Haven't Heard From Him In a Week

[AmandaZamar]

Its been a week now since I've heard from my SO and I have no idea what is going on. The last time I heard from him was Saturday (08/14/2010). His dad brought him up with him to his old hometown (Lethbridge) and he was supposed to go fishing etc. I spoke with him on the phone and the last thing he told me was that he was going to go wake-boarding with an old guy friend of his, so I said alright and he told me he would call me after he puts minutes on his cell phone we said our I love yous and talk to you later.

I didn't hear from him that night so I was like ok hes more then likely still with his friend so I called his cell phone to see if it would be on and he did put minutes on his phone like he told me but his phone was off (as if it was dead) so I called his Dad and he told me that he is still out and he should be back later on in the evening so I said alright he dad then said he was going to be leaving in the morning and my SO would be staying up there for a week or how ever long so my SO can start looking for work and focusing on his music spend time with his old friends etc. I freaked out when he told me but I tried to remain calm.

I kept trying to call throughout that weekend and no ringing or anything, I called his dad on monday and his dad told me that my SO needs this time to get his life straightened out (my SO's dad has been a bit fed up with him living with them and not working etc -long story-) so I understood but I told his dad I would still like to talk to him and if I could maybe get the number to where he is staying and his dad told me BASICALLY no in so many words. So I let it go and he PROMISED me he would try to get ahold of my SO and tell him to call me, wensday came and my SO's phone was on for a bit but then lost all the minutes (the phone plan he has with rogers wastes minutes even with checking voicemail) so now he has no minutes what so ever. I spoke with his dad this past saturday and talked to him and was asking him whats really going on and he kept insisting to me that my SO really needs this for himself and that its a great time for him to meet new people and get a job and focus on his music.


I asked his dad if he called his friend to let him know to tell my SO to call me and he told me he "forgot" to call. he said that he would do it this time and that he did get a message on facebook from my SO saying that he needs more minutes. I told his dad I haven't gotten a reply or anything from my SO his dad kinda shook it off, my impression is his dad doesn't care and I feel like this is a way of his dad trying to seperate us for good because we have been going at this distance for 2 years now (Oct 4th will be two years). and we haven't met yet.


I feel overly confused and stuck I know my SO hasn't checked his facebook because he always changes his status's/pictures etc and nothing, I haven't gotten a reply from any emails or messages or calls at all. Our status is still active on his facebook etc. Its been a week and I am going crazy in confusion. I doubt his dad will tell me anything at all. My SO normally ALWAYS communicates with me or replies and this time I just have NO IDEA what is going on. I really need you guys please help!

[Michelle]

The whole thing with the dad sounds almost fishy... I don't like to speculate, but like you said, it does sound like his dad is keeping you guys from talking. Just based on his attitude, do you think he may have even taken your boyfriend's cellphone and hid it away? Maybe he was the one who used up the minutes checking/deleting the voice mail... Because if your boyfriend was checking his voicemail and knew you called, he certainly would have called you back.

I just don't like his dad's attitude. If it is unlike your boyfriend to not call you and is not typical/normal for him, then I definitely think something is up.

I know for Frank and I, if I didn't hear from Frank for a week, I would be going mad, because that is just NOT like him at all, and I would be highly suspicious that something is up especially if he told me he would call me later that night - he wouldn't tell me that and not do it, and if he was too busy to call he'd call for just a minute to say he was too busy so I wouldn't be worried. And in your case all fingers are pointing at the dad. That whole BS excuse about his son needing this "time for himself and meet new people" definitely is him telling you that he doesn't want his son talking to you and his son needs to move on to "new and better" things.

I wouldn't contact his dad anymore since it isn't helping. Maybe you can contact one of his friends that you know he's hanging out with via facebook or something?

I hate when parents butt in their kids' business especially when their kids are adults.

[Lunar Snow]

Maybe I will take a stab at commenting on this, since I have experienced something similar recently (though, not so much calls ceasing all together).

There's no doubt about it sucking when you don't hear from your SO, especially if they promised they would contact you soon. On the one hand, I can understand that a week to transition over to maybe being in a different place for awhile and working more seriously on things isn't out of the question. That said, wake-boarding and fishing don't sound like life plan activities and if your SO needed some time without chatting (which, to me, may be implied a little by wanting to squeeze some summer things in with old friends), I think it would have been basic politeness to send you a message some way (even if he is out of phone minutes, he could send you a message on Facebook) to let you know that he won't be able to contact you for a little while.

I do agree with you that his dad is being a blocker to your communications. However, and I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but you can't entirely blame this on his dad--it may be very possible that your SO has something to do with the deep freeze. I'm not pleased to admit it, but my first serious boyfriend called me incessantly and very much wanted to brag and name-drop (I'm not saying that you do this at all, just giving everyone an idea of why I would feel exasperated with him sometimes) and, so, sometimes when he would call, I would get my parents to screen the call for me and say I was out or something. I think they were amenable to this, as well, since they wanted to see me get out and hang out with friends and do other things, beside talking to my SO all the time. It does very much sound like his dad is quite unsympathetic to your relationship; however, since your SO said he would talk to you soon, it also seems like he is not stepping up to the plate and contacting you. If I really wanted to talk to someone I loved and my parents wouldn't let me, I would go over to a friend's house and use their computer to send a message or even go to the public library to send an email and your SO could very well do the same.

It sounds like talking through his dad isn't helping much and if his dad is resenting your relationship as a cause of your SO's joblessness, then his dad likely has motivation right there to "forget" you have called, no matter how many times you have called (it's very rude, I know, and kind of astounding that an experienced adult would do this, but, as we have seen on this site, lots of peoples' parents go rather nuts when they find out about their child's LDR). It's possible, with the phone, that since your SO doesn't have a job, he may be dependent on his dad to help him out with funds and cannot refill the minutes. So, in the interim, I guess the best thing would be to keep up with some emails and facebook messages. Try to keep them as chill as you can and give your guy some updates about what you have been up to (I know it's hard to stay chill) and maybe he will surface from whatever settling in/ or care-free summer fun he is doing to do some explaining.

Edit: ...and, yes, I do agree with what Michelle is saying, too. Again, it is dependent on your guy's personality and what is a baseline for his behaviour. Also, trying to contact him through one of his friends, rather than his dad, is a really good idea.

[loveonspeedial]

I agree with Michelle. However doesn't your SO know your email, phone number etc? I mea nI know all my gf's stuff by heart..If he's with his friends, they must all have phones? Pay phones, text messaging etc. If an SO wants to contact you, they will. I don't want to come off rude but I would hate for you to wait around only for you to find that he did move on adn just didn't contact you or something. I would do as Michelle said, contact his best friend or something via facebook. If I were in you shoes, I'd just go and deal with the sitution head on and meet in person, but I know that sounds a little crazy. Point is, in this day and age people can contact anyone from anywhere, he's must of written you before, know your email, know your number, etc.

[loveonspeedial]

I agree with Lunar, I've been without a phone, so has my SO but we always find a way. and Her parents HATE me, they think I moved back to Europe 8 months ago, and we still find a way to talk. If there is a will, there is a way. I'm sorry but Lunar's right the boyfriend probably has to have a big part in this, maybe permanently or just doesn't wanna do it anymore and hopes you get the hint. Again, I'm sorry but that's what it sounds like to me.

[Michelle]

Since everything was fine and dandy with no sign of trouble, and then all of a sudden went cold... it just doesn't make sense. Think about calling your bf/gf tonight and hearing them saying they'll call you tomorrow, and then they don't and all of a sudden it's been a week and still no word from them no matter how much you tried to contact them. I'm more quick to think that they are in a situation where they can't contact you, rather than think that they must not love you or don't want the relationship anymore. To me the former is more plausible than the latter. To think they don't want the relationship and they don't love you is a very insecure conclusion to draw.

I think Amanda sounds very secure in her relationship and that's why she hasn't jumped to the conclusion that her boyfriend no longer wants her.

People come on here a lot worried and insecure when their bf/gf doesn't contact them for a few days, thinking that something is wrong with the relationship when in fact, the bf/gf had a legitimate reason - stolen phone, bad internet connection, etc.

I'm going to assume that Amanda left a worried/upset voicemail... and for him to hear it (which is known because his minutes have been used up) and then not do anything about it, is odd. Again, think about your bf/gf hearing your worried message and just flat out ignoring you. If they have a heart and that is unlike them, then something else has to be up right?

Plus parents can be really manipulative and controlling especially when you have no job and they are the ones paying for your phone and internet. About a year ago, one crazy mom actually contacted me and wanted ME to help her manipulate her daughter's relationship. I refused.

[paulawriteslove]

I agree with Michelle, the whole dad thing sounds very weird.
I also don't think that you should be contacting his dad anymore. You should look around on facebook and send one of his friends a message.
Best of luck!

[Lunar Snow]

Since everything was fine and dandy with no sign of trouble, and then all of a sudden went cold... it just doesn't make sense. Think about calling your bf/gf tonight and hearing them saying they'll call you tomorrow, and then they don't and all of a sudden it's been a week and still no word from them no matter how much you tried to contact them. I'm more quick to think that they are in a situation where they can't contact you, rather than think that they must not love you or don't want the relationship anymore. To me the former is more plausible than the latter. To think they don't want the relationship and they don't love you is a very insecure conclusion to draw.

I think Amanda sounds very secure in her relationship and that's why she hasn't jumped to the conclusion that her boyfriend no longer wants her.

People come on here a lot worried and insecure when their bf/gf doesn't contact them for a few days, thinking that something is wrong with the relationship when in fact, the bf/gf had a legitimate reason - stolen phone, bad internet connection, etc.

I'm going to assume that Amanda left a worried/upset voicemail... and for him to hear it (which is known because his minutes have been used up) and then not do anything about it, is odd. Again, think about your bf/gf hearing your worried message and just flat out ignoring you. If they have a heart and that is unlike them, then something else has to be up right?

Plus parents can be really manipulative and controlling especially when you have no job and they are the ones paying for your phone and internet. About a year ago, one crazy mom actually contacted me and wanted ME to help her manipulate her daughter's relationship. I refused.

Yikes! I didn't mean to be applying any insecurity from my relationship onto this situation. I don't think that there is necessarily any decrease in love or wanting of the relationship, but I do know that people can get caught up with summer activities and life transitions, etc. I completely agree that phone messages could be intercepted. It just seems very odd that contact couldn't be made some other way (I lived in Alberta when I was younger and it isn't like Lethbridge is the super boonies), so it is very possible that Amanda's boyfriend could have sent her a short text from a friend's phone or signed onto Facebook (regardless of whether he had heard any of her messages, unless he has been completely grounded and on house arrest).

Bottom line is, Amanda, we all agree something is fishy somewhere along the way and hope that you can continue to try and contact your SO and find other means to do so than through his father. We're meant to be here to help and not hinder and I hope that you can reach him soon.

[Michelle]

Oh no Lunar Snow, I wasn't saying anything about your relationship at all. Sorry if you misread what I wrote! I was just saying it would be insecure for Amanda to jump to that conclusion especially where she has no other evidence of her boyfriend not wanting the relationship - I never meant that anyone outside of her relationship would be insecure if they thought that. I was more replying to loveonspeedial's comment about her bf maybe hinting that he doesn't want to do the relationship anymore. Which would be easy for any of us outside the relationship to think after reading this. It was something that crossed my mind too, but before answering anything I always try to think of what it might mean if Frank and I were in that situation, what would be a rational possibility for us.

[Lunar Snow]

Oh no Lunar Snow, I wasn't saying anything about your relationship at all. Sorry if you misread what I wrote! I was just saying it would be insecure for Amanda to jump to that conclusion especially where she has no other evidence of her boyfriend not wanting the relationship - I never meant that anyone outside of her relationship would be insecure if they thought that. I was more replying to loveonspeedial's comment about her bf maybe hinting that he doesn't want to do the relationship anymore. Which would be easy for anyone outside the relationship to think after reading this. It was something that crossed my mind too, but before answering anything I always try to think of what it might mean if Frank and I were in that situation, what would be a rational possibility for us.

No worries! I think the beauty of a forum (going back to ancient Greece) is that people from different walks of experience (good, bad, neutral) can bring that experience to the table for people to interpret. I think I learned something new by commenting on this post and from hearing what you had to say (that mother sounds scary, p.s.).

Amanda, keep us updated, and know that we are hoping for you to hear from him soon.

[Michelle]

No worries! I think the beauty of a forum (going back to ancient Greece) is that people from different walks of experience (good, bad, neutral) can bring that experience to the table for people to interpret. I think I learned something new by commenting on this post and from hearing what you had to say (that mother sounds scary, p.s.)..

Okay, phew... I never ever want or mean to offend anyone... Oh and yeah, that mom... I tried to give her advice - told her that these are decisions that her daughter is going to make with or without her approval and that she should be there and support her no matter what she decides if she wants to continue to have a strong relationship with her daughter. That wasn't enough and she still kept bugging me and wanting to manipulate her daughter somehow. I just had to ignore her emails till she went away. The craziness that goes on in my inbox sometimes... haha

[AmandaZamar]

I want to thank all of you for replying, this situation has really been driving me crazy.
I can only hope that I hear from him soon because we both made a promise long
ago that if we ever had no way of contacting each other that we would not assume that
its over until one of us says something. His facebook is still the same and it still even says
In A Relationship With Amanda (Last name) and his picture is the same etc. I just don't know
what is going on and we have been doing this whole LDR thing for going on two years oct 4th.
Never has this ever happen before. I will keep you guys posted please keep this situation
in prayers. . . .

[Caitlin2009]

yeah the dad sounds very suspicous with that, he knows where your boyfriend is, and knows how to contact him hes just choosing not to tell you. Denise's parents i think kinda like me but they are very hard on her when it comes to moving to the states and shit, they gave her a hard time before she left to see me. I know when i dont hear from her for a day i freak out because we talk everyday, not doing so for a week without knowing where she is or even if she's ok would kill me! Thank god she has a friend that lives with her that likes me and i would contact if something was up and i couldnt get ahold of her, try calling or pming one of his friends to see whats up, thats your best bet

[AmandaZamar]

Its been 3 weeks now since I have last heard from him. . . . The waiting is really beginning to kill me! I have talked to one of his friend's 2 weeks ago and he can't seem to get a hold of him either. I sent his oldest sister a message on Facebook she hasn't heard from him either and has told her parents to have him call her because his nephew is sad and misses him. She said she is sorry she can't be more help because she doesn't have anymore info that he is in Lethbridge and with his dad's music friends and family. His mom also hasn't spoken to him but said he was supposed to be home last weekend (me and his mom don't really see eye to eye on things and we just stay at a distance but him and his mom get a long but fight often). His dad is the only one really that he talks to and his dad is really the only one that can get a hold of him. This hurts me so much and I don't know what to feel or think the last time we talked he said "I love you baby I'll call you when I get minutes on my phone". I'm about ready to put his picture on a milk carton!

[Silviar]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry ot hear that Amanda. You have my good thoughts your way! Let us know when you get ahold of him - I'm sure you'll find him safe and missing you like crazy. *hugs* I would be worrying too.