He got the job

[Elizabeth123]

Oh! Sorry the transfer did not go as you hoped.
Maybe as was said earlier he could reapply after accepting the new position.
Two minds are better than one - communicate with him and explore the possibilities.
Adversity can strengthen your relationship - don't give up!

[Heavenly_Love12]

While the other posters are trying to be helpful (and nobody wants to see a breakup) I think you're making a good decision. You can't rely on hope that MAYBE one day he'll be able to move to you and uprooting children at that age, IMO, is a selfish act; not to mention your family moved to be close to you. Plus he doesn't live in a safe area.....too many negatives to be honest. I'm so sorry that this happened to you but you will find somebody one day

Yes, we're trying to be helpful but ALL OF US relay on the fact that we might be able to close the distance! None of us have any guaratees it will happen, just options and tenetive plans! Since we do not know if all the options have been exhausted in their case, I don't think we should be giving the relationship the boot. They are not having any major problems other than not knowing when they can end the distance at this moment. I understand that being in an LDR is difficult but if you're with the right person, should you end a relationship because you may have to wait longer to close the distance?

[Photonut]

Yes, we're trying to be helpful but ALL OF US relay on the fact that we might be able to close the distance! None of us have any guaratees it will happen, just options and tenetive plans! Since we do not know if all the options have been exhausted in their case, I don't think we should be giving the relationship the boot. They are not having any major problems other than not knowing when they can end the distance at this moment. I understand that being in an LDR is difficult but if you're with the right person, should you end a relationship because you may have to wait longer to close the distance?

Yes but LDR is not for everybody and she said she does not want to do this anymore, that she can't do it anymore. Sometimes people just cannot handle the distance and you know what? That's okay!

[TaraMarie]

We had a plan. We were working towards a goal. Now we aren't. End of story! End of our story.
This is a great , long term opportunity for him. I can't sit around and wait. It won't work.

[Kiyama]

We had a plan. We were working towards a goal. Now we aren't. End of story! End of our story.
This is a great , long term opportunity for him. I can't sit around and wait. It won't work.

Even if it is opportunity for him, it was your plan that he was going to move to you. One has to make a sacrifice and do the moving in a ldr and if you both agreed, he'd be the one to move, then I don't understand why he has to take this new job, no matter how good it is and why he doesn't want to look for something else in your area.
You aren't teens anymore or in college so that it would destroy someone's future to move to be with your loved one. I don't think he has thought this through...

[TaraMarie]

It sounds like you can relocate but you're choosing not to, for good reasons at the moment. I understad that it would be very difficult to leave your job, home, and uproot your children and have them be away from their Father. Is there a way you could stay in the LDR for a bit longer? Does your SO have anything tying him to NY other than his job? Does he have children that still live with him? I understand that you're extremely devasted that things worked out this way but don't give up hope yet! If it was 100% that you could never be together physically, it would be a different story but I think there are still chances! Has he formally accepted the new job? Are there any other companies he could apply for in Georgia if he turns down the new job? Has he said that he is going to take the new job and stay in NY? I think you should consider all of these factors and the fact that even if he accepts the job, things CHANGE! I just hate to think of you ending your relationship over this after all the two of you have been through and knowing how much you care about him.

He has no children, and no equity in his house. I have three children that I will not move. They need their father and grandmother. I put $100,000.00 down on my house. I will lose all of that because the market hasn't rebounded here yet. He is losing his current job in April. When he applied for THIS ONE IT WAS ATLANTA. They offered him a great position....in NY. It's a career change. When they called yesterday he never even told them about Atlanta. So,I am guessing he never wanted to come here to begin with. Even though we were making plans for him to come here. For a year! I can't even think straight. I am devastated and heartbroken and I haven't stopped crying since yesterday morning.

[Ahava]

He has no children, and no equity in his house. I have three children that I will not move. They need their father and grandmother. I put $100,000.00 down on my house. I will lose all of that because the market hasn't rebounded here yet. He is losing his current job in April. When he applied for THIS ONE IT WAS ATLANTA. They offered him a great position....in NY. It's a career change. When they called yesterday he never even told them about Atlanta. So,I am guessing he never wanted to come here to begin with. Even though we were making plans for him to come here. For a year! I can't even think straight. I am devastated and heartbroken and I haven't stopped crying since yesterday morning.

Does he know/realize this?
Or could he be "blinded" by the new job that was offered to him?
Has he accepted it?

[OperaDiva]

Have you talked to him about it? Maybe he was swept in the moment, enjoying the new perspectives that this job offered and did not realize how you would feel ...

Of course, if you don't feel your needs are met in this relationship then you should do what is best for you and your children. You have our full support, for what it's worth. Be kind to yourself, take your time to recover and think.

ETA: Ahava beat me to it by just a moment

[jana89]

But its in NY! I am so happy for him, but devastated for me. This is the begining of the end.

I am very sorry about that, it is really heartbreaking. I am just very surprised your SO took the job without hesitations. I mean, I am supposed to move to Denmark to live with my SO and so I refused the job offer I got in here, even though it was very convenient offer for me. It seems like he might not mean it as seriously as you did. However, I am really sorry. Be strong.

[differentcountries]

I am just curious as to how he could have met your needs better, since obviously the position he applyed for disapeared. It must be a very strange situation for the both of you. Would you be able to make it financially if he moved and were without a job?

[TaraMarie]

I am just curious as to how he could have met your needs better, since obviously the position he applyed for disapeared. It must be a very strange situation for the both of you. Would you be able to make it financially if he moved and were without a job?

The job didn't disappear. The company is restructuring and there were positions available across the country. The one he applied for is in Atlanta, where I live. Apparently they were unaware of that and offered him a position in NY where HE lives. It's a market they are expanding and they were very impressed by him. It's not an option to transfer in the future...as there is only one position in each area and obviously it will be filled in this area. He hasn't officially accepted the job, and is doing so today. He says he is going to talk to them about Atlanta, but I just know nothing will come of it. He could leave everything in NY and come live with me...but that means declaring bankruptcy and Losing his house. Really not an option for him. And this new position comes with tremendous responsibility and will be a lot of hours, so there won't be time to visit me, and I can't go back there. His new housemate just moved in and I am not comfortable being there with her. It's a super small house with one bathroom..... I can't afford to go back, and I have three children to take care of. This just isn't going to work...... And I am completely heartbroken.

[OperaDiva]

I am not a fan of ultimatums (at all) but I think you should make your feelings clear to him. He needs to know how much of a deal-breaker this is for you, so that he knows what the consequences will be when he makes the choice.

My SO recently took on a new responsibility in the community and I reacted very negatively. I previously told him I thought it was a bad idea but he did not realize that I was worried that it would interfere with us closing the distance (hopefully) this year. We talked and he promised that it is not going to become a barrier to our becoming CD (even though there are other things that might).

[differentcountries]

The job didn't disappear. The company is restructuring and there were positions available across the country. The one he applied for is in Atlanta, where I live. Apparently they were unaware of that and offered him a position in NY where HE lives. It's a market they are expanding and they were very impressed by him. It's not an option to transfer in the future...as there is only one position in each area and obviously it will be filled in this area. He hasn't officially accepted the job, and is doing so today. He says he is going to talk to them about Atlanta, but I just know nothing will come of it. He could leave everything in NY and come live with me...but that means declaring bankruptcy and Losing his house. Really not an option for him. And this new position comes with tremendous responsibility and will be a lot of hours, so there won't be time to visit me, and I can't go back there. His new housemate just moved in and I am not comfortable being there with her. It's a super small house with one bathroom..... I can't afford to go back, and I have three children to take care of. This just isn't going to work...... And I am completely heartbroken.

I don't understand why, if he has yet to officially accept the job (and they have not given Atlanta to anyone else), he can't talk to them today and say: Given the choice I will prefer to move to Atlanta and work there. Especially if you have already told him you REALLY need him to take the leap in order for your faith in the relationship to survive.

[ThothCreamPioneer]

Yes!!! be sure to upd8 us when he is on the job!! xD

[itsjen516]

I'm sorry that really stinks and I agree with you if there is no way one can move it's simply to hard. Hold on a bit more see what happnes with his job and how he's feeling don't end it yet then see what can happen after