okay, so here's the issue. i've known my fiance for almost 6 years now, and we have almost talked everyday for those six years, but we only got into a relationship on Nov. 25th, 2013. we have been best friends before that and i could always count on him for anything i needed but im scared that we might be rushing things, and i would hate to lose him over this. We do love each other and plan on moving in together within a year, but should we slow down? i have already visited him and am going to again in April, followed by, him coming to spend the summer with me..
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Only you can really tell if you are going too fast or not really, since every couple is different. If you are afraid you're rushing things then talk to him about it. You're young and I know for myself that I wouldn't be ready for marriage now, even after two years of seeing my SO. On the other hand, I know 4 people who are getting married shortly that was in the same class as me and one having a baby, so again it's quite individual. I know for a fact they have all been dating for a year or more though, I would probably take it easy and enjoy the honey moon stage. You could always opt for a long engagement if that's what you want...We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay -
thats what we were thinking... i hadnt even wanted to get married until he came along and asked, but thank you! we have discussed it i just thought an outside opinion woul help, we are planning on a long engagementComment
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I think a long engagement would work out good for you two, because you are still quite young. Even though you have been talking for a long time. I think you have to go with what feels best for you both as a couple. And if one of you feels it should be slower, go with that one.. because I think going slower is better than rushing things and regretting it. I'm sure you won't regret it.. but you know.. you want to take things slow to make sure you do what you want. Try not to let outside pressures of family or friends or other people getting married or not getting married affect what you want to do. Make sure you make the right decision for you both.
My boyfriend and I both talked about marriage before we officially started dating, because our relationship slowly morphed from friends into something more before we called it official. Also when you are long distance, you tend to want to ask these questions ahead of time. There's nothing wrong in knowing you are going to get married one day. Whether you make it official or not is up to you (or maybe him actually! If he wants to surprise you).Comment
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Unpopular response time! Yes, it is too early to be engaged. You are 18 years old. Even apart from that, you shouldn't be making any serious decisions about a relationship within the first 6 months anyway, as that wonderful, hormone-addled honeymoon stage that we all know and love could blind you to issues that should be addressed before anyone should be moving in together/getting married/what have you.
Some suggestions for things you two should do instead of getting engaged: Go to university, travel a bit, read some more books, wait for your SO to be able to legally drink in his native country, enjoy being in love with no pressure/responsibilities. If you two still love each other in 5 years, get engaged.Comment
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I was going to reply with a yes it is too early after seeing your heading.
But because you guys are best friends and have known each other for such a long time before getting romantically involved, I think not.
If it feels right GO FOR IT
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You are 18. You are going to do a lot of growing up in the coming years, and you are going to change. I'm not saying you won't love him anymore in ten years, it's possible that you will, but you have to figure yourself out before making any kind of commitment.
Also, being "best friends" with someone online and being in an actual relationship with them is very different. Your relationship is very new, and you are still in the honeymoon phase in which everything is wonderful and you swear that you'll love one another forever. One visit is way too little to define whether a relationship works in real life.
You are going to see him again in a couple of months, and you're going to spend the summer together, AND you have plans to move in together. That's wonderful. So why the rush of getting engaged? Just enjoy the relationship for what it is right now.I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink FloydComment
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I think a long engagement might be a good idea, as others have suggested though.Comment
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I think the combination of you being only 18 and you having only seen each other live once makes engagement a little premature. Give it at least a few more visits until you decide, in summer you will know him more, after one year even better.I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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Yes, it's 100% too early. You might as well have known him your whole life, that doesn't change anything. Do not get engaged or married at 18.
Like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. - Steve JobsComment
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Too early. Why do you feel like you need to be engaged anyways?Comment
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Do you (either one or both of you) have plans to attend university or a trade school? Hopefully the answer to that is an absolute "yes" - mainly because it's nearly impossible to get a job without a diploma/certificate. Since I'm going to assume that you are both headed in that direction - I agree with the unpopular opinion that you should wait. I had been in a relationship for 2 years when I was 18 - and then I went off to college. I realized that was not the relationship I wanted anymore, because I realized I wasn't the same person I was at 16. I've realized this happens to more people than they want to admit. College/university is the first "taste" of "adulthood" - complete independence (if you live on/near campus. I suppose living at home could negate the independence thing).
I think you should wait at least 3 years before you get engaged. Like 23 said, being a "best friend" is not the same as being in a relationship with someone.Last edited by lyonsgirl; January 27, 2014, 08:20 AM.
2016 Goal: Buy a house.
Progress: Complete!
2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
Progress: Working on it.Comment
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Second this!!! On the other hand, a friend of mine knew this guy for 4 years, then they started to date, got engaged after 3 months and married after 4 more months and it works. But I would still go for NOT getting engaged after so short time.Originally posted by lyonsgirl View PostComment
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Everyone knows someone who made it work, but that's not the point - it's not about whether the relationship could work out or not, it's about what you're doing to yourself. You're robbing yourself (and your relationship) of precious time you won't get back. You'll never be 18 again and have as many opportunities and freedoms as you have now. There is a time for everything and 18 just isn't the time to get engaged or married.Originally posted by jana89 View Post
Like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. - Steve JobsComment
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Yes, it is too soon, but it looks like you already got engaged, so why ask really? I don't think you'll like much what you'll hear/ read on the thread.
Are you going to tell people you are engaged or is it a secret engagement?
I agree with the others who said that being best friends and being in a relationship is totally different. The least you can do now, make it an extra-long engagement until you know what you want from life and what you want to do.
Good luck.
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