I need help or advice

[itsjen516]

I'm getting married later this year and my family is controlling the crap out of my wedding already. Forcing me to have an open bar at the wedding but I don't drink and due to religious reasons neither does my fiancé or his family. But my family is Sayjng my party will suck and be boring with out any drinking.
Why does one need to drink to have fun! I plan on having music and a DJ and party favors and maybe even silly contest where you win random crap lol
But with my family saying my party will suck I don't even want to have it anymore I rather just go to Utah where my fiancé lives and get married there and have something easy and nice.
I never had a party in my life and this is my night ! My one special night and it's being controlled

What's really annoying to is im doing everything since he lives far and he feels bad and frustrated over this

[lyonsgirl]

Welcome to the world of wedding planning, where you're the one getting married and everyone and their brothers have opinions on how your wedding should be.

Here's the biggest thing I learned from my experience: if it's a huge deal to one of your parents, do it. Especially if you're on the fence about it. Siblings could go either way. Extended family, take them into consideration, but, they're not paying for it. If you & your guy are paying for everything - and I'm not talking about using money your parents gave you - I'm talking money you two have earned, on your own, from your own jobs - then it's a slightly different story. But, at the same time, not really.

You may think your wedding is about you. Your ceremony is, but your reception is absolutely not. Your reception is for everyone you have invited, it is a thank you for your guests. So if they want a bar, give them a bar. You don't have to drink anything. Make it a cash bar instead of an open bar.

ETA: I realize it probably isn't what you want to hear, but if your guests aren't happy, they'll go home before you want them to.

[snow_girl]

When my cousin got married, his fiancee's family wanted a dry wedding whereas my family loves to drink. They ended up compromising and the bar opened after the speeches. Which was the worst idea ever cause being drunk woulda helped get me though those long boring speeches. Anyway, alcohol makes parties fun, so I'd just do it.

[itsjen516]

But why should I disrespect his side of The family , I have under age friends who can't drink either and I don't want drunk idiots ruining my day !
I want this party for me and him and 1/2 the family going on my side I don't even want them there. I have a pounding headache from this and don't physically understand why people can't have fun with out drinks !

[snow_girl]

How is it disrespectful? The people that want to drink can and the ones that don't want to won't. Make drinks $5 or whatever so then people won't go crazy like they would with an open bar but can still enjoy a drink or two.

[itsjen516]

Someone explain to me why alcohol is fun. The fun is the experience and not what you put in your mouth -_-

[CynicalQuixotic]

I'm getting married later this year and my family is controlling the crap out of my wedding already. Forcing me to have an open bar at the wedding but I don't drink and due to religious reasons neither does my fiancé or his family. But my family is Sayjng my party will suck and be boring with out any drinking.
Why does one need to drink to have fun! I plan on having music and a DJ and party favors and maybe even silly contest where you win random crap lol
But with my family saying my party will suck I don't even want to have it anymore I rather just go to Utah where my fiancé lives and get married there and have something easy and nice.
I never had a party in my life and this is my night ! My one special night and it's being controlled

What's really annoying to is im doing everything since he lives far and he feels bad and frustrated over this

Please, please, please, regardless of your feelings on the matter, splurge on an open bar. Especially if your parents are footing the bill. You and your fiancé may not drink, but think about your guests who need to to get through the evening.

Besides, aren't you two getting married in a Temple? It's not like your non-Mormon family and friends can attend that. Let them at least get their drink on at the one event they can go to!

[itsjen516]

How is it disrespectful? The people that want to drink can and the ones that don't want to won't. Make drinks $5 or whatever so then people won't go crazy like they would with an open bar but can still enjoy a drink or two.

cuz I 100% don't want anyone drinking why is it so hard for one night for people to not drink ? This is so stupid

[Moon]

Welcome to the world of wedding planning, where you're the one getting married and everyone and their brothers have opinions on how your wedding should be.

Here's the biggest thing I learned from my experience: if it's a huge deal to one of your parents, do it. Especially if you're on the fence about it. Siblings could go either way. Extended family, take them into consideration, but, they're not paying for it. If you & your guy are paying for everything - and I'm not talking about using money your parents gave you - I'm talking money you two have earned, on your own, from your own jobs - then it's a slightly different story. But, at the same time, not really.

You may think your wedding is about you. Your ceremony is, but your reception is absolutely not. Your reception is for everyone you have invited, it is a thank you for your guests. So if they want a bar, give them a bar. You don't have to drink anything. Make it a cash bar instead of an open bar.

ETA: I realize it probably isn't what you want to hear, but if your guests aren't happy, they'll go home before you want them to.

Fantastic advice. OP, this is how weddings go, I love the compromise of a cash bar, you should consider it and make it one less thing to stress about. It'll still be your big day, and on that day, everything will be fine, but you need to realize that, unless you do it 100% yourself, it's going to incorporate everyone's ideas. That's just how it goes.

[itsjen516]

I give up never mind OMG I give up.

[CynicalQuixotic]

cuz I 100% don't want anyone drinking why is it so hard for one night for people to not drink ? This is so stupid

Because being slightly drunk (as in, in control of your faculties and not blacking out or vomiting) is fun. There is no way around it. Your inhibitions are slightly lowered, you laugh more, you dance if you aren't usually inclined to dance, you dance *better* if you are. And this is coming from someone who gets tipsy after one drink and does not like drinking to excess.

[Tooki]

cuz I 100% don't want anyone drinking why is it so hard for one night for people to not drink ? This is so stupid

As everybody has said, receptions are for the guests and not for the wedding couple.

It's also a sign of courtesy for people who may think that your ceremony is boring but sat through it anyway because it means something to you. Your 'experience' may also not be fun for other people, like it or not.

This isn't what you want to hear so I don't even know why I typed this out.

[snow_girl]

cuz I 100% don't want anyone drinking why is it so hard for one night for people to not drink ? This is so stupid

The day might be about you two, but you also have to think about making your guests happy too. Inviting guests to a long drawn out speech from people who tell inside jokes about how they met the bride/groom is not really fun for anyone except the people telling the story.

[itsjen516]

Because being slightly drunk (as in, in control of your faculties and not blacking out or vomiting) is fun. There is no way around it. Your inhibitions are slightly lowered, you laugh more, you dance if you aren't usually inclined to dance, you dance *better* if you are. And this is coming from someone who gets tipsy after one drink and does not like drinking to excess.

I don't ever drink just cuz I never cared and when I go to things I have an amazing time cuz I'm with friends and it's all fine
I just don't see why we have to spend an extra 600 dollars for drinking it's really sad.
This is all actually pissing me off so bad and I'm having horrible panic attacks from it

[snow_girl]

If this is causing you panic attacks then I'm not sure what the rest of the planning is going to do to you! If you've never drink then who are you to say it's not enjoyable?