Disappointed :/

[Louise_B]

Are you one of those people who drop everything you’re doing for someone? Or you put yourself out to make time for someone and they don’t appreciate it?

Yup I am one of those people and I guess I will never learn, I ALWAYS make time for people, always put myself out for people who need me. I never ask for anything in return either. It makes me feel good to know I’m that good person to try my best for everyone. Sometimes my mum has remind me that people wouldn’t do half as much for me as I do for them, ‘You’ve got a big heart Louise don’t let people take that for granted’ And I guess she was always right.

I’m probably having one of those days (4days) where I really sit and think about how people act towards me or how I’m there for their convenience (that’s how it feels sometimes) and I may be wrong.

The reason I guess this all came to light is because my SO is kind of making me feel I’m not his main priority right now I kind of don’t know how to explain it really. However, he flew home for Labour Day weekend on Friday to spend a long weekend with his mum grandparents, friends and sisters. And I have hardly heard a thing from him. It started 2 nights before he actually flew out, I made myself available both evenings ready for a face time YET he was too busy playing the Xbox and whatever else he was doing. And then Friday I get a text from him saying he has Wi-Fi on the plane... wait... stop... He’s on the plane already? He didn’t even tell me when he was flying, that he was even at the airport or boarding the plane? Don’t get me wrong he hasn’t got to tell me he’s every movement but I would have liked to know when he was actually flying, Then it has all kind of gone downhill from there. I knew the commination wasn’t going to be as much as it has been because his spending time with his family and hand on my heart I understand that more than anyone (I am a big family person) However, his actually been worse than what I prepared myself for. Didn’t let me know how the second flight went, when he landed. Just texted me saying his getting drunk and shooting now. No text goodnight, didn’t ask me how my day was, how I’ve been feeling. NOTHING! And same goes for Saturday evening.. Heard hardly nothing from him, Although he did ask me if something was wrong because I wasn’t being ‘talkative’ which I found pretty amusing when he said that as I’ve been trying to make conversation with him but I’ve been getting nothing back or he will reply 4 hours later with ‘sorry been shooting’ .. So I’d ask how it was 3 hours later ‘sorry was swimming going to the cabin with my mum now’ Nice.

I just I just expected more from him because I was willing to give him more when I went on Vacation for a week with my girls back in June and I did give him A LOT more. For the whole week, I had my phone glued to me I ran up a £190 phone bill paying for internet so we can what Sapp the whole time, face time etc. The girls got so angry with me because I was ALWAYS on my phone. I would let him know what we were up too, where we were heading next, I shared the funny moments with him. I would be in a club and I would text him right until I got into bed at 5am in the morning. I would be on the beach with the girls and I would face time him. Told him when I landed when I was at the airport EVERYTHING. I guess I thought keeping him in the loop with everything made him feel like he wasn’t being left out and because I was on vacation in a different country that he was still on my mind.

However, the way he’s being is making me feel like I am not as important to him as he is to me. Does that seem mean for me to say that? I know I should talk to him about it but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t enjoy the rest of his weekend, It just makes me kind of angry because I know when he’s back to Kansas he will be texting face timing me all the time .. Because he has no one he will be around but because his round people now it seems like his not as bothered about me.

Not looking for advice I guess I just needed to type out whole I feel because I feel so rotten right now with this whole situation and I feel so alone and it hurts! I don’t even want to talk to my best friend about it because I feel like im going to be bothering her just like I feel like im bothering him texting him while his away enjoying himself

[Freebird]

I feel very similar when it comes to communication. So for what it's worth, you're not alone.

My SO generally keeps in contact throughout the day through text. But it's become less and less more recently and it does bother me. We have had few phone conversations lately. No web cam for a couple of weeks, and when we did web cam is was very brief. A few days ago he didn't make any contact for 24 hours and I was freaking out. Turns out he was traveling with family and was having phone issues! I wish he would have at least told me he was traveling with his family... I was starting to think the worst. When it comes to loved ones I am extremely concerned and if something seems out of the norm I become very, very worried. And like you, people have taken my kindness and softness for granted. I blame this stupid bleeding heart of mine. I guard it more than I used to, but it doesn't change the fact that I am still a huge softy.

I am also fairly conflict avoidant so I never make a big deal about what bothers me... I don't want my SO to think I'm clingy, controlling, or trying to be a "baby-sitter". I just wish he would tell me what's going on a bit more often! It's not because I'm trying to be nosy, at least I don't see it that way. I just care! He's my boyfriend, albeit long distance, and communication is very important to me. I really do hate to say it but I think I can relate to you when you say he is making you feel like you are not as important to him as he is to you. I've felt that way a little too.

Fortunately I think he realized we should communicate a bit more. He brought it up without me having to say anything, apologized, and seemed pretty sincere about it. And I cannot put all the blame on him. Me being conflict avoidant and not bringing it up is also a lack of communication on my part. How is he supposed to know it bothers me when I don't tell him? In a perfect world I wouldn't have to ask him to please give me a heads up on what's going on or ask him to better collaborate with me on what time is best so we can talk on the phone or web cam.

But this isn't a perfect world.

At any rate, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I wish you only the best with your relationship and hope you can get it sorted out!

[80anthea]

I think if it's really upsetting you then you need to say something to him. He probably doesn't realise he's upset you. I wouldn't take it as he only bothers with you when there's no-one else around, it's more likely that he's just catching up with people he doesn't see that often and so is distracted.

[barret95]

As others said , yes, you need to tell him it's bothering you a lot.
You're not alone when it comes to feeling unwanted/unappreciated. My SO did the same thing to me, for about 5-6months until she started noticing I stopped talking to her as much as I use to.
I'm much like you, I'm too kind to everyone and I've been used many times. I do get very worried when the people I love stop contacting me for a period of time.

But, your SO does have a life of his own and that includes Family. And it might be Family he's not seen for a while.
It's unfair that he treated you like this, especially when you did give him time when you were on holiday!
just have to talk about it to him and don't bottle your feelings inside. but you know that.
It'll be Okay once you two have talked about it.maybe He doesn't know what he's doing is hurting you.

[Louise_B]

just have to talk about it to him and don't bottle your feelings inside. but you know that.
It'll be Okay once you two have talked about it.maybe He doesn't know what he's doing is hurting you.

He texted me a short while ago after 7 hours of not hearing from him saying 'facetime me'
i explained i couldnt because he knows i am in work and he said 'can we facetime later' i explained i may be out after work and he got pissy with me saying he can see im busy bla bla bla (yet the only time hes actually asked me to facetime him since the last 4 days is being hes on a long ass car journey).. So why should i just drop everything and facetime him when its convinient for him? because he has nothing better to do as hes in the car

I explained how i felt and hes reply was 'I knew there was something wrong' annnnnd again i havent heard from him.

[mllebamako]

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated and hurt, but I do think you're overreacting just a bit. People aren't the same- just because you were super communicative and always kept him in the loop while you were on holiday, doesn't mean everyone is like that. I know that when we were LD, I had a hard time communicating with my SO because I wasn't in my normal routine. Sometimes it's hard to get away when you're with family.
Tell him that you feel left out and ask him to make more of an effort. But I think it's best to just accept that he isn't great at keeping in touch while he's on vacation.

[LadyDaemon]

He texted me a short while ago after 7 hours of not hearing from him saying 'facetime me'
i explained i couldnt because he knows i am in work and he said 'can we facetime later' i explained i may be out after work and he got pissy with me saying he can see im busy bla bla bla (yet the only time hes actually asked me to facetime him since the last 4 days is being hes on a long ass car journey).. So why should i just drop everything and facetime him when its convinient for him? because he has nothing better to do as hes in the car

I explained how i felt and hes reply was 'I knew there was something wrong' annnnnd again i havent heard from him.

Yeah,that's not going to solve anything. I know it's not fair but sometimes you have to bite the dust and be the bigger person and talk to him about it. Two wrongs don't make a right and if you do that to him you're not only creating a cycle but then you're also no better then he is. Facetime him and tell him how you feel about the situation. Be as completely blunt and honest as you have to be (without being "mean" about it) and see what happens. I also think you need to take into account that maybe he didn't have as much contact with you because while he's in Kansas he's completely involved with you and talks to you all the time and maybe he just needed a break. Everyone needs a break now and again,even from their SOs. So maybe that's what it was,maybe he was just taking the opportunity to have some him time without having to worry about you and everyone else and that's not a bad thing. That's a human thing. People need space sometimes,even from the people they love the most. It's not a personal slight against you.

[Black_Halloween]

I feel like youre mad because youre unrealistic expetations were not met. You didnt communicate on how you were going to communicate. Also, the fact that you said your friends got mad at you for talking to him too much tells me that while away, YOU need to step back, like he did and take some you time.

[Louise_B]

We have just facetimed. i told him how i felt and he totally understood. He wasn't mad in fact he apologized because he realized how distant he has come across!!

I obviously said sorry for being 'needy' and all was ok.

[katiecat08]

I've felt this way from time to time. And I did tell my SO that sometimes I did feel a bit neglected. We always come to an understanding that we both also need another outlet besides each other because well be miserable all the Time. I'm one of those people who constantly has a "guilty conscience" so to speak and always apologize when it's really pointless cause I don't have to. But as long as we love each other and realize our strengths and weaknesses we re alright. Just be open and honest about everything.

[Zapookie]

I feel like youre mad because youre unrealistic expetations were not met. You didnt communicate on how you were going to communicate. Also, the fact that you said your friends got mad at you for talking to him too much tells me that while away, YOU need to step back, like he did and take some you time.

I agree with BH. If I was on a girls trip with my friends, and one of them was just texting her boyfriend the whole time, I would be hella pissed. I personally don't text my SO when I'm with friends out of pure respect for them, because I wouldn't want them to do the same to me. When I go out with friends, I'm out with them, not my SO.

Why go on vacation if you're not going to enjoy it with the people you're with? That's what he's doing. He is vacationing, and spending quality time with his family. It's what most people would do. To get angry at him for that is an overreaction.

If you want to feel more like a priority, don't sit around waiting for him because you'll only end up disappointed. How is he going to know you're expecting to talk to him if you don't tell him? He can't read your mind. Instead, keep yourself occupied with other things and make time for each other. Arrange dates, that way the both of you can be rid of distractions and just focus on the two of you. What I'm saying here, is BE CLEAR and COMMUNICATE. Your SO isn't going to know whats on your mind unless you tell them. t=This was something I, too, had to learn, but it has helped my relationship a tremendous deal by not being afraid to voice my feelings.

[Dezface]

I agree with Zapookie and BH. I think you were more disrespectful to your friends than your SO is being to you. You went on vacation with them and were glued to your phone the whole time. I can see how your SO would rather not do that.

A lot of your posts make you come off as very needy. As a needy person myself, I can relate. But sometimes to make a relationship work and be an adult about things, we need to take a step back. You've got to realize when it becomes too much. In your case, I think it's too much. Your entire life shouldn't be your boyfriend. You're setting yourself up for failure if you make everything about him and expect him to do the same. It just doesn't make for a working relationship.

[Franglish]

I have the same problem! We talk everytime but it's not as interesting as before and I always try to make conversation.. But I know she loves me she doesn't think it's bothering and she thinks she talks to me like before, sometimes well almost all the time now in videochat she is on facebook at the same time tagging his friends and even his penpal talking to them I have to wait for some minutes before receiving her message and she come back on facebook.. But I don't want to tell her I don't want to annoy her I don't want to lose her ^^

[digitalfever]

You don't need to stay in contact all the time.

[Moon]

Let this be a lesson as you go forward in your relationship - when either of you are on vacation separately from each other, the contact will be limited, sparse even. It's not a big deal, it's normal, it won't kill either of you if you don't speak for a few days, or know each others full and complete itinerary. When you get home, you'll have a lot of interesting things to chat about.