Hey all,
I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 and 1/2 years. We met in undergrad in NY. I was a senior from NY, he was a junior from NJ. I'm 3 years older than he is. After I graduated, I moved 800 miles away for grad school, and we just decided that we were going to do the long distance thing. It wasn't even a question. We love each other so much that we could make it 2 years in an LDR.
So we did it. It was rough. But I visited often. He came to see me twice. We fought maybe three times during the entire 2 years. My second year away, he moved back home after graduating. The second year was harder because whenever I was home to visit, he either had to drive 3 hours to see me, or I had to take the train to him. Regardless, we made it through.
I moved back home in May 2012 after graduating, and was excited, because he told me he would be moving to NY in September. Then September turned into October. Then it turned into January of 2013. Which turned into May, then June, then September, then October. As of right now, he plans on moving here in the new year. He PROMISED me this. I suggested me moving closer to him, but he really wants to be here because all of his friends are here, and so are jobs.
I'm really concerned. I love him to death, but he says he's going to do a lot of things, and then never does any of them. We can't move in together because we're not married and our families wouldn't approve. He won't propose until he's got a definitive career. Which won't happen until he moves. Whenever I try to talk to him about the future, he gets defensive and says things like "why can't you just live in the present? Why do you always have to think so much about the future?" I try to help him as much as possible without seeming pushy, but I'm reaching my breaking point. He says he's coming over for Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but at the same time, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I will be crushed if he doesn't come.
I can't just sit here and wait for him. I want to start our life together, even if all it means is dating him in the same region. To be able to see him whenever I want, not just on every other weekend. I don't want to give him an ultimatum...I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. So I've given myself an ultimatum. If he doesn't move here in January, or doesn't propose, I have to end it. Has anyone here ever given themselves an ultimatum and went through with it?
I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 and 1/2 years. We met in undergrad in NY. I was a senior from NY, he was a junior from NJ. I'm 3 years older than he is. After I graduated, I moved 800 miles away for grad school, and we just decided that we were going to do the long distance thing. It wasn't even a question. We love each other so much that we could make it 2 years in an LDR.
So we did it. It was rough. But I visited often. He came to see me twice. We fought maybe three times during the entire 2 years. My second year away, he moved back home after graduating. The second year was harder because whenever I was home to visit, he either had to drive 3 hours to see me, or I had to take the train to him. Regardless, we made it through.
I moved back home in May 2012 after graduating, and was excited, because he told me he would be moving to NY in September. Then September turned into October. Then it turned into January of 2013. Which turned into May, then June, then September, then October. As of right now, he plans on moving here in the new year. He PROMISED me this. I suggested me moving closer to him, but he really wants to be here because all of his friends are here, and so are jobs.
I'm really concerned. I love him to death, but he says he's going to do a lot of things, and then never does any of them. We can't move in together because we're not married and our families wouldn't approve. He won't propose until he's got a definitive career. Which won't happen until he moves. Whenever I try to talk to him about the future, he gets defensive and says things like "why can't you just live in the present? Why do you always have to think so much about the future?" I try to help him as much as possible without seeming pushy, but I'm reaching my breaking point. He says he's coming over for Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but at the same time, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I will be crushed if he doesn't come.
I can't just sit here and wait for him. I want to start our life together, even if all it means is dating him in the same region. To be able to see him whenever I want, not just on every other weekend. I don't want to give him an ultimatum...I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. So I've given myself an ultimatum. If he doesn't move here in January, or doesn't propose, I have to end it. Has anyone here ever given themselves an ultimatum and went through with it?
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