First Post - Wondering who can relate

[JMK2027]

Hi, I'm 23, started dating this girl who I have honestly wanted to be with for a while. We were friends for a while before hand and I don't know I fell really hard and fast for her. She's 21 and a senior in college. We started dating towards the end of summer and it was basically like we started dating one night, then she was gone for a week, then she was back for a week then I was gone for a week then I was home for a night and she left the next day for college. We try to see each other every couple of weeks, but you know I don't want to be overbearing and I want her to enjoy herself for her senior year, but me personally, I'm ready for the next step. I'm kind of done with the college life style and am ready for her and I to at least be in the same area where we can see each other when we want instead of when we can. She's having a tough time too, but here's where my issue comes in...

I have OCD. I'm not talking "wash my hands a million times OCD" I'm talking intrusive thoughts, constant "what ifs" and scary things like that. So I have come up with crazy scenarios in my head of ways things would end between us and that scares me a lot. She knows that I have OCD and have had a history of anxiety and has been very supportive of me, but it's just been really hard. A lot harder than I think it should be. I've never gotten like this because of a relationship before. I just miss her a lot and when I'm with her I usually progressively feel better, but then I have to leave and that sucks.

I've made up crazy crazy scenarios in my head and for a while thought I was going insane, but have (from the help of talking with therapists and others) realized the core of the problem. I'm having a difficulty with the distance and am trying to be perfect. The relationship is an unknown and I guess I'd rather worry about things I know I can control rather than that (even though those things cause me great mental anguish). I know I know medicine and/or therapy will help, but I'm just wondering if any one else has ever gone through something like this.

[mellif]

Hmm... To some degree, I think my SO and I has/had a similar struggle. He often said to me "is there anything I could possibly do that would make you stop liking me?" in the beginning of our relationship, and he seemed paranoid for a while about loosing me. I've also gone through small phases of depression, where I'd experience the things you described-- intrusive thoughts, "what ifs", etc-- and cry about it for a few hours. However, neither my SO and I are diagnosed with OCD or anything like that; it's just natural in a long distance relationship, and maybe your OCD is magnifying the effects of this natural fear. I'm sorry to hear about this-- but think of it this way.

Love doesn't go away because of distance; plenty of successful LDRs have proved that. Whatever pain and agony the distance is causing now, won't matter in the long run. Someday, you guys will close the distance and spend many many more years together than you did long distance. Of course, there's no way to gurenttee that any couple will stay together forever, but that's the goal, so why not aim for it? It'll take a lot of patience and emotional strength, but it will be worth every effort! Thinking about my relationship this way helps me stay positive and determined. Good luck, I hope the best for your SO and you, as well as your anxiety.

[alittlemind]

A couple years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I no longer have my crazy outbursts of panic attacks, but I know they are always under the surface. Of course, this has effected my relationship in many ways. I make up all these things in my head that could go wrong, but will most likely not. On my bad days, when my boyfriend doesn't reply after a little while, I feel the anxiety building up. Totally irrational, I know. What helps me is talking about my worries to my SO, no matter how ridiculous they might be. Sometimes just letting it out into the open makes you realize there's nothing to worry about, that your anxieties are nothing to worry about, and by talking through it with your SO, she will surely be able to reassure you. Also, if you can't talk to your SO at that moment, try writing it in the form of a letter to her. You don't even have to show it to her, just get it out of your system, put it down on paper, make sense of it, and then put it away. I find this has helped me a lot in the past month. I've become much less anxious about the distance, because I have some place to register my thoughts and they're not just going insane inside my head. This probably won't work for everyone, but if you haven't given it a try, it's worth a shot! Best of luck to you.