Ignored for 4 days?

[liquidlove]

My SO and I had a little misunderstanding through texts the other day. And now its been almost 4 days since I heard from him last. He is purposely ignoring me because he reads my messages and doesn't reply. Its really starting to worry me!

How many days has your SO straight up ignored you and then came back around to patch things up? I am just curious how long I should wait before I know its pretty much over.

[Deleted]

I've been through situations like this before. It can be very worrying. If you ever need anyone to talk to, chat me up! I can relate.

A lot of misunderstandings can occur through text--it's like literary analysis. There are lots of ways to interpret things, and if you interpret something badly, that may have not been the other person's intention. I would strongly encourage calling/Skyping your SO whenever possible.

I'm not sure what the magnitude of this misunderstanding was, but it seems as if it was pretty big, because you and your SO seem to talk fairly often. Do you think you could provide some context for this situation?

Hope I helped ^_^ -Lori

[OperaDiva]

It seems very childish to me. If you have an argument and need some space, or just need space for whatever reason, that is one thing because it should be clearly communicated. But e-pouting for days with no explanation? That would be a red flag for me.

[liquidlove]

Well to be more specific - he texted me saying he lost his job and I told him they was no good and that I'm sure he will find something else really soon. He hadn't replied to that in a couple hours so I told him goodnight and went to bed.

The next day I didn't hear from him at all so I texted in the evening asking "are you ok?" And he blew up at me saying of course he's not ok he just lost his job and his girlfriend (me) wasn't there for him when he needed me.

I apologized and explained I didn't know he was so upset about it and I can't tell through texts . I told him I wasn't thinking as clearly as I maybe should have.

He follows with a "lol I'll speak to you later"

After that I told him I am here for him but if he wants to speak later that's ok. And that I missed him. Having heard from him since.

Aside from that.. I said "thinking of you" the day after. And the 3rd day I messaged and said "hey I really hope you're doing ok. I'm here for you. Hold to hear from you soon"

And still nothing.

[sarahjane1992]

It seems very childish to me. If you have an argument and need some space, or just need space for whatever reason, that is one thing because it should be clearly communicated. But e-pouting for days with no explanation? That would be a red flag for me.

I agree with this. We all know a huge part of an LDR is communication. When my SO and I need to talk about something serious, we FaceTime or call. It helps us avoid a misunderstanding and issues like that. When I can see his face and hear how he says something, I know exactly how he means it. Texting is awesome but it's hard to know how to take something.
Ignoring you is very childish. He needs to let you know what's going on. It's not fair to you. If I ever have an issue with my SO, I go and we talk about it. Avoiding you could just turn a misunderstanding into a bigger problem.

[liquidlove]

Thanks for letting me vent too. I really hope everything will be okay.

[sarahjane1992]

Thanks for letting me vent too. I really hope everything will be okay.

Venting always helps me! It's not good to keep stuff bottled up inside. Your SO might be frustrated that you're physically not there for him. My SO and I have gone through bouts of that.
Sometimes when I have a bad day at work, I just need a hug and kiss from my SO.
Maybe he's just trying to cope. But that's no reason to ignore you. When I'm having a hard time telling my SO is comforting to me.
He needs to let you know what's going on. You can't help him if he doesn't share what's going on.
I hope you resolve it. Hugs!

[liquidlove]

Yeah, well he knows i am there for him. I just hope the distance isn't getting to his head and making him think "break up" thoughts, because that is my worst fear at the moment.

[Deleted]

Well to be more specific - he texted me saying he lost his job and I told him they was no good and that I'm sure he will find something else really soon. He hadn't replied to that in a couple hours so I told him goodnight and went to bed.

The next day I didn't hear from him at all so I texted in the evening asking "are you ok?" And he blew up at me saying of course he's not ok he just lost his job and his girlfriend (me) wasn't there for him when he needed me.

I apologized and explained I didn't know he was so upset about it and I can't tell through texts . I told him I wasn't thinking as clearly as I maybe should have.

He follows with a "lol I'll speak to you later"

After that I told him I am here for him but if he wants to speak later that's ok. And that I missed him. Having heard from him since.

Aside from that.. I said "thinking of you" the day after. And the 3rd day I messaged and said "hey I really hope you're doing ok. I'm here for you. Hold to hear from you soon"

And still nothing.

This is odd. All you were doing was being supportive...why would he act this way? He thinks that he 'lost you': but I don't see any evidence of a breakup. :/

Hope you hear from him soon! Sending love your way.

[liquidlove]

Thank you so much Lori. I will update once I hear anything.

[Ahava]

In away I can understand him finding "I'm sure you will find something else soon" perhaps not supportive enough as it's quite a blow and he was probably expecting a little more sympathy and support. And also after a blow like that you aren't at your best and thinking clearly.
But I also think 4 days is a bit too much! One day would still be understandable. Maybe he needs some time to get his head together over losing his job, but he shouldn't do this to you.
Hope you guys get it sorted out.

[temporaryuser]

are you communicating thru phone text? Computer? have you tried contacting him another way? Only reason I ask is my SO is not techie at all. last year he had workled 50 hours straight and his phone got stolen at the hospital. I didnt hear from him fro 4 days, finally sent an email (we usually phone text and call. He got the email and emailed back apologizing that he hadnt contacted me that he hadnt thought about alternate ways.
I wouldnt stop contacting him, but dont hound him either. Until you know what is really going on, dont jump to conclusions.

[alittlemind]

Although ignoring you for four days is pretty unacceptable, maybe that's just how he deals with being upset. My SO prefers that I just leave him alone when he's angry, no matter how supportive or loving I try to be. He's usually okay within a few hours. Maybe he's just dealing with this on his own and needs more time? You've let him know you are there for him, so I'm not sure what else there is for you to do other than wait until he responds. Good luck!

[silvermoonfairy3]

How many days has your SO straight up ignored you and then came back around to patch things up? I am just curious how long I should wait before I know its pretty much over.

Pretty much no full days, ever.*
We've had incidents of misunderstandings, or being upset about things, but if it's something we can't get over right away, we tell each other that. I've told him when there are times that I've gotten in a funk about the distance or stuff with us, and just said hey, I think I just need my night to myself, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
My SO has dealt with depression, including being on meds for it, and there have been times when he struggles with that. And even then, he really makes a lot of effort to at least shoot a 2 line message to tell me why he isn't around, so that I don't feel ignored, or wonder if something happened or whatever. He'll just say look, I can't deal with anything today, I just need to push through on my work, sorry.
The next day he's usually come round a bit, and he will send me a message or an email when he's ready and things have settled for him. We'll talk a little more about what bugged him or what he was dealing with, and go from there.

But with LDR especially, that communication is important, and being ignored would not sit well with me. I'll give whatever back-off space he needs, but I need to know that's what he wants, not for him to just ignore.
And we've talked about that sort of thing. We're clear with each other on what we need and want. He knows that being ignored does NOT put me in a good place, and he makes sure not to do it to me if we have an argument or misunderstanding.


That said.. I don't think a breakup sounds imminent for you. It really does just sound like he's licking his wounds a bit, and maybe expecting a little more support and not getting it was insult to injury/just upset him when he was already in a vulnerable place.

A lot of guys aren't good at expressing that sort of stuff, and for many people (maybe especially guys, depending on your guy's priorities) losing a job is a huge blow, not just because of the money, but to his ego.
Give him a little more time, see if he comes around. I bet he will.


* As in, a 24 hour time period. Given the time difference, my SO is actually close to a day ahead of me in time, so there have been times where we've had misunderstandings, and I've had to go to bed (while it was daytime for him) and not heard from him until after HE went to bed, woke up, and then was settling down to work. Which by then for me was after I'd woken up, gone to work, and come home and made dinner.

[MadMolly]

What a bratty response. You were being concerned and he blows up at you and blames it on you being physically away from him? Guuuurl if I were you I would NOT have apologised and instead demanded more respect than what he gave you. And four days of ignoring you is completely unacceptable. If he doesn't apologise profusely and make it up to you I'd be questioning his maturity to be in a serious relationship at all, let alone a LDR. I personally would be done if my boyfriend acted like that! Sure he lost his job but taking it out on you is completely not okay.