Jealous of what others have?

[Zephii]

So does this bother anyone else? Have you been around others and just really got that jealousy feeling that they were able to spend time with their SO while you have to rely on skype, phone, text, and emails?

No, this was never a problem for me, and I can't say I really understand it. But then, often my friends are not that happy in their relationships, so even though Obi was so damn far away I felt like I was getting the better deal. And other times, well, I guess I'm just able to be happy other people are happy *shrug*
What really got to me was when people would act like I was single or would tell people I was single when I wasn't. >.>

[Zephii]

I thought I might add.. on the topic of people complaining about not seeing their SOs for a relativly short period of time... that really maybe we should spend less time comparing our situations to the lives of others? And maybe we can all stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I still maintain that LDR, whilst challenging, is not the end of the world. It's simply NOT THAT BAD.

I'm CD right now, and sometimes it's is just as challenging to get time with my SO now as it was when we were an ocean apart. And when you do see each other it's often filled with the day-to-day stuff that takes the quality out of it. I also find now that I have him every day, I don't appreciate anything that takes his time away from me. You get used to having their presence in the house and when it's not there something just feels like it's lacking. Besides, who knows what else these people have in their lives? Sure, they might have a CD SO, but they also might have a job they hate or no job at all, they might have abusive parents, sick family members, their stuff is about to be reposessed, or a zillion other different things that make them need to cling to their SO that much harder for support. Is it our place to judge that? What gives us the right to say that they shouldn't feel a specific emotion, that they somehow have not earnt it?

We complain that people don't understand the challenges of LDR, that people are not compassionant enough - but maybe we should look at ourselves first? Maybe we too are also too judgemental, maybe we're not trying hard enough to understand the people around us as well?

I don't know.. It's just a thought from a very tired rabbit. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

[Kirschlein]

Well, i have to say that i am pretty jealous too. But i don't wish them apart or something, i only would love to have the same. I want to live together with my SO and when i see my friends cuddling, having a perfect life together-- i feel left out somehow. They also sometimes ask me, when he will come and when they can see him again, but it always makes me think much about it. Actually i shouldn't complain much, because he will come soon to live here, but it is still really hard not to freak out.

And to the people who are complaining oh how long they are apart (2 hours)... sure you miss your boyfriend, but there should be also time for themselves, so you don't stick to eachother the whole time. Seriously what would they do if they would jump into an LDR? Dying? D:
Well....i just ignore it i guess...

[Butterfly-x]

I get sad more than anything, and maybe a tiny bit jealous. I like to see other couples happy, even though is makes me miss my boy a thousand times more. Im going to be sharing a house with friends next semester and at least 2 of them have boyfriends who will obv. be coming to the house now and again. I'm not looking forward to it at all though i'm not too sure how i ll react. :/ However, i know they dont have a strong connection with their SO's like i do with mine and thats kinda comforting. Even though the distance is hard, i wouldnt trade it for any other CDR.

[JoMarie]

It never bothered me to see and hear about peoples CDR, because in my own way I knew that LDRs have to start out much stronger than CDR. I knew what I had, and what I felt when I was with him and I loved it. Kevin and I are CDR now and it was well worth the wait, I would say just keep moving forward and don't dwell on what you don't have. Look at what you do have instead.

[xsomanymilesx]

i get jelous of ther people too - and also a little frustrated, like my friend was complaining cos her boyfriend had gone to tenerife for 2 weeks on holiday, its like, get a grip.
but then i was talking to my boyfriend about this too, and if theyve never experienced a relationship like ours then i'm sure we'd miss our boyfriends and girlfriends as much if they went away for a week, i dunno, its confusing and it doesnt seem fair at all! i just want him here -.-

[Txonite]

For me, my jealousy towards lovebirds and annoyances with people complaining about the littlest things in their relationships decreased after my boyfriend and I started dating. It's not that much a big deal to me anymore, I guess because my mind is fixated on my own little world now instead of other peoples.

But then again there are some that understand. My best friend was stayin with me for like 2 weeks while my and her parents were both on holidays and we camed a lot with Chris and she was like "hey if you wanna have some time alone with him just lemme know i'll go outside or into another room or somethin"

I saw this and thought of how when I went to Florida back in June and while I was there with my friend she wouldn't let me have alone time with him. She would interrupt our conversations and I would apologize to him for cutting him off to answer her and she would yell at me for apologizing. It was getting annoying. Then she told me my relationship with him doesn't count and isn't real because we haven't met. It hurt a lot. So that's great you have a friend who understands and is there for you =)

[MTK]

I thought I might add.. on the topic of people complaining about not seeing their SOs for a relativly short period of time... that really maybe we should spend less time comparing our situations to the lives of others? And maybe we can all stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I still maintain that LDR, whilst challenging, is not the end of the world. It's simply NOT THAT BAD.

I'm CD right now, and sometimes it's is just as challenging to get time with my SO now as it was when we were an ocean apart. And when you do see each other it's often filled with the day-to-day stuff that takes the quality out of it. I also find now that I have him every day, I don't appreciate anything that takes his time away from me. You get used to having their presence in the house and when it's not there something just feels like it's lacking. Besides, who knows what else these people have in their lives? Sure, they might have a CD SO, but they also might have a job they hate or no job at all, they might have abusive parents, sick family members, their stuff is about to be reposessed, or a zillion other different things that make them need to cling to their SO that much harder for support. Is it our place to judge that? What gives us the right to say that they shouldn't feel a specific emotion, that they somehow have not earnt it?

We complain that people don't understand the challenges of LDR, that people are not compassionant enough - but maybe we should look at ourselves first? Maybe we too are also too judgemental, maybe we're not trying hard enough to understand the people around us as well?

I don't know.. It's just a thought from a very tired rabbit. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I agree with that. I think that people have a tendency to go "You don't understand how hard it is!" and then completely ignore whatever situation the other person is in. A little empathy would actually go a long way.
All relationships has their "bad sides" so to speak and i think that people might get too caught up in feeling sorry for themselves, as you said so, to take a good look at it and say "Yeah, i can see where you are coming from. That sucks."

[hellojamie]

I guess I've just gotten used to it. It helps that I happen to have friends in LDRs, though most of them are just a couple hours of distance, rather than being oceans apart. I also have a lot of single friends, so going stag isn't such a big deal. It's actually kind of nice, having girls nights and still getting drinks bought for you when you're in a relationship.

It does get to me when we have big group hangouts and stuff and people ask where my boyfriend is. Sure, he visits me as often as he can, but that's still only once a month at the most. That leaves 40 other weekends a year where he is not in town. I just kind of patiently have to explain that. The only time I really get jealous is when I see couples doing day-to-day things, like holding hands on campus, or just shopping at Target, the normal mundane stuff that they take for granted.

[EBKitty]

I was just about to post on this but I'm glad I found this page.

I've been having this issue for some time now: a bit of jealousy because of other couples, that, and all the freaking facebook posts, ugh. Plus whenever I go out, I'm ALWAYS the odd man out and I feel left out. My friends help with that but it seems like they all want to be with SO's more than me.
Don't get me wrong, I have sympathy for people who miss their SO's or are having a hard time their relationships. My thing is I get no get responses from people because I used to be in LDR with my ex. That went totally south, but even now when people see that I am happy, I get nothing. Very frustrating.

I suppose my question is: how does everyone deal with feeling that way?

I normally just close up a little bit and get quiet, or if I'm by myself, I'll just snuggle my SO's shirt and things like that, send him a text.

[Tabitha]

It really annoys the hell out of me when people - not in a LDR - complain that they can't see their SO for a few hours. Really?... really??? Give me a break.

Me too!!! Nothing drives me more crazy than that. I just wanna tell them now lucky they are.

[SeattleLove]

Ohh I hate that tool. For example my best friend: She lives in a different neighbor hood than her SO and since they are snowed in she doesn't get to see him for a few days and now she's whining and complaining all day. Please, people, get over it. It's only a few days.
And then there is us: waiting for our SO's several months, and most of us aren't complaining as much....oh well people

But back to topic: I don't know if it's jealousy what I'm feeling when I see my friends with they boyfriends, but it's like: Wow I miss him right now...

[DarkSolitary]

Yes, I do get jealous. Heck, I get jealous of the couples on here when they get to see their SO. >.<

[michy]

I haven't felt jealous over any CDR couples. The closest I feel is maybe a bit of sad nostalgia once in awhile when I see a couple together, and think back to when it was us smiling at each other across the table, holding hands, stopping for a kiss etc.
I don't feel jealous because in my mind, I don't want what they have. I don't want what any other couple has. Like Garnet mentioned a few pages back, I can definitely feel just how big a role the distance has played in the development of our relationship, and in how deeply we have come to know and care about each other. Although it's hard sometimes, I know for certain that each day we've spent apart and missing each other has served to set us up for a lifetime of love and appreciation in a way that wouldn't have happened had we always been able to reach out and touch one another whenever we wanted.

So I tell myself- yes, it kind of sucks to have missed out on all the days spent together, the bedtime kisses, the adventures we could have shared... but the strong future and deep connection we have built as a tradeoff is far better! And eventually we'll STILL get to enjoy all the days, kisses, and adventures... so we haven't *really* missed out at all!

[Casey]

To be completely honest, it doesn't annoy me. I understand how they feel when they miss their partner, as well all do too, and they are just used to seeing them more, hence why they miss them. Also, I am friends with most of my mates' partners so I enjoy catching up with them and don't really get jealous.