Conversation problems

[rosiemichelle]

I meet up with my boyfriend every 2-3 weeks and we spend the weekend together. When I'm with him he's very sweet and attentive however lately when I speak to him online it's very hard to start a conversation with him and his replies are mostly one word answers and when I do manage to get a conversation going with him he always seems to have to go after not long. It's starting to really annoy me. Anyone else experienced this? If so do you have any advice for me?

[alizee]

I meet up with my boyfriend every 2-3 weeks and we spend the weekend together. When I'm with him he's very sweet and attentive however lately when I speak to him online it's very hard to start a conversation with him and his replies are mostly one word answers and when I do manage to get a conversation going with him he always seems to have to go after not long. It's starting to really annoy me. Anyone else experienced this? If so do you have any advice for me?

I kind of have the same problem as you. When I started talking to my boyfriend online - we had nice conversations - but he always had to go offline the first. I mean he was always there, at the time set for us to talk, but after 45 min - 1 hour - 1 hour 15 min (the most) he always got offline. That really started to annoy me (I was thinking he didn*t even care of us, but then again HE WAS ALWAYS there when we set the date, time to speak on IM and told me we had interesting conversations and invited me to visit him!!! I didn*t know what to believe... ). Now, we are on the phone stage - talking every 2 days for 10-40 min and texting rarely (if I send the texts he replies if not, he does not send them on him own). That*s another thing that*s annoying me, because I would love to receive sweet texts from him - just to see that he thinks of me... Now, I guess I got used to his way of being - he has a stressful job with many extra hours, goes to the gym and spends the weekends with friends. But, with all these things he always tells me where he goes (if he goes out), and calls me most of the time. This is sincerity and confidence from his part and he did invite me again to visit him and I said I wasn*t ready yet and he understood. We will meet for the first time in September, when he comes home (we have the same hometown ) and I am sure he is just like your boyfriend sweet, attentive and very nice when we will meet in person.
So, I guess your boyfriend is kind of the same as mine (mine is a little independent, and just I feel that he needs some space in the relationship) and from what you wrote you have no reason to believe he doesn*t love you or care about you. I guess men are like that - a little imature. I mean my SO (when he is in the mood!!!) can call me 2 times a day and that can be a miracle !!!! I believe our men need some time to just be ... what*s his job, his social activities???? maybe he is too much into these activities and gets home very tired and doesn*t feel very talkative ....

[rosiemichelle]

Thanks for your reply. He's a software designer, he's also pretty into playing computer games.

[alizee]

Well, maybe he is just like a little child and likes to play computer games and also spends a lot of time in front of the computer at his job, so he just gets tired when talking to you .... I used to think that if you really want something you make time for it, but apparently our guys don*t feel the same - and this is nothing personal, I mean that is their way of being!!!! Not everybody must think like me, I now realize that. Don*t you 2 talk on the phone???? I mean from the moment I got my BF number (I asked him for the number, so you can see how shy or respectful he can be!) we never talked on IM, we only use the phone. You are on the same country, so it shouldn*t be expense (we have the same phone provider, so it*s free!!!)

[rosiemichelle]

We've tried it but the signal on my phone is a bit rubbish so we cant really hear each other properly, I guess I could maybe see about him ringing the landline.

[alizee]

The same here, I guess due to the distance, sometimes I can*t really understand what he*s saying, so I have to ask him again! It*s annoying that but that*s a way of communicating - and I like this type of communication better than talking online, because I can actually hear his voice, and sense some emotions when talking to him.
And another thing that can be annoying is the fact that my BF likes to watch soccer on tv, so if I call him and it*s a game on, he doesn*t seem to respond so nice to me ... I sense he is not there, cause he is so preoccupied with the game. I was mad at first about that (thinking that a soccer game can be more important than our relationship!!!), but again it his way of being, so it*s nothing personal!!! It*s different when meeting in person, right?

[Karoshi]

I kinda have the same problem as you girls, but we fixed it by not texting or chatting with each other. We rather talk on skype etc. Is it possible to you? Maybe your boyfriend is really very busy in his job, social life, family etc. Try to ask him about that. I believe that it's not that he doesn't want to or enjoy talking to you, but rather because he's tired or busy

[Safihre]

I kinda have the same problem as you girls, but we fixed it by not texting or chatting with each other. We rather talk on skype etc. Is it possible to you? Maybe your boyfriend is really very busy in his job, social life, family etc. Try to ask him about that. I believe that it's not that he doesn't want to or enjoy talking to you, but rather because he's tired or busy

Yep.. Same here! Online chat just doesn't work for my SO and me. We met in real life and were only forced to do online chatting after a couple of months when we seperated.
We always have miscommunications or she randomly leaves, so we only use it to set our Skype times or send small loving texts occasionally. We just need to hear (or even better: see) each other!

I was annoyed at first, but Skyping is sooo much better and more 'real'!

[rosiemichelle]

Thanks for your reply I did ask him to add me on Skype but he hasn't done it yet. Tbh I don't think it's because he is busy, he usually tells me if he's going out with his friends and I don't message him then and he works 9-5 mon - fri and again I don't message him during these times either, I think it's probably more that he's doing something else online same time and gets distracted. It's getting really frustrating now, I feel as if I can't have a decent conversation with him.

[Karoshi]

I think it's probably more that he's doing something else online same time and gets distracted. It's getting really frustrating now, I feel as if I can't have a decent conversation with him.

You said that he loves PC games? I think I understand then Maybe he comes home tired from work and just enjoys the time he can relax playing a game. I don't know what kind of games he's playing, but believe me, I am gamer myself and it's annonying to pause game everytime someone messages me on IM. Not talking about games that you can't pause lol. Maybe that's his issue too. I believe that Skype can fix it. Or you can play with him!

[rosiemichelle]

Its not PC games hes into its playstation

[Karoshi]

Oh I see... Well, I can't have any other advice that tell him how it bothers you not to be able to communicate normally. Do you communicate in any other way, or just through chatting?

[rosiemichelle]

Just through chatting.

[rosiemichelle]

I was thinking of maybe suggesting to him having prearranged times for when we chat do you think this may be a good idea?

[alizee]

I don*t see how Skype can be a better way of communicating then phone talking. I mean just talking with your bf on the phone to me is much better than IM or Skype. I can hear his presence closer to me and I can sense the emotions that he has. Even if we talk for only 20 min, to me it*s the most important think. IM or Skye (even wideo chat) seem cold and impersonal, and seeing my bf over there would only increase my sadness, thinking he is miles away!!!! I couldn*t ask him for us to come back to IM, I think it would be selfish of me to do that, because he spends so many hours at work in front of the computer and I want to spare him of staying more time at home!!! So, we only talk on the phone - yesterday evening I sensed he wasn*t there when talking, but that had nothing to do with me just with the fact that an important soccer game had to start on TV (but, anyway he made the effort to talk to me!). I am starting to getting used to his way of being - as I said that doesn*t mean he doesn*t care about me, just that this is his way of being and of seeing things. I believe HE IS DOING THE BEST HE CAN!!!
And another thing - rosiemichelle - maybe your boyfriend is like mine and he wants some time off, some space when he is not with you!!!! So, please don*t try to suffocate him and give him time and space to breathe!!! In my case I don*t talk (as hard as this may be on me) to my BF on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays (the most 1-2 texts), because I sensed he wants to be left alone to just be ...