My lover forgot my Birthday and the day we meant

[dem&ter]

As I am getting older I don't really find birthdays are something important dates anymore, so for me it's not a big deal, it's sometimes terrifying even because while it's getting closer to my birthday date, the reality hits me that I will be exactly older than before, seriously, I don't need people to remind me that! Lol

My SO is also not a big fan for birthdays he even sometimes forgot about his!

For my relationship, birthday is not something that we have to celebrate, wishing 'Happy Birthday' is all fine. Besides, I have a big social circle from jobs, research partners, college friends,etc, bet I would always have at least 2 birthday cakes and/or surprise parties, I didn't want my SO feel intimidated because he's far and his chance to make any surprise was so limited. He's more kind of person who loves to surprise me randomly because he thinks it's more romantic, I like that...

For the OP is it really forgetting birthday that bothers you or it's just a trigger for something else which is actually the bigger issue? Because often the women's original concern is backed up by other observations and worries that reflect the true significance of the original complaint. If it is, well yeah, you know when you need to stay and just leave for the relationship. Good luck!

[Hollandia]

I have posted this before somewhere on the forum, but my SO not only forgot my birthday but because he forgot he had made plans to go out with a co-worker. He realized it about 15 minutes before his buddy showed up at his apartment when I mentioned my Bday to when he Skyped me after he got home from work. He promised he would catch up later that night but ending up getting rocked with his buddy and was so drunk he could not stay up. I spent my birthday alone in my house playing couch potato. The next day he apologized and said he was sorry. I was sad that night but stuff happens. He did not do it on purpose and he really does not think of dates like that. One thing I will guaratee you, he most likely will never forget again.

He does not think of the day we met online, or in person the first time, when we first decided to be BF/GF, or when we decided we would be living together as soon as immigration allows to be any type or sort of anniversary at all. When we marry someday, he will consider THAT our anniversary. I don't have a problem with it. Most adult men think 2 week anniversaries and the ilk are for junior high. I believe if you celebrate too many days it waters down the bigger ones that should stand out more. I agree if they are really important to you then communicate that to him and remind him if you expect it to be celebrated. If you don't want to have to actually remind him in words then you plan an event with him to celebrate it. I don't think this makes him or my SO any less romantic either it is just about the way they were brought up or who they are. My SO is beyond romantic in someways but remembering dates is not his forte. Some women want their SO to be that Hollywood SO/Spouse/Partner and some are but some are not going to be. You should remember that we are all flawed and there is most likely something the you do/don't do that they wish you did. If you love someone you have to accept them for who they are and not for who you want them to be.


Newbs versus Vets? We were all New once so I don't even consider that to be a valid point of discussion. Kum-ba-ya and all that stuff. Some of us, new and vet, are more blunt and hard coated (like me)and some of us, new and vet, are more soft and squishy and take things in a different way. This is a forum for all kinds and we all just need to accept that sometings are offensive to some and not others and others need to accept that just because it is offensive to you does not mean the other person's opinion is wrong, it is just different from yours. For instance imo, the word "harsh" is way overused in this forum and usually comes off as judgemental. I don't really have an opinion of it's direct use in this thread but I am curious if we could do a search of that word how many heated conversations it has been involved in. The ironic thing is the use of the word "harsh" is in itself a harsh thing to say.

[Kiyama]

I'm terrible at birthdays. I wouldn't have many friends left if everyone "broke up" with me over that.
Fortunately there is Facebook these days.
Why is this so huge to you OP? It sounds to me like there is way more behind that. A history of forgotten promises?
Whatever it is, I can honestly not believe someone would freak out merely over a forgotten birthday (unless they are 16). There are more important things in life. I it really is just that, just remind him next time

[sweetdevil]

My SO forgot my bday once and it HURT (no I'm not some 14 year old!)
I felt so... like I didnt matter to him.
Surely if you love someone you can remember their bday.
Especially when I did so much trouble for his (sent him a card, a text message around 00:00 his time, when I saw him again I had a cake with candles and I hid a present for him in his room that he could open on the big day)
So being a grown up really does not matter in this story. It has nothing to do with it.
Having that said, I dont think you should break up over it. Tell him your hurt in the 'I feel like I dont matter when you forget my bday'-way and not the 'you always... I hate that' -way

[snow]

My SO forgot my bday once and it HURT (no I'm not some 14 year old!)
I felt so... like I didnt matter to him.
Surely if you love someone you can remember their bday.
Especially when I did so much trouble for his (sent him a card, a text message around 00:00 his time, when I saw him again I had a cake with candles and I hid a present for him in his room that he could open on the big day)
So being a grown up really does not matter in this story. It has nothing to do with it.
Having that said, I dont think you should break up over it. Tell him your hurt in the 'I feel like I dont matter when you forget my bday'-way and not the 'you always... I hate that' -way

And here is where you misunderstood snow_girl.
It's not about being upset or hurt. No one says you can only be hurt, when you're ~14. You can get upset at any age over someone forgetting your birthday or anniversary if that's important to you. It's the second part about breaking it off, just because someone forgot your birthday, which seems immature.

[Malaga]

The most shocking thing about this thread is the fact OP is from the US and a serious contender for the most unintelligible post on the forums, I could barely make out what it was about.

Honestly though, I'd be upset if my SO forgot about my birthday too. I wouldn't break up over it, but I'd make it clear how hurt I felt. I don't care about anniversaries much but birthday is one day when you normally get some attention from a lot of people. It would hurt me if my SO wasn't one of them. I think remembering your SO's birthday is a pretty standard social norm worldwide and one that's not so hard to follow up on. You can set up reminders on your phone, email, whatever.

Now if this is a recurring thing for the OP and her SO, if she's communicated with him how important it is for her that he acknowledges her birthday in some way and he's never bothered to, then it just goes to show the problem runs deeper than just forgetfulness and she might be right to want to end it. It's hard to tell from the opening post whether he's otherwise inconsiderate or is if this is his only fault. If it's a one-off, just let him know about it and give it a rest.

[sweetdevil]

And here is where you misunderstood snow_girl.
It's not about being upset or hurt. No one says you can only be hurt, when you're ~14. You can get upset at any age over someone forgetting your birthday or anniversary if that's important to you. It's the second part about breaking it off, just because someone forgot your birthday, which seems immature.

Who is snowgirl?

[lyonsgirl]

Who is snowgirl?

She's another member here. She posted on page 1 of this thread.

[Black_Halloween]

Here's something that nobody seemed to bring up: The age of her partner. Is he over 50? Sometimes when people get older their memory starts to go. Its a medical condition and it may not even be his fault at all!!! OP: You need to talk to him about this calmly and find out the reason why he forgot.

[Ahava]

I read most of the thread (I hadn't come across such bickering on LFAD before, but some of it was amusing).
Has anyone counted how many times the saying "just my two cents" was used though? I think I came across at least three times...it started to annoy me :P
Would have to agree with Malaga on the OP's post though = hard to comprehend.
AND it is possible to lie about your age on this forum so maybe she was say a 15 year old boy?

[temporaryuser]

i was married for 12 years. I dont remember the number of times my ex remembered my bday or anniversary, or most holidays for that matter, or was even home for them. These things simply werent important to him, that is how he was raised
Point being, it isnt an ldr experience, it is a relationship experience. If you want these things recognized, you must communicate and find out what your partners expectatations are as well. Find these things out in advance, if they will be deal breakers you will know ahead of time. if you have discussed them, and there is still forgetfulness, then there are bigger issues

[SJ22]

You guys made me laugh But let's not turn this into a vets versus the rest kind of thing, haha! But really guys, the people who have a couple thousands posts on this website are generally the ones that you would want to listen to, as they have a lot of advice and experiences to share. And yes, some of us like snow_girl are the kind of people who are not afraid to hide their opinions and can formulate things in a way you call 'harsh'. But they make a point, so look past the harshness because not everyone has the same way to phrase comments. No need to comment with such unnecessary things like 'wow you're harsh' every time.

Aaanyway. Let's all be nice and get back to topic. I personally like Rugger's comparison a lot Overreacting seems to be the key word yes.

Thats the biggest nonsense Ive ever heard. Just because you have more posts doesnt mean your advice is any better.
It can also mean you just blur out what you think on every topic, or reply daily to topics as 'how many days til you see your SO' and 'what are you thinking about now' or even that you think that many posts gives you some kind of status so you just reply as much as possible (seen this the other day!)
New people on this site might have been in a LDR for 5 years but just becomming a member now (yes that means years of experience and not a lot of posts.)
The number of posts is no indicator of good advice

As for snow_girl... Yes your 'if you dont agree you're silly' comment is very childish. Its almost as 'If you dont agree with MY opinion you are just stupid.' You sound like Russia. People are entitled to their own opinion and just because its different from yours doesnt make them silly. The world is not black and white you know!

[Mims27]

Oh this thread was fun to read! lol

Meanwhile, I just wanted to add, maybe your SO is just forgetful, it happens. You should definitely talk to him about it. Perhaps you can help him with a few tricks he can use to remember stuff like that? I forget everything (ask my SO), so I have a Reminder App on my phone that pops up when it's something important I need to remember. Just an idea.

[MissButterfly]

Thats the biggest nonsense Ive ever heard. Just because you have more posts doesnt mean your advice is any better.
It can also mean you just blur out what you think on every topic, or reply daily to topics as 'how many days til you see your SO' and 'what are you thinking about now' or even that you think that many posts gives you some kind of status so you just reply as much as possible (seen this the other day!)
New people on this site might have been in a LDR for 5 years but just becomming a member now (yes that means years of experience and not a lot of posts.)
The number of posts is no indicator of good advice

You completely misunderstood my post.

[Chlo]

Can people stop bickering with one another, it's very childish.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion but there is no reason to start stuff like this, especially when someone is just asking advice.
I sometimes wonder why some people either bother, it just causes unnecessary debates.
Leave each other alone and try to help the OP.

BentlyKim - If your SO has forgotten, you should talk to him about it. Maybe he just innocently forgot. Some people here could also be correct in saying that he may not celebrate things like this. It's all about communication. If you feel the need to finish with him after you've spoken, then so be it.
I wish you all the best.