Goodbye to the relationship I've been nurturing for almost three years.

[Secrecy]

I rarely ever post here, but I did a bit, and I was a lurker for a long time that I wasn't posting... But yesterday evening, my boyfriend called me. It was a thirty minute phone call, and in that thirty minute phone call, our almost three years of work came to a sudden halt. A very... Very sudden halt.

He left me. And I don't understand what happened.

The passed few days seemed normal enough - admittedly, the night before this all happened, I was rather emotional. The holidays are a tough time for me because I'm oftentimes alone. He had made plans to come down for the holidays, but things kept coming up, and it turned out he said he probably wouldn't have been able to. Mostly that his job cut his hours to nothing, and he was trying to find some temporary work to get enough money to get him by. When he doesn't work, he gets depressed - very depressed. He has to always be doing something, or he slightly loses it, and I wonder if that doesn't have something to do with all of this. He told me he had been thinking a lot (which he always tends to overthink when not working) and he was having his doubts and he just wasn't happy anymore. He said he didn't love me anymore, and it was time for me to let him go. He didn't really... Say anything more than that. He didn't explain what could have lead him to essentially overnight stop loving me. We had a good relationship - it wasn't perfect, but good. We laughed a lot, fought very rarely, and I was making my plans to go be with him permanently in about a year. So close, but not close enough for him... He said he just couldn't do it anymore. Overnight. Ironically, the time he said he started having this doubts was around the time he stopped working...

I don't understand. Part of me wants to hope he will call back and tell me it was just an overreaction. He was having a bad day...

But hope is deadly. Hope would kill me.

I am woven, fiber and being, to love this man with all my heart - I didn't share the same sentiments as him... The whole just stopping loving someone sentiment. I was happy, ecstatic even, to be with him. The worst part is none of this was mutual... And I feel like a dunce now. I feel like maybe I should have seen signs. I feel like I was ignorant to see any distress he was in, but he never showed it until just last night. I understood it as he was as happy with me as he always had been. But apparently it just... Turned off. The switch flipped. And I just don't understand how that happened.

I've already started removing him from my life. He deleted me from Facebook, and I deleted all his texts, him from my phone, and any photo memorabilia of him. Next will come the few things he's given me... I don't want to be so quickly to throw him away, because I still love him with everything in me - when I give my heart to someone, I give it 200%. But if I don't start now, I will suffocate under this. I already can't sleep, and my brain is racing. Every bit of me wants him back... But I gotta start trying to move on. Early. Not a week later.

Thank you everyone for being with me. Even if it turns out this is the end, I might still stick around... Because I love the community here.

Thank you all, so much.

[milaya]

I'm so sorry to hear about this and the pain you're going through.
It seems like you're taking your own steps when it comes to moving on. It must be hard and we all know it needs time.
I wish you the best.

[Chlo]

I am so sorry to hear this.
Things will only get better.
Be good to yourself!

[sarahjane1992]

I can't imagine the pain you're going through.
You're strong and very brave! Take care of yourself and stick around.

[RachelAnne]

So sorry to hear you're going through this Stay strong and keep your head up--it will heal with time

[Marty]

I'm so sorry to hear about that...Keep your head up!

[Ahava]

I am really sorry to read this sad news. Hope you all the best and hugs.
Take care!

[jana89]

Honestly, I admire you ! You are very strong person for being able to move on step by step. I know I am sooo bad in this, even though it only make the pain worse, as you say. Take your time to cope with this new situation and keep your spirits up Things are gonna be better once again, promise.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

I don't know what to say other than I am really sorry to hear that Take some much needed you time

[Fretboard_Magic]

I'm sorry about what happened. Please don't forget that the "mourning period" is a very important step to take after a breakup. Rushing to get over someone is not a good idea. It's actually OK to hold on to the things you once had with your ex. No one was bringing this matter up, probably they purposely weren't because you already drove yourself to start getting over him like, the day after the breakup...and they thought it was a really touchy subject now. Sorry for bringing it up if that were the case. BUT, I can't help but think that you're rushing it all.

Deleting everything about him within not even 24 hours after breaking up is hardly an ideal solution to deal with a breakup with someone you actually loved with your "200%" in my opinion. I really DO sympathize, but I just can't help think that. I guess I'm just worried about the way you're handling it all...but then hey, it's none of my business, right? I don't even know you and you're probably thinking "how dare you try to question my method of dealing with a breakup".

For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I guess you and I are different and the way you're going about it works for you. It's just that, it would never work for someone like me. If my girlfriend dumped me, I'd be mourning for a long time. And I'd cherish that mourning period because it would be a reminder of what she and I had shared once. I'd cherish the mourning period in honour of the relationship. But then I'm a mushy, overly sensitive Pisces. I live in the fairy tale land by default. Most people probably don't function the same way. lol.

All the best.

[Secrecy]

I am just like a little lost puppy wandering around in the dark. The way he ended things was so vague and he didn't really give me a chance to ask questions... I mean granted, I was speechless and on the verge of tears when it happened, and it would have been hard for me to conscientiously ask level-headed questions. I did beg, plead him to stay - what else could I have done? I was losing the person I had intertwined myself, body and soul with. Part of me feels like it was the stresses of what was happening in his life speaking to him, because of how he talked to me... But it was so hard to hear him tell me he wasn't happy, things were different, we were such different people when we were really not, that much... None of this affected us before.

I cannot sleep. I just want to hear his voice, his silly ramblings and his antics. I want that comfort back in my life, but... If I can't have that, all I want is a better explanation. I don't want to be one of those girls who was just dropped without any real good explanation, not filled with all mumbles and mutters. Left in the silence alone and confused without any real closure. I want him to call me and talk to me, even if nothing comes out of it besides closure. I left him a message on voicemail this morning saying I was concerned about him and had been the passed few weeks, and that if he ever needed to talk, I would always be here. But I also said if he could find it in his heart to talk to me so I could understand, I would appreciate it... And left it at that. Whenever I get a phone call or a text I find myself bounding at the phone and I get so devastated when it's not him.

I'm not angry at him, but I am terribly terribly heartbroken... I just don't understand, and I want answers. Real answers. I am half tempted to message his friend on Facebook and see if he knows anything, but that might open a can of worms. I just don't know how long I should give him until I try and contact him again... I just... Don't know.

[Ejoriah]

I am so sorry this happening to you, Secrecy. However, I think he gave you as much of an explanation as he could. He was unhappy, he fell out of love with you... Sometimes things like these happen and there is no more explanation than that. I'm sure he was as madly in love with you as you thought he was... at some point. Yet sometimes people change and feelings fade, and there is no logical explanation for it all.

I can't imagine the amount of pain this brought you, out of nowhere after three years. Yet I believe you should take what he has given you as your explanation and move on. Please don't contact his friends or hold out for more explanation from him, he might not know himself. Be kind to yourself and keep yourself busy with other things.

[Secrecy]

I am so sorry this happening to you, Secrecy. However, I think he gave you as much of an explanation as he could. He was unhappy, he fell out of love with you... Sometimes things like these happen and there is no more explanation than that. I'm sure he was as madly in love with you as you thought he was... at some point. Yet sometimes people change and feelings fade, and there is no logical explanation for it all.

I can't imagine the amount of pain this brought you, out of nowhere after three years. Yet I believe you should take what he has given you as your explanation and move on. Please don't contact his friends or hold out for more explanation from him, he might not know himself. Be kind to yourself and keep yourself busy with other things.

Maybe I just want clarity to the explanation, then - it's hard when he gives this spur of the moment call that you could barely understand before not even saying goodbye and hanging up on you, then proceeding to block you on Facebook and all other social sites. I just want a proper end, you know? Not one where I was cut off... It doesn't feel like there's closure to me. He acted almost with such... Disdain, like I only mattered a fraction of what I used to. He made me sound like such a burden, and never reiterated any of the good in our relationship or anything. All in all, the way that it happened just tore me down, didn't really shed any light on the situation besides that, essentially, things just weren't the same in his eyes anymore...

Beyond just that, I wish he would have expressed these doubts sooner, you know? He never was open about it. He never told me when these things started to happen. They apparently just built up on him before they exploded. It was why I was so clueless and so dumbfounded when all of this happened. If he had mentioned these things when they started, maybe some of the doubts could have been quelled and things would have been different. Maybe not, but there would have been a lot better chance of it, you know?

[Yaaamiii]

I'm really sorry to hear that . Not having closure is tough. Please take care of yourself, sending positive thoughts your way.

[Tommy C]

I'm really sorry Secrecy, I understand how you feel ... “Love is a wonderful, terrible thing” ... Hugs to you.