Conversation problems

[rosiemichelle]

well i dont talk to him every day and when i do talk to him its not for hours on end and as I said earlier I never try to contact him whilst hes at work or out with his friends/saying hes doing something so im hardly suffercating him.

[Ejoriah]

I don*t see how Skype can be a better way of communicating then phone talking. I mean just talking with your bf on the phone to me is much better than IM or Skype.

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to communication. Personally I don't see how Skype and talking on the phone is so different as for one to be "impersonal" compared to the other... I mean if you're just doing a voice call on skype, how is that different from a phone call?

However, since the OP only communicates through chatting, we have to respect that for now it's the OP's preferred communication style. OP, I agree that scheduling a time to talk - much like you would schedule "dates" might work. That way, he knows that he can still get his gaming time, and you still get to talk. Have you tried talking to him about this issue? Communication is key to any relationship, and I think you need to let him know that his different behavior when you two are long distance is not OK with you. I suggest you wait until you two are physically together to bring it up, in a non-confrontational way. Maybe something like "hey, I've noticed that lately when we're long distance our communications seems to be a little stunted. I understand you want your time to play games but I would still love to talk to you and spend quality time with you, what do you think we could do?"

Good luck, OP. One of my exes was a little bit how you describe your SO. He loved playing his games, especially after a long day at work. He hid from me that he bought a PS3 until I went to visit and found it in his room. I would ask if we could webcam for just 30 minutes before I went to bed so I could at least see him and he said no. I asked if we could have just 30 minutes of us talking to each other properly (as opposed to one word answers and the like) and he said he was "entitled to his free time after work." Needless to say we didn't last long after that. Not saying the two of you are doomed to failure, but that lack of quality communication can take its toll in the relationship and that you should bring it to his attention, if you haven't already. However it may just be that he's terrible at communicating on IM and you'll have to adjust, with compromise on both sides.

[rosiemichelle]

Tbh Id like to use other methods of communcation, as I said earlier I asked him to add me on skype but he hasnt.No I havent tried speaking to him about it im seeing him this weekend though. I dont mind him having time to himself or playing games but I dont feel Im having a proper conversation with him Id rather spend less time speaking to him and having an actual conversation when I did then whats happening now.

[kikidee]

I feel like long distance relationships always go through stages like this. My SO and I hardly spoke much for the last two weeks, but now that I'm here visiting him (our second visit), the conversation flows super easy in real life. Have you ever played video games with him? That's a fun thing to do together and you'll have plenty to talk about :P we did that cuz were both into video games.

[rosiemichelle]

No Im not into them (other than wii games for excercise) and he doesnt like multiplayer games anyway. I did manage to speak to him breifly earlier about this he said he sometimes wants to have more alone time as hes been used to being on.his own so going to speak everyother day rather than most days.

[Karoshi]

I can understand that he wants to have more time on his own. Personally, me and my SO talk almost the whole day (everyday :P) and sometimes I really want to have some time to read my favourite book, play some game or watch some movie on my own so I tell him I need to go somewhere for an hour or so, go offline and do something on my own lol. I understand that it can be painful for you if you want to speak everyday, but try to give him some space. Maybe you can schedule your "talking times" every two or three days, you'll see what will suit you most.

[rosiemichelle]

I dont speak to him for hours on end, maybe an hour at the very most. However he does have less free time then me, he works full time whilst im a student (currently off for the summer as well) plus he does have a more active social life than i do.

[alizee]

I dont speak to him for hours on end, maybe an hour at the very most. However he does have less free time then me, he works full time whilst im a student (currently off for the summer as well) plus he does have a more active social life than i do.

Just like my case. My boyfriend has a more difficult job that I have, goes to the gym 3 times a week and in weekends he goes out with his friends (clubbing, barbequeing, pool, etc.), so he also has a more active social life than I do. He is more socialble than me. As I said, we never talk on Saturdays (because that*s when he*s out!) and it is not easy for me to do that, but I appreciate the fact that he always tells me where he goes on weekends and I love him for his sincerity.
Do you feel that everything is great when you 2 are together? Does everything feel right??? If that*s so, than you have nothing to be afraid of ... when he is not with you he wants to spend some time alone and just be. Does he live alone? My SO lives alone, so to me, ot is logical that he has some habits of his own and doesn*t want to be disturbed everytime. I know that if we would move in together he will just adjust to the new situation.
How many times to you speak a week, when you*re long distance? For how long?

[rosiemichelle]

Just like my case. My boyfriend has a more difficult job that I have, goes to the gym 3 times a week and in weekends he goes out with his friends (clubbing, barbequeing, pool, etc.), so he also has a more active social life than I do. He is more socialble than me. As I said, we never talk on Saturdays (because that*s when he*s out!) and it is not easy for me to do that, but I appreciate the fact that he always tells me where he goes on weekends and I love him for his sincerity.
Do you feel that everything is great when you 2 are together? Does everything feel right??? If that*s so, than you have nothing to be afraid of ... when he is not with you he wants to spend some time alone and just be. Does he live alone? My SO lives alone, so to me, ot is logical that he has some habits of his own and doesn*t want to be disturbed everytime. I know that if we would move in together he will just adjust to the new situation.
How many times to you speak a week, when you*re long distance? For how long?

Yeah hes fine when I'm with him. I normally speak to him most days, time varies but always less than an hour, however as he normally gives me one word answers and can take ages to reply it probably isn't really and I never feel like I'm having a conversation with him and that I can't discuss things with him which is frustrating, tbh I think if when we spoke less often yet had a proper conversation with him when we did I'd be much happier. Yes he lives on his own.

[alizee]

So, yes, he lives also on his own. That*s why, I think (just as is the case with my boyfriend) he has daily habits on his own and maybe he gets a little selfish for that. If he*s great when you two are together then it means he cares for you ... some guys can be misleading, I know!!! I HOPE my SO turns great when we will meet in September. We speak 4 -5 times a week for 10-30 minutes, I wish it was more, but everytime I try to lengthen the conversation I feel like he isn*t there anymore and isn*t attentive to what I am saying, he seems to lose his focus if the conversation gets longer. Maybe he isn*t a big phone talker (I am not either, but for his sake I would talk for hours with him). It will be different when meeting in person and I hope our conversation would last for hours.
Have you 2 discussed about closing the distance??? If so, what was his reaction??? Is he glad to live with somebody and change his way of being, because living with somebody will definitly change everybody, and each person in the relationship has to make some compromises????

[rosiemichelle]

So, yes, he lives also on his own. That*s why, I think (just as is the case with my boyfriend) he has daily habits on his own and maybe he gets a little selfish for that. If he*s great when you two are together then it means he cares for you ... some guys can be misleading, I know!!! I HOPE my SO turns great when we will meet in September. We speak 4 -5 times a week for 10-30 minutes, I wish it was more, but everytime I try to lengthen the conversation I feel like he isn*t there anymore and isn*t attentive to what I am saying, he seems to lose his focus if the conversation gets longer. Maybe he isn*t a big phone talker (I am not either, but for his sake I would talk for hours with him). It will be different when meeting in person and I hope our conversation would last for hours.
Have you 2 discussed about closing the distance??? If so, what was his reaction??? Is he glad to live with somebody and change his way of being, because living with somebody will definitly change everybody, and each person in the relationship has to make some compromises????

No we've only been in a relationship for a few months, way to soon to consider living together IMO. I'm also in university and graduate next year, if we're still together then I'll move to his area (I was planning on moving when I completed my degree before I met him anyway) even then I don't know if I'd live with him straight away as he's got his own place that's up to him really.

[alizee]

I understand, but when you 2 meet on weekends, where is he staying??? Is he staying at a hotel??? How is he behaving during the whole weekend???? Or is he staying at your house, with you???? My relationship started just about the same time as yours and we haven*t met yet. We will meet in September as I said, but you 2 have met for a few times already, so I guess you should have discussed about it. I mean, you live in the UK, and it*s a free and liberal country, so living with your boyfriend I can*t imagine being a problem in the British society ... But I am 32 yo and he is 34 yo, so if everything goes well between us I will move to be with him, even it means leaving my job, friends, family, etc... It doesn*t matter the relationship age if everything feels right!!!

[rosiemichelle]

I understand, but when you 2 meet on weekends, where is he staying??? Is he staying at a hotel??? How is he behaving during the whole weekend???? Or is he staying at your house, with you???? My relationship started just about the same time as yours and we haven*t met yet. We will meet in September as I said, but you 2 have met for a few times already, so I guess you should have discussed about it. I mean, you live in the UK, and it*s a free and liberal country, so living with your boyfriend I can*t imagine being a problem in the British society ... But I am 32 yo and he is 34 yo, so if everything goes well between us I will move to be with him, even it means leaving my job, friends, family, etc... It doesn*t matter the relationship age if everything feels right!!!

Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't seen as a problem here, no, however living with one you've only know a few months is considered to be strange my most people, including myself. He'd probably run a mile if I suggested it! Well we take turns visting each other, when I visit him I stay at his flat when he's visting me we stay at a hotel because I live with my family.

[alizee]

So, it*s still living together even if it*s for only 2-3 days. I don*t really see the problem here - it*s not like I am saying that you should move in together right away, but you must have some plans for the near future, or plan a visit that is just longer than a weekend, let*s just say 1-2 weeks! I mean you*re not 15-20 yo anymore and I believe that you are both headed for a serious relationship, not only a fling, as it*s also my case !!!!
My boyfriend invited me to come to visit him after only 3 weeks of relationship and I told him it was to early to visit him, because that*s what I felt and I didn*t want him to believe I am an easy woman to just jump into being with him so easily. He understood perfectly my point of view, another thing which I appreciate him for. I am waiting for him to meet here, where I am living, but after that, I will definitly go to visit him and spend some days with him.

[rosiemichelle]

So, it*s still living together even if it*s for only 2-3 days. I don*t really see the problem here - it*s not like I am saying that you should move in together right away, but you must have some plans for the near future, or plan a visit that is just longer than a weekend, let*s just say 1-2 weeks! I mean you*re not 15-20 yo anymore and I believe that you are both headed for a serious relationship, not only a fling, as it*s also my case !!!!

Well as I said in a previous post if we're still together when I finish my degree next year I'll move to his area, whether or not we live together is up to him.