This Distance Is Now My Enemy

[Louise_B]

I have just got in from going out for a quick drink with work pals after work and i can honestly say i didn't enjoy myself one bit. All i kept thinking about was my SO and how i would rather him there i can laugh and joke with. I've come to the realization i feel better at home instead of being out in public with friends :/ sounds pretty crazy as i thought it would be the other way around.

I haven't done LD as long as most on here, We're creeping up to 6 months in our relationship. 3 months since i last saw him and 3 months until i get to spent Christmas with him. Then we have enough time to squeeze in one more visit from jan-june before he deploys. I miss him so much it hurts.

Some days i feel like i can take on the world .. literally, but with a smack in the face the following day i always come down like a tone of bricks and it lasts for days, In fact 4-5 days out of 7 i struggle. I feel so weak .. sometimes i want to let it out and turn to my best girl about it or my SO but then again i don't want them to assume im not happy and that im doubting my relationship because in fact its the total oppisite! i love him with everything i could possibly give.

When he deploys those 9 months are going to be hard, Plus the lack of communication i think i'm going to need to be praying for my baby and myself to get through it!

[hanabana]

I get so frustrated sometimes, that I end up crying. Lately that's been a lot more than normal. Me and my boyfriend have been long distance for about a year now, and every day seems to get harder than the next. Since I am in school, there's nothing we can do about it for 2 more years. Which puts me into a situation similar to yours. Three years? I really have no idea how you do it. I drive myself crazy about the distance every chance I get, even though I try so hard to keep busy.
Everything you said about seeing other couples hold hands is true. It makes me sick seeing other couples like that get to be together. And to those who take advantage of being around their SO everyday...it also makes me sick.
In a way though, I wouldn't trade my situation in for the world. My boyfriend is who I want to be with for the rest of my life, and if that means temporary separateness, then I am willing to wait. That is what I try to tell myself after I have gone through a good cry.
I am not sure how much longer you have to be apart, but you've gotten this far, You can make it just a little bit longer.
Best wishes!

[Methos]

Me too! When I went on my cruise last summer all I saw was couples my age having a fun time together, and I wasn't able to talk to him for 4 days so that made it even worse. I wanted him there with me more than anything because I knew we'd have a great time, but everyone else got to enjoy that. Maybe one day.

I completely get that .. I see couples all the time and instead of being happy for them, I feel sick to my stomach. It's not that I'm jealous of what they have .. or maybe it is. Hell I don't know! I just wish this distance wasn't so great. I actually posted on my facebook just yesterday, "People say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say absence (and distance) just plain sucks."

A part of me almost wishes that I never flew out to see her last year. On the day of my mom's funeral, something called my attention to the locks on the side of the casket. That's when it hit me, I would never see my mom's face again. Well, on the day I left Romania .. when the door to the plane was closed and I felt us pushback from the gate, something overwhelmed me, the knowledge that I had seen her face for the last time .. and I had no idea when or IF I ever would again. And as the wheels left the ground I actually felt a physical pain in my chest, as if a part of my heart was being ripped out of me .. a part of me that just didn't want to go. I'm not ashamed to say that I had tears in my eyes the whole 4500 miles back to the US. When the flight attendants walked the aisle, I turned my face to the window so no one would see. A guy isn't supposed to act this way .. but I couldn't help it. I had a keychain made for us, it's heart shaped cut in two haves, I gave her the half with my name and I kept the half with her name. For about 2-3 weeks after I got home, you couldn't pry that keychain out of my hand!

Fast forward to this past week. I have been investing online and using that to build some extra income because I was hoping to surprise her in a couple months. I was so excited, I even joined the British Airways frequent flyer program because if things continued, I could be able to go see her about once a month! Then I watched that investment dwindle to almost nothing in a single day. It destroyed me .. like hope was dangling in front of me and then was pulled away as I reached for it. And once again, that distance seems greater than ever.

One of her favorite singers is Bruno Mars .. and right now, I need to quote him: "I wish that you were here with me! But we're stuck where we are and it's so hard .. so far .. this long distance is killing me."

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My boyfriend can be a total moron. He hasn't texted me since he got to stupid Rochester on Sunday. I understand he is getting settled in and that he's seeing his friends, but I still exist too. I'm soooooo frustrated because I am giving him space to get readjusted but he is ignoring me! Ahhhh! I don't think I'm out of line for feeling the way I do. I want to scream. I hate distance!!!!

[rach92g]

My boyfriend can be a total moron. He hasn't texted me since he got to stupid Rochester on Sunday. I understand he is getting settled in and that he's seeing his friends, but I still exist too. I'm soooooo frustrated because I am giving him space to get readjusted but he is ignoring me! Ahhhh! I don't think I'm out of line for feeling the way I do. I want to scream. I hate distance!!!!

Wow, almost a week? If it were me being ignored, I wouldn't be okay with that. That's a long time to go without texting. I could see maybe a day or two, but not a week. Have you talked on the phone? Has there been any sort of communication at all?

[butlerfly]

My boyfriend can be a total moron. He hasn't texted me since he got to stupid Rochester on Sunday. I understand he is getting settled in and that he's seeing his friends, but I still exist too. I'm soooooo frustrated because I am giving him space to get readjusted but he is ignoring me! Ahhhh! I don't think I'm out of line for feeling the way I do. I want to scream. I hate distance!!!!

my boyfriend is rubbish at communicating too! I feel your frustration. They just don't think.

[sarahjane1992]

Right now, the distance is my enemy too. I know I'm still in the post visit blues stage, but I'm hating these 1,300 miles between us. My heart just hurts. We have a visit scheduled (for now) in October. There's just times where I want my SO. Right at that moment. And I know it's irrational and not possible, but love sometimes makes us think with our heart, not our head. I know everyone out there can relate to this, but sometimes I just feel the need to vent. Sometimes I feel like the strongest woman in the world, then other days I feel like I'll fall apart at any given second. Having people here who understand how I feel makes it so much better.

But even though this hurts like hell, I'd do it again and again and again for my SO. And I know he'd do the same for me. Having him in my life has blessed me beyond words. <3 I wouldn't trade him for anything.

I'm just trying to keep my eyes on the future. This won't last forever. We will close the distance. It's just a matter of time. <3

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Wow, almost a week? If it were me being ignored, I wouldn't be okay with that. That's a long time to go without texting. I could see maybe a day or two, but not a week. Have you talked on the phone? Has there been any sort of communication at all?

We've been together for 3 years. It happens. I'm not worried at all, but it just frustrates me. I trust him and I know he's getting settled in and has been working. I texted him today for a bit. We have also been "poking" each other on Facebook, so it's not like he's ignoring me. Our schedules can be conflicting at times, so we go through patches of not talking that much sometimes. Most of the time, we're fine. I know once his classes start, things will slow down and he'll settle in more, so we'll talk more then.

[TriniCherryPrincess]

It sucks when you want to go out and do something that is really couple-appropriate so then you can't...you feel single because it's a single person's problem but you're not. You're just in an LDR

[mandywriter]

I agree with everyone else. This is completely spot on and you have a right to be angry. Especially at this "intangible enemy". Long distance sucks. The miles in between suck. Not being able to be with the ONE person that could make everything better with just being right there in front of you completely sucks. This makes me completely angry too. I know my OH and I haven't been together long, but even just a few months is completely killing me. I can't even begin to imagine the way you feel after three years of it. But you definitely give me hope with how long you have been with each other.

I feel bad all the time because I see all these couples around taking each other for granted and he's over 4, 000 miles away from me and there's 6 hours between us and when I'm finally able to Skype after my son is asleep, it's already late where he is and he's falling asleep. Can't see him all the time or hear his voice all the time, all I have is IM and sometimes I have to wait all day for him to be able to talk. It sucks. And it really tears your heart apart.

So everything you are thinking right now is completely understandable and you're allowed to be angry.

[dandelion]

I hate I hate to be without him. I hate to be million miles apart from him. I hate. I want to just cry and make all of my sadness come out from me by tears..

[tigerlady]

This is just exactly on the spot. I feel like demanding a choice of my SO, I want to scream in his face that I can't do it anymore, that I don't want this distance anymore. Because it's not fair that this stupid distance thing will have to go on for many years. I'm so done with it, I can't.

And I feel like giving up all the time,
but that wouldn't be fair. Because like you said, I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with the hours between us.

Here is some food for thought.....
Would you rather be with someone who loves you inside and out, wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but have to wait to make it a daily reality?
Or would you rather have someone that lives by you who is up your butt 24/7 always monitoring what you do....sure great in the first year or more, but obviously you have found your true love and that is NOT something you will ever truely find again. Don't quit a good thing that will fill the rest of your life with happiness after time, for something that will be temporary happiness.

[TriniCherryPrincess]

Here is some food for thought.....
Would you rather be with someone who loves you inside and out, wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but have to wait to make it a daily reality?
Or would you rather have someone that lives by you who is up your butt 24/7 always monitoring what you do....sure great in the first year or more, but obviously you have found your true love and that is NOT something you will ever truely find again. Don't quit a good thing that will fill the rest of your life with happiness after time, for something that will be temporary happiness.

THIS. Thinking this way helps me through it

[Safihre]

Here is some food for thought.....
Would you rather be with someone who loves you inside and out, wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but have to wait to make it a daily reality?
Or would you rather have someone that lives by you who is up your butt 24/7 always monitoring what you do....sure great in the first year or more, but obviously you have found your true love and that is NOT something you will ever truely find again. Don't quit a good thing that will fill the rest of your life with happiness after time, for something that will be temporary happiness.

I am not going to disagree, but I have to add that at 24 (and my SO 22) we are not really thinking about 'the rest of our lives'. We are young and even though we don't want to shop around anymore for the casual hookup, we are just enjoying our time together and know the feelings are strong enough not to give up.

I broke up with my ex after 5 years (it was CD), and it's scary to think that the same might happen to us after so much effort to close distance etc.
So saying CD is 'temporary happiness' is just not true.

So let's make another statement:
The thing mainly is that distance is not something you can really "work on", you can either close the distance or for whatever reason you can't (right now).
Problems in CD relationships are different, but just of a different sort and often both partners can work on them.. unlike in LD.
And having had both CD and LD, I prefer the CD and it's problems more then the big issue of LD.. The distance.

[sarahjane1992]

Sometimes I really despise the distance and feel like breaking down, and then sometimes I feel ok. Almost a month post visit. We're getting back in our communication cycle. I just miss him. <3