I rarely ever post here, but I did a bit, and I was a lurker for a long time that I wasn't posting... But yesterday evening, my boyfriend called me. It was a thirty minute phone call, and in that thirty minute phone call, our almost three years of work came to a sudden halt. A very... Very sudden halt.
He left me. And I don't understand what happened.
The passed few days seemed normal enough - admittedly, the night before this all happened, I was rather emotional. The holidays are a tough time for me because I'm oftentimes alone. He had made plans to come down for the holidays, but things kept coming up, and it turned out he said he probably wouldn't have been able to. Mostly that his job cut his hours to nothing, and he was trying to find some temporary work to get enough money to get him by. When he doesn't work, he gets depressed - very depressed. He has to always be doing something, or he slightly loses it, and I wonder if that doesn't have something to do with all of this. He told me he had been thinking a lot (which he always tends to overthink when not working) and he was having his doubts and he just wasn't happy anymore. He said he didn't love me anymore, and it was time for me to let him go. He didn't really... Say anything more than that. He didn't explain what could have lead him to essentially overnight stop loving me. We had a good relationship - it wasn't perfect, but good. We laughed a lot, fought very rarely, and I was making my plans to go be with him permanently in about a year. So close, but not close enough for him... He said he just couldn't do it anymore. Overnight. Ironically, the time he said he started having this doubts was around the time he stopped working...
I don't understand. Part of me wants to hope he will call back and tell me it was just an overreaction. He was having a bad day...
But hope is deadly. Hope would kill me.
I am woven, fiber and being, to love this man with all my heart - I didn't share the same sentiments as him... The whole just stopping loving someone sentiment. I was happy, ecstatic even, to be with him. The worst part is none of this was mutual... And I feel like a dunce now. I feel like maybe I should have seen signs. I feel like I was ignorant to see any distress he was in, but he never showed it until just last night. I understood it as he was as happy with me as he always had been. But apparently it just... Turned off. The switch flipped. And I just don't understand how that happened.
I've already started removing him from my life. He deleted me from Facebook, and I deleted all his texts, him from my phone, and any photo memorabilia of him. Next will come the few things he's given me... I don't want to be so quickly to throw him away, because I still love him with everything in me - when I give my heart to someone, I give it 200%. But if I don't start now, I will suffocate under this. I already can't sleep, and my brain is racing. Every bit of me wants him back... But I gotta start trying to move on. Early. Not a week later.
Thank you everyone for being with me. Even if it turns out this is the end, I might still stick around... Because I love the community here.
Thank you all, so much.
He left me. And I don't understand what happened.
The passed few days seemed normal enough - admittedly, the night before this all happened, I was rather emotional. The holidays are a tough time for me because I'm oftentimes alone. He had made plans to come down for the holidays, but things kept coming up, and it turned out he said he probably wouldn't have been able to. Mostly that his job cut his hours to nothing, and he was trying to find some temporary work to get enough money to get him by. When he doesn't work, he gets depressed - very depressed. He has to always be doing something, or he slightly loses it, and I wonder if that doesn't have something to do with all of this. He told me he had been thinking a lot (which he always tends to overthink when not working) and he was having his doubts and he just wasn't happy anymore. He said he didn't love me anymore, and it was time for me to let him go. He didn't really... Say anything more than that. He didn't explain what could have lead him to essentially overnight stop loving me. We had a good relationship - it wasn't perfect, but good. We laughed a lot, fought very rarely, and I was making my plans to go be with him permanently in about a year. So close, but not close enough for him... He said he just couldn't do it anymore. Overnight. Ironically, the time he said he started having this doubts was around the time he stopped working...
I don't understand. Part of me wants to hope he will call back and tell me it was just an overreaction. He was having a bad day...
But hope is deadly. Hope would kill me.
I am woven, fiber and being, to love this man with all my heart - I didn't share the same sentiments as him... The whole just stopping loving someone sentiment. I was happy, ecstatic even, to be with him. The worst part is none of this was mutual... And I feel like a dunce now. I feel like maybe I should have seen signs. I feel like I was ignorant to see any distress he was in, but he never showed it until just last night. I understood it as he was as happy with me as he always had been. But apparently it just... Turned off. The switch flipped. And I just don't understand how that happened.
I've already started removing him from my life. He deleted me from Facebook, and I deleted all his texts, him from my phone, and any photo memorabilia of him. Next will come the few things he's given me... I don't want to be so quickly to throw him away, because I still love him with everything in me - when I give my heart to someone, I give it 200%. But if I don't start now, I will suffocate under this. I already can't sleep, and my brain is racing. Every bit of me wants him back... But I gotta start trying to move on. Early. Not a week later.
Thank you everyone for being with me. Even if it turns out this is the end, I might still stick around... Because I love the community here.
Thank you all, so much.
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