This Distance Is Now My Enemy

[Freebird]

I'd been single for a while so at first it didn't bother me that he wasn't physically here. I get to talk to him daily so it made me feel good.

But... that didn't last very long. As time goes on, the more we bond, I can see how this distance thing could easily make someone go mad. Our relationship is still new and I'm already feeling how difficult this can be. I imagine I'll really have a hard time after we meet in person for the first time. Hopefully I don't go absolutely bonkers! We do as much as we can to feel as close as we can.

The distance is frustrating. I imagine even more so for people who have had to go long stretches without seeing their SO in the flesh. But kudos to those couples who make it work. That's a huge inspiration for me. And as frustrating as this is, if all goes well I imagine the end result to be well worth the struggles.

[CanadianGirl]

I think I feel the pain of being apart more and more as time goes on. Parting ways just doesn't get easier for me. My problem is that the distance itself makes it hard to resolve problems right away. We'll say something stupid, or just literally misread each other and with busy schedules, the problems get to fester a little before resolving.. In person, a good heart-to-heart and a cuddle fixes everything within minutes.

Upside though, I'm pretty thankful for LFAD. If I were to vent about this to my friends, they'd still be stuck on the fact that I'm a mad woman for wanting this at all. It's worth it, but it does get to you.

[srtd35]

Some days are just much worse than others! I think we all understand how you feel. Sometimes I think I can deal with this distance and some days I think I can't take it one more minute. Hang in there!

[Black_Halloween]

Am I the only person who never got jealous of CD couples when my SO and I were LD? lol The way I figure, its a choice you make to be in this situation so you have no right to hate on people who are CD.

[dizzyupthemeg]

I'm not "hating" on anyone that is CD. I don't know their struggles or what they face in their relationship, and I'm more than aware that I asked for the situation I am in. That does not change the fact that I appreciate the smaller things in a relationship more than most couples who start out CD. People who have never faced time apart don't think about things such as grocery shopping or work lunches or simple every day things as luxury time together. Those of us who deal with a distance know better. I would never say I am jealous of CD couples because I wouldn't change the things that make my relationship so special (even the distance), but I do crave the things that they get to do everyday. Just because we get upset with the distance doesn't mean we are necessarily jealous.

[rach92g]

Wow! I am loving all of the response I've gotten to this post! Honestly I didn't expect much, and I expected most of it to be critical of me for feeling the way I am, but thanks guys! It's nice to know I'm not the only one. There are so many of you that I want to reply to, but I'm at work right now, so if I don't get to you yet don't worry! I will!

Yup, me too. Sometimes I just get angry and I feel like it's not fair at all.

I'm not so upset that he misses things like birthdays and holidays-- I'm used to being alone/with few people for those things (esp. birthdays), so I don't really care. For me, it's more little life experiences: cooking dinner for each other, watching TV together, visiting him at his work/school/wherever, grocery shopping together... things that most CD couples take for granted.

I completely understand that. I think the reason I have such an issue with us missing birthdays is because we started out CD, so we celebrated 3 birthdays each before the big move, and now it's a lonely day for me. He is really the only one I want to spend it with.

[Chlo]

I know what you mean.
Somedays are just worse than others.
I can be fine with it one day, and freak out about it the next. *Facedesk*
Sometimes just feels like a constant struggle!
Distance sucks!

[WaitingInChicago]

Having previously done both long distance (1 year) and living together (9 years) with my husband, I can definitely say that LD couples don't take each other for granted like CD ones do.

When we moved in together, we couldn't believe how lucky we were every day. With time, that faded, and I sometimes found myself thinking of the old days when he would move heaven and earth just to see me. (But romance fades with time in all relationships, to some degree.)

One of the only positive things about the distance is that we know we will definitely appreciate seeing each other again, and will hopefully be more deliberate about planning our quality time together. And after we close the distance again, that appreciation will last, for a little while at least. :o)

[rach92g]

I totally understand. It has only been a year and I am going out of my mind, so I can only imagine how I would feel after 3. At first, when I would have a bad day, or miss him, just the sound of his voice would be comfort enough, and sometimes it still is. But when I am feeling extremely lonely, frustrated, and sad.....nothing can help....I need HIM....HERE.....I think you have every right to hate this "intangible enemy" and be as angry as you are

Exactly! I used to feel better after just talking on the phone or Skyping with him, but now it's harder to fill the void that I have in my life without him here. I'm such a physical person anyways, so going from 3 years of hugs and kisses every day to 3 years of distance (thus far) where we hug/kiss every few months is really starting to take a toll on me. I'm so done!

On the flip side, seeing as you are a Newbie and have only been long distance for a year, I'd like to invite you to read some of my other discussion/blog posts. Like I said, we have been LD for over 3 years now, and I hope I can be somewhat of an inspiration to you and your relationship, because it IS possible to make it work. I have posted positive things haha, I'm just going through a rough spot right now.

[rach92g]

YES !
I also can't imagine anyone loving the situation. Some people may be able to cope with it better than others. I would be one of the others. It's terrible ! I agree with you. It's frustrating when other people don't understand, think you're being a drama queen or even say that you're lucky to NOT be around the person you love, because they're annoyed with their partners.
Hang in there and let it all out !

THIS!!! I won't post things on Facebook about being sad/upset/angry that we are not together, mainly because I don't want to be viewed as a drama queen that constantly whines about her relationship. It's not that I want people to believe I'm completely okay with the distance, but I don't want people to think I'm unhappy in my relationship, because I'm not. None of my friends would understand anyways. They're all CD. So glad I have LFAD to come to when I need to rant!

[rach92g]

I know what you mean.
Somedays are just worse than others.
I can be fine with it one day, and freak out about it the next. *Facedesk*
Sometimes just feels like a constant struggle!
Distance sucks!

You literally made me laugh out loud with the *Facedesk* sidenote! Haha! Thank you for understanding and replying!

[rach92g]

This is completely understandable and I have times where I'm like this. When a friend complains about a 20 minute distance between them and their SO, and I'm just like you have absolutely no idea how lucky you are that it's 20 minutes and not 24 hour traveling, thousands of dollars, airport madness, not even mentioning the months apart...

I think my fiance just tries to be a constant rock to cheer me up because he is always positive about the distance. He says we'll see each other in a few months, it's nothing we haven't done before, hopefully the next plane ticket one of us buys is one way...which is nice to hear. It sometimes ends up making me feel worse because I feel guilty that I'm in tears over it and he's ok. But when I think about it, I feel just like you! The distance is hard and it hurts and I hate it. But honestly I wouldn't change anything about my relationship because I know it's only temporary.

It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel so guilty when I start getting like this, because he handles the distance so much better than I do, so most of the time I just don't even tell him how I'm feeling. But I did last night, and he understood completely and apologized for it. He truly is my rock. If we were both cry babies like I am then idk what I would do!

[rach92g]

This is just exactly on the spot. I feel like demanding a choice of my SO, I want to scream in his face that I can't do it anymore, that I don't want this distance anymore. Because it's not fair that this stupid distance thing will have to go on for many years. I'm so done with it, I can't.

And I feel like giving up all the time,
but that wouldn't be fair. Because like you said, I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with the hours between us.

Yes! I want so badly to give him an ultimatum, but I know that's so unfair. I just want to be done! I hate it so much. But then I remember that I'd be completely miserable if we weren't together at all, so I know that I have to stick it out. One day we will be CD again, and it will be wonderful

[sarahjane1992]

I totally agree with you! I HATE the distance!

I took my SO to the airport today after a month together. He is my rock. He kept it together until we got to the airport. Then we were both crying. Distance sucks. But I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world! We will be CD soon. And it'll be totally worth it. <3

[ushiwakafox]

Having previously done both long distance (1 year) and living together (9 years) with my husband, I can definitely say that LD couples don't take each other for granted like CD ones do.

When we moved in together, we couldn't believe how lucky we were every day. With time, that faded, and I sometimes found myself thinking of the old days when he would move heaven and earth just to see me. (But romance fades with time in all relationships, to some degree.)

One of the only positive things about the distance is that we know we will definitely appreciate seeing each other again, and will hopefully be more deliberate about planning our quality time together. And after we close the distance again, that appreciation will last, for a little while at least. :o)

Yes! My SO have gone through bouts of CD and LD and I have to say while I'd never switch CD for LD, you certainly are less likely to take each other for granted. When we were closer together and saw each other every weekend, it seemed we both stopped feeling blessed about getting to be with each other. And I think that's normal, but that's one nice thing about LDRs is there's a lot of romance

But rach, I totally know those feels. Every so often I go through the EXACT same rant. And I frankly couldn't care less about the unfairness of feeling jealousy and discontent that other people get to be together. Nobody's a saint, there is always something you are jealous of/wish you had that someone else does have.

Sometimes you just have to let it out We're all here for you! And you can always PM if you ever need to.

<3