My guy has insecurities -_....- or is it just me?

[differentcountries]

Have you tried to install Viber? We just tried it, free international phone online.

My bf is insecure about several things. It is slowly getting better as he trusts more and more that I really love him.You have to tell again and again what you like and why. There can not be too many compliments, I assure you! Let him know all the little details whatever they are. When he trusts you more, you can start working on him telling his parents and so on. First create a base.

[rj506]

Really?! I'll install Viber later on and me and my bf would try it out. Thanks for the tip ! When I made that international call a few hours ago, he was really shocked to hear me. Hahaha I wish I could have seen the look on his face when I called.. that would have been priceless.

Yeah I'll work on making him trust me more. But if his parents doesn't approve of our relationship then it would all rely on his choice whether or not to pursue what we have together. (sigh) You can never please everyone, that's for sure .

By the way what compliments can you give to a guy without it coming off as too much? Can you guys give me some examples of what to say to your SO?

[Anoulie]

By the way what compliments can you give to a guy without it coming off as too much? Can you guys give me some examples of what to say to your SO?

It's really not that hard. What do you like/love about your SO? Tell him that.

For example, I'll sometimes tell my SO he's hot/creative/smart/awesome/thoughtful/... (we generally tell each other we're awesome a lot)
I don't see how it'd come off as too much? If you love each other, there's nothing wrong with being a bit cheesy at times

[differentcountries]

Stuff I have told my SO :
General compliments, like you are handsome, work hard, are kind, good in bed etc.
Specific compliments like I really like the sound of his voice, I think the hair on his thighs are really soft (he liked that compliment very much for some reason), I love that he is so melankolic (I only fall in love with people with a melankolic streak, although it also drive me crazy!), I love the way he kisses, I think his joke of him becoming a diabetic patient is so funny in a silly way (he always tell it like I have never heard it before and it’s a big secret. "Honey, I will have to see the doctor... "), I give him sexual compliments, I tell him that I admire his study habits and that the music he listens to is beautiful. And I did the 52 card deck ; like a small book filled with illustrated compliments from me to him.

[rj506]

Wow <3 that was sweet of you guys.. I wish I could do that with my SO.. but my guy is so serious and shy at times.

Ever since I've started joining LFAD, I've been trying to be MORE open of my feelings with him... and I'll start by making a list of what I love about him and then later I'm going to send it to him the first thing in the morning when he wakes up... I hope it would turn out well (fingers crossed)

Thanks again for all your help! I really love this guy and I'm really trying my best to make this relationship work.

[piratemama]

You should video chat with him before you consider meeting him. If he refuses to video chat, end it. The only people who refuse to video chat, are the ones that have something to hide (in my experience).

Totally agree here. Not wanting to video chat is a huge red flag. I'd be kind about it, but I'd need to see him.
The messages are only a sign the two of you communicate differently, so you two will only need to be patient and work that out.
But...get him on video asap.

[rj506]

I'm working on it .... I just hope that he would agree to vid with me. He's still offline though. But if he doesn't, what should I do? Should I break with him (snap) just like that?

[differentcountries]

Call him and tell him to get online to receive his compliments

[lilcupcake]

I have to admit, we're into month seven and i still get all "who's that girl? why haven't you mentioned her before? what's she look like?" I've even asked "could i take her?" XD but once i get used to her being around and hearing about her more, i calm down. I think he should start to calm down eventually, it is normal to be anxious about it in the start like the others said. Maybe you're right and he is just insecure, but that's no excuse to neglect affection and communication. He does need a stern talking to. I don't honestly think you were that out of line to step back for a few days. sometimes people need to know they cant treat us like crap, and measures like that have to be taken. Don't do it every time he makes you mad, that's not constructive. I think he needs to know he can lose you, and he's about to if he doesn't start taking this seriously. you don't deserve to be neglected.

[rj506]

He gave me his reasons why he wouldn't vid with me.. he said "Because I haven't given him my Facebook account".. Well to me that's just a stupid reason and he's going to have to earn that huge amount of trust.

I'm tired of doing everything his way. If he won't budge my requests to video call on skype. Then I want to end it. Your right.. I feel like crap whenever I tell my friends that I have a boyfriend even though I haven't seen him in person or on video. That's just pathetic.

[Dezface]

He gave me his reasons why he wouldn't vid with me.. he said "Because I haven't given him my Facebook account".. Well to me that's just a stupid reason and he's going to have to earn that huge amount of trust.

I'm tired of doing everything his way. If he won't budge my requests to video call on skype. Then I want to end it. Your right.. I feel like crap whenever I tell my friends that I have a boyfriend even though I haven't seen him in person or on video. That's just pathetic.

Yeah it seems hasty but I wouldn't continue a relationship where he isn't willing to be on video with you. You've given him plenty of time to come around. Huge red flags are flying.

[rj506]

Hi guyz thank u for all your help!! Me and my SO were on the rocks because we lacked trust and communication but for the first time since the 3 months that we're seeing each other, we finally aired out all of our issues, mainly his insecurities and my seeming lack of affection for him (which is I didn't realize I did until he told me)

Okay to sum it up here's what we talked about.
1# My doubts and suspicion that he's hiding something from me and the reason behind his reluctance to video call wid me:

- Well first of all he said sorry about his reluctance for our vid call which was the reason for our fights for weeks . Well the point is that he is shy and he's afraid that I might judge him just because of his looks. But he finally agreed to vid call me tomorrow. (yehey )


2# His insecurities ( he doubts if I really love him )
- (raised hand) Okay I admit that I didn't really show my love and appreciation for him. But he's a guy and I thought that he would be turned off by girl who always says I love You every time we talk.. In my case those 3 words mean has a big impact in a relationship and I'm afraid that if I tell him those 3 words everyday it wouldn't mean that much anymore... And it breaks his heart not to talk to me as often as before ( because I've recently been so crammed with my studies). His POV of love is " if a person loves you, they message you like everyday" Which is the reason why he leaves me messages everyday and he's afraid of getting hurt.

- I said to him that I was sorry and to prove to him that I loved him I sent him a very special gift ( it's a secret) and he was really happy.


3# His fidelity

- Fidelity has never been an issue for us in the first place but after today he admitted that when we were "on the rocks" a few days ago .. he tried to have "relations" with another girl online but he admitted that as tempted as he was to give in to those girls online he didn't give in because he only wants to do it with me (yay!)..

* And after everything we've been through for the past weeks, we finally made up *wink wink

[differentcountries]

...glad spilling the beans made you both come around happy for you