Struggling to study with the stress

[Kitten_mittens]

I've written a bit of not so happy posts here and I'm sorry I'm writing another.. But I'm really having a rough time. Me and my SO are still arguing quite a bit despite me trying to figure out how to fix our communication issues.. And it's really interfering with my studying. I simply cannot focus when we are fighting I'm so behind right now and it's only the third week of the semester. I've been doing yoga to help calm myself down and also deep breathing. It works to a certain extent but then I might get a text from my SO and I get all worked up again even if it's not anything bad in the text.

I feel I'm starting to resent him because the relationship is causing me so much stress. I know breaks are frowned upon by a lot of people but I'm starting to think I need one so I can catch up in class and take some stress free time to myself.

What would you do? Sorry if I didn't provide enough info

[Sophie0170]

Perhaps you could put your phone out of sight and/or on silent while you study.. Have some uninterrupted studying time.. And keep up the yoga.

Doing this might give you a bit of the "break" you need, too.

Hope everything works out for you.

[Kitten_mittens]

He would get sooooo mad. And I'd end up hearing about it when I had my phone on me again. It is a really good idea so maybe I should keep trying to do that.

Thank you

[CanadianGirl]

Yeah, when there's been rougher times between us, I have to try really hard to stay focused. I don't think a break will help you feel much better though.

I agree with putting the phone on silent for studying. Just let him know beforehand that your scheduled study block is on. That way, when you do get the urge to check, there's a better chance there's nothing there. When I really have a lot to get done, I'll let him know that I'll be online tomorrow and properly isolate myself.

I've tried a few things (writing out my feelings, talking to him when I feel low), but the only one that works for studying is compartmentalizing myself. I have a box for loving my SO, working to manage an LDR and close the distance. There's another box for being committed to my studies and enjoying it. I don't normally think of them as separate things, but when I have to study, I just look at myself differently. I hope that made sense...

[Kitten_mittens]

Yeah, when there's been rougher times between us, I have to try really hard to stay focused. I don't think a break will help you feel much better though.

I agree with putting the phone on silent for studying. Just let him know beforehand that your scheduled study block is on. That way, when you do get the urge to check, there's a better chance there's nothing there. When I really have a lot to get done, I'll let him know that I'll be online tomorrow and properly isolate myself.

I've tried a few things (writing out my feelings, talking to him when I feel low), but the only one that works for studying is compartmentalizing myself. I have a box for loving my SO, working to manage an LDR and close the distance. There's another box for being committed to my studies and enjoying it. I don't normally think of them as separate things, but when I have to study, I just look at myself differently. I hope that made sense...

This is really helpful, thank you. I think tomorrow I am going to let him know that my sons nap time will now be yoga and study time for me and I will not be using my phone during those times unless my work is done. I really hope he understands. I'm getting so overwhelmed it's ridiculous so something has to change.

[itsjen516]

Tbh this isn't healthy for you. I went threw the same issue with a friend for 3 years ! 3 years fighting stress and even controling at the end. I was legit on my phone the entire time all day every day if not she would get mad. I was so stressed I lost so much hair from stress and was sick and had headaches all day
I failed school and she would tell me what I can and can't talk about. Every day she forced me to say why we were friends and why I care
The truth is I hated her and didn't know how to let it go.
I know this is more extram then what your going threw but what I did is I let the friendship go. And you may want to do the same you would feel so much better and won't feel that stress. It's not worth it and no relationship should make you feel this way.
When you said the text isn't even bad you still feel stress I felt the same exact way! She could have asked "hey what are you doing tomrrow wanna go to the mall" and I would just flip out and feel stressed
I'm so glad i let her go and I been 10000% happier ever since

[Moon]

I'm not sure a break would be very good in your situation. Let's say you get all caught up, and your "break" ends, what happens next time you start getting behind and stressed? And the time after that? It might be a very short-term solution, but it doesn't actually solve the problem.

Honestly, if a guy can't leave you alone long enough for something so important, without getting mad about it, maybe he's not the guy for you?

[Kitten_mittens]

Tbh this isn't healthy for you. I went threw the same issue with a friend for 3 years ! 3 years fighting stress and even controling at the end. I was legit on my phone the entire time all day every day if not she would get mad. I was so stressed I lost so much hair from stress and was sick and had headaches all day
I failed school and she would tell me what I can and can't talk about. Every day she forced me to say why we were friends and why I care
The truth is I hated her and didn't know how to let it go.
I know this is more extram then what your going threw but what I did is I let the friendship go. And you may want to do the same you would feel so much better and won't feel that stress. It's not worth it and no relationship should make you feel this way.
When you said the text isn't even bad you still feel stress I felt the same exact way! She could have asked "hey what are you doing tomrrow wanna go to the mall" and I would just flip out and feel stressed
I'm so glad i let her go and I been 10000% happier ever since

I understand it's not good. And I have thought of leaving the relationship.. But I feel it happens because he wants to feel closer to me since he can't be here. I feel it wouldn't be a problem if we were together. So I want to try and work through it before giving up. Part of it is also me, I just have a hard time shutting my mind off and focusing when I'm stressed. So I imagine as I learn to get better at handling stress, then things will improve then as well. I have counseling tomorrow so I will see what my counselor has to say about all of it as well.

Thank you for your input and advice =]

[itsjen516]

I understand it's not good. And I have thought of leaving the relationship.. But I feel it happens because he wants to feel closer to me since he can't be here. I feel it wouldn't be a problem if we were together. So I want to try and work through it before giving up. Part of it is also me, I just have a hard time shutting my mind off and focusing when I'm stressed. So I imagine as I learn to get better at handling stress, then things will improve then as well. I have counseling tomorrow so I will see what my counselor has to say about all of it as well.

Thank you for your input and advice =]

I have had this issue to I felt the same but in the end I just found I was better off with out the person. I also over think and I 100% get you but you also have to be happy and when you get a text you want to smile at it and not want to rip your hair out lol but best of luck I 100% understand you

[Heavenly_Love12]

I'm sorry you are dealing with so many issues!

I'm not a fan of taking breaks myself but my SO and I took one and it did help us. The problem is, I don't think a break will help you in your case. When my SO and I took a break, we did so that we could focus on working/fixing our personal issues so that we could fully be together. We still talked every day and had the full intention on getting back together. In your case, things need to change for you to feel better. I don't understand why he won't give you a break so you can focus on school and have you time. Everyone needs some space each day and it is important. Being stressed out about a relationship is the last thing you need! It shouldn't be so stressful that you're not able to concentrate on other things and panic whenever your phone goes off.

My advice is to do whatever is best for you! You can continue to try and talk to him but if that is not working, give yourself some space from the situation. If it were me, I would tell him in advance that I need time for myself and will contact him once I'm done/ready to talk. If he cannot respect that, then that's a huge red flag! I hope you're able to find some kind of solution and have happiness!

[Kitten_mittens]

I'm sorry you are dealing with so many issues!

I'm not a fan of taking breaks myself but my SO and I took one and it did help us. The problem is, I don't think a break will help you in your case. When my SO and I took a break, we did so that we could focus on working/fixing our personal issues so that we could fully be together. We still talked every day and had the full intention on getting back together. In your case, things need to change for you to feel better. I don't understand why he won't give you a break so you can focus on school and have you time. Everyone needs some space each day and it is important. Being stressed out about a relationship is the last thing you need! It shouldn't be so stressful that you're not able to concentrate on other things and panic whenever your phone goes off.

My advice is to do whatever is best for you! You can continue to try and talk to him but if that is not working, give yourself some space from the situation. If it were me, I would tell him in advance that I need time for myself and will contact him once I'm done/ready to talk. If he cannot respect that, then that's a huge red flag! I hope you're able to find some kind of solution and have happiness!

Thank you so much.

I agree that a break might not fix anything in this case as if we got back together it would probably just go back to the same thing.. I hope we can figure something out. ::fingers crossed::

[piratemama]

I'm sorry there are still problems. LDRs are hard, but it sounds like your issues in yours might not be due to the distance. I'm glad you are doing yoga and seeing a counselor. I hope the counselor can help you work it out. It basically boils down to this: are you better off with your SO or without him?

I'm not sure breaks are good or bad; it would depend on the situation. I do know that your needing a break isn't a sign of a healthy relationship. Yes, you might can work hard and strive to find a way through this, but a person's basic attitude and actions will be the same rather he is CD or LD from you.

I hate to see you stressed, because love is supposed to lift your spirits. Nothing is ever perfect or without problems sometimes, but most of the time you should feel good about your relationship. Please feel free to PM me anytime. Wish I could help you more...

Let us know how counseling goes, please.

[Ahava]

I'm so sorry to hear you guys are going through this and especially to such an extent that it's causing you stress and affecting your studies.
Hugs! I hope you manage to catch up though and also find a solution to the problems in the relationship.

Take care!

[Kitten_mittens]

Thank you Ahava.

Counseling went well. My counselor is so wonderful. But she also thinks that maybe my SO is not a match for me. But she thinks it's okay that I'm going to try and solve our problems one more time.. So we'll see what happens. I have a little bit of hope, but honestly not much. I think my counselor helped me see things more clearly that I have been denying before. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks again everyone for the support.

[itsjen516]

best of luck i think you should talk to him on how you feel, you said you have a baby right! tell him you need time for you and your son and that you cant be on the phone, tell him school is giving you a hard time and you feel stressed that if you dont answer qucikly he may get angry.

tell him your willing to talk but also need time for you. that if he dosnt accept that you may need to move on