night. I asked her if she cheated on me, would she tell me. She said she would but she doesn't want anybody else so she would never cheat.

I asked her if she wanted to be my girl friend and she said yes because she loves me

I told her if she wants to be my girlfriend, i take that seriously and it means we are exclusive. She said she loves me and only wants to be with me and nobody else.

Sorry if i seem like a little bitch. I usually don't act like this but this girl is particularly good looking (she's been in tv shows and modeled for magazine ads good looking.)

I've dated hot girls before but she is the first girl I've wanted more then just sex from in a long time. Great personality, smart (getting her masters in 2 years) and hot. Maybe im just insecure and i am doing this to my self. Will try to trust her and giver her the benefit of a doubt.

I know this sounds stuck up but im a good looking dude that works out 6 days a week and have a good paying job. I've never really done a long distance relationship before where i liked a girl this much....

Sorry if i come across as whinny.

Buddy, if you think relationships and love have anything to do with hotness level, then you, even at your age, aren't ready to have one. Seriously, I expect this kind of post from some dude in his early 20's, not from a guy past his mid-thirties! If you want to have an actual serious relationship, you need to get over yourself. Self-esteem is good, but Jesus, man.

My wonderful boyfriend is an average looking guy, and even if Robert Downey, Jr showed up at my door to sweep me off my feet, I'd tell him I wasn't interested. RDJ might be fantastic to stare at, but after that? There needs to be more than only physical attraction, because once everyday life sets in, compatibility is much more crucial.

You don't sound whiny, to be perfectly honest, you sound repulsive. Your well past the stage of life where banging hot, young girls should be your goal in life. You're transferring your ambitions on to your poor girlfriend, who is probably just looking for a nice, decent, good looking guy to have in her life. If she cheats, it's not going to be because somebody is better looking than you

Get over yourself and your insecurities, and be the kind of guy she's looking for. You're getting toward the end of your "banging hot young girls" stage, so if you've got one now, hold onto her.

[ThePiedPiper]

Buddy, if you think relationships and love have anything to do with hotness level, then you, even at your age, aren't ready to have one. Seriously, I expect this kind of post from some dude in his early 20's, not from a guy past his mid-thirties! If you want to have an actual serious relationship, you need to get over yourself. Self-esteem is good, but Jesus, man.

My wonderful boyfriend is an average looking guy, and even if Robert Downey, Jr showed up at my door to sweep me off my feet, I'd tell him I wasn't interested. RDJ might be fantastic to stare at, but after that? There needs to be more than only physical attraction, because once everyday life sets in, compatibility is much more crucial.

You don't sound whiny, to be perfectly honest, you sound repulsive. Your well past the stage of life where banging hot, young girls should be your goal in life. You're transferring your ambitions on to your poor girlfriend, who is probably just looking for a nice, decent, good looking guy to have in her life. If she cheats, it's not going to be because somebody is better looking than you

Get over yourself and your insecurities, and be the kind of guy she's looking for. You're getting toward the end of your "banging hot young girls" stage, so if you've got one now, hold onto her.

[LadyDaemon]

Buddy, if you think relationships and love have anything to do with hotness level, then you, even at your age, aren't ready to have one. Seriously, I expect this kind of post from some dude in his early 20's, not from a guy past his mid-thirties! If you want to have an actual serious relationship, you need to get over yourself. Self-esteem is good, but Jesus, man.

My wonderful boyfriend is an average looking guy, and even if Robert Downey, Jr showed up at my door to sweep me off my feet, I'd tell him I wasn't interested. RDJ might be fantastic to stare at, but after that? There needs to be more than only physical attraction, because once everyday life sets in, compatibility is much more crucial.

You don't sound whiny, to be perfectly honest, you sound repulsive. Your well past the stage of life where banging hot, young girls should be your goal in life. You're transferring your ambitions on to your poor girlfriend, who is probably just looking for a nice, decent, good looking guy to have in her life. If she cheats, it's not going to be because somebody is better looking than you

Get over yourself and your insecurities, and be the kind of guy she's looking for. You're getting toward the end of your "banging hot young girls" stage, so if you've got one now, hold onto her.

Write this down,remember it and read it like it's the fricken bible dude. There's so much truth to this that I just can't even...